婚姻场景（2021）

我们之间有个书架挡着
Well, there's that bookshelf between us.
跟堵墙也差不多 -如果有人来找你...
It's almost like a wall. - If you have someone over, what do you...
你怎么处理 我是说 艾娃不会醒吗
what do you do? I mean, Ava doesn't wake up?
艾娃在的时候我不会喊任何人过来 绝对不会
I don't have anyone over when Ava's here. Ever.
我能去看看吗 -看吧
Mind if I look? - Sure.
你有什么要拿的吗
You need anything here?
那个箱子里装了点厨房♥用品
There's, a box there with, some kitchenware
还有你祖父母给我们的瓷器
and the china your grandparents gave us.
嗯好 我...
Yeah. I'm gonna...
我这个礼拜叫人来取
I'll, send someone to get it this week.
不用急
No rush.
你没事吧 -没事
Are you okay? - Yeah.
我... 我觉得我差不多该走了
You know, I... I think I'm gonna get going.
还想喝点什么吗
Do you want anything else to drink?
再来点红酒吗
Maybe a little more wine?
就来一点
Just a little bit?
行 就一点 -好的
Okay. A little. - Okay.
嗯 -好
Fine. Yeah. - All right.
谢谢
Thanks.
这里很快就不会有我的痕迹了
Soon there won't be any trace of me here.
其实也没什么...
It's fine. It's...
真没什么大不了的 就是...
It's totally fine. It's just this...
我莫名有点留恋家具...
silly attachment to furniture...
对家庭的迷思...
the myth of a home...
还有我们对这些虚虚实实的依赖...
and all our dependence on these things. It's...
让我们搞砸了一切
That's what keeps fucking everything up.
我是说 导致了我们关系的破裂
I mean, it's what fucked it up for us.
依赖这些无关紧要的物件
You know, being dependent on these objects.
但是吧 这些物件对我来说
Yeah, you know, the objects never had
从来都没有多重要
any real significance for me.
得了吧 我们的关系被具象化成一个物件了
Come on. Our whole relationship became an object.
房♥子 家庭... 你知道我想说什么
The house, the family... You know what I mean.
那... 这么说吧...
So it's... well, it's not...
现在的你难道不是这样了吗
Different now for you?
你跟新家里的东西都没有感情吗
You don't feel attached to stuff in your new place?
你是说在千禧大楼里的那个豪华公♥寓♥吗
The luxury condo in the Millennium Tower, you mean?
那就是吧
Whatever.
差不多就是这个意思吧 我是说...
But yeah, that's my point. I mean...
我跟那里的东西都没有感情
I have no personal attachment to anything there.
我刚请了个室内设计师来搞装潢...
I just had a designer furnish the place and then...
因为... 这是波利的梦想
But Poli... It's his dream.
是他的美国梦 你知道吗
It's his American dream, you know?
二十楼高层 俯瞰公园景观
Twentieth floor, overlooking the park,
楼下有门卫 诸如此类
doorman, and all that.
给了他很多自信 真是不可思议
It's amazing how it gives him confidence.
我觉得 我当下所处的人生阶段
I think I've reached a point in my life
住在哪里已经不重要了
where it doesn't matter where I live anymore.
好像 世界上没有哪个地方
I mean, there's no place in the world
能真正给我安全感
that would make me feel secure.
听起来真遗憾啊
I'm sorry to hear that.
不用
Don't be.
我不觉得遗憾
I'm not sorry.
相反 我其实松了一口气...
On the contrary, it's a relief, you know, to...
我甚至觉得 这个世界上
I mean, there's nothing like that.
根本就没有安全感这回事
Like security, safety.
我们曾经相信有
We thought there was.
我们也希望会有
We wanted there to be.
但我们把它变成了一种例行公事
But then we turn it into a ritual, you know?
就好像... -我明白...
It was like... - I know that, like...
我知道 你现在有这个心理需求
I know that you have this need
去贬低我们拥有过的一切...
to diminish everything that we had...
不是的...
No, I'm not...
还非常理直气壮... -宝贝 我没有在贬低
and justify it. You're... - Honey, I'm not diminishing it.
我没有...
No. On the...
听起来你有 -我真的没有...
Sounds like you are. - No, I'm not. I'm...
我只是想跟你解释清楚 对我而言...
I'm just trying to tell you that for me, it was...
我当时太过于否定一切了
There was so much denial, you know?
毕竟现在 我孤身一人 无所依靠
I mean, today, I know. I'm alone. I'm all alone.
这一点不会有所改变
Nothing's gonna change that.
不论我身处何方 跟谁在一起
It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with.
以及...
And, it's...
能理解并跟这个状态和解是件好事 你不觉得吗
good to understand and make peace with that, you know?
这代表着... 你有了一种力量
I think it's a... It's a sign of strength, even.
怎么
What?
没事 我听着呢
Nothing. I'm listening.
别愁容满面的了 我没事
Don't look so worried. I'm fine.
是吗 -是啊
Are you? - Yes.
真的吗 -当然没事了
Really? - Yes!
干嘛啊 -没事 就是...
What? - I don't know. I'm just...
忽然回想起大学的时候...
I'm, you know, I'm having these flashbacks to...
你滔滔不绝的那些独白
to your monologues from college.
每次你跟卢卡斯分手的时候
Every time you and Lucas broke up, you know,
你总是说 "意识到人活在这世上
it was always, "How wonderful it is to acknowledge
是永恒的孤独 真好啊"
that you're actually alone in the world."
我... 我没说过这真好啊
I never... I never said it was wonderful.
是啊 但是... 这很明显
Yeah, but I mean, it was... it was obviously
你陷于一种狂热之中
a kind of like mania
你只是在刻意抑制自己的痛苦
where you were suppressing all this pain,
然后就滑向抑郁状态
but then it would flip to depression
结果你又跑回去找他复合
and you'd go running back to him
因为你根本无法忍♥受孤身一人
'cause you couldn't actually be alone.
实在是太明显了
I mean, it just was so obvious.
明摆着就是你的心理防御机制
It's so obvious that it's a defense mechanism.
说得好
Great.
你知道吗 你这样用一堆心理学知识
You know, it's pretty insulting when someone uses psychology
拆分解构我内心的真实感受
to, try and pick apart actual insight
挺冒犯人的
that you've really had.
你就不能相信我真的这么想吗
Can't you just believe that this is how I feel?
我相信
I do believe you.
而且... -你说得对 抱歉
I'm also, you know... - You're right. I'm sorry.
而且我也不是当年的我了
I'm not, coming from the same place anymore.
我已经不是二十岁了
I'm not 20 years old, you know?
好
Okay.
不过你♥他♥妈♥哪学来的这堆心理学知识
What's with all this fucking psychological bullshit anyway?
怎么 你在和心理学家约会吗
What, you dating a shrink?
我… 我正在接受治疗
I am... I'm going to one.
是的 不是… 不是心理医生 是个治疗师
Yeah. Not a... not a shrink. A therapist.
是的
Yeah.
你… 你别开玩笑了
You're... You're kidding me.
不 不 不 我真的在接受治疗
No, no, no, no. I'm going to one.
我是说 我有需要 而且...
I mean, I needed it. And it's...
老实说 它… 有效果 它有帮助
Honestly, it's... it helped me. It is helping me.
它帮你什么了
What does it help you with?
首先 帮助我理解
First of all, to understand, you know?
让我理解了一切...
To make sense of everything, of...
所有发生过的事情
of what happened.
帮助我用语言来形容 -是的
To put it into words. - Yeah.
不然… 我根本无法理解
'Cause I... I couldn't even begin to comprehend
发生了什么
what had happened.
你懂吗
You know?
她给我布置了一个任务
She gave me this, exercise to do this thing
叫"晨记" 每天起床的第一件事
called morning pages, where you have to write
就是写下三页
three pages, as soon as you get up,
必须在喝咖啡之前 在做其他事之前就写
before you've had your coffee, before you've done anything.
想到什么就写什么
You know, first thing that comes into your mind.
你听说过吗
Have you heard of that?
也许吧
Yeah. Maybe.
抱歉
Sorry.
没关系
It's okay.
我太累了
I'm so exhausted.