权力的猴戏（2016）

There's eight minutes of this.
这个视频有8分钟长
Can we have a quick talk about statistics? Is that OK?
我们可以很快说说数据的事儿吗 可以吗
Cos you three are throwing around some quite startling stats.
因为你们三位 一直在抛出一些令人震惊的数据
I mean, like, Spencer, you said that if Turkey joins the EU,
比如说 Spencer 你说如果土耳其加入欧盟
we could be swamped with...
我们将会被
95 million Turks. Yep.
9500万土耳其人淹没 没错
That's more than the entire population of Turkey.
这比土耳其全部人口还多
That's 20 million more. And?
足足多出2000万 那又怎样
Well, we-we have to say things
我们说出的话
that are accurate and credible.
必须要精确和可靠
I mean, like, Preeya...
比方说 Preeya
you said that 30 million Turks could come here.
你说3000万土耳其人会来这里
So, what's that based on?
那你的依据是什么
That number's based on the fact
这个数量的依据是
that it's not implausibly huge,
这既不是多到不可信
but it's still really scary.
但也还是有点吓人
Right, so...
好吧 那
So, what would you say
那 如果有人指责你
if someone accuses you of making that figure up?
说你瞎编数据 你要怎么回应
Oh, I'd probably accuse them of racism.
噢 那我可能反指他们种族歧视
Right, OK.
好吧 好吧
I'm just, like, if you could just be careful with our statistics.
我就是想说 你们在用数据的时候可以更谨慎点
So, tonight's event...
那么 今晚的活动
Preeya, I've got you going first. Then Jackie, then Spencer last.
Preeya 我让你第一个上 然后是Jackie 最后是Spencer
I go last, Gerry.
我最后一个上 Gerry
Yeah, but I thought today...
嗯 但我觉得今天
We need a professional politician to close.
我们得用一个专业的政♥治♥家结尾
Yeah. But...
对 但是
Unless you want me to open, as well.
除非你想让我把开场也说了
No, that's fine. You close.
算了 没事 你结尾吧
Oh, and...
噢 还有
I'll need a taxi waiting.
我还需要辆出租车
I've been asked to appear on Newsnight.
我被邀请上<新闻之夜>节目
Has Priti Patel pulled out again?
布里提帕特尔又临时退出了吗
Actually, the e-mail said that
事实上 电邮里写着
I'd be the perfect guest for the discussion.
我是讨论环节的最佳嘉宾人选
They always say that, then they try to upgrade.
他们一向这么说 然后又想请更好的嘉宾
Right now, they'll be on the blower to Chris Grayling
这会儿他们肯定在联♥系♥克里斯葛雷林
or Jacob Rees-Mogg or Neil Hamilton, or...
或者雅各里斯莫格 或者尼尔汉密尔顿 或者
尼尔汉密尔顿 前保守党议员 现为独♥立♥党成员
雅各里斯莫格 英国下议院议员 保守党
Gerry, can you take control of this meeting?
Gerry 你能管管这个会吗
Yeah, OK.
嗯 好的
So, tonight's event - there will be speeches from Lord Lawson
那 今晚的活动 会有劳森男爵的演讲
and Lord Lamont attacking establishment elites.
还有拉蒙特男爵攻击建制派精英
Also, now it seems like we're going to win,
另外 既然我们貌似就要赢了
we better look like we've got a plan.
我们最好看上去像是已有计划在手
So, the official line is that we will have a managed exit
所以 官方说法是 我们将有计划地
from the EU by 2020.
于2020年之前逐步退出欧盟
2020? I could be dead by then.
2020年 那时我可能都死了
Mmm...
嗯
She's doing it again, Gerry.
她又发出那种声音了 Gerry
Oh, Tony.
哦 Tony
Oliver's joke was offensive.
我知道Oliver的笑话很无礼
Actually, no. Well, yes, it was, but...
其实不是 呃 是很冒犯 但是
This is more about last night.
我想说的是昨晚的事
Last night?
昨晚
Last night. Us.
昨晚 我们俩
You and me.
我和你
Oh. Oh, right. Gotcha.
噢 噢 是的 明白了
While I feel there may be some therapeutic value
尽管我觉得偶尔的酒后乱性
in occasional nights of alcohol driven sex in hotels...
或许是有些医用价值
Yeah, yeah.
是啊 是啊
It might be a better idea for us
但我们还是最好
to just pretend it didn't happen.
假装什么事都没发生过
Oh, absolutely. Good call. Well done, you.
噢 那是当然 明智的决定 你做的对
I usually make it a rule.
我通常会认为这是惯例
Working you know, in conflict resolution,
出于冲突管理者的职业道德
to avoid co-worker intimacy.
应该避免办公室性关系
I had a brief relationship
在北爱尔兰和平进程期间
during the Northern Ireland peace process,
我有过一段短暂恋情
which the provisional IRA felt compromised my neutrality.
这事让临时爱尔兰共和军觉得我不够中立
Luckily, no-one was permanently injured and...
所幸结果并没有伤及无辜
Anyway, eventually we
总之 最终我们还是
managed to get everybody back round the table.
把所有人拉回了谈判桌
I just want to say that last night was an anomaly.
我只想说昨晚的事情是个意外
The thing that happened last night.
昨晚发生的事情
And what was that?
昨晚发生什么事情了
What happened last night.
你不知道昨晚发生什么了吗
No, I was pretending it didn't happen.
我是在装作什么都没发生
Oh, right. Good.
噢 明白 好的
Yes, of course, we will pay the fine.
好 当然我们会缴罚款
Yes, 150,000 euros is a very large sum.
是 15万欧元是一大笔钱
We will pay at the UEFA in cash, as usual. Mm-hm.
我们会照例给欧足联付现金
Yes, the president always takes his
总统先生总是带着他的狗
dog into meetings with the Chancellor.
一起和德国总理开会
Because Mrs Merkel likes dogs?
因为默克尔女士喜欢狗吗
No, because she's shit scared of dogs. Here...
不 因为她害怕狗 这儿
This was his old dog Konni.
这是他原来的狗 Konni
It's very difficult for someone to think clearly
在你裤裆附近有很多牙齿的时候
when there are so many teeth near their groin.
想要思考问题是很难的
The president had this
总统先生把这张照片裱起来
one framed and captioned, "My two bitches!"
还写上了 '我的两个小婊砸'
I should take her in.
我该带她进去了
Don't be too long, the football's about to start.
别太久了 球赛马上开始了
Oh, here come the French riot police.
噢 这些法国防暴警♥察♥
Big girls' blouses.
一群娘炮
You are part of that smug metropolitan elite who,
你是那群沾沾自喜的都市精英们的一员
with respect, should be taken out and shot.
恕我直言 就该拉出去枪毙
And you're just a rabid extremist. OK, OK. I am not rabid.
你只是个偏激的极端分子 我才不偏激
But the thing is we are a spectrum.
虽然我们是不同政♥治♥派别的人
Ranging from Jackie on the left, who believes in socialism.
从左边的社♥会♥主♥义♥者Jackie
We've got Preeya who believes in, believes in...in, erm...
到Preeya 是 她是相信 呃
things in the middle... And then to Spencer, who politically...
在中间的什么 然后Spencer政♥治♥上
I don't believe in politics.
我不相信政♥治♥
Politically doesn't believe in politics.
政♥治♥上不相信政♥治♥
But we all want Brexit.
但我们都希望脱欧
It would be a good thing when we're all on the platforms together
如果我们求同存异就最好了
if we just stick to the simple, clear messages.
如果我们能抓住要点
Like, how after we leave the EU,
比如如何在英国脱欧后
the British people can take control.
英国人♥民♥终于能重掌自己的国家
And nationalise the banks. Nationalise the banks?
和银行国有化 银行国有化吗
Yeah, and the trains, obviously.
是啊 很明显还有铁道系统
Buses, steel industry, oil, gas, food, housing.
公交 钢铁行业 石油 天然气 食品 住房♥
Then we abolish the army, the navy, the air force.
然后我们废除军队 海陆空三军
House of Lords, House of Commons, all religions.
上议院 下议院 所有宗教
Starbucks, Google, Sports Direct. That's stage one.
星巴克 谷歌♥ 动向体育 这些是第一步
Then, you introduce a new
然后推行一个
system of government via daily online referendum,
由公民每日线上公♥投♥的新政♥府♥体制
using Twitter, Facebook, texting and Snapchat. Who wants tea?
利用推特 脸书 短♥信♥和阅后即焚 谁想喝茶
Yeah.
好吧
Great to be young, isn't it?
年轻真好 不是吗
To talk complete bollocks with total certainty.
一脸正经的胡说八道
Why the long face, Gerry? Look at the polls.
为什么拉着个脸Gerry 看看民调
Just thinking it might be nice
只是在想如果明天的活动
to have some more celebrity backers for tomorrow's event.
如果有更多名流出席就好了
We don't want any celebrities, Gerry.
我们不需要什么明星 Gerry
They're all paedophiles. They're not all...
他们全是恋童癖 不全是吧
Yeah, maybe sportsmen would be better. And experts.
也许体育界的名流更好 和些专家
Some experts would be good. We've hardly got any backing us.
能有些专家就好了 基本没有专家支持我们
Nobody needs experts, we've got Wikipedia.
世界不需要专家 我们已经有维♥基♥百♥科♥了