我为喜剧狂（2006）

我已离去 就如这般
and I'm gonna be gone... Just like that.
你这苦情戏演完了 我就把你送养老院去 就如这般
When this little performance is over,I may put you in a home just like that.
妈
Mother...
妈?
Mother?
我实在开不了机 还要褒奖78名女性啊
I can't get it to work,and there's still 78 women to go,
无所谓了 Liz Lemon
so whatever, Liz Lemon.
你不能毁了我的东西 我要毁了你的
No, you don't ruin my thing.I ruin your thing.
你不是宇宙中心 Jenna
You are not the center of the universe, Jenna.
我就是 我是月亮
I am too. I'm the moon.
女士们 今天我们来庆贺女性...
Ladies, please, today we're celebrating women...
不行 Bonnie 你竟然这么对我 还有Paul
can it, Bonnie.I can't believe you're doing this to me.
他在扁皮箱里呆了数小时
And Paul. He's been in that steamer trunk for hours.
没事的 缺氧让我高♥潮♥了
It's all right. The lack of oxygen is making me orgasm.
你怎么就不能为我高兴一次呢?
Why can't you ever be happy for me, ever?
我结婚 你漠不关心
I got married, and you don't care.
她为什么要关心 不应让男人定义我们存在的意义
Why should she?We shouldn't be defining ourselves by our men.
那么为了独♥立♥ 我们要变成性冷淡
Oh, so in order to be independent,we have to be asexual?
这滋味你清楚吧 Judy
You would know, Judy.
我想死Gary了
God, I miss Gary so much!
我给人形枕头穿上他的毛衣
I put his sweater on a body pillow!
还带着它去划船
I took it for a canoe ride!
灯光师 帮帮我 强光亮起来
Lightsmith, help me out. Fire up the Lekos and the Klieg.
别看我 别看我
Don't look at me.Don't look at me. Don't look at me!
Jack 我收到你的短♥信♥ 但好像自动更正出了问题
Jack, I got your text,but I think there was some autocorrect problems.
Colleen屁屁病发作了?
Colleen had a fart attack?
她去世了 Liz - 天呐
She died, Liz.- Oh, my god.
她心脏病发作 送来医院的途中去世了
She had a heart attack and died on the way here.
Jack 请节哀
Oh, Jack, I am so sorry.
临终前 Colleen说只想让我幸福
Before she died, Colleen told me she just wants me to be happy.
真的吗? 听着不像她呢
Really? 'Cause that doesn't sound like her,
我猜人死前总会说些奇怪的话吧
but I guess people do say strange things at the end.
我祖母临终前说 别玩我胳膊上的肉了
You know, my grandmother said, "Liz, stop playing with the flesh around my elbow."
我只想让你幸福
"I just want you to be happy."
知道这话是说给谁听的吗? 窝囊废
You know who you say that to? A loser.
除了幸福 别无所求
Someone who can't hope for anything more in life than just being happy.
这话只会对令你失望透顶的人说
You say that to someone who has disappointed you.
Jack - 不 这圆♥满♥了
Jack. - No. It's perfect.
她真是个天才 伤口上撒最后一把盐
She's a genius.One last twist of the knife.
Lemon 谢谢你能来 我还是赶紧走吧
Well, thank you for coming, Lemon, but I better get going.
葬礼定在明天
The funeral is tomorrow.
Colleen想在家里其他人知道前下葬
Colleen wanted to be buried before the rest of the family found out
以免遗体被卖♥♥到鬼屋去
and sold her body to a haunted house.
当然了 我得在葬礼上好好盛赞她一下
And, of course, I get to eulogize Colleen at the service.
让她在地狱的宝座上往上看时 再表达一次对我的失望之情吧
One more chance to disappoint her as she looks up at me from her throne...In hell.
Jenna...
Jenna...
Jenna 我是说Liz
Jenna. I mean, Liz.
人生苦短 知己相煎何太急
Look, life's too short to be fighting with your best friend.
对啊
I know.
我能跟你说实话吗 Liz?
Can I be real with you, Liz?
这么多年 我一直在自己困难的时候看看你 这样能觉得好受点
All these years I've always been able to look at you and feel better about myself.
没错 - 别插嘴
Sure. - Don't interrupt.
那种能让我有人情味的药马上到点儿要失效了
The pill that lets me feel emotion is gonna wear off soon.
看你被工作折磨 和矮穷挫约会 穿假小子牛仔裤...
Watching you struggle at work,dating losers, wearing boys' husky jeans...
那种裤子裆部是加厚的
they have reinforced crutches.
但是你现在开始得奖 老得也没有我期望的那么快
Now you're winning awards,you're not aging the way I wanted you to,
还和一个我在床上都会有幻想的男人结婚了
and you're married to a guy that I think about during sex.
一切都反过来了 但是我为你高兴
Everything feels a little upside-down,but I am happy for you.
你没去参加我婚礼 我也很不好意思
And I'm sorry you weren't at my wedding.
但是一切让我觉得惊喜婚礼这事很愚蠢
But it made me realize that this whole surprise wedding thing is stupid.
当我结婚的时候 我希望每个我关心的人都在场
When I get married, I want everyone I care about to be there.
哇 Jenna 我觉得我们俩好久没这么聊...
Wow, Jenna,I feel like you and I haven't talked like this...
药效过了 你的胳膊好粗
pill wearing off. You have mom arms.
Kenneth 这是Hazel 她回来了
Kenneth, it's Hazel.She's back.
我换了个演员 她测试通过了..性病诊所里的指标
I recast her.She tested through the roof...At the std clinic.
Jordan先生 别闹了
Mr. Jordan, stop.
我不希望我的人生像电视一样了
I don't want my life to be like TV anymore.
因为在电梯里我们一无所获 还有我们差点害死了Florence Henderson
Because no one learns anything in elevators,and we almost killed Florence Henderson.
是啊 这不还没害死么
Yes. Almost.
我不希望我的生活像电视一样 因为我的真实生活比那好多了
I don't want my life to be like TV,because my life is way better.
除了真实生活 还能在哪里 会有一个百万富翁大明星
Where else but real life would a millionaire movie star
关心一个乡巴佬打杂的
care so much about a hillbilly janitor
会花两天的时间 只是为了哄他开心?
that he would spend two days trying to cheer him up?
电视上可没有这些
You can't do that on television.
因为即使有 也没人愿意看的
Because, if you did, no one would watch.
谢谢你 Jordan先生 谢谢你给了我精彩的人生
Thank you, Mr. Jordan.Thank you for my wonderful life.
看来我回来的正是时候
I sure picked the right week to come back.
你不应该说台词的 Kwon Lee
You weren't supposed to have any lines, Kwon Lee.
现在我不得不付你钱了
Now I have to pay you.
朋友们 昨晚当我坐在那里 为我母亲87年的一生写演讲稿的时候
Friends, last night when I sat down to write a speech worthy of my mother's 87 years,
我觉得这是一个不可能完成的任务
I thought I was facing an impossible task
直到我认识到 她持续不断的打击我 实际上是给我的一份礼物
until I realized that her constant crushing disapproval was a gift.
一份母亲能给予儿子的最好的礼物
The greatest gift a mother ever gave a son.
正是由于我一生都在取悦我的母亲 我才成为了现在的这个人
My lifelong quest to please that woman is what made me the man I am today,
这个人不下三次登上了财富杂♥志♥的插页
the man who has been the centerfold of fortune magazine no fewer than three times,
这个人在1984年穿燕尾服那么完美 把跳舞的人都震了
the man who in 1984 wore a tuxedo so well he broke up the go-go's,
这个人昨天晚上写作 今天即将呈出 史上最伟大的悼词
the man who last night wrote and today will deliver the greatest eulogy of all time.
那是在1852年的都柏林 一艘船摇摆着 顺着洋流驶出寒冷的爱尔兰海
Dublin, 1852,a ship Bobs in the Lee tide of the icy Irish sea.
她的名字叫做... Ariel
Her name... Ariel.
!@￡$%^&♪(
(♪&^%$￡$%
今天 我们都是爱尔兰人
Today, we are all Irish.
那个水管工说 我不知道 但那个批萨可真够大的
And the plumber says, "I don't know. But that's a pretty big pizza."
生命是为了活着!
Life is for the living!
但是事实就摆在那里
But there's a truth in the center of that.
谢谢Kermit为我们讲解人死后的生活
Thank you, Kermit, for explaining the afterlife to us.
也谢谢Jack 鼓舞我们前进的人
Ah, listen, Jack, thank you for being the man we all aspire to be.
女士们先生们 Paul McCartney爵士 和哈莱姆男童唱诗班
Ladies and gentlemen,sir Paul McCartney and the Harlem boys choir.
虽然落下的雪花会湮没她的足印
And, though the falling snow would erase her footprints,
却湮没不了我们对她的回忆
it could never erase our memory of her.
我爱您 母亲
I love you, mother.
悼词结束
End of eulogy.
哦 太棒了Jack! 太棒了!
Oh, wonderful, Jack! Wonderful!
Jenna 不行 别这么做
Jenna, no, don't do this.
Jenna 去吧 就这么做
Jenna, yes, do this.
我关心的所有人都在这里 太好了
All the people that I care about are here.It's perfect.
我们很高兴你能来 Liz
We are so glad that you could come, Liz.
希望来的路上不是太堵
I hope traffic wasn't too bad getting here.
惊喜吧 我要结婚了
Surprise. I'm getting married.
我妈要是在 肯定讨厌死这个了
Mother would have hated this.
我为喜剧狂 第七季 第08集
我保证在你把眼镜戴在头上
And I promise not to make fun of you
还在到处找眼镜的时候 不会取笑你
when you ask where your glasses are and they are on your head.
我确实会
I do do that.
我保证在你把小♥弟♥弟♥往其他东西上订时 会往上面撒抗生素
And I promise to always pour antibiotics all over your penis before you staple it to anything.
现在由Paul来读他为Jenna写的誓词
And now Paul will read the vows he has written for Jenna.
Jenna 在遇到你之前 我不知道我的人生错过了这么多精彩
Jenna, I didn't know what I was missing in my life until I met you.
我对你的爱不是言语所能形容的
I love you more than words can say,
很荣幸 我能跟你姓 取你名
and I am so honored to be taking your first and last name.
女士们先生们 向你们介绍 Jenna Maroneys先生和夫人
Ladies and gentlemen,presenting Mrs. and Mr. Jenna maroneys.