瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Rick and Morty S07E03

Part 4 Nov. 1, 2023, 9:59 a.m.

这位是我的咨♥询♥师她可以帮我担♥保♥
This is my therapist, she can vouch for me.
我们见过面她曾短暂变成我过
We met. She was me for a second.
你想怎样瑞克
What do you want, Rick?
听着你之前说你可以占领全地球
Look, it’s clear you weren’t lying when you said you could’ve
显然不是在说谎
taken over Earth
因为你的手指已经占领全美国了
because your finger just took over America.
我需要你帮我解决这个问题
I need you to help me fix that.
你非得到这个地步才会信任我吗
It took that to make you believe me?
我♥干♥嘛信任你
Why should I believe you?
你一声不响就出现还挟持了一整个州
You show up unannounced and hijack a state.
我打了好几通电♥话♥给你
I called you! Multiple times!
是你对我搞失踪
You ghosted me.
瑞克是真的吗
Rick, is that true?
她都甩了我我♥干♥嘛接她电♥话♥
She dumped me, why would I answer her calls?
好我现在要犯下情侣咨♥询♥的大忌了
Alright, I’m gonna commit a cardinal sin in couple’s therapy here,
瑞克我觉得你错了
but Rick,I think you’re wrong.
我不该带你来的
Bringing you was a mistake.
有一位外太空小姐很担心你是生是死
You had an outer space lady who was worried for your life
你的反应却充满了敌意甚至还引起了大♥麻♥烦
and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem.
谢谢
Thank you.
你现在竟然想叫她原谅你并帮忙解决麻烦
Now you’re asking her to both forgive you and solve it?
同一体我觉得瑞克会找我来
Unity, I think the reason Rick brought me here is
是因为他不知道要怎么向你表达他变了
that he doesn’t know how to indicate to you he’s changed,
因为他改变的速度很慢
because he’s changing very slowly.
但他有在改变
But he is.
好吧还有其他人也想骂我幼稚吗
Alright, anyone else wanna call me a baby?
要不要干脆拖到整个地球被完全吸收算了
Maybe we can drag this out until Earth is fully assimilated?
好吧所以你希望我展开侵略吗
Alright, so you’re asking for an invasion.
挡住他们他们爱我他们只是忘了
Hold ‘em back! They love me, they just forgot!
－他们只是忘了… －他们只是忘了…
They just forgot! They just forgot!
不住手你们爱我
No! Stop! You love me!
什么你们干嘛住手
Why’re you stopping?
你们被我说服了吗
I’ve won you over?
太好了你们来了
Good! You’re here!
同一体我帮你好好守住了他们
Unity, kept them warm for you.
他们刚刚有点疯狂但是…
They went a little crazy but,
总之呢看来这一切都结束了
anyway, seems like this is all over.
海伦我们可以一起去喝咖啡
Helen, we could grab some coffee?
等等同一体你要干嘛
Wait Unity, what are you doing?
好瑞克我吸收完所有人了
Alright, Rick, that’s everyone.
做得好同一体
Nice job, Une.
这次的咨♥询♥还真是不简单
Well. This has been quite a session.
希望你有团体折扣
Hope you do group discounts.
其实呢你直接把账单寄给白宫吧
Actually, just send the bill to the White House.
我可不会为别人做这种事瑞克
I wouldn’t be doing this for anyone else, Rick.
是啊再次跟你联手的感觉很棒
It was nice to team up again.
不是我的意思是我不想这么做
No, I mean I wouldn’t be doing it.
我从来没有一次释放这么多人过
I’ve never released hundreds of millions of people before.
一定会很难受
This is gonna suck.
（欢迎莅临维吉尼亚州情人之州）
（前十大值得偷偷喜爱的热门事物）
好都结束了做得好同一体
Here... it’s over. Nice job, Une.
我没事
I’m fine.
要不要来颗止痛药
You want a painkiller?
我现在有吃几颗
I’m on a few of them right now.
不用了谢谢
No thank you.
你如果想来找我玩也可以来看看孩子们
I mean, you can hang out if you want, come see the kids,
我现在信任你了
I trust you now.
真棒但我不信任你
That’s nice but I don’t trust you.
合情合理
Fair enough.
嘿瑞克我是同一体
Hey Rick, it’s Unity.
请回我电♥话♥ 好吗
Give me a call, okay?
嘿瑞克我是同一体
Hey Rick, Unity.
听着我就跟你直说了
Look, cards on the table,
我听说你又要去找那个人了
I heard you were going after that guy again.
我很担心请回我电♥话♥
Just made me worried, give me a call.
听着我懂我甩了你所以你故意不理我
Look I get it, I dumped you, you’re ignoring me.
但我很在乎你我只是想确定你没事
But, I care about you and I just wanna know you’re alright.
嘿瑞克听着我会去一趟维吉尼亚州好吗
Hey Rick, listen I’m just gonna stop by Virginia, okay?
我不知道你住在哪一州
I don’t know what state you live in
但我会在那边扎营并试图联♥系♥你
but I’ll camp out there and try to reach you.
希望你没事
Hope you’re okay.
嘿瑞克我是大卫密斯凯维吉
Hey, Rick. David Miscavige here.
听说你帮山达基教说了很多好话
Heard you were saying some really great things about Scientology.
你如果想见屈伏塔…
If you ever wanna meet Travolta...
结束播放
And playback.
你真的为了得到认可全力以赴了对吧
You uh, really went all in on that approval?
对
我一定会被香妲痛批
Shonda’s gonna eat me alive.
－管他们去死－谢了瑞克
Fuck em. - Thanks, Rick.
别误会我的意思但…
Don’t take this the wrong way, but
我好像需要去咨♥询♥
I think I might need therapy.
（《盖瑞直播秀》）
欢迎回到节目现场来宾是刺刺先生
And we’re back with Mr Stabby.
你对那些说＂我不想被刺＂
What do you say to people who say, "I don’t want to get stabbed.
＂我只是想去看节目录影＂
I want to go a show,
＂我有权不被刺＂的人有什么话想说
I have a right to not get stabbed."
盖瑞我有权有手有脚
Well, Gary, I have a right to arms and legs.
但我出生时没手没脚我并不认为这代表
But I wasn’t born with those.
我就应该要被排除在这个圈子之外
And I don’t think that means I should be boxed out of an industry where,
说实话这个圈子里完全没有手跟脚都是剑的人
let’s face it, there’s zero representation of people with swords for arms and legs.
但你非要开放观众提问不可吗
But do you have to take questions from the audience?
大家来看我的节目是因为他们想要那样的体验
People come to my show because they want the experience.
如果大家不想要就不会有人来了
If they didn’t want it, they’d stop coming.
你的节目造成了五万八千名现场观众死亡
Your show has resulted in the deaths of 58,000 attendees.
这不就有讨论度了吗
Well, you’re talking about it.
待续
谢谢观赏