不良教育（2012）

You're not a pro skater, or a DJ.
你也不是专业滑板选手 或DJ
Oh, and that horrible war in Malawi.
哦 还有马拉维的那场可怕的内战
Don't bring the war into this! You weren't there, man.
少跟我提战争 你又没经历过
No, I wasn't. No-one was. Because there wasn't a civil war in Malawi.
我是没有 也没人有 因为马拉维有个屁内战
You're a pathological liar.
你个变♥态♥撒谎精
So, come on, Kevin, what have you got to say for yourself?
来吧 凯文 你还有什么要为自己辩护的?
Spit it out. We're all ears.
说出来 都听着呢
Sure, I exaggerate a bit. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
的确 我是夸张了一点 但我没有恶意
I just wanted you to like me.
只是想你们喜欢我
Oh, God, a teacher craving his pupils' approval?
上帝啊 一名教师恳求学生们的认可?
Pathetic. Go on, piss off.
可悲 走啊 滚吧
So it was all lies?
所以都是骗人的?
You never won the Superbowl?
你没赢过超级杯?
You don't know Ashton?
也不认识艾什顿?
I'll never meet Demi.
我见不着黛米了
It's all fake.
全是假的
The stories, the Harvard education, this stupid plastic armour.
那些故事 哈佛文凭 愚蠢的塑料盔甲
What? Yeah, these shitty little toy guns.
怎么? 还有你这水货玩具枪
Please be careful! Those are actually antique.
千万当心! 这些是真的古董
Ooh, my name's Kevin and I've got a buddy at the British Museum!
哦 我叫凯文 我在大英博物馆有朋友
Argh!
啊
They were loaded! Are you insane?
是上膛的! 你疯了吗?
They weren't supposed to be fired!
我没想到会开枪啊!
You shot him in the arse! Brilliant!
你崩了他的屁♥股♥ 有才!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
天呐 天呐
Don't worry, Joe, it's just a little flesh wound.
别担心 乔 就是一点皮肉伤
HELP! HELP!
救命 救命
Someone go and get help. Does anyone know first aid?
快去找人帮忙 谁懂急救知识吗?
I do. Really?
我懂 -真的?
No. Oh, Jesus!
假的 -天
Sir, you're meant to suck the bullet out.
老师 你得把子弹吸出来
No, you idiot, you're meant to piss on it.
不 笨蛋 应该在伤口上撒尿
That's jellyfish, you tit! Wait - that is jellyfish, right?
那是被水母蜇 笨蛋! 等等 是水母吧?
Lie on your front.
快滚过来
No. No, Jing, it's fine. I'll do it, I'm desperate, anyway. No, sir!
没事 靖 我尿吧 我是狗急跳墙了 -不是 老师
Joe, just a quick one.
乔 就说一句
You know the way your mum's not a massive fan of mine,
你知道你妈妈不是挺喜欢我吧
if she asks about this - she might not -
如果她问起这个 或许不会问
could you maybe tell her that you sat on the bullet? Argh!
你能不能跟她说你一屁♥股♥坐到子弹上了!
Wrong moment. Help! HELP!
再说吧 -救命 救命
Sir literally gave him a new arsehole.
老师你直接赐了他个新菊花
Why is no-one coming? Pass me the other gun!
怎么没人来?把另一只枪给哦
Gonna put him out of his misery, sir?
要结束他的痛苦吗 老师?
No, distress signal. Give it here.
不 是发信♥号♥♥ 快给我
Oh, shit. Rumsfeld!
我靠 海飞丝!
Shit, shit, shit! Please don't be dead, please don't be dead.
靠 靠 靠! 求你别死 求你别死
One two, one two.
一二 一二
Come on, Rumsfeld. Don't fly towards the light.
拜托 海飞丝 千万别飞向光明
Pickwell's coming. Oh, no!
皮克韦尔老师来了 -哦 不!
Right, if anyone asks, Kevin fired the guns.
好 有人问起就说凯文开的枪
Yup. Sure. Definitely. That's a lie!
好 没问题 -这是撒谎
Is it a lie? Or am I just exaggerating?
是撒谎吗? 还是夸张了一点?
My baby!
我的心肝!
I heard gunshots!
我听到枪声了!
The man of steel is here to save the day.
钢铁之躯前来救驾
Are you OK, sweetheart?
你没事吧 宝贝?
My bum hurts.
我屁受伤了
Not for the first time.
又不是第一次了
Keep pressure on the wound. What have you done?
继续按住伤口 你做了什么?
It wasn't him, Miss Gulliver. I fired the gun by mistake.
不是他 格列佛老师 是我不小心枪走火
See, you told me my kids wouldn't take a bullet for me, but...
看见没 我说了我的学生愿意为我挡子弹吧
Joe's a hero, miss. He threw his arse in front of the bullet!
乔是英雄 他把屁♥股♥丢到了子弹的前面
Yeah, his bottom was like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard.
对 他的屁♥股♥就跟《保镖》里的的凯文·科斯特纳一样
Forget about the boy! Rumsfeld!
别管那小子了 我的海飞丝!
This man has lied about everything!
这个男说的一切都是谎言
Except for the bit about shooting Joe. I'm a fraud.
除了他开枪打乔的那段 -我是个骗子
But what about my mash-ups? You said you liked them?
我的混音呢? 你说很喜欢的?
I didn't really.
其实不喜欢
You're dead to me.
你在我心中以死
When we confronted him, he freaked out and turned the gun on Joe.
他被我们发现后 慌了 对乔开了枪
And then he reloaded to shoot your pigeon.
然后他又上了颗子弹打死了你的鸽子
I have a problem. I can't help lying.
我出问题了 我控制不足要撒谎
I say one thing and then it just spirals.
说了一个谎就一发不可收拾
I'm not even from America. I'm from Birmingham.
我甚至都不是美国人 俺是伯明翰滴
Not even Birmingham, actually.
伯明翰都算不上 其实
Dudley, near Tipton, you know, off the A4123.
达德利 提普顿附近 资道么 下A4123国道
Sorry, everyone.
抱歉 过位
Now I've been honest, can we be buddies? I've got a jetpack.
现在都真♥相♥大白了 俺们能做盆友么? 我有个飞行器
I flew to France on it, all the way... Brrrrrr!
能一路灰到法兰西 BRRRRRR....
D'you want to have a go?
要不要去的啦?
I'll have a go.
我去得啦
He's lying again, isn't he?
他又瞎掰的是吧?
If you ever set foot on these premises again,
如果你再敢踏入这块净土
I will personally send you back to Dudley piece by piece.
老子就亲自把你一块一块的送回达德利
Starting with these.
从这一块开始
Does this mean we get Mr Wickers back?
这意味着威克斯老师能回来了吗?
I think it does.
算是吧
Yes!
耶
That's right, kids, Daddy's back for good.
没错 孩子们 爹哋永远的回归的
And I will never, ever let you get put in danger again,
我再也不会让你们遇到丝毫危险了
because I am here to protect you children.
因为我是来保护你们这帮孩子们的
23rd October, 1942. The tank battle of El-Alamein.
1942年十月12日 阿莱曼坦克大战
Rommel, ready?
隆美尔 准没好没?
Monty, ready?
蒙蒂 好了没?
Three, two, one!
三 二 一!
Oh, fuck!
噢 艹!