我为喜剧狂（2006）

Ryan. - What's up?
Ryan是我的性♥爱♥宠物
Ryan is my sex idiot.
前几天的晚上我和男友在嘿♥咻♥
So, the other night my boyfriend and I were making love,
我提议说我们戴上眼罩
and I suggested that we wear sleep masks.
我鼻子狠狠地撞上了床头柜 但是...
I hit my nose pretty hard on the bedside table, but...
Liz Lemon 我刚在YouTube看到一个超逗的男人
Liz Lemon.I just saw this hilarious dude on YouTube.
你要让他上节目
You gotta put him on the show.
不 这是...
No, it's...
当然 一个超逗的男的
Of course, a hilarious dude.
是某个蠢货让他朋友用滑板飞过裤裆吗?
What was it, some idiot who let his friend skateboard over his penis?
比这更厉害 是只猴子 叫扭屁屁教授
Even better.It's a monkey, and his name is professor Wigglebottom.
一只猴子? 所以女人都无趣 你却想我让只猴子上节目
A monkey?So no women are funny,but you want me to put a monkey on the show.
我的天呐 我们还要提及那件事吗?
Oh, my god, are we still talking about that?
我们争辩过 而且我赢了
We debated this already, and I won.
Tracy 我不会让任何猴子上女生秀
Tracy, I'm not putting any monkeys on TGS.
你知道原因吗?
Because you know what?
我不觉得猴子有趣
I don't think monkeys are funny.
你怎敢这么笼统地概括
How dare you generalize so crassly.
我被惹毛了 - 说出一只有趣的猴子
I'm offended. - Okay.Name one funny monkey.
Bonzo Clyde 那只熊...不
Bonzo, Clyde, the bear...No!
我拒绝用数名字来回答这个问题
I refuse to answer this question with a list.
这是对猴子和它们后裔-人类的侮辱
It's insulting to monkeys, and their descendants...Humans!
我又赢了
I win again.
这样你没意见吧 Jack?
You're okay with this, right, Jack?
当然 怎么能有意见呢?
Of course. How could I not be?
我背着你换人 你当然有权做同样的事
I'm great-escaping you,so you have every right to, uh, do the same.
我们这代称之为 集齐宠物小精灵
My generation calls it pokemoning.
得把他们全部收集好
Gotta catch 'em all.
我想你的性♥爱♥宠物能给你我不能的
I assume your, uh, sex idiot gives you something I cannot.
虽然我无法想象那是什么
Although I can't imagine what that might be.
真的吗?
Really?
你一共有多少宠物小精灵?
Uh, so how many other pokemons are there?
Jack 宠物小精灵不分单数复数
Jack.The plural of Pokemon is "Pokemon."
Mindy... Mindy...
Huh! - Mindy... Mindy...
不要啊 Ryan Lochte
no, Ryan Lochte!
Maroney小姐 你看了这报纸的头条吗?
Ms. Maroney.Did you see this newspaper headline?
青少年变野 Jenna Maroney夜生活太丰富了吗?
"Teens gone wild: Is Jenna Maroney partying too hard?"
当心 你可不想变成Amanda Byneus
Be careful, you don't want to turn out like Amanda byne-us.
我这样做行吗?
Did I do it right?
这是谎言 我已经老到没有夜生活了
That's a lie.I am much too old to party.
我看Castle 我的包包装满低脂糖
I watch castle,and my purse is filled with sweet'n lows.
Liz 我能问你个问题吗?
Liz, can I ask you a question?
别让她拉走我
Don't let her take me.
这不会是发问 这将是一连串的恶毒的中伤
It's not gonna be a question, it's gonna be a series of mean statements.
给我发现我们中有人在散布的我还年轻的事
If I find out that someone around here planted this disgusting story that I'm young,
我会像我对我肋骨那样对他们
I'm gonna do to them what I did to my own ribs...
把他们做掉
Take them out.
天啊 是我 是我做的
Jeez... it was me, okay? I did it.
某杂♥志♥说我56岁
Them magazine said I was 56.
等等 你看过那报道? - 我当然看过
Wait, you saw that?- Well, of course I did.
我策划的 - 什么 为什么
I planted it.- What? Why?
为了躲开中年女演员的诅咒
To escape the curse of the middle-aged actress.
与其在俯卧撑比赛中输给Julie Bowen
Instead of losing a push-up contest to Julie Bowen
看谁能扮演Kevin James厌倦与之做♥爱♥的刻薄老婆
to see who gets to play Kevin James's mean wife who he's sick of having sex with,
我要一跃成为拥有奥斯卡奖的最炫荡♥妇♥
I'm gonna skip ahead to being an amazing slut who wins oscars.
Helen Mirren能有多惹火呢?
I mean, how hot is Helen Mirren?
超级惹火 你看过她穿比基尼的图吗?
Super-hot. I mean, have you seen that picture of her in a bikini?
她看起来很赞 对于 - 就是这意思..对于
She looks amazing for...- exactly... "for."
她看起来很赞 对于67岁的年龄来说
She looks amazing for a 67-year-old.
她实际上没那么惹火
She's actually not that hot.
她有小肚子和英国腿
She's got a gut and British legs.
好的 平静下来
All right, settle down.
现在我们知道这事不会再发生
Well, now we know.It won't happen again.
如果太迟怎么办 Liz?
What if it's too late, Liz?
我在竞争Geri-Chair的代言合同
I'm in the running for an endorsement deal with Gerichair,
美国最好的电动爬楼梯工具
america's number one motorized stair climber.
我知道Geri-Chair 是我上♥床♥凳的制♥造♥商
I know Gerichair.They're the company that makes my bed steps.
你最好别给我搞砸这个 Liz
You better not have messed this up for me, Liz.
因为我会把他们一一做掉
Because I will take them out.
吓到我了 不过挠得我痒痒的
I'm scared, but it tickles.
Lochte搞定了一块批萨丽娜
我知道这事
I am aware of this.
Zarina在我背后偷偷换人 当然 我没意见
Zarina is great-escaping me,and of course, I'm fine with it.
真的? 你这表情我见过
Really? Because I've seen that look on your face before.
Jack Welch管你叫Rick就是这张脸
When Jack Welch called you Rick.
那也是毛毛雨
And I was fine with that too.
我们也就见过 千儿八百次的!
I mean, he and I had met only, like,a million times,
他怎么会记得嘛
so why should he remember me.
没准我真该见见Zarina其它男人
Maybe I should meet these other men in Zarina's Pokemon.
馊主意
No, bad idea.
世上没有馊主意 Lemon 只有玩拧巴了的好主意
There are no bad ideas, Lemon,only great ideas that go horribly wrong.
不结善果的事情 最好别做
Look, when no conceivable good can come of something,don't engage.
我倒想跟Tracy理论清楚 到底女人是不是比猴子搞笑
I would love to keep arguing with Tracy about whether women are funnier than monkeys...
我见过一只穿牛仔装猴子
I once saw a monkey in a cowboy outfit.
可想瞅瞅他所管的辖区啦
I would love to see the town he's the sheriff of.
关键是 我♥干♥嘛在乎Tracy咋想?
The point is,why do I care what Tracy thinks?
我知道真♥相♥ 所以不在乎
I don't, 'cause I know the truth.
女人搞笑不输男人 你也知道
Women are just as funny as men,and you know the truth too.
知道 哥就是传说中的高富帅
I do.I am the complete package.
不在乎Zarina从我这儿能得到啥
I don't need to know what one thing I give Zarina.
谁在乎? 反正我不在乎
I mean, who cares?Not me.
很好 咱别做啊 有长进 Jack
Great.So we're not engaging.This is growth, Jack.
去吃个早午餐庆祝一下
And we are gonna celebrate by going to a brunch place
讨论一下我的全新 积极性趣生活
and talking about my new sex-positive lifestyle.
坚决不
Absolutely not.
我俩淋浴做的哟 人家鞋都毁了
We did it in the shower.My shoes got ruined.
我说不!
I said no!
抱歉各位 我来晚了
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
去车站接了个朋友
I had to pick my friend up from the train station.
来打个招呼 扭屁屁教授!
Say hello, professor Wigglebottom!
这小伙子帅呆了
Oh, that dude's awesome.
他怎么穿着衣服?
See how he's wearing clothes?
还跟出差似地拎个箱子?
And he's got a suitcase like he's going on a business trip.
咋这么专业呢?
Why's he being so professional?
应该让他上节目!
We should put him on the show!
扮演年轻版Steven Tyler
He could play a young Steven Tyler.
我要闪亮点儿就能跟他一样啦
He looks like me if I were fancy.
瞅见了吧 Liz? 大伙儿都乐了!
See, Liz?Everyone's laughing!
有些东西天生搞笑
Because there are things that are just funny.
猴子呀 三个小丑呀 你哥我呀!
Like monkeys, the three stooges,and me!
有些就是不搞笑
And some things just aren't.
女人呀 就说两样
Like females, and listing only two things.
我倒想瞅瞅Lucille Ball上电视这么干!
I'd like to see Lucille Ball do this on TV!
男人露点 搞笑 猴子露点 搞笑
Male nipples, funny.Monkey nipples, funny.
女人露点 白搭!
Female nipples, useless!
忍♥不了啦! 好吧 你逼我的!
Engaging!All right, that's it!
我要彻底向你证明 女人跟猴子一样搞笑
I will prove to you once and for all that women are just as funny as monkeys.
Jenna和我要重现 1996获奖的双姝秀
Jenna and I are re-mounting our award-winning 1996 two-woman show.
下午四点 就在这儿 每人必到
Right here, 4:00 P.M., mandatory.
"想你 亲 么么 Zarina"
"Thinking of you, sweetie. X-o, Zarina."
"亲"
"Sweetie."
为啥不写"想你哟 杰杰小亲亲?"
Why didn't she write, "thinking of you, Jackie-bear?"
很可能...是群发哦
She could have written this... To anyone.
Jonathan 给我找个年轻人
Jonathan, get me a young person.
懂社交那种
Who has a social life.
群邮件 对吧?
It's a group email, isn't it?
这女人正在收集宠物小精灵
This woman is pokemoning me.
她密送给你的 但你点一下这个加号♥的话...
She's blind-copied you,but if you just click this plus sign...
得 全组都有了
Yep. There's the whole group.
屁屁420@brooklyn点胡子
Hip420@brooklyn.beard,
"ryunloktee"... 还拼错了...@swimteam.org
"ryunloktee"... misspelled... @swimteam.org,