糟糕历史：油炸叔精选版（2011）

我毁了特洛伊 杀了帕里斯
I is destroyed Troy, Paris is dead,
得一 得二 什么的也翘辫子了
Dies... Daeus... that one is dead as well,
得伊福玻斯
全部都是为了你 姑娘
and it's all cos of you, girl.
你还有什么要说的吗
What is you got to say for yourself? Ah!
你发起飙来跟我很配啊
Oh! You're really fit when you're angry.
-想不想与小女重归旧好 -必须的
- Do you fancy getting back together again? - Yeah.
我这是什么人啊
What am I like!
没人知道特洛伊的故事
Nobody really knows how much of the story of Troy
多少是传说 多少是实情
is legend and how much fact.
一个文学渊源是荷马的史诗《伊利亚特》
One of our literary sources is Homer's epic poem, the Iliad.
但是荷马生活在
But he was around some 450 years
特洛伊战争发生后的450年
after the Trojan Wars had taken place.
实际上 他的诗全部是口头创作的
Indeed, he was an oral poet,
所以《伊利亚特》创作完成
so the Iliad wasn't even written down
许多年后才被写成了文字
until some years after that,
所以《伊利亚特》在某种程度上来说
making the Iliad a somewhat
其实是并不可靠的历史来源
unreliable historical source.
有点像现今的小报记者
It's a little like a tabloid journalist today
报道早期巨石阵的土木工程
reporting on the early earthworks at Stonehenge
但更注重事实的调查 诽谤也少些
but with more fact-checking, and less libel .
凶残的维京人
维京远征时我们可以通过
On Viking expeditions we could work out where we were
挖掘海床的软泥
by dredging up mud from the sea bed
考察它的稠厚度 来明确身在何处
and looking at its consistency.
我们不是绣花枕头吧
Not just a pretty face, eh?
我们维京人掌握了很多航行巧术
Yeah, we Vikings had some very cunning ways of navigating.
拜托 我们肯定离陆地很近了
Come on! We must be close to land.
-你在干吗 -什么 没啥
- What are you doing? - What? Nothing.
-我们迷路了吗 -别犯傻
- Are we lost? - Don't be silly.
你是掌舵导航的
You're supposed to be navigating.
如果你又把我们带迷路了
If you've got us lost again,
船长会卸了你的胳膊 拿去喂鲨鱼的
the captain'll get cut your arms off and feed to the sharks.
我们可没有迷路
We're not lost, right?
那是大海和天空 我们就在海天之间
That's the sea and that's the sky and we're in-between them,
于♥大♥海♥之上 在天空之下
on the sea and underneath the sky,
我觉得我们就应该在这里
which is where I thought we'd be.
看着我 我们迷路了吗
Look at me. Are we lost?
是的
Yes.
对吧 我就觉得是
Right. Thought so.
还好我带了这个来
Good thing I brought this, then, innit?
-里面装的什么 -一只乌鸦
- What's in there? - A raven.
我们在海上 这鸟管什么用
We're in the middle of the sea, what use is a bird?
此乃最新的维京招数 这只乌鸦很饿了
It's the latest Viking trick. This raven is very hungry.
我一把它放出箱子 它就会猛冲向天空
When I let it out of the box, it will soar up into the sky
若看到陆地 它就会径直飞去寻找食物
and if it sees land, it'll fly straight for it looking for food.
我们跟着它就行了
All we have to do is follow.
乌鸦导航 这招太厉害了
Sat rav. Wow, what a good idea.
我们马上就可以找到陆地了
We'll find land in no time.
-准备好了吗 -是的
- Ready? - Yeah.
飞翔吧 乌鸦 飞翔
Fly, raven, fly!
我想它有点饿过了
I think it's a bit too hungry.
我应该稍微喂它吃点什么的
I probably should have fed it a little something.
是的 维京人确实曾使用乌鸦导航
Yes, Vikings really did use ravens to navigate.
他们使用诸如乌鸦等鸟类
They used birds like ravens
因为它们捕食陆地动物而非鱼类
because they prey on land animals rather than fish,
这意味着它们能够
which means they would
直冲云霄寻找最近的陆地
soar up high and search for the nearest land.
这实际上是大多数人都熟知的技术
It's actually a technique most of us are familiar with,
在《圣经》中首次提及
as it was first mentioned in the Bible
诺亚派出一只鸽子去寻找干燥的土地
when Noah sends a dove to look for dry land
鸽子衔回一根橄榄枝
and it returns with an olive branch,
这证明要么附近有干燥的土地
proving that either land was nearby,
要么在泛滥的洪水中
or that somewhere floating out in that floodwater
飘荡着一棵橄榄树
there was an olive tree.
维京人非常善于寻找陆地
Now, the Vikings were very good at finding land,
这对陆地上的居民来说可不是个好消息
which was very bad news for those who lived there.
那是793年的夏天*
*Was the summer of 793
我们穿越伟大的北海海面*
*When we sailed across the great North Sea
那一夜彗星划过天际*
*Comets crossed the skies that night
隐隐发觉事情不寻常*
*Must have known something wasn't right
我们到达了你们的英国海岸*
*We arrived upon your English shore
你们想要求和 但我们心更贪*
*And you offered friendship. But we wanted more
我们心更贪*
*Yeah, so much more, whoa-oh-oh
我们今夜将要毁掉这个地方*
*We're tearing up this place tonight
说真的*
*Literally
我们要一把点燃这座沉睡的村庄*
*We're gonna set this sleepy town alight
说真的*
*Literally
我们会烧杀掠抢痛喝豪饮*
*We'll kill and steal and burn and drink
我们维京人才不在乎别人的心情*
*Cos us Vikings don't care what you think
让我们入侵吧 行不行 拜托了*
*Let me in now, won't you, please
我们要来袭击你们的修道院*
*We're here to raid your monasteries
我们已经准备就绪展开攻袭*
*We're primed and ready to attack
超爱僧侣束手就擒从不还击*
*and we love how monks just don't fight back
你们的下场是去死或者成为我的奴隶*
*You'll die or become a slave to me
虽然我们的奴隶经常会被扔到海里*
*Though our slaves often get chucked in the sea, yeah
船只超重 江湖救急*
*If the boat's heavy, yeah, yeah
你会丢了脑袋 我的朋友*
*You're gonna lose your head, my friend
说真的*
*Literally
我们终会拿下你们的*
*We're gonna getcha in the end
说真的*
*Literally
接着用你头做酒杯共饮欢呼*
*Then I'll drink a toast from your skull
全因我们是维京人*
*Cos we're Vikings
就是这样庆祝*
*And that's how we ro-o-o-oll
弹起你的斧头琴*
*Play that axe
我们要染红整座村庄*
*We're gonna paint the whole town red
说真的*
*Literally
挥舞利刃 血溅当场*
*With the blood of the dead
说真的*
*Literally
你们的所有都被我们抢光*
*We'll take everything that you own
扛到我们的船上带回家乡*
*And get back on our ship and go back ho-o-o-ome
我们要回家了*
*We're going ho-o-o-ome
我们要回家了*
*We're going ho-o-o-ome
我们要回家了*
*We're going ho-o-o-ome
我们要回家了*
*We're going home
关于远古和近古掩藏的荒唐史
Well, that's it for this ramble through the more ridiculous recesses
这次就先聊到这里
of the remote and more recent past.
最后我想用格劳乔·马克斯的话做结尾
I thought I'd let the final words go to Groucho Marx,
[美国著名喜剧演员]
他曾在弥留之际说过
who, on his deathbed, said,
"亲爱的 死亡
"Die, my dear?
这事不到最后我还不做"
Why, that's the last thing I'll do."
好了 再见
With that, good bye.
夸张故事 残暴行为*
*Tall tales, atrocious acts
我们有最吓人的真♥相♥*
*We gave you all the fearsome facts
真♥相♥丑陋 不加修饰*
*The ugly truth, no glam or glitz
原汁原味给你看*
*We showed you all the juicy bits
血腥 糟糕 残忍♥ 卑鄙*
*Gory, ghastly, cruel and mean
井喷在你屏幕上*
*Bursting out your TV screen
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
但愿你喜欢糟糕历史*
*Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories