糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we supply
且听油炸叔对你说*
*And your host is Stephen Fry
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
糟糕历史
油炸叔精选版 第四集
大家好 欢迎收看《糟糕历史》
Hello and welcome to Horrible Histories,
节目赋予了历史鲜活的生命和动人的气息
the show where the past lives and breathes,
以研究之术护其心脉
aided only by the heart monitor of research,
以分♥析♥之氧气助其呼吸
the oxygen mask of analysis,
更以纯天然之傻气润其心肺
and the iron lung of downright silliness.
腐朽古罗马
埃拉伽巴路斯皇帝继位时还只是个少年
Emperor Elagabalus came to power when he was just a teenager.
像其他年轻人一样 他最喜欢的就是
And like many teenagers, he enjoyed nothing more
用恶作剧捉弄别人
than playing pranks on people.
四个罗马人 四场宴会 四百道佳肴
Four Romans, four banquets, 400 courses.
没错 这就是《罗马版与我共宴》
Yes, it's Roman Come Dine With Me.
罗马版
与我共宴
今晚 少年皇帝埃拉伽巴路斯大显身手
And tonight, it's teenage emperor Elagabalus's turn
为宾客们置办菜肴
to cook for his guests.
但由于这位年轻皇帝的坏名声
But the young emperor's reputation
一些客人尚未到达便已开始坐立难安
has some of his guests nervous before they even arrive.
说实话我有点儿害怕
I'm a bit scared to be honest.
你也知道埃拉伽巴路斯有些疯狂
Apparently Elagabalus is a bit crazy.
我的朋友曾被请去赴宴
A friend of mine was invited to one of his feasts
他竟然让客人们吃活鹦鹉
and he made them eat live parrots.
想想看那些鹦鹉全是毛该怎么吃啊
Imagine trying to swallow all those feathers.
埃拉伽巴路斯的确曾用活鹦鹉宴客
简直要恶心死了
It would make you sick as a parrot.
究竟这位恶作剧之王
So, how is the prankster
今晚要如何款待他的宾客们呢
planning to impress his guests tonight?
今晚 我觉得做些简单的东西就好
Well, tonight, I thought I'd just do something really easy.
简单是因为我不用动手
It's easy because I'm not making it,
都由我的奴隶搞定
my slaves are.
你要做什么呀
What are you cooking?
我准备将骆驼掌配上新挖的火烈鸟脑
Well, I'm going to do camel's feet with scooped out flamingo brain
再做一道美味的田螺酿
and, er...some nice stuffed snails.
然后还有母猪的乳♥房♥♥ 海蜇
Then we've got the sow's udders, the jellyfish...
都是真实的罗马菜
还有睡鼠肉 要把它裹进...
and I'm going to do a dormouse, which is rolled in...
还有寒鸦肉
I've got jackdaws,
马肉香肠和烂鱼肠
I've got horse-meat sausages and rotten fish guts
当然还会有金粒豌豆
and, of course, peas - with little nuggets of gold.
开胃菜听起来真不错 主菜有什么
That sounds like a really nice starter. What's the main?
阿格里菲娜第一个到达宫殿
Agrafina is the first to arrive
迎接她的是一地惊悚
and there's a shock in store.
别踩那滩东西
Don't tread in those!
这些是我之前杀的那帮人的肠子
Those are the guts of some people I had sacrificed earlier.
是用来占卜未来的
They're there to tell the future.
他的确用人类的内脏来预测未来
这些肠子说...
And the guts say...
我做的布丁将会非常美味
my pudding is going to be so scrummy,
美味到难以置信
You won't literally believe it.
趁埃拉伽巴路斯去检查食物
Elagabalus goes to check on the food,
宾客们开始了皇宫的探险之旅
while the rest of his guests have a snoop round the palace.
我想知道这里有啥
I wonder what's in here.
-来看看 -不不不 请别进去
- Oh! - No, no, no don't go in there, please.
来嘛 不会有事的
Oh, come on. It can't be that bad!
上帝啊
Oh, my god!
里面有只狮子
There's a lion in here!
埃拉伽巴路斯经典真实恶作剧
我在里面藏了只狮子
I hid a lion in there.
出其不意吧
Random!
逃离了狮子血口的宾客开始晚宴
The guests who survived the lion, join their host for dinner.
开吃
Tuck in!
-像石头一样硬啊 -因为那就是石头
- That's rock hard. - That's because it is rock.
你们的吃都是蜡和石头做成的食物
I gave you both bits of wax and stone that are made to look like food,
只有我吃的是真正的食物
while I get the real food,
而且真的很好吃哦
which is actually really nice.
另一个经典恶作剧
我很疯狂吧 很疯狂吧
How mad am I? How mad am I?
给我吃下去
Eat it.
罗马版
与我
共宴
打分时间到
Time for some scores.
打分
时间
我差点被人的肠子滑倒
Well, I slipped on human guts.
被狮子攻击 还被迫吃石头
I was attacked by a lion and I was forced to eat rocks,
所以我打算给他两分...
so, I'm going to give him a II out of...
打低分的话会被我处死哦 所以...
If you give me a bad score, I'll have you executed. So...
-所以我打算给他打满分 -好棒
- So, I'm going to give him, X out of X. - Sweet!
赐你个打包的袋子 我很慷慨吧
I got you a doggy bag because I'm so generous.
谢主隆恩
Thank you.
其实这是一条死狗啦
It's an actual dead dog.
就是这么出其不意 保持联♥系♥
I'm so random! Stay in touch, yeah?
或许一切并不足为奇
Well perhaps unsurprisingly,
埃拉伽巴路斯最终遭到暗♥杀♥
Elagabalus was eventually assassinated,
死时年仅十八岁 只做了四年皇帝
aged just 18, after four years as emperor.
他的头被砍了下来 还被拖尸示众
His head was cut off and his naked body dragged all over the city
尸体最后被扔进了河里
before being thrown into the river,
一个十八岁的少年实在不该有此命运
a fate that no 18-year-old should face -
除非是参加大学橄榄球俱乐部的入会仪式
unless it's part of a university rugby club initiation, of course.
野蛮的石器时代
博恩斯探长
历史重案组
我是历史重案组的博恩斯探长
DI Bones, Historical Crime Squad.
死者为男性 石器时代穴居人
Deceased is a male, stone-Age cave dweller,
三十出头
early 30s.
死亡原因 一二三四五六
Cause of death... one, two, three, four, five, six...
十七支利箭射穿胸膛而死
17 arrows fired directly into the chest.
不
Noooo!
不好意思 那是我们干的
Oh, no, no, sorry, that was us.
是我们找到他之后插的
We did that when we found him.
你们往自己亲人身上射了十七支箭
You fired 17 arrows into the corpse of your loved one?
这是旧石器时代表示尊重的一种做法
It's just an Old Stone Age mark of respect.
好吧 不管这些箭了
OK. We'll ignore the arrows. Em...
死亡原因还可能为 死者头部被切开
Probable cause of death is the victim having his head sliced open
大脑被移出致死
and his brains removed.
苍天啊 不好意思 那也是我们干的
God. Oh, no, sorry, we did that too.
你们把他的头切开 还把他的脑子弄出来
You sliced his head open and removed his brains?
为了寄托我们的哀思
Just our little tribute.
这也是石器时代祭奠死者的仪式
Another Stone Age ritual for the dead, you know.
现场还有一块生的腐肉
Also present, a piece of raw, rotting meat.
可能是被毒死的
Could be poisoned.
不好意思 那也是我们留给他的
Sorry, sorry we left that for him as well.
希望他死后在找到食物之前
It's to keep him going through the afterlife
-能有食物充饥 -就先别管死后了
- till he catches food. - Never mind the afterlife,
我连他怎么死的都没弄明白呢
I'm trying to work out what sent him there!
身上有可疑的红色粉末
Traces of a suspect red powder.
那是给他化的妆 还是我们 抱歉
Yeah, that'll be make-up. Us again, sorry.
我们希望他漂漂亮亮地上路
We wanted him to look his best.
是挺漂亮的 十七支箭插在他的胸膛
He looks great with 17 arrows pokeing out in his chest
还有半个脑袋被砍掉了
and half his head lopped off.
这正是他想要的样子
It's what he would have wanted.
这条死狗也是你们放的咯
I suppose the dead dog was you as well?