糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

首先上场的是
First up,
纳撒尼尔·吐温克[傻瓜]先生
it's Mr Nathaniel Twonk.
先生们和女士 请允许我说明一下
Gentlemen and lady, allow me to explain
我发明的这件最有效的设备
a most efficacious device that I have invented.
我称之为自动洗瓶机
I call it the automatic bottle washer.
这个设备可以自动洗瓶子连续数小时
This device will automatically wash bottles for hours on end
完全用不着人力管理或调节
without the need for attention or adjustment.
棒极了 我要投资
Marvellous. Yes, I'm in.
-投资 -投资
- I'm in. - I'm in.
下面埃德温娜·克鲁巴克特[饭桶]太太
Our next hopeful inventor is Mrs Edwina Gruelbucket.
女士和先生们 我希望能给大家
Gentlemen and madam, I wish to present you
提供一个绝佳的机会
with a golden opportunity
投资我这项伟大的发明
to invest in my most marvelous invention.
马铃薯自动采集机
The automatic potato harvester.
-很棒 -投资
- Wonderful. - I'm in.
投资
I'm in.
到目前为止 大发明家们的运气均不错
Well, it's been a good day for our hopefuls so far.
不知切斯特顿·王德贝利[啤酒肚]先生
Let's see if Sir Chesterton Widebelly
是否也能俘获龙头们的心呢
can make it a clean sweep.
女士和先生们
Lady and gentlemen.
我相信 我的发明
I have invented something
可以真正改变世界
which I believe will truly change the world.
我称之为真空吸尘器
I call it the vacuum cleaner.
真空吸尘器发明于1876年
这是用来干什么的呢
But what does it do?
它能吸东西[糟透了]
It sucks.
天呐 确实挺糟的
Oh, dear. It sucks all right.
龙头们并不为之所动
The dragons aren't impressed.
没关系
Never mind.
切斯特顿能扭转乾坤吗
Can Chesterton win them round?
还可以用这个代替
You could use this instead.
这还差不多 那我就投资
Ah, now, you see, that's more like it. Yes, I'm in.
-我投资 -我也投资
- I'm in. - I'm in, yes.
维多利亚时期 小孩子奔波于各种工作
Children in Victorian times were used for all sorts of jobs.
查尔斯·狄更斯小时候就被迫在一个仓库
As a child, Charles Dickens was forced to work in a warehouse
往鞋油上贴商标
putting labels on shoe polish.
但是 狄更斯还算是幸运的
Dickens, though, was one of the lucky ones.
毕竟他不用干这个
He never had to do this job.
大家好 我是广♥告♥人
Hi, I'm a shouty man
我在此要向大家推荐新维多利亚儿童
and I'm here to tell you about New Victorian Child,
带来烟囱清扫的革命
the chimney cleaning revolution.
新维多利亚儿童可以清扫
New Victorian Child cleans
世界上最难清扫的烟囱弯管 是不是
even the most difficult of bends. Don't you?
效果十分显著
And you can really see it working.
未作处理的
烟囱
使用新
维多利亚儿童
之后
左边是被灰尘和煤烟堵塞的烟囱
The chimney flue on the left is clogged with dirt and soot,
右边是完全无煤烟的烟囱
whereas the one on the right is completely soot-free.
因为新维多利亚儿童已对其进行了全面清理
It's been cleaned with New Victorian Child.
大家看到了吧
There it is now.
救命 我...我被卡住了
Help! I'm...I'm stuck.
现在请看清理效果
And just look at the results.
现在维多利亚儿童患有眼睛感染
Well, Victorian Child now has eye infection,
碧翠斯·威瑟斯彭-海伊太太
皮肤病 呼吸困难等疾病
skin irritation and breathing problems.
但是烟囱可以这么干净 谁还管这些
But when you're chimney's this clean, who cares?!
现在买♥♥儿童 还送大头针
We'll even throw in this pack of pins
每买♥♥儿童一名 免费赠送大头针一盒
确保所购儿童工作积极高效
to make sure your child remains motivated.
上去吧你 小伙计
Up you go, little fella!
我们还对新维多利亚儿童实行五包服务
And what's more, New Victorian Child comes with a full guarantee.
如果所购儿童受伤 摔死 窒息
If it's injured, falls to its death, suffocates,
严重烧伤或者长的太大进不了烟囱
is badly burned or gets too darn big,
我们会为您换上一个崭新的穷孩子
we'll just replace it with another poor child,
换人免费
不收任何费用
free of charge.
新维多利亚儿童
心动不如行动 快来抢♥购♥新维多利亚儿童
So, go on, try New Victorian Child today.
烟囱塞儿童 尘垢一扫净
Shove a kid up your chimney and the dirt is gone.
欲购从速
有效期至186♥4♥年
请在186♥4♥年前使用 过期服务废止
Use before 186♥4♥, because then it's abolished.
绝妙古希腊
特洛伊战争
One of the most important
是希腊神话中最重要的事件之一
events in Greek mythology is the Trojan War,
事件中心就是惊世美人 特洛伊的海伦
which centred around that legendary beauty, Helen of Troy.
故事本身非常复杂
It's a highly complicated tale,
所以我们来看一下其删节版
so here's the abridged version.
特洛伊海伦
古斯巴达国王带给女儿海伦一个消息
女儿啊 是时候从希腊
Daughter, it is time to choose a husband
众国王和王子中选择夫君了
from all the kings and princes of Greece.
好吧 随便了 就这个
Yeah, whatever, I'll have that one.
斯巴达墨涅拉俄斯当选
Menelaus of Sparta is chosen.
斯巴达王墨涅拉俄斯
太棒了 伙计 耶
Sweet as a nut, mate. Yes!
海伦和墨涅拉俄斯于接下来的一周结婚了
Helen and Menelaus were married the next week.
海伦 你我是命中注定的
Helen, you is well fit.
你的美貌足以让千舸争流
Your face could launch a thousand ships, yeah.
这是什么意思
What is that supposed to mean?
我觉得我嫁了个傻子
I think I've married an idiot.
然后 另一位追求者出现了
But then...another suitor turned up.
抱歉我迟到了
Sorry I'm late, yeah.
我是特洛伊王子帕里斯
I'm Paris, Prince of Troy.
特洛伊王子帕里斯
我是来参选驸马的
I'm here for the husband choosing.
伙计 你来晚了
Mate, you is too late, yeah.
船已起航 我为船长
This ship has already sailed and it's mine.
墨涅拉俄斯船长
Captain Menelaus.
这个帕里斯才是我命中注定的
That Paris, he is well fit!
墨涅拉俄斯不会介意我和帕里斯私奔的
Menelaus won't mind if I run away to Troy with Paris.
他瞬间就会忘了我的
He'll forget about me in, like, no time.
但是墨涅拉俄斯没有忘记海伦
But Menelaus didn't forget about Helen...
大家听着
Listen up, yeah.
全体希腊将士向特洛伊进军 明白了吗
I want all us Greek soldiers to march on Troy, you get me?
我们要去摧毁特洛伊城
We're going to tear that city up.
杀他个片甲不留
Kill them all, is it!
片甲不留
Yeah, it is.
与此同时 在特洛伊
Meanwhile in Troy...
抱歉 我引发了战争
Sorry, started a war!
墨涅拉俄斯带领着一支
Menelaus has brought a
庞大的军队 想把你带回希腊
huge army to take you back to Greece, yeah.
他包围了特洛伊城
He's surrounded Troy.
开战了
We is going to war!
你们啊
You boys!
何必呢
Honestly!
战争一打就是十年
The war lasts for 10 long years.
真无聊啊
Bored now.
海伦 大事不好 帕里斯牺牲了
Helen, I've got well bad news. Paris is dead.
帕里斯是谁来着
Which one's he again?
我哥哥 特洛伊王子啊
My brother, the prince.
和你一起私奔的那个家伙
That bloke you ran off with,
要不然为什么打这场十年的战争
the reason for this whole ten-year war.
对了 想起来了
Oh, yeah, I remember.
要结束这场战争
All Helen has to do to end the war
拯救成百上千无辜的生命
and save hundreds of thousands of lives
海伦就得回归她丈夫墨涅拉俄斯的怀抱
is go back to her husband Menelaus.
她将如何抉择呢
What will she do?
你跟我很配啊
Oooh, you is well fit.
-你想结婚吗 -好 你想结就结吧
- Do you fancy getting married? - Yeah, if you like.
得伊福玻斯
顺便说一下 我叫得伊福玻斯
Me name's Deiphobus, by the way.
-随便啦 -朋友们都叫我福玻
- Whatever. - Friends call me Phobie.
无所谓
Don't really care.
这注定是场短暂的婚姻
It was to be a short marriage.
来了啊 墨涅拉俄斯 有什么事吗
All right, Menelaus? What is up, boo?