糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

from your top eight of Yebo?
是真的 她给我生错小孩儿了
Yes, it's true. She bore me the wrong kind of baby.
都铎新娘 贵族找新娘 新娘找贵族 一切皆可的农民
我都明确说过要个男孩儿了
I specifically asked for a boy.
所以我要跟她离婚 如果你同意
So I'd like to divorce her, if that's OK with you.
什么 不行 不行
What? No! No!
-绝对不行 -太晚了
- Absolutely not! - Well, it's too late.
玛丽·博林 黄花闺女 未受教育 能生男孩
我正在都铎新娘网上找妹子呢
I'm looking on Tudorbrides.Com as we speak.
但是 亨利 听我说
But Henry, listen to me.
这有一个
Here's one.
安妮·博林 新教♥徒♥
Anne Boleyn. Protestant Lady
为人生幸福和男继承人
seeks rich, ennobled husband
诚心寻找多金贵族男
for good times and lots of male heirs.
胡子控
Likes beards.
我得赶紧把她娶回家
Well, I must marry her right away.
大胡子国王保你终身性福
亨利 天主教会坚决反对
Henry, the Catholic Church unremittingly refuses
能生男孩才行
你的离婚诉求
your request for a divorce.
这样啊
Oh, really?
你非要这样 我只好自己建个教会了
I'll set up my own church if you're going to be like that.
你不能想建就建
You can't set up your own church.
建立你的教会
至少要有圣典和教条才行
You need scriptures and a dogma.
来建立自己的教会吧
现在可是1529年了
That is sooo 1529.
上网什么都能搞定
You can do it all online now.
开始建立教会吧
There we go.
为您的教会选择名字
亨利教会
Church of Henry?
好了 哦 不行啊
Yes. Oh, it's gone.
抱歉 该名已被注册
亨利 我恳请你 考虑一下后果
Henry, I implore you. Please, think of the implications,
该名也已被注册 推荐您取名为 英国国教会[即英格兰圣公会]
以及可能的损失 亨利
the damage it will cause, Henry.
英国国教会吗 好主意
Church of England? Yeah,that will do.
亨利 请你听我说
Henry, please listen to me.
为您的教堂选择精神领袖
我可是教皇啊 亨利 亨利
I'm the Pope. Henry? Henry!
你自己
下一步
恭喜 您已成功建立英国国教会
抱歉 教皇陛下 我得下线了
Sorry, Your Holiness. I've got to go.
刚收到一封电子邮件
E-mail just popped in.
可能是安妮·博林发来的 再见
It might be from Anne Boleyn. See you later.
发件人 法兰西斯一世 主题 你是否烦恼疖子和...
这白♥痴♥想干吗 法国国王真是的
Oh, what does this idiot want? King of France indeed.
下载附件
病毒警告 该文件可能已被瘟疫感染
天 他给我发了个病毒 太狡猾了
Oh, he's sent me a virus. Very clever.
够卑鄙的 白♥痴♥
Well done, yeah. Idiot.
可怕古埃及
若你稍微了解过
If you know anything about
埃及象形文字书写系统
the Egyptian hieroglyphic writing system,
你就知道它复杂得闹心 很难懂
you'll know it's hideously complicated and desperately hard to explain.
于是我们想出了个快捷学习的方法
So, we thought we'd try and sum it up in a couple of minutes
那就是通过歌♥曲记忆
through the medium of song.
同学乖乖都坐好*
*Settle down, class, now you've passed
学了一年懂传销*
*Your grade one pyramid selling
是时更上一层楼*
*Yeah, the time has come for me to drum
让我来把拼写教*
*Some facts into you about spelling
容我说句真心话*
*Oh, it seems to me your ABC
字母基础待提高*
*Skills are less than terrific
各位兄弟别气馁*
*So, buck up, boys
边玩边学乐淘淘*
*As we master the joys
象形文字学会了*
*Of the lovely hieroglyphic
人人都学ABC*
*Everyone needs their ABC
就是秃鹰 脚 篮子*
*It's as simple as vulture, foot, basket
人人都会哆来咪*
*You know how to sing do-re-mi
手 眼睛和猫头鹰*
*Easy to spell It's hand, eye thingy, owl
A B C*
*ABC
秃鹰 脚 篮子*
*Vulture, foot, basket
哆 来 咪*
*Do-re-mi
手 眼睛 猫头鹰*
*Hand, eye thingy, owl
轻学易懂好容易*
*You'll pass with ease and find it's a breeze
规则科学有规律*
*The rules are scientific
不聪明也不着急*
*Don't have to be smart. All you do is start
先学发音没问题*
*With simple phonetic glyphics
第二来把字母配*
*Next you get two letters to set
意音文字就是它*
*More things called logographic
最后认识限定词*
*Finally, third, the form of a word Determinatives
好可怕*
*Horrific
火烈鸟 房♥子和太阳*
*Everyone needs their flamingo, house, sun
太阳可能是鸭子 牢记这点可别忘*
*It's simple. But sun can mean duck, everyone
自己名字都会写*
*You all know how to write your name
除了我这倒霉蛋 图坦尼弗提卡门*
*Except for me. Tutanephututakhamen
火烈鸟 房♥子 太阳*
*Flamingo, house, sun
可能鸭子嘎嘎嘎*
*Means duck to some
图坦尼弗提卡门*
*Tutanephututakhamen
这个还是算了吧*
*Let's leave that one
感到困难别害怕*
*If you find it hard don't be afraid
赶紧回家去找妈*
*To go and ask your mummy for aid
考考蜜蜂怎么拼*
*Now it's time for a spelling bee
你的不对看我哒*
*That's not how you spell "Bee" See me
脚 芦苇 芦苇 小菜一碟*
*Foot, reed, reed. Easy
猫 猪 狗*
*Cat, pig, dog
老鼠 鸭子 青蛙*
*Rat, duck, frog
单词拼写变化繁*
*Make your spelling magnific
上下通读意自现*
*You can go up and down
左右前后也通顺*
*Left and right and around
象形文字没标点*
*No punctuation in hieroglyphic
A B C D E F G*
*A, B, C, D, E, F, G
不过区区七百矣*
*Just 700 characters or so
基础搞定真开心*
*Now that's done. Let's have some fun
学学数字做游戏*
*With numbers, here we go
人人都学1 2 3 *
*Everyone needs their one, two, three
只需眼 眼眼 眼眼眼*
*It's as simple as eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
一直数到九十九*
*You can all count to 99
只需写成*
*Easy to write
圈圈圈圈九个圈*
*It's hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop
眼眼眼眼九只眼*
*Eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
1 2 3*
*One, two, three
眼 眼眼 眼眼眼*
*Eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
九十九*
*99
圈 拳 犬 劝*
*Hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop
咽 言 眼 艳*
*Eye, eye, eye, eye, eye
还有篮子哇*
*Basket
这就是今天
Well, that's all for this trek
糟糕历史之旅的全部内容
through the terrible truths of time past.
结尾的话来自
The final words go to
美国内战时的将军约翰·塞德奇威克
American Civil War General John Sedgwick,
他在斯波齐尔韦尼亚之战中
who, at the battle of Spotsylvania,
刚叫嚣完之后
was killed by sniper fire
就被对方狙击手射杀了
moments after uttering the immortal line,
"离这么远他们连大象都射不..."
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
我们下期节目见
With that, goodbye.
夸张故事 残暴行为*
*Tall tales, atrocious acts
我们有最吓人的真♥相♥*
*We gave you all the fearsome facts
但愿你喜欢糟糕历史*
*Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories.