糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we supply
且听油炸叔对你说*
*And your host is Stephen Fry
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
糟糕历史
油炸叔精选版 第一集
大家好 欢迎收看《糟糕历史》
Hello and welcome to Horrible Histories.
在本节目中 我们可以暂时忘记
The show that lets us, for a moment,
现在身处的这个疯狂世界
forget about the madness of the world around
而将目光转向
and focus instead
过去的人们身处的那个极度疯狂的世界
on the complete and utter madness of the world as it used to be.
恐怖的都铎王朝
沃辛厄姆 你怎么了
Wolsingham, what happened to you?
女王又朝我扔拖鞋了
The Queen threw a slipper at me, again!
你这次干什么了
What did you do this time?
我跟她说 她脾气不好
I told her she had a short temper.
你个傻缺 明知道一说这个她就发火
You idiot, you know that makes her angry.
可不是吗 你画完她的肖像没
I know. Have you finished her portrait yet?
差不多了 不过...
It's getting there, but...
我好害怕啊 她要是不喜欢怎么办
I'm petrified, what if she doesn't like it?
那你最好祈祷她当时心情不错
Then you'd better hope she's in a good mood.
-她有心情好的时候吗 -没有
- Is she ever? - No.
我的肖像画呢
Where's my portrait?
无法直视 这太恐怖了
I can't look, it's grotesque!
鼻子硕大 一嘴烂牙 满脸是疤
The hideous nose, rotten teeth and pockmarked skin.
沃辛厄姆 把这画家拖出去砍了
Wolsingham, have that man relieved of the burden of his head!
陛下 您看的是一面镜子
Ma'am, you are looking into a mirror.
这才是您的肖像画
This is the portrait.
鼻子娇小 牙齿闪亮 肌肤白皙
Petite nose, perfect teeth, porcelain skin.
你是怎么捕捉到我这娇美容颜的
Why, however did you manage to capture my good looks?
女王陛下 我只是临摹了
Well, my lady, I just did an exact copy
您唯一喜欢的那幅肖像
of the only portrait you've ever liked.
-正如您吩咐的那样 -太棒了
- As per your order. - Splendid.
再画一幅
Do me another,
看你能不能再次捕捉到我的高贵优雅
and see if you can capture my regal beauty again.
我觉得这一点也不像她
I think it looks nothing like her.
我听见了
I heard that!
伊丽莎白一世的肖像均经过画家的美化
Elizabeth I very carefully stage-managed her image.
由于曾患天花和长♥期♥使用含铅化妆品
Her looks had been destroyed by smallpox scars
她的脸上满是疤痕 惨不忍♥睹
and the ravages of lead-based make-up,
所以她让画家临摹她早期的肖像画
so she issued facsimile portraits of herself from earlier years,
而不想让后世的人知道她真实的样子
rather than letting people see how she really looked.
伊丽莎白斥巨资赞助艺术创作
Elizabeth was a great patron of the arts,
在她统治时代的末期
and towards the end of her reign,
她成为了莎士比亚的铁杆粉丝
became a big fan of William Shakespeare.
主要原因是 莎士比亚也美化了她
Largely because he, too, made her look good.
尽管"奉承"一词并不是莎士比亚所造
Whilst Shakespeare may not have given us the word sycophantic,
但他显然深谙其意
he clearly understood the concept.
不过 许多的华美词藻
Though there are a great many words and phrases
都确实出自于这位大♥师♥的笔下
that the Bard can rightly call his own.
历史版
智囊问答
有请我们下一位参赛选手
May we have our next contestant, please?
你好 请问您的大名
Hello. Your name, please?
-威廉·莎士比亚 -您的职业是
- William Shakespeare. - And your occupation?
威廉·莎士比亚
吾为造词人 美句舞翩翩
One that doth make words to dance upon the page
奇文天下传
and thence into the ear of the throng.
不好意思 我不是很...
I'm sorry, I don't quite...
威廉·莎士比亚
-我是写剧本的 -早这么说不就完了
- I write plays. - Right, well, why didn't you just say so?
剧作家
-你选择的题目范围是 -我首创的词组
- And your chosen specialised subject. - Phrases what I made up.
威廉·莎士比亚
剧作家
我首创的词组
威廉·莎士比亚 答题时间两分钟
William Shakespeare, you have two minutes on
题目是"你首创造的词组" 现在开始
phrases what you made up starting from now.
生存还是毁灭 这是个问题
To be or not to be, that is the question.
-我知道这是个问题 -什么
- I know it is. - I'm sorry?
我知道那是个问题 你刚才问我了
I know that's the question, you've just asked me it.
不 我的问题是 这话是不是你首创的
No, the question is, did you make it up?
你刚才的问题明明是 生存还是毁灭
You just said the question was to be or not to be.
生存还是毁灭 这是个问题
To be or not to be, that is the question
这整句话才是问题
IS the question.
我明白了 这话是我首创的
Oh, yes, I see. Yes, I did make that up.
正确 终于打发了
Correct. Good riddance.
可我才刚到啊
I've only just arrived.
不是 这个词组是你首创的吗
No, did you invent the phrase good riddance?
-是的 -正确 金子般的心
- Yes, I did. - Correct. Heart of gold.
谢谢你的夸奖
Thank you, that's very flattering.
我是问 你是不是第一个使用这个词组的人
No, were you the first person to use the phrase heart of gold?
是的
Yes, I was.
正确 死翘翘呢
Correct. Dead as a doornail.
对 也是我首创的
Yes, that is one of mine.
《亨利六世》中篇 续集
Henry VI, Part 2, the sequel.
正确 枉费心机呢
Correct. Wild-goose chase.
这也是我首创的 你们现在还在用啊
Oh, yes, that's mine. Are they still using that?
是啊 正确 敲啊敲 谁啊
They are indeed. Correct. Knock knock, who's there?
应该你说"敲啊敲" 我问"谁啊"
No, that's wrong. You say "Knock knock," and I say, "Who's there?"
-不是 这是不是你首创的 -什么
- No. Did you invent it? - What?
-敲啊敲 -谁啊
- Knock knock. - Who's there?
-不 -不 是谁
- No! - No, who?
我是问 这句话是你首创的吗
Did you come up with the phrase "Knock knock, who's there?"
-是的 -正确 老天爷啊
- Yes, I did. - Correct. For goodness' sake!
-那也是我首创的 -正确
- That's one of mine, too. - Correct.
全世界是一个...
All the world's a...
-善始善终 -这句不是我首创的
- I've started, so I'll finish. - No, that's one of yours.
正确 威廉·莎士比亚
Correct. William Shakespeare,
本轮过后 你获得了八分
at the end of that round, you've scored eight points.
我说 这就是你们现代人的娱乐活动吗
Sorry, is this what you do for entertainment nowadays?
没错 是的
Yes, it is, yes.
我觉得还是剧院好啊
I think I prefer the theatre.
我觉得还是剧院好啊
"I think I prefer the theatre."
-你可以离场了 -好吧
- Get out of the chair now. - OK.
卑微的中世纪
中世纪 疾病盛行
Diseases were rife in the Middle Ages.
你可能患上 坏血病 麻风病
You could get a nice dose of scurvy, a spot of leprosy,
或者黑死病 该病在1348年
or some good old Black Death, which, in 1348,
剿灭了欧洲大半人口
killed more than half of all the people in Europe.
这都多亏了中世纪"高端"的医疗水平
So, thank heavens for cutting-edge Middle Ages medicines.
保罗 能听到我说话吗 别担心
Paul, Paul, can you hear me? Don't worry,
亲爱的 救护车就来了
darling, the ambulance is on its way.
让开 让开 中世纪医疗人员
Make way, make way! Historical paramedics.
你们是医院派来的吗
Are you from the hospital?
不是 从中世纪穿越来的 他怎么了
No, from the Middle Ages. What's happened here?
我丈夫觉得头晕 然后就昏倒了
It's my husband, he went all dizzy and he passed out.
他叫什么名字
What be his name?
-保罗 -保罗 听得到吗
- Paul. - Paul, hear ye!
-听得到吗 -听得到我吗 保罗
- Hear ye, Paul! - Can ye hear me, Paul?
看来他是真的晕过去了
He looks like he's fainted.
奈杰尔 给我只死鸡
Nigel, I need a dead chicken.
死鸡 要它做什么啊
A dead chicken, what on earth is that going to do?!
啥也做不了 它死了
Nothing, it's dead.
我们不是要用这只鸡 是要鸡毛
It's not the chicken we need, it's the feathers.