瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

他好像抵达了 老大
Looks like he’s inbound, boss.
好 他心情很不好
Okay, he is in a bad mood
所以我们要拍他马屁拍到手发紫为止
so we are kissing ass until our lips are asscolored.
把枕头拉直 他可能不喜欢歪掉的枕头
Straighten that pillow! He might hate crooked pillows!
我也不确定
I don’t know!
车停得真好 混♥蛋♥ 你刮到我的车了
Nice parking job, assdick, you scratched my car.
瑞克
Rick!
还有瑞克的朋友
And... and uh, Rick’s friend!
这位是我的…杀手
This is my... assassin.
他是全银河系最会杀人的人 而且他是同志
Deadliest man in the galaxy and he’s gay.
－我为什么是同志 －喂
Why am I gay? - Woah! Hey!
你为什么不是同志
Whoa. Why aren’t you?
真抱歉 抱歉…
Sorry about that. Sorry. Sorry.
莫蒂就在这里 他开心得跟奶昔一样
Well, I got Morty right here, happy as a milkshake.
既然我们打扰了你们 我们给了莫蒂一万个面包丁
And since we interrupted your day, Morty’s got ten thousand croutons,
也就是水晶的俗称 莫蒂 让他看看
that’s slang for crystals, Morty, show him.
－我们知道面包丁是什么 －废话
We know what croutons are.
爸为什么会来
Why is dad here?
你♥爸♥是同志杀手
Your dad’s a gay assassin?
好酷又好正常
So cool and ordinary,
抱歉…
sorry, ssorry.
我有感受到你想补偿我们的心意
I appreciate you trying to make good
但是你们造成的损失有十倍之多
but you cost me ten times that much.
这不重要 瑞克
It doesn’t matter, Rick.
他已经在拍你马屁了
The guy’s already kissing your ass.
拍马屁的人更该牵制
It’s the ass kissers you have to keep in line.
他们只要感受到软弱 就会对你出手
When they sense weakness, they move on you.
我们难道是华特怀特吗
What are we, Walter White?
谁在乎某个中阶罪犯呆瓜 要不要对我们＂出手＂
Who cares if a mid-tier crime dork “moves” on us...
谢谢你提供的水晶
Thank you for the crystals.
莫蒂 上车吧
Morty, get in the car.
其实呢 莫蒂 你就把水晶留下来吧
Actually, Morty, why don’t you leave those crystals here...
既然这个量少到太冒犯人了
since it’s such an insulting amount.
来了 他现在在想自己或许可以杀神
There it is. Now he’s thinking, maybe I can kill god.
没错 因为神不会为了 一万个该死的面包丁讨价还价
Yeah because god doesn’t haggle for ten thousand fucking croutons,
听着 是这样的 我是瑞克 这是我的女婿
look, here’s the deal, I’m Rick,
而且每个人都有一点同志倾向
That’s my son-in-law, and we’re all a little gay.
－对 －性倾向是一种光谱
Yeah. - It’s a spectrum.
莫蒂 我是瑞克 快上车
Morty, it’s me Rick, get in the car.
不要上车 莫蒂 把公事包放下
Don’t get in the car, Morty. And put the briefcase down.
莫蒂 上两次车
Morty, get in the car twice,
每一次就代表这混♥蛋♥ 欠我们五个公事包
once for each five additional briefcases this asshole owes us!
别再模仿我还模仿得这么烂了
Stop doing this terrible impression of me!
到了这个地步 我们如果不赌一把
Look, at this point we’re bad gangsters
我们就是很差劲的混混了
if we don’t roll the dice.
大家快开始杀他们
Everybody start killing them!
你们两个混♥蛋♥做了什么
What have you two assholes done?
没事 这里是高级餐厅
It’s okay, it’s a nice restaurantwoah!
该死 这里是罪恶餐厅
Shit! Crime restaurant!
天啊 我真的要因为 你们搞这出《怪诞星期五》
Oh my god! Am I really about to die because you botched
而丧命了吗
a Freaky Friday?
－对 －无论你是谁
Yes. - Whoever you are,
你在瑞克的身体里 快用你的植入物
you’re in Rick’s body, use your implants.
我正在努力 我有一半的大脑是
I’m trying, half my brain is the guy that
连用电动开瓶器 都还需要你妈帮忙的那个人
still needs your mom to use the electric wine opener.
等等 我好像会了
Hang on, I think I got it.
没错 我有过尖头时期
Right, from my conehead phase.
－那部电影超棒的 －演员阵容很厉害
Awesome fucking movie. - Incredible cast.
该死 我要自己一路开枪回车上了
Goddamn it! I’m shooting my way back to the car.
做得好 我们被我的儿子兼孙子讨厌了
Ugh, way to go! Now my son and grandson hates us!
他也是我的儿子兼孙子
He’s my son and grandson too!
我们确实有这个共同目标
We do share an agenda in that sense.
希望你的枪法跟我一样准
Let’s hope you share my aim.
喂 快上来
Hey, get up here!
我的手要压上你的喉咙了
Said the throat to the hand.
你可能会感觉到一点刺痛 或许还会有个火箭
You might feel a pinch and maybe a rocket.
你得负责瞄准 快上来
You’ll have to aim. Hop on.
你这尖头混♥蛋♥
Ahaha! You coneheaded son of a bitch!
真不敢相信这招竟然成功了
Can’t believe that worked!
真希望那部电影里也有这个桥段
I wish they did that in the movie!
我的老天爷啊
Jesus fucking christ.
我的手应该要做点什么才对
Huh, should’ve done something with my hands.
莫蒂 你得拉或推 由你选择
Morty, gotta push or pull, your call.
搞什么鬼 发生了什么事
What the hell? What happened?
他们坚持要去遍 全银河系的每间点餐车道连锁店
They made us stop at every drivethru chain in the galaxy,
用每间连锁店的肉饼
so they could make one giant burger with
做出一个超大汉堡
a patty from each place.
我是指更早之前发生的事
I guess I meant before that.
我们的大脑有点搞混了
Brains got a little mixed up...
但我们会换回来的 别担心
But we’re gonna swap back, don’t worry.
我们只是不想在空腹的时候
Just didn’t wanna build a neural interface
打造神经界面 对吧
on an empty stomach. Right?
等等 你们互换大脑了
Wait, you guys did a brain swap?
在他们换回来之前 不用白费力气骂人了
Don’t bother chiding until they’re unshuffled,
他们都既不是爸也不是瑞克
neither one is Dad or Rick.
我想我很高兴你们现在处得这么好
I guess I’m thrilled you guys are getting along?
希望你们的大脑回到自己的身体里后 也可以继续保持
Let’s keep that going when those brains get back in their bodies.
你竟然要用电动气动二极管 真疯狂
Whoa, going for the electropneumatic diodes. Wild man.
我们只会做这么一次 当然要讲究一点
Only gonna build this once, gotta do it with style.
我们应该可以增加瓦数
I think we can up the wattage.
嘿 要不要再来瓶啤酒
Hey, another beer?
－重点在于过程 兄弟 －瑞克之前很讨厌
It’s about the journey, brother. Ahh, Rick used to hate
这种很轻松的麦康纳陈腔滥调
that kind of hang-loose McConaughey platitude,
但他只会用脾气暴躁 又很孤僻的方式过这一天
but he was also just gonna spend today grumpy and isolated.
杰瑞一定还在介意耙子的事
And Jerry’d still be hung up about the rake.
耙子 天啊 我们要不要来找耙子
The rake! Oh my god, should we do it?
－一定要 －当然
We’ve gotta do it! Oh yeah!
好 这样应该可以了
Alright, that should do it.
（角落 肱骨 非耙子）
（钢 山毛榉 耙子）
－混♥蛋♥ －果然是吉恩
Son of a bitch. - Classic Gene...
怪了 平常这种事会让我很不爽
Huh. Crazy, this is the kind of thing that used to really piss me off.
对 但我现在却觉得很好笑
Now it’s just kinda funny...
你想不想把那掉包成全像投影耙子
You wanna replace it with a holographic rake?
一定会很好玩 他想拿起来的时候会很困惑
Oh that’d be fun, he’d get confused trying to pick it up.
我连这都不想做
I guess I don’t even wanna do that.
我只想好好过日子 我希望吉恩能好好过日子
I just want to live, I want Gene to live,
我希望我们大家 都可以一直犯错和改变
I want all of us to make mistakes and change all the time.
说得好 兄弟
Amen to that, brother.
我还以为两个天才的动作 会比一个天才快
Kinda thought two geniuses would build faster than one...
我什么时候需要开始为此操心
When do I start being concerned about this?
我只是在跟我的新朋友玩乐 亲爱的
Just having a little fun with my new friend, sweetie.
现在是谁在跟我讲话
Who is talking to me right now?
大部分是我爸 还是大部分是我老公
Mostly my dad or mostly my husband?
我上过那个网站
Been on that website.
我已经很有耐心了
Look, I’ve been patient,
但我不知道我现在该对谁生气
but I can’t tell how to get mad at who.
在这个问题解决之前
No one enters my room
谁都别想进我的房♥间或碰我
or touches me until this is wrapped up.
－贝丝 太恶心了 －你把我当成什么样的人了
What do you take me for? - Ugh, Beth, gross, ugh!
我告诉你 等这一切结束之后
I want you to know, when this is over,
这个身体里的人 会对杰瑞大吼并骂他没用
the guy in this body is gonna yell at Jerry and call him useless.
一直斥责他 但他并不是每次都是真心的
Really lay into him. But he won’t always mean it.
说实话
Well, cards on the table,
这个身体里的人 或许会说瑞克是脾气暴躁的老混♥蛋♥
the guy in this body might call Rick an angry old asshole.
但他其实是对杰瑞来说最像朋友的人
But he’s the closest thing Jerry has to a friend.
这样很有趣
This was fun.
瑞克永远不可能承认这点
Rick would’ve never been able to admit that.
是啊 真可惜他们两个 得变成我们才能变得快乐
It’s a shame those guys had to become us to be happy.
孩子们 快吃早餐准备上学
Kids! Breakfast and school,
如果不假装这两件事很重要的话 一切都会崩塌
if we don’t at least pretend they matter everything falls apart.