糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

这惹恼了诺曼底公爵威廉
and this annoyed William of Normandy,
他认为这个皇冠本应属于他
who thought the crown had been promised to him.
这些图片展现了诺曼人正在建造入侵战舰
These pictures show the Normans building their invasion fleet,
大量贮备武器 准备向英格兰起航
stockpiling weapons and setting sail for England.
当然 他们着陆的时候没有遇到抵抗
No resistance when they landed, of course,
因为哈罗德正忙着打约克郡的维京人
as Harold was away fighting Vikings in Yorkshire.
戴伯特 我们知道诺曼人登陆后做了什么吗
Dagbert, do we know yet what the Normans did after they landed?
玛蒂尔达 他们是从法国来的
Well, Matilda, they do come from France,
他们自然是为自己做了顿大餐
so naturally, they cooked themselves a massive meal.
让我们来看看战区
Let's take a look now at the warzone itself.
这篇报道包含暴♥力♥镜头
This report contains scenes of violence
可能会引起一些观众不适
which some of you may find disturbing.
我们身处激战场面中
We're in the thick of battle
看起来英国步兵离开了安全的高地
and it looks like the English infantry have left the safety of high ground
被诺曼骑兵困住
and been trapped by the Norman cavalry.
抱歉打扰你 玛蒂尔达
Sorry to interrupt, Matilda,
但我们刚刚收到爆♥炸♥新闻
but we're getting some breaking news.
貌似哈罗德国王被杀了
It looks like King Harold has been killed.
这是我们刚刚听说的
That's what we're hearing.
是的 哈罗德国王被杀了
Yes, King Harold has been killed.
我们还不知道哈罗德国王是这个
We don't know yet whether King Harold is the one you can see
被箭射中眼睛的人
with the arrow in his eye
还是右边这个被剑刺中的人
or the one on the right being chopped down by the sword.
也可能都不是他
It could be either.
看上去一切都结束了
It looks like it's all over.
威廉现在正式成为征服者
So, William is now officially The Conqueror
诺曼人占领了盎格鲁－撒克逊英格兰
and the Normans have taken over Anglo-Saxon England.
对我们来说 这是悲伤的一天
A truly sad day for us all.
你说什么
What's that you're saying?
其实我本打算说真是开心的一天
I was actually going to say it's a very happy day.
真是开心啊 是不是 玛蒂尔达
Oh, happy day. Isn't that right, Matilda?
是啊 戴伯特 哦耶
Yes, Dagbert. Woo-hoo. Yippee.
你好
Bonjour!
关于挂毯上哪个人是真实的哈罗德
There is indeed controversy over
确实存在争论
which figure on the tapestry is actually Harold.
在"哈罗德王逝于此地"字样下
Underneath the words "Harold Rex Interfectus Est",
有一个眼中插箭的人
there's the character with an arrow in his eye.
但也有一个被剑砍中的人
But there's also the one being hacked by a sword.
事实上 眼中的箭
In fact, the arrow in the eye
甚至可能不是原挂毯中的内容
may not even have been in the original tapestry,
因为挂毯曾在维多利亚时期被复原
as the tapestry was restored in Victorian times
很可能是那个时候加上去的
and it might well have been added then.
更别提 准确说来
What's more, technically,
贝叶挂毯甚至称上不是挂毯
the Bayeux Tapestry isn't even a tapestry,
而是个刺绣品
it's an embroidery,
挂毯是在织布机上织成的纺织品
tapestry being a form of textile woven on a loom,
由两股交叉的线织成
composed of two sets of interlaced threads,
而对于刺绣来说
and embroidery,
织物上的纹样则是由针织而成的
fabric decorated by means of needle and thread or yarn.
关于它的制♥造♥地
There's also debate about where it was done,
制♥造♥时间以及为谁而制的 都有争论
when it was done and who it was done for.
再这样说下去 恐怕还要损失更多的观众
But I'm sure we've already lost enough viewers,
所以还是继续节目吧
so let's crack on.
华丽的乔治王朝
这是庄园主贵族一家
This is Lord and Lady Posh from the Manor...
贵族夫人
贵族勋爵
贵族少爷
大家好 我们非常非常非常非常有钱
Hello. We're very, very, very, very rich.
他们交换女主人的对象是
..And they're doing a wife swap with...
穷乡的农民家庭
the Peasant family of Poorville.
农民先生
农民太太
农民小姐
大家好 我们非常非常非常饿
Hello. We're very, very, very hungry.
贵族家
这两个乔治时期完全不同的等级如何相处呢
So how will these two very different Georgian classes get on?
农民家
历史版
交换女主人
带我去卧室 穷♥人♥
Show me to my bedroom, poor person.
这就是你的卧室
This is your bedroom.
也是我们的卧室
And our bedroom.
也是客厅 厨房♥和餐厅
And the living room, kitchen and dining room
好吧 上帝啊 厕所在哪
Oh. And where, pray, is the toilette?
外面的空地上有个洞
Well, there's a hole in the ground out back.
你还好吗
Are you all right?
公♥馆♥里的情况也不见得有多好
And things don't get off to a much better start in the mansion.
你一定就是农民夫人了
Ah, you must be Mrs. Peasant.
[法语]幸会
Enchante.
到了农民家的用餐时间了
It's dinner time in the Peasant household.
我好饿
I am absolutely starving.
我快一个小时没吃东西了
I haven't eaten anything for nearly an hour.
吃什么啊
What's for dinner?
和平常一样 没东西吃
Oh, the usual - nothing.
你女儿为什么盯着我的头发看 真让人难受
Why is your girl staring at my hair? It is quite unnerving.
你头发上挂着食物呢
I think you've got some food in it.
那水果是装饰 孩子
That fruit is decoration, my girl, hm? Hm?
我发誓 我头发里原来不止这么些水果
I swear, I had more fruit in my hair this morning.
那个小流氓偷了一个苹果
That little scamp has stolen an apple.
明早我要跟法官说一声
I shall have a word with the judge in the morning
把她吊死
and have her hanged.
贵族大宅里的晚餐时间就是另一♥码♥事了
Dinner time in the posh house is a very different affair.
知道吗 我每天花在葡萄上的钱
Do you know, I spend more on grapes every day
可能比你一个月赚的都多
than you probably earn in a month.
我们一个月什么都不赚
We don't earn anything in a month.
从你们这些富人占有土地开始就没赚过
Not since you posh people were given ownership of the common land.
《圈地法案》 多牛的法令啊
Ah, the Enclosures Act. What a wonderful piece of legislation.
我得记得恭喜我的好朋友
I must remember to congratulate my close friend
首相先生
the Prime Minister.
但我们这些穷♥人♥没有土地可耕了
But we poor people have got no fields left to work.
真是个悲剧
That is a sad story.
要我的私人27人管弦乐队
Would you like my private 27-piece orchestra
为你演奏悲伤的曲目吗
to play you something sad?
乐队
Orchestra!
演奏悲伤曲目
Play something sad.
现在 继续吧
Now, do go on.
我从没想过我会这么说庄园主
I never thought I'd say this about the Lord of the Manor,
但我开始觉得
but I'm starting to think,
事实上 他并不很友好
in actual fact, he's not really very nice.
是时候庄园主和庄园夫人
It's time for the Lord and Lady of the Manor
与农民消除分歧了
and the Peasants of the village to settle their differences.
我们真的一点也不了解
We really had no idea of the terrible conditions
你们农民住在那么惨的环境中
in which you peasants live.
太好了 夫人
I see, my lady.
所以 我和妻子决定做点什么
So, my wife and I have decided to do something about it.
我们要铲平你们整个村庄
We're going to flatten your entire village.
什么
What?
真的很难看
Well, it is quite an eyesore,
你家真的毁了乡村的美景
and it really rather ruins our nice country views.
你们可以去镇上
I mean, you can tootle off to town
累死在工厂里之类的
and die working in a mill or something.
不 你们难过了 天呐
Oh, no, you're upset. Oh dear.
乐队呢 来点悲伤的
Orchestra? Play something sad.
天呐天呐
Oh, dear, dear, dear.
别哭了 别哭了
No crying, no crying, now.
钱多斯公爵
Well, you know, the Duke of Chandos,
米德尔塞克斯郡坎农斯豪华古宅主
owner of the stately home Cannons in Middlesex,
真的拥有一支30人的管弦乐队
really did have his own private 30-piece orchestra.
他甚至雇了亨德尔作为驻家作曲人
He even employed Handel as his resident house composer.
[德国著名作曲家]
大概公爵上厕所的时候
So, presumably, when the Duke went to the toilet,
乐队就会演奏亨德尔的《水上音乐》吧
the orchestra played Handel's Water Music.
卡莱尔伯爵的确因为农舍影响景色
And the Earl of Carlisle really did have a whole village,
把亨德斯科夫整个村庄都夷为平地了
Henderskelfe, flattened, because it ruined his view,
成了首个把自己所有房♥产
making him the first landlord to convert every house he owned