糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

None of those words existed in our language
英语中根本没有这些词
until the Vikings started settling in Britain.
他们第一次进攻
Their first major attack
便是于793年袭击霍利岛修道院
was on Lindisfarne Abbey in 793,
对于为什么维京人会跑到英国来
and there are a number of theories
目前流传着各种各样的解释
as to why they came to Britain.
霍利岛修道院，英格兰
停 停下来
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!
发生什么事了
What's going on?
我们正在忙着自己的事情
We were just minding our own business
这群人突然从外面冲进来耍刀弄剑
and they came out of the blue with axes and swords.
拜托 一个一个来
Ah, ah, ah, ah. One at a time, please.
你告诉我 他说的是实话吗
You. Is what he said true?
我让你消停一会儿
I asked you to stop for a second,
等我们先把这事情解决了 拜托
while we sort this out, please.
我只是 是他
I was just... He...
谢谢
Thank you.
好了 你们在这里干吗
Now, what are you doing here?
这里是霍利岛
This is Lindisfarne.
我们是僧侣 和平友好的一群人
We're a monastery. We're peaceful people.
我以前没考虑这么多
Well, erm, I've never really thought about it before.
我们到底为什么从斯堪的纳维亚跑到这儿
Why did we sail here from Scandinavia exactly?
可能是因为食物不够吃了
Maybe it's because there's not enough food.
我们那儿缺少青鱼
There is a shortage of herring.
我觉得是因为我们要拓展土地
I thought it was because we needed more land.
我爸把地都留给了我哥
My dad's left his land to my older brother,
太不公平了
which isn't fair.
确实很挤 我们需要更大的生存空间
It's a bit crowded. We do need more space to live.
而且 新一届维京国王上任了
Plus we've got a new Viking king now,
他欺人太甚
and he is SUCH a bully.
跟我们老婆一样
As are our wives.
好吧 在我看来
Right, well, it seems to me like
你们根本不知道为什么到这儿来
you don't know why you're here.
那为什么不回家呢
So why don't you just go home
我们就当作什么都没发生过 好吗
and we'll say no more about it, OK?
不 我想起来了
No, I've just remembered what it is.
是因为杀人太有意思了
It's because killing is really fun
抢修士们的东西真是太容易了
and taking stuff from monks is very easy.
就是这样
That's it.
是啊 可能就是这原因 就是这样
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was maybe that. That was it.
那好吧
Right, well,
既然我们搞清楚了
as long as we're clear on that...
你们继续吧
carry on.
维京人至今仍然影响着英国
The Viking influence can still be seen in Britain today
例如"斯肯索普"意为"斯肯玛之家"
in place names such as Scunthorpe - "Skuma's house"
"惠特比"意为"惠特小镇"
Whitby - "White town"
"格里姆斯比"意为"格里姆小镇"
Grimsby - "Grim's town"
而"斯温西"则是以丹麦国王斯温命名
and Swansea, named after King Sweyn of Denmark,
现在你明白
which might explain
为什么斯温西看起来总像是劫案现场了吧
why Swansea always looks like it's just been pillaged.
我可完全没有恶意哦
And I mean that warmly and lovingly.
愤怒
绑♥架♥
掠夺
尖叫
重击
屠♥杀♥
害羞
真的假的 害羞
Really? "Shy?"
我倒是真有点害羞了
Well, I am a bit, actually.
别盯着人家看了 人家都要脸红了
Stop staring at me. I'm going red. Mm-mm.
邪恶的维多利亚时代
我们维多利亚时代的人总是发明新科技
We Victorians were always coming up with new technology,
比如这个 自动脱帽机
like this, a device for the automatic tipping of the hat.
还有其他更有用的发明
As well as some other, more useful inventions.
此乃维多利亚时代*
*It was the age of Queen Victoria's
声名狼藉的年代*
*A period notorious
新奇造不停*
*So many brand-new goods we did create
列表长又长*
*Our list is long and glorious
不愿烦众郎*
*Though I don't intend to bore yers
只是个个皆珍品*
*Was a time of great invention
是真是假 我们到底发明了啥*
*What it really? What did we invent, then?
待我一一告诉你*
*Well, I'm just about to mention
来点气氛加注意*
*Drum roll, please Let's raise the tension
我们发明了
We invented...
这间音乐厅
this music hall.
没了吗
Is that all?
亨利·贝塞麦将钢水来发明*
*A chap called Henry Bessemer invented molten steel
别家小伙得以造车震天庭*
*Which led to other chaps creating the automobile
汽油轮胎加单车*
*Which led to petrol tyres and bikes
生活必须少不得*
*so all that was required
开个路 上混凝 最后把那柏油铺*
*Was roads, so concrete came, and tarmac thought up, too
雇你没商量*
*You're hired!
混凝柏油钢*
*Concrete, tarmac, steel
造车响当当*
*The automobile
胶胎牢又靓*
*Seal of rubber wheel
造物志高昂*
*Such inventive zeal
发明不可挡*
*Still there's plenty to reveal
维多利亚工作忙 主意真不少*
*Victorian brains worked overtime to come up with ideas
我们发明了电灯泡
We invented light bulbs
-真不错 -掌声鼓励
- Nice one! - Cheers!
打字机加无线电 新闻不设限*
*Typewriters and radios. Now news was fast conveyed
你好
Hello!
一个巴掌拍不响 电♥话♥得互联*
*A telephone was no good till a second phone was made
你好
Hello!
发明家不庸*
*Our inventors did not snooze
新奇总有用*
*Always had another ruse
厕所洗冲冲*
*The latest flushing loos
电影着实红*
*Films that did amuse
闪光灯笑容*
*Flashbulb cameras to use
多美的照片啊 多美的照片
What a picture! What a picture!
吸尘器加厕纸 邮箱和邮票*
*Vacuum cleaners, toilet paper, postboxes and stamps
厕所阿司匹林 麻药锁电灯*
*Toilets, aspirin, anaesthetics, locks, electric lamps
缝纫机伦琴线 卡♥通♥冰激凌*
*Sewing machines, X-rays, comics, ice cream in a pot
彩蛋和火箭*
*Easter eggs and rockets
全因咱出现*
*We invented the whole lot
我们*
*Our...
别着急 还有呢
Hang on, there's more!
地铁火车铁道大桥 都由咱来造*
*Trains and lines and bridges and the underground as well
明轮船推车消毒剂 还有点味道*
*Paddle steamers, prams and disinfectant for their smell
医用器械不可少*
*Sterile doctors' instruments
还差一个妙*
*One last unmentioned brand
维多利亚发明了 传送带可靠*
*Victorians invented the world's first conveyor band
毛绒玩具呢
Cuddly toy?
发明于1902年 维多利亚去世一年后
Invented in 1902, the year after Victoria died...
气压计面世*
*Ohhh, barometers were new
铁船杨帆驶*
*Iron ships a coup
天赋异才*
*What genius!
感谢夸赞*
*Thank you!
发明创造我做主*
*Seems we're almost through
只有一点小疏忽*
*Just one little oversight
我们发明了炸♥药♥
We invented dynamite.
卑微的中世纪
1066年热点新闻
她昏过去了
She fell over!
您正在收看的是《1066年热点新闻》
You're watching the News at 1066
我是主播戴格伯特·博德克斯
with me Dagbert Broadaxe
我是玛蒂尔达·海文波
And me, Matilda Highwimpole.
首先来了解一下正在苏塞克斯海岸黑斯廷斯
And we bring you news of a major battle at Hastings
进行的重要战役
on the Sussex coast.
战地记者刚刚发回了最新战况
Reports of the battle are only just beginning to reach us,
让我们看看现场挂毯速报
live by tapestry.
我们必须为耽搁的时间道歉
We must apologise for the time delay,
但这些画面的绣制需要时间
but these scenes have taken a while to embroider.
一切似乎从爱德华♥国♥王的葬礼开始
It all seems to have started with the funeral of King Edward,
在那之后 哈罗德成为了英格兰国王
after which, of course, Harold became King of England,