婚姻场景（2021）

所以我才如此频繁出差 -而且
so that's why there's so much extra travel. - Yeah, and it's also, like,
我也没有做出巨大牺牲什么的
I'm not making a big, heroic sacrifice or anything.
不是的 -我们也找了保姆 维罗妮卡
No. - We have our babysitter, Veronica,
她有时候也会加班
and she does extra hours, on the, you know,
在我特别忙的时候
on the days that I'm underwater at work.
明白 -这么说吧
Sure. - And look, it'd be great
如果学术能跟科技领域有同样的报酬当然好
if academia paid as well as tech does,
但其实没有... -的确没有
but it doesn't... - It doesn't, no.
所以这样安排也完全是合理的
So this arrangement makes perfect sense.
是的
Yeah.
听起来好像是我们在道歉一样
It sounds like we're apologizing for it. Maybe.
不 完全没有 -我们对此很骄傲
No, not at all. - Yeah. No, we're proud of it.
宝贝 别这样
Babe. Don't.
好了 这样的话 我想...
Okay. So, at this point, I'd like to...
跟你们聊聊你们的经历
hear a little bit about your history.
我知道你们已经结婚快十年了
I know that you've been married for almost ten years.
对
Yes.
你们结婚前在一起多久了
How long were you together before that?
两年多 三年不到吧
It's like two years and change, maybe?
是的 -总共12年
Yeah. - Twelve years total.
你们是怎么认识的
And how did you meet?
这个故事应该由你来讲 -不要
You should be the one to tell the story. - No.
这样更有趣 来吧
It's way more entertaining. Come on.
你... 能告诉我这也算研究的一部分吗
Is... Can you tell me how this is part of the study?
两性关系
Well, it's valuable
在关系初始阶段时的性别认知
in the context of the gender perceptions
是具有研究价值的
you had at the beginning of the relationship.
好吧 我只是... 我...
Okay. I just... I've...
我还以为这更像是
I was under the impression that this is gonna be
问卷调查那种选择题呢
more like multiple choice.
抱歉 不是的
Sorry, no.
好吧
Okay.
我来讲吧 实际上... 这是个不错的故事
I'll tell it. It's actually... It's a good story.
然后...
And...
如果我说得太夸张了 你可以打断我
You can just interject when I get melodramatic.
当然
Sure.
我们是在哥伦比亚大学认识的
So, we met at Columbia.
我们在那里上学 一起参加了一个研讨会
We went there, we were in a seminar together,
英语文学
English lit.
我们每周会花三个小时在一个小房♥间里讨论
So, we spent three hours a week in a tiny little room,
但在那时 我们根本...
but at this point, there was no way
不可能在一起... -是的
that we would have ever... - No.
我应该提一下 当时我还是犹太教正统派教♥徒♥
I should mention that I was still Orthodox at the time.
是的 没错
Yeah. Yes.
我生长在一个现代正统的犹太家庭
I, I grew up in a Modern Orthodox Jewish family.
所以在那之前 在上大学之前
So up until that point, up until college, my education
我的教育几乎是单性的 我从来没有接触过女性
had been mostly single-sex, I'd never touched a woman.
所以这一切都让我不知所措
So the whole thing was pretty overwhelming,
戴着黑色圆顶小帽 穿着白色纽扣衬衫的我
me with my black yarmulke and white button-down shirts,
和那些穿着小背心的年轻女性
and all these young women in their little tank tops.
而米拉又更像是校园名人
And Mira specifically was like a campus celebrity.
当时她正在和一个知名摇滚乐队的成员约会
She was dating a member of a big rock band at the time,
不用说 我连听都没听过
that needless to say I'd never heard of.
不 他们… 他们不算摇滚
No, they were... They weren't really rock,
也不知名
and they weren't big.
你可能听说过吧 萨拉班德 卢卡斯·麦克雷
You've probably heard of them, Saraband? Lucas McRae?
是的
Yeah.
我当时觉得... 我觉得米拉是…
I just thought... I thought of Mira as kind of a...
是什么 -不 不 不
A what? - No, no, no.
别啊 告诉我 我想知道... -好吧...
No. Tell me. I wanna... - Yeah, it... it...
我觉得你离我的世界
It's just that you were as far away from my world
要多远... 就有多远
as it... as it got, you know.
而且我已经和一个在长岛附近
And anyway, I was already engaged to a girl
青梅竹马的女孩订婚了
that I grew up with near Long Island.
是的
Yeah.
所以你们是怎么在一起的 -她…
So how did it happen? - Well, she just...
有一天她走到我面前 然后…
just walked up to me one day and...
应该你来讲这部分
This part you should tell.
好吧 我在学校参加了一个... 戏剧小组
Okay. So I was in a... a theater group in school,
我们在排演巴什维斯·辛格的一出戏...
and we were doing this one play by Bashevis Singer, and...
改编自"敌人 一个爱情故事"
An adaptation of Enemies, A Love Story.
嗯
Right.
所以我去做一些关于正统犹太人的研究
And, so I was doing all this research on Orthodox Jews.
我在大学时对表演很认真
I was very serious about acting in college.
是的 -所以有一天下课后
Yeah. - And so I just went up to him
我就走过去问他能不能跟我聊聊
one day after class, and I asked if I could talk to him,
他似乎... 完全被吓坏了... -我被吓呆了
and he just... he seemed completely horrified... - I was, yeah, paralyzed.
是的 但我对这个角色非常投入
Yeah. But I was very committed to this role.
的确
Absolutely.
如此投入以至于
So committed that she got completely naked
在演出中途全身赤♥裸♥ -没有 不是全身
halfway through the play. - No! Not completely.
我已经开始慢慢
And I'd already started the process
放弃我的宗教信仰了
of, leaving my religion.
但是... 那场...
But, no, that... that...
那场演出绝对算是一个里程碑
That show was definitely a milestone.
所以你们之后就开始约会了吗
You mean you actually started dating?
没有 几年之后才开始
No, no, no, no. Not until years later.
是的 我那时已经在波士顿了
Yeah. Yeah, I was already here in Boston,
我当时在她的“聚友网”主页转悠
and I was, creeping around on her Myspace page,
我看到她要搬来这里
and I saw that she was moving here
正在找合租的公♥寓♥
and that she was looking for an apartment share.
所以我们成了室友
So we became roommates.
从那以后关系就更近了一步
And from there, it progressed.
是谁先开口的
And who initiated that?
我觉得算是我俩一起吧
I think it was both of us?
是的 -对吧
Yeah. - Right?
是的
Yeah.
我俩一起
Both.
我刚结束了几段
I had just come out of a series of relationships
可以说是...
which were...
濒临虐待的恋情
borderline abusive.
我觉得我已经上瘾了
And I guess that I was addicted to that,
我也...
and I... and I was...
深陷其中
stuck.
做着一份根本无所谓的工作
I had a job that I could care less about.
但乔纳森跟我恰恰相反
And Jonathan was the complete opposite.
他就是我想成为的那种人
He was everything that I wanted to be.
他有信念 有目标
He had values, and purpose.
确实 -是的 我...
It's true. - Yeah, well. Yeah, I...
挺讽刺的 因为当时
It's ironic because this was
我正处于极度的存在主义恐惧之中
at the height of my existential dread.
在放弃了宗教信仰之后
After I left my religion,
我这些年一直很孤独…
I just had these years of loneliness and...
所以... 你们是什么时候在一起的
So... when did it happen?
实际上...
Well, it happened...
这要归功于哮喘
thanks to the asthma, actually.
哮喘
The asthma?
是的 有一次我们从急诊室回来
Yeah. There was this one time we were coming back from the ER,
我的哮喘发作得很严重 医生…
I'd had a very severe attack, and the, the doctor...
他误以为我们是已婚夫妇
he mistook us for a married couple,
但我们很喜欢
and, we liked it,
我们回到家之后继续扮演夫妇
and we came home and we kept playing at it.
然后...
And...
然后就在一起了
and then it happened.
真棒 太棒了
That's great. That's perfect.
那么…
So... All right.
现在 我想听听… -快结束了
Now, I'd like to hear... - It's almost over.
在你看来
A bit about, in your opinion,
维系你们婚姻成功的
what is the primary factor
主要因素是什么
contributing to the success of your marriage?