不良教育（2012）

'Isobel? Hi, it's Chris Tarrant here from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?'
伊莎贝尔么? 我是谁想成为百万富翁节目组的克里斯
We've got your friend Malcolm here... 'An elementary mistake, rookie, '
你的朋友马库在这 - 调戏小学生呢你
I have no friends.
我没有朋友
But I do have a very particular set of skills,
我不过我倒是有个特殊本领
a set of skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
专门吓尿你们这种人的特殊本领
Hullo, Isobel! It's Malcolm here.
好啊 伊莎贝尔 我是马库呀
My million-pound question is...
我的百万问题是...
Is Miss Pickwell, A, the demon headmaster in drag?
请问皮克韦尔老师是A：嗑了药的恶魔校长
B, Rose McWest?
B：芙蓉姐姐
C, Andy Murray's mother?
C：安迪·穆雷的老娘
Or D, an angry Scottish chicken?
还是D：愤怒的苏格兰老母鸡?
Chicken, chicken, chicken!
母鸡 母鸡 母鸡
Now, Miss Pickwell has gone missing.
皮克韦尔老师无辜失踪了
She's done a Klaxons and vanished without a trace.
她彻底崩溃然后就不见踪影了
I don't want to point the finger,
我不想明确指谁
but it seems chicken-gate may have something to do with it.
不过貌似跟鸡门宴有直接关系
Mitchell made me do it. You egg him on.
米契尔叫我做的 - 你助纣为孽
That boy brings pranking to a new level, right.
那孩子把恶作剧玩儿到巅峰了 不是吗
The other day, he locked Joe in a cupboard, then recorded him
有一天 他把乔关在橱柜里
screaming for help and set it as the ringtone on Joe's own phone!
然后把乔的惨叫声录下来做乔的手♥机♥铃♥声♥
Can't change it. Classic Mitchell.
还改不了 太经典了米契尔
Back to Isobel. The 5-0 have found her car
回到皮老师 有人在布里斯托尔
on the Severn Bridge, Bristol.
塞文河搭桥上发现了她的车
They're afraid something might have happened to her.
他们猜测她已发生不幸
Well, I wouldn't worry - they've stopped burning witches,
我到不担心 人们已经不焚烧女巫了
even in the West Country.
即便是稀西方国家
It's a note from Pickwell.
是皮克韦尔写的
"If you're reading this note, I am dead."
"当你们读到这封信时 我以香消玉殒"
Oh, my God!
上帝呀
"I am dead.
香消玉殒
"I've jumped from the Severn Bridge.
"我已从塞文桥上纵身跳下"
"But don't blame yourselves.
"但你们不用自责"
"There is only one person with blood on their hands - Al...
"手上沾满鲜血的只有一个人 艾..."
"Al-lan...
艾兰
"Shearer.
席勒
"He is my least favourite pundit on Match of the Day
他是今日赛点里面我最不喜欢的解说员
"whose name is Al-lan.
他的名字叫艾兰
"I way prefer Al-lan Hansen. The end."
"我喜欢艾兰·汉森多了 就此搁笔"
She clearly went completely insane.
她很明显已经崩溃了
I know. Shearer's amazeballs on MOTUDUH.
就是 席勒在比赛里就是渣子
Ironic, too, jumping into a river.
说起跳河也很讽刺
Shearer hates players that dive.
席勒讨厌跳水运动员
It's too soon.
玩笑开早了
Thanks very much, guys.
多谢了 二位
Bloody pigs.
蠢猪一样
It's a clingy smell, isn't it - bacon?
一股怪味不是吗 培根?
These suicides don't get any easier.
自杀案可不好受啊
That's the fifth teacher that's...
自从我在这以来已经是...
Since I've been here. Still gets you.
第五个老师了 铭记在心
It's just such a shock.
只是太震惊了
Well, thank God, it's not like poor old Mr Rawlinson.
真庆幸不像可怜的罗林斯老师
I mean, an orange in the mouth is weird, but a papaya?!
嘴里塞着橘子已经很奇怪了 还有木瓜?
Where do you even buy a papaya?
上哪儿整的木瓜?
Poor little Jeremy Goss found him.
还是杰瑞米·古斯发现他的
It has been a battle trying to get him to eat his five a day.
弄得他一日三餐都难以下咽
Fraser, erm, Isobel's position...
佛瑞泽 伊莎贝尔的职位...
Obviously, we could never replace her - she was deputy head of hearts...
很显然无人能替 她兢兢业业
But this school needs a Camilla and that is the ugly truth.
不过学校需要一个主任 这是不可避免的事实
So, whilst I find someone full-time, I'm going to need an interim deputy.
在找到合适人选前 我需要一个临时代理
Someone with people skills, respect from the student body,
一个会为人处世 学生缘又好
a feminine touch...
又婀娜多姿的
Miss G, you're hired. Oh, wow. Me? Me?
格老师 就你了 -哇塞 我么?
Bullshit.
扯淡
Re-interviewing for the permanent deputy head role, I'm going
为了重新面试学校主任
to need another set of eyes.
我需要一个参考管
Rosie, you'll be busy inter rimming. Alf?
格老师 你要忙着代管 小艾?
Yeah. Fine.
好 行啊
I guess it is quite important that we find
我猜我们得尽快
a permanent replacement pretty pronto, before the power corrupts you.
找到正式的接♥班♥人 在她没被权利吞噬之前
Now, what to tell the kids about this mess?
现在得怎么跟学生们解释呢?
We should tell them the truth. But suicide can be very distressing.
就实话实说呗 - 自杀这问题太沉重了
Let's tell the children a little white lie, so as not to upset them.
为了不让学生沮丧 还是撒个善意的谎吧
And then the bear just ripped her face off, with one swipe!
然后那只熊就一爪撕烂了她的脸
Blood bath. Face everywhere.
血溅三尺 脸碎一地呀
The paramedic found her eyebrow up a tree!
急救人员在树上找到了她的眉毛
In other news, tomorrow is Morocco Day.
另一则消息 明天是摩洛哥日
This FEZ-TIVAL has to be TAGINE to be believed! Thank you.
我们要过出摩洛哥的精髓 谢谢
'There is only one man with blood on his hands’
"双手沾满鲜血的只有一个人"
Help! Help! Let me out. I'm afraid of the dark.
救命 救命 放我出去 我怕黑
Seriously, please, don't leave me in here.
说真的 求你们 快放我出去
Can you please tell me how to change this ringtone?
你们快告诉我怎么改这个铃♥声♥吧?
（饥饿游戏）
你看完了吗 亲爱的? -看不下去
I'm just too upset about Pickwell.
想起皮老师就难过
Oi, Pineapple Studios, want to know what happens at the end?
喂 小男妖 想知道最后结局吗?
If you dare... The boy and the girl both...
你敢剧透... - 男主跟女主都...
What happened?
怎么了
Nothing. You look well scared, Sir.
没事 你貌似很慌张 老师
Did you see your in-growing penis again, Sir?
又看到你的JJ勃起了吗
History. History's all about dead people
历史 历史是关于死去的人的
so, hypothetically, do you think that ghosts exist?
所以 假设一下 你们认为世上有鬼吗
They don't, right?
没有 对吧
I believe that when we die, we go to Liverpool.
我认为我们死后 会魂回利物浦
Yeah, only if you've done some messed-up shit.
是呀 除非你干了遭天谴的事
Trust us. All the dead people
相信我 所有死去的人
talking through Derek Acorah always have Scouse accents.
通过媒灵艾寇拉讲话都是利物浦口音
I thought I seen a ghost once,
我觉得我见过一次鬼
when I was having a sleepover at Mitchell's house.
我在米契尔家过夜的那一次
Turned out, it was just his mum in her nightie trying to haunt my cock.
结果只是她妈妈穿着睡衣想猥亵我
Just cos your mum looks like someone drew eyes on a scrotum.
是因为你妈有虐童癖吧
I hear your gyppo mum does palm readings with a happy ending.
我听说你那骗子老妈棕榈油读算出了好结局
Do one. Enough! Someone's died.
够了 死人了行不行
Can we just give a little respect?
能不能尊重点
Thank you, Jing.
谢谢 靖
Although, I did also hear that about Mitchell's mum.
不过 我的确也讨厌米契尔妈妈那一点
Do you think Miss Pickwell's going to come back as a ghost?
你觉得皮克韦尔老师会变成鬼混回来吗
Wh... What? No. Why would you say that?
什..什么 不 为什么那么说
Joe, you don't believe in this ghost nonsense?
乔 你不会也信这些鬼鬼神神的吧
Well, I thought I did, cos this one night, my room went really cold.
我觉得我信 因为有天晚上我房♥间一阵阴冷
And?
然后
Turns out, I just left my fridge door open.
结果是我忘了关冰箱门
You have a fridge in your room?
你房♥里有冰箱
Only for essentials like water, cheeses,
只放一些必需品 水啦 起司啊
pulled pork.
手撕猪肉啦
OK, so say someone did see a ghost, hypothetically...
好吧 就说某人见到鬼了吧 假设哈...
what does it want from me?
他是来找你干嘛的
To put its unquiet spirit at rest.
来完成他未了的怨气
What, like in that film where Jing walks out the telly.
好比那个靖从电视里爬出来的电影
Oh, you can watch scary movies now?
噢 你现在又敢看鬼片了是么
The boy who cried in Toy Story 3.
看玩具总动员3都能哭的人
Didn't cry! I had something in me eye.
谁哭了 我眼里进东西了
Why do I give a shit if Andy's going to college?
我♥干♥嘛在乎安迪去上什么大学
Why did he have to leave Woody behind?
但他为什么要丢下伍迪呢?
Rem Dogg's right. If you want to make your peace with Pickwell, Sir,
任道格说的对 如果你想让皮克韦尔老师死而瞑目
you should put on the most sha-mazing memorial ever.
你就该给她办个华丽丽的追悼会
We can make it just like Whitney's! Hashtag - "Queen of the Night".
弄得就跟惠特尼·休斯顿一样 #夜之女王
You think that would work?
你认为这样有用?
If making my peace with Pickwell's unquiet spirit is what
假设我想让皮克韦尔老师
I wanted to do, hypothetically.
入土为安得话
Defo. OK, right, well, obviously, I'm not being haunted by Pickwell,
有用 -好吧 很显然 我没被皮老师缠身
but let's put on a memorial anyway.
不过总之还是办个追悼会吧