糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

sending the Luftwaffe on devastating night-time bombing raids of British cities.
伦敦家家户户都需要防空洞
Every home in London needed an air-raid shelter.
有两种不同的防空洞
And there were two different sorts available,
其中 安德森防空洞是免费为穷♥人♥提供的
with the Anderson shelter given out free to poor families.
英国的人♥民♥群众 大家好
Hello, people of Britain.
我在此向你介绍空袭时如何利用
I'm here to tell you how to stay nice and safe during an air raid
安德森防空洞保证人身安全
with the new Anderson bomb shelter.
附送一套简单易学的装配指南
It comes with easy-to-follow assembly instructions.
指南可能很难学
只需在你的花♥园♥中挖个坑
Simply dig a hole in your garden
再来些木头 波纹铁
and with the magic of wood, corrugated iron
再花点蛮力 瞧好吧
and a bit of elbow grease, hey presto!
一个安德森防空洞做成了
One Anderson bomb raid shelter!
有充足的空间
There's plenty of room for everyone!
挪一下 -你挪一下
- Budge up! - Give over!
可能空间严重不足
空袭时 你可能要在这待上六个小时
You could be in here for up to six hours during a bombing raid,
所以记得带上一本好书
so remember to bring a good book.
《战争与和平》 不错
War And Peace! Good choice!
能不能别挤了
Oh, would you stop it?
安德森防空洞
The Anderson bomb shelter
自带独♥立♥卫生间
comes with its own en suite toilet.
不包括桶
真恶心 我的防毒面具呢
Oh, yuck! Where's my gas mask?
它可以保住你的性命 所以别耽搁了
It could save your life, so don't delay,
今天就建起你的安德森防空洞吧
build your Anderson bomb shelter today!
安德森防空洞 商店开门就有得卖♥♥
接下来介绍新式莫里森防空洞
And introducing the new Morrison shelter.
莫里森防空洞 50万台任您选购
要是你没有花♥园♥
If you've not got a garden,
那么这个小美人就是为你设计的
then this little beauty could be for you!
对任何伦敦家庭来说 都是个可爱的装饰
It makes a lovely addition to any London home.
温馨提示 可能减少生活空间
你甚至可以在上面打乒乓球 个人意见
You can even play table tennis on it! My point, I think.
有了新莫里森防空洞 炸♥弹♥袭击也安全
Be safe from those bombs with the new Morrison shelter.
天呐 挪个地方
Oh, dear. Budge up.
愚蠢的死法
愚蠢的死法 愚蠢的死法*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
它们超搞笑 那都是真事*
*They're funny cos they're true
愚蠢的死法 愚蠢的死法*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
希望下一个不是你*
*Hope next time it's not you
他们已经缝上了边 有什么意义
They had slits up the side. What's the point in...
腿会冷的 好吧 下一位
Your legs would get cold. Yes, er, next please.
请问你是...
And you are?
闪电战时期的一名英国商人
A businessman from London during the Blitz.
别啊 又是伦敦佬
Oh, no, a cockney. Here we go again.
让我猜猜 被炸♥弹♥炸死了吧
Let me guess, killed by a bomb was it, guv?
不是 比那更丢人
No, it's a bit more embarrassing than that.
听起来很不错的样子 继续说
Oh! Goody gumdrops! Do go on.
有天晚上
Well, one night,
灯火管制时 我正在下班回家的火车上
I was on the train home from work during a blackout.
"灯火管计"是什么
A "Black-aart"?
为了阻止德国轰炸机找到伦敦
To stop the German bombers from finding London,
每晚都会有灯火管制 不许亮灯
every night they'd have a blackout, no lights allowed.
灯火管制啊 我懂了
Oh, blackout! Oh, I see!
或者我没懂
Or rather, I don't!
严肃点严肃点 继续说
Keep up, guys, keep up. Do go on.
当时我正在回家的火车上
So there I was on my train home,
火车突然停了
and suddenly the train came to a halt.
我想 可能我到站了
And I thought, "Well, this is my station".
所以我走下火车 突然
So I'm tootling off the train and suddenly, "Whoaaaa!"
-我摔下30英尺 死了 -很好 但
- Fell 30 feet to my death. - Very good, but...
其实火车只是停在了轨道桥上
Turns out the train was just waiting on a railway bridge.
你以为那是站台 然后
And you thought it was the platform and...
你可真牛啊
That is priceless!
你买♥♥的是直线下降的单程票
You had a one-way ticket straight down!
很好 我喜欢 什么 我同意
Good! I like it, I like it. Hm? Yes, I agree.
闭嘴 路易 谁能想到会这样呢
Shut up, Louis! Ooh. Who would've thought that?
很棒 绝对通过 去过来世吧
Well done, you've got two yeses, you're into the afterlife.
-非常感谢 -旅途愉快
- Oh, thank you kindly. - Enjoy the trip.
多谢
Oh, cheers, yeah.
-我说的是那段旅途 -是的是的
- Referring to the trip... - Oh, yeah, yeah.
旅途愉快 他真不错
Enjoy. I liked him.
笑容很好看 孩子们会喜欢他的
Good smile. Kids will love him.
愚蠢的死法 愚蠢的死法*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
希望下一个不是你*
*Hope next time it's not you
战时城市里很危险
It was so dangerous in the cities during the war
大约有两百万根肠子被疏散...
that approximately two million bowels were evacuated.
是孩子们 孩子们被疏散到乡下
Children! Children were evacuated to the country
那里更安全
where they'd be far safer.
他被从城市
He had been evacuated from the city
战时出品
疏散到乡下的寄养家庭
to a foster home in the country.
这是你的新家 查理
This is your new home now, Charlie,
你要在这里住到德国人不再轰炸伦敦
until the Germans stop bombing London.
别担心
Don't worry.
这里很安全
You'll be safe here.
我能去玩吗 琼斯太太
Can I go play, Mrs. Jones?
当然可以 查理 注意别受伤
Of course, Charlie. Mind you don't come to any harm.
但是 他在这里要面对
But here he was to face something
比德国炸♥弹♥还可怕的东西
even more terrifying than German bombs.
和他在城市里见过的东西完全不同
It was like nothing he'd ever seen before in the city.
它来自牧场
它有用来撞的角 还有可怕的叫声
It had horns to butt with and it made a terrifying noise!
它有六条腿 尾巴上还挂个刷子
It has six legs and it had a tail on which hangs a brush!
一个被疏散的孩子在家书上如此描述牛
别傻了 查理 只是头牛而已
Don't be silly, Charlie. It's just a cow.
一切都很新鲜 一切都很可怕
Everything was new, everything was scary,
农场
没什么可怕的 查理
There's nothing to be scared of,Charlie.
它们只是农场上的动物
They're just farm animals.
-去洗个舒服的澡吧 -洗澡
- Why don't you go and have a nice relaxing bath? - A bath?
你想淹死我吗
Are you trying to drown me? Arghhh!
一些疏散儿童认为洗澡是要溺死他们
农场 当你觉得在乡下更加安全...
The Farm. Just when you thought it was safer in the country.
农场
确实很安全
It is.
绝妙古希腊
古希腊由几个
Ancient Greece was divided
不同的城邦组成
into a number of different city states.
包括雅典 因文化而闻名
There was Athens, famous for its culture,
德尔斐 因神谕而闻名 还有斯巴达
Delphi, famous for its oracle, and Sparta,
因无畏的勇士军队而闻名 像我这样的
famous for its proud army of fearsome warriors, like me.
冲啊 斯巴达
Go, Sparta!
斯巴达某学校
你们是...
And you must be?
琳达和奈杰尔 我们是阿基劳斯的家长
Linda and Nigel. We're Archelaus's parents.
阿基劳斯吗 我知道了
Archelaus? I see.
-怎么了 -我一直想跟你们谈谈
- What's wrong? - Well, I've been meaning to speak to you
-你们儿子在学校的表现 -他惹麻烦了吗
- about your son's behaviour for some time. - Is he in trouble?
我这里有张单子
Well, I have a list here of
仅仅列了他上周做过的事
what he's been up to in the last week alone.
尖叫 大喊 和其他学生打架
Screaming, shouting, fighting with other pupils,
-袭击老师 -真的吗
- attacking the teachers. - Really?
携带武器来学校 作弊
Bringing weapons to school, cheating,
说谎 盗窃 欺凌 单子可长了
lying, stealing, bullying. I mean, the list goes on and on.
-阿基劳斯夫妇 你们的儿子 -请说
- Mr and Mrs Archelaus, your son... - Yes?
绝对是斯巴达儿童的典范
Is the perfect Spartan child.
他将成为坚毅勇敢的斯巴达战士
He is going to make a fantastic Spartan warrior.
-你们一定非常自豪 -当然了
- You must be very proud. - I'm very proud!
好吧 这里是斯巴达学校 不能哭
All right. It is a Spartan school, so don't cry.
斯巴达儿童从小学会欺骗 偷偷摸摸
Spartan children were taught to be deceptive, sneaky,
但最重要的是坚忍♥
and above all, stoical.
有个故事说的是抽皮鞭比赛
One story tells of a whipping contest
孩子们会被抽打直到放声大哭
where the children were whipped until they cried out.
一个小孩不愿哭出声 最后被鞭打致死
One child refused to make a noise and eventually died.
斯巴达学校在教育方面 有着独到的见解
Spartan schools had an alternative attitude towards education.
大伙 希洛人们 吉拉德人
Hey! All you Helots, you Zealots,