糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

战斗从这开始*
*Our war begins right here
我在工厂造武器 钻孔螺栓拧螺钉*
*I make weapons in the factory. Drill and bolt and screw
规矩森严时间紧 方便都要速速行*
*With rules so strict they even time you when you're on the loo
制♥造♥炸♥弹♥和子弹 身上总是脏兮兮*
*Making bombs and bullets. Means I'm always mucky
洗澡申请已上交 想去就要拼人品*
*I've put my name down for a bath. I'll get one if I'm lucky
什么工作都能干*
*There is no job that we can't do
我们的时代不会远*
*It wasn't long till our roles grew
国家需要你们 女孩们*
*Your country needs you, girls
陆军海军需要你们*
*Army, navy too, girls
我们就是二战女孩*
*We're the World War Two girls
这就是我们的事业*
*This is our career
修理飞机 提供建议*
*I'm a plane fixing, plain speaking
拍摄照片 密♥码♥解析 空军女兵*
*Photo taking, code breaking air force miss
控制雷达 驾驶货车*
*Radar manning, lorry driving
天气预测 侦查外敌 无所不行*
*Weather guessing, foreign spying, I do all this
男人打仗去外边 我在家种田*
*I took the role of land girl while our men fight far away
后方耕作真勤劳 撑起半边天*
*Farming on the home front, helping save the day
种植作物养家禽 劳动真累人*
*Tending crops and animals, manual labour hurts
农活制♥服♥好难受 衬衣粗又紧*
*In the field my uniform's this scratchy tie and shirt
二战结束的时候*
*When World War II is over though
骄傲自豪在心头*
*We'll be proud 'cause we will know
多亏女孩做贡献 保家卫国救世界*
*Thanks to us it's true, girls. Came to the rescue, girls
我们是二战女孩 见证女孩的力量*
*We're the World War Two girls. Original girl power.
奇葩印加人
在古印加秘鲁 我们不把东西写下来
We didn't write things down in Incan Peru.
负责传递信息的
Messages were sent around the Empire
是一支叫作"查斯基"的跑步接力队
using a relay team of runners called the Chasqui.
这是对体力和记忆力的真正考验
It was a real test of fitness and memory.
您叫我吗 酋长
You asked for me, chief?
你是"查斯基信息服务"的吗
Are you from the Chasqui Messenger Services?
是的 酋长
Yes, chief.
我需要你把以下消息传递给族长
I want you to relay the following message to the high chief
他在向西50英里处的纳斯卡
at Nazca, 50 miles to the west.
遵命 酋长 是什么消息
Yes, chief, what's the message?
消息是 侵略者已快到海岸
Message is, "Invaders are nearing the coast.
必须加强防御
Defences must be reinforced.
派50名长矛战士在夜色掩护下赶来
Send 50 men with spears under cover of night
请速速派兵
and please hurry."
快去吧
Now, go.
查斯基信息服务
Chasqui Messenger Service.
消息是 侵略者已快到海岸
Message is, "Invaders are nearing the coast.
必须加强防御
Defences must be reinforced.
把50柄长矛在夜色掩护下送来
"Send 50 spears under cover of night,
请速速办理
please hurry."
好
Sweet.
侵略者大举挺进
Invaders are hearing the most.
防御薄弱 压力很大
Defence is dusty. Feel the force.
把50柄长矛埋在米里送过来
Send 50 spears under the cover of...rice.
请速速办理
Please hurry.
侵略者听到鬼叫
The invaders are hearing a ghost.
防护栏生锈
This fence is rusty.
杀马压惊
Peel the horse.
把50柄长矛埋在米和豆子里送过来
Send 50 spears under cover of rice and peas.
-什么消息 -戴着耳环的侵略者是鬼
- What news? - The invaders in earrings are ghosts.
马嘘嘘在防护栏上 所以护栏生锈了
Their fence was rusted by a peeing horse.
把身上洒满咖喱豌豆饭的小甜甜送过来
Send Britney Spears covered in pea and rice curry.
知道该干什么了吧
You heard the man.
其实 当时的消息传递系统
Though, in fact, the network was actually
是非常高效的
astoundingly efficient.
每名传递员大约只跑一英里
Each messenger only ran about one mile.
所以消息一天内就能传到150英里以外
So, a message could travel 150 miles in a single day
就是海鲜也可以一天之内
and fresh fish could be delivered
从海边送到安第斯山上的库斯科
from the sea to Cuzco, high in the Andes.
[库斯科 古印加帝国首都]
就跟现在超♥市♥的送货上门服务差不多
So, kind of like a supermarket home delivery service,
但是更可靠
only reliable.
大家可能会想 为什么印加人不骑马呢
You might wonder why the Incas didn't use horses.
那是因为 在西班牙征服者到那里之前
Well, it's because they hadn't even seen horses
印加人连根马毛都没见过
until the Spanish conquistadors arrived.
大家好 欢迎来到粗略指南
Hola. Welcome to Very Rough Guide.
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗粗略指南
现在是1526年 我是西班牙探险家
It's 1526 and I am Spanish explorer
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗
Francisco Pizzaro.
-这是我的得力助手佩德罗 -大家好
- This is my right-hand man, Pedro. - Hola.
今天的节目将带领大家参观秘鲁
Today's programme is all about visiting Peru.
还有偷走他们所有的黄金
And stealing all of their gold.
佩德罗 拜托 别提偷黄金行吗
Pedro, please. Don't talk about stealing the gold, OK?
很抱歉 行程路线很简单
Sorry about that. OK. The journey here was very simple.
我们从西班牙航行五千英里到达巴拿马
All we had to do was sail 5,000 miles from Spain to Panama.
穿越茂密的丛林
Travel over land through the dense jungle,
然后建新船 沿海岸线直下到达秘鲁
then build a whole new boat and sail down the coast to Peru.
我们才花了两年半的时间
It only took us two and half years.
就跟挤柠檬一样简单
Easy peasy, squeeze the lemon.
现在我们就去找找当地的印加人
And now we are going to meet some local Incas,
看看他们的生活方式
see how they live
并感受他们灿烂辉煌的文化
and find out about their magnificent culture.
还要偷走他们所有的黄金
And steal all their gold.
佩德罗 别提偷黄金的事了行吗
Pedro, don't mention the stealing of gold. OK?
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗粗略指南
初次见面时
When we met them,
当地的印加人真是热情无比
the local incas couldn't have been more welcoming.
-太阳之子 -真的耶
- Children of the Sun! - Oh, yeah!
-你们好 -欢迎
- Hello. - Welcome.
他们以为我们是太阳神
They thought we were sun gods
因为我们的钢制盔甲反射阳光耀眼夺目
because the sun reflected off our steel armour.
那何不带我们这些太阳神
Why not take us sun gods to
去看看你们诱人的黄金 我们就能偷了
see all your lovely gold, so we can steal it?
佩德罗 我说过多少遍了 别提黄金
Pedro, I told you, don't mention the gold. OK?
你脑袋进水了吗
What is wrong with you?
你们想过来看看吗 这边请
Do you want to pop in? Follow us.
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗粗略指南
印加人对财富的态度非常特别
The Incans have some very unusual attitudes to wealth.
我是一名印加酋长 我很富有
I'm an Incan chief. I'm very rich.
很好 敢问你是有多富有
Wonderful. How very rich, exactly?
相当富有 我有很多妻子
Very rich. I have many wives,
很多孩子 很多孙子
many children, many grandchildren.
-那黄金呢 -佩德罗 你又提黄金
- What about gold? - Pedro, please.
我们有的是黄金
Yes, we've got lots of gold
但是黄金和富有有半毛钱的关系吗
but I don't see what that's got to do with being rich.
当然没关系 别担心 完全不是问题
Oh, nothing at all. Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.
不了 我不...
No, I don't...
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗粗略指南
实在是太棒了
It's brilliant.
秘鲁黄金泛滥啊
In Peru, there is so much gold
印加人根本就没把金子当回事儿
the Incas don't really value it.
对他们来说家人和追随者才是真正的财富
For them, your family, your followers are your real riches.
黄金是一文不值
OK. Gold is worthless.
-那我们要走了 再见 -拜拜
- OK, we're going to go now. So, bye. - Bye-bye.
-这次见面很愉快 再见 -再见
- Nice to meet you. Bye. - Ta-ta.
走就行 不用跑
OK. Walk, don't run.
他们看上去人挺好的
They seemed very nice.
我强烈推荐大家去秘鲁看看
I really recommend the visit to Peru.
我第一次去的时候才花了10万比索
My first trip has only cost me 100,000 pesos.
但是下次我要带着军队去
But next time I will bring extra troops
偷走全部黄金 变身百万富翁暴发户
and I will make millions from stealing all their gold.
-小点声 -你推我♥干♥什么
- Ssh! - Don't you push me.
-你之前不是说... -现在没事了
- But you said.... - What? It's OK now.
你看到附近有印加人吗 没有
Do you see Incas around? No.
你脑袋里是进了多少水啊
What is wrong with you all the time?
那你也别当着镜头的面推我啊
Don't push me in front of the camera.
弗朗西斯科· 毕伽罗粗略指南
卑劣的斯图亚特王朝
你有没有无缘无故就出事的经历呢
Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?
现场再现
干活时不小心绊倒或摔倒