我为喜剧狂（2006）

他现在在管理整个电视网 不能被你喝来喝去的了
He's running the network. He doesn't need you asking him for stuff.
你需要什么 我们帮你就是
Whatever it is you need, we can do it.
除了让我们恨Taylor Swift新专
Unless you need us to hate the new Taylor swift album.
那妹纸有天分呀 - 你错了 Dotcom!
That girl has feelings. - You're wrong, Dotcom!
我要的只有Kenneth能做到 只有他
What I need only Kenneth can do... Only Kenneth!
Kenneth来之前我们不也干得好好的么 好好的!
We were doing just fine before Kenneth ever got here... Just fine!
您找我 先生?
You wanted to see me, sir?
Kenneth 自从我们上次谈话后 我就一直在改变 好的那种
Kenneth, since we last spoke, I've been in a spiral...An upward spiral.
不现实啊
Oh, that's not a thing.
说服两个天主教尤物 来一场次混乱性♥爱♥也不现实
Neither is talking two catholic beauties into a delicious vanilla-caramel sex swirl, but I did it.
但我做到了 而且还摆脱了她们那口音
And I got rid of their accents.
Jack 和你在监狱里的地下室云雨爽爆了
Oh, Jack, porking in that prison basement was wicked awesome.
多谢你们俩 把我吹上天了
Oh, thank you, you two, for blowing my brains.
看看现在谁过得开心呢? Parcell
So who's happy now, Parcell?
如果您还在问这种问题的话...
Well, if you have to ask the question...
答案是 我
And answer it. I am...
你个长了牙齿的奶酪条 看看这表格
You string cheese with a tooth stuck in it.Look at the wheel.
要是那样就微笑吧 Donaghy先生 - 我笑着呢
Well, then smile, Mr. Donaghy.- I am.
Jack 你肯定会爱死这个的 你这个天才的魂淡
Jack? You are gonna love this, you magnificent bastard.
有人泄露了你的新薪水数
Someone leaked your new salary.
占领华尔街的那群人都快气疯了
Occupy Wall Street is having a conniption.
是么? - 他们在烧你的肖像呐
Really? - They burned you in effigy!
那头发烧的像放烟花一样
The hair went up like a Roman candle.
还有那群民♥主♥党的 都不知道怎么办了
And the democrats... They don't even know what to do with themselves.
你还是自己看吧
Just look at this jackass.
民♥主♥党因CEO薪水大发雷霆
Jack Donaghy 完全就是在犯罪
Jack Donaghy is an economic war criminal.
如果民♥主♥党掌握了国会
If the Democratic party controlled congress,
我一定对他严惩不贷
I would see to it that he was punished in the worst way possible...
让他到我们这儿来开听证会
By having to come down here and listen to us.
我滴个神 我感觉我重振"雄风"了
God, I feel like I have a "macropenis" right now.
Liz Lemon 多巧呀
Ms. Lemon, how funny.
我还打算给你电♥话♥来着 然后你就来了
I was planning to call you, and now here you are.
对于我们之前说过的...
Now, about our conversation earlier...
对 关于那个 我想过了 你是对的
Yes, about that.You know, I've been thinking, and you were right.
美国人♥民♥想看的不是我
America doesn't want to see me.
而是John Hardly.
America wants to see... John hardly.
他爱他的家人 却厌恶竞争 他好"勤奋"呀
He loves his family, but he hates the rat race. He's "hardly working."
很抱歉 换个话题
I'm so sorry. Pass.
我这儿倒有份你挺适合的活
But I do have something you'd be perfect for.
给TGS秀最后一次惊到美国人♥民♥的机会
One last chance for TGS to make america say, "what? Why?"
你说什么呢?
What are you talking about?
Jordan先生和TGS秀的协议里有几项 很不同寻常的款项
Well, it turns out Mr. Jordan's TGS contract contains some rather unusual clauses,
我不是指我在地铁边看到在上打啵的 圣诞老人 （条款和圣诞老人谐音）
and I don't mean those two santas I saw kissing on the subway.
"若TGS秀总集数少于150集
"If fewer than 150 episodes of TGS are produced in total,
将补偿Jordan先生三千万美元"
Mr. Jordan shall be paid a penalty of $30 million."
那又怎样?
So?
Lemon 现在TGS秀总共149集
Ms. Lemon, TGS has done 149 shows.
所以我们需要你再制♥作♥最后一集
So we're gonna need you to go ahead and do one more.
我要的是份工作 Kenneth 不是再来一集TGS
I need a job, Kenneth, not one more episode of TGS.
合同规定你得制♥作♥完成全集TGS秀
You are contractually required to write and produce all episodes of TGS, so...
所以...明天上班见?
See you tomorrow?
你已经变了 Kenneth
Wow. You've really changed, Kenneth.
没有吧 你今天气色真好
I don't think so. You look nice today.
闭嘴吧你
Shut your chin slit.
遵命 女士
Yes, ma'am.
欢迎来到洛杉矶国际机场
Welcome to Los Angeles international airport.
请沿黄色标记领♥取♥行李 及至换行地面交通
Follow yellow signs to baggage claim and ground transportation.
太太 打扰一下 需要用轮椅推你去领行李么?
Excuse me, ma'am. Do you need a wheelchair to baggage claim?
关机
Shut it down.
我要回到我的初恋百老汇的身边
I will return to my first love... Broadway!
你们这群东西混血绝版屌♥丝
You eastern European knockoff Mr. Potato heads.
你为什么不来见我?
Why haven't you come to see me?
为什么不回我的电♥话♥?
Why didn't you return any of my calls?
先生 我打了 但没人接
I tried, sir, but no one answered.
我是Tracy Jordan 我从不接电♥话♥的
I'm Tracy Jordan. I don't answer phones.
Kenneth 你以前答应过的
Kenneth, you once made a promise...
你说你会永远在我身边
That you would always be there for me.
我知道 我很抱歉 我不该食言的
I know. I'm sorry.I would never break a promise.
好极了 我现在有件事需要你
Good, 'cause I need you to do something for me.
没问题 尽管说
Of course. Just name it.
Kenneth 我要你收回你当年的承诺
Kenneth, I need you to take back your promise.
先生?
Sir?
我知道一步登天什么感觉
I know what it is to blow up overnight.
我说的可不是我的痛风
And I'm not talking about my gout.
当我成名时 我周围好多人都想分一杯羹
When I got big, a lot of people from my past wanted stuff from me, and, well,
我可不成为那样的人
I don't want to be that person for you.
所以 就像我对我关在化妆室里的蛇一样 我还是得让你走
So, like the snakes I kept in my dressing room, I release you.
Jordan先生...
Mr. Jordan...
谢谢你 先生
Thank you, sir.
给我张纸巾
I think I'm gonna need a tissue.
难道就这样让我扔地板上?
Am I supposed to drop this on the floor?
我们说话这阵儿 我的车在长岛高速路上没油了
And while we're naming things, my car ran out of gas on the long island expressway.
交给我吧 先生
Yes, sir.
够了 Jack 我需要份工作
Okay, Jack, I need a job.
工资六位数 小数点前八位数
I'm looking for six figures, eight if you're counting cents,
以前上过这当 真过分
which I fell for once before... Not cool, the gap.
我爱莫能助 Lemon
I'd love to help you, Lemon, but I don't think I can.
一小时前我辞去了 Kabletown CEO的职务
I resigned as CEO of Kabletown an hour ago.
虾米? 为什么?
What? Why?
因为我没感觉了
Because I felt nothing.
我当上了CEO 我气疯了我的宿敌 Pelosi,Maddow,Baldwin
I got the job. I pissed off my enemies... Pelosi, Maddow, Baldwin.
这本来应是我人生的顶峰
It should have been the greatest moment of my life.
不 不 不 别看窗外了 看着我
No, no, no. No, no. Eyes off the window.Focus on Lemon.
我该怎么办?
What am I gonna do now?
我本可以试着帮你一把 看看还有啥门路可走
I could try and help you make some calls and see what Bridges I haven't burned.
但我不会 这是为了你好
But I'm not going to,for your own good.
工作是永远不会让你开心的 Lemon
Work is never going to make you happy, Lemon,
那些告诉你不是的人都是傻子
and anyone who tells you differently is a fool.
你在逗我玩儿么? 你这七年里给我讲的 全是P话?
Are you kidding me? What have we been talking about for the last seven years?
我也不知道了
I don't know anymore.
有史以来第一次我不知道我想要什么了
For the first time in my life, I don't know what I need.
也许我可以去买♥♥艘船
Maybe I'll buy a boat.
我滴神啊 你以前跟我谈的那通 人生道理
Oh, my god. This whole time you've been telling me how to run my life,
都是连你自己都不知道的废话
you didn't know what you were talking about.
你只是一个嗓音好听死了的酒鬼
You're just an alcoholic with a great voice.
小心点 Lemon 你这是在玩儿火
Careful, Lemon. You're playing with fire.
我现在这样都是你害的
You made me buy into this whole life.
见到你的时候 我活的挺满足的
When I met you, I was perfectly happy with what I had...
夜宵吃奶酪 把睡衣改成日装
Eating night cheese and transitioning my pajamas into daywear.
是你让我去渴望更多
You're the one who told me to want more.
而现在我最需要你时 你却要抛弃我?
And now, when I need you most, you're bailing on me?
你不是小孩儿了 Lemon 你没必要全听我的
You're an adult, Lemon. You didn't have to listen to me.
是么? 我什么时候有过选择了?
Really? When was that an option?
听着 要是你想怪谁的话 就只能怪你自己
Look, if you want someone to blame, blame yourself.
是你用你的各种字条和感觉洗我的脑
You're the one who wormed your way into my brain with your endless handwringing and feelings.
我曾是一只猛虎 而你却拔了我的牙
I used to be a shark, and then you "unsharkulated" me.
我以前就叫你上来开了一次会 然后你就纠缠不休
I called you up here for one meeting seven years ago, and you kept coming up.
那么是我们毁了对方? 棒极了!
So we ruined each other? Good to know.
知道么 我的节目没了真是太好了
You know, it's for the best that my show is over
而你又辞职了 这样我们就可以各走各的了
and you've quit and we're all going our separate ways.
我猜我们俩以前也只是雇佣关系
I guess you and I were just a boss and his employee.
现在什么都不是了
And now we're not anymore.
没错 可以这么说
Yes, that pretty much sums it up.
太好了 你对他不再特别了
There!You're no longer special to him.
滚出去 滚粗我们的生活 好极了!
Get out! Get out of our lives! Yes!
能帮帮忙么 Pete 最后这集TGS秀肯定会一团糟
Put your helmet on, Pete. This last episode is gonna be a hot mess.
此话怎讲? - 如果TGS不再播一♥期♥ Tracy会拿到三千万
How so? - If TGS doesn't do one more show, Tracy gets $30 million.
孔雀台啊 还建议我们一起洗澡省水
Oh, NBC... the same company that suggested we get flush buddies to save water.
Tracy下飞机了
Liz, Tracy has landed.
那当然 因为如果他没下...