我为喜剧狂（2006）

真的吗 Bev?
Really, Bev?
太谢谢你了 这真是好消息
Oh, thank you so much.That is wonderful news.
"好消息"?
"Wonderful news"?
上次我说这话的时侯 是我家宠物Gnus 领悟了圣诞节的真正意义
The last time I said that was when my pet gnus learned the true meaning of Christmas.
典型的Tracy风格 你会想念这个的
Classic Tracy... You'll miss this.
随便啦 那是一家我正在联♥系♥的领养机构
Anyway, that was one of the adoption agencies we're working with,
他们说可能有个孩子非常适合我们
and they may have a kid who's perfect for us.
他是一个来自Transylvania的男孩
He's a three-year-old boy from transylvania.
听好了 他叫Dracul 别插嘴
Stay with me. His name is Dracul.Hear me out.
他是个血友病患者 还有睡眠失调症
He is a hemophiliac with a sleep disorder.
孩子能改变你的人生
Children change everything.
现在你还能做你想做的事 但一旦你有了孩子
Right now you can do what you want,but once you have kids,
你就要跟着他们的节奏 看他们的卡♥通♥片 然后帮他们擦屁♥股♥
you have to be on their schedule,watch their cartoons,and touch their poop.
Tracy 你还是在为所欲为啊
Tracy, you still do whatever you want.
没错 我可以
That's right, I do.
但你不行 所以趁你还有时间 顺其自然 找点乐子吧
But you don't.So have fun while you can.Be spontaneous.
你懂得 别保持本色了 - 我很轻松啊
You know, stop being yourself.- I'm spontaneous.
比如说 我还不知道我要说什么呢 就准备开始举例我有多放松了
For instance, I started talking before I had an example of how I'm spontaneous.
收获好多啊 总裁先生 你收到我的礼物了吗?
Nice haul, Mr. CEO. Did you get my gift?
我就默认那礼物是这瓶带有卡片的红酒 上面写着
I assume it was the bottle of wine with the card, reading,
"亲爱的立体脆 考虑过只卖♥♥碎屑吗?
"dear Doritos,what about just selling bags full of your dust?
这样我还能洒在鸡肉或者鱼肉上"
I could put it on chicken or fish."
显然 这里出错了 我给你写了张非常窝心的卡片
Obviously, there was a mix-up.I wrote you a very heartfelt note
上面写着"恭喜你成为CEO
that said, "congratulations on becoming CEO.
你认识在Doritos工作的人吗?"
Do you know anyone at Doritos?"
我还不是CEO呢 董事会还要承认我
Well, I'm not CEO yet.The board has to rubber-stamp me.
这周晚些时候会有个派对
There'll be a party for me later this week.
然后我要不开车灯驾驶 直到有人用灯闪我
Then I have to drive around with my headlights off until someone flashes me.
然后我还要 都不重要了
Then I have to... Well, it's not important.
与此同时 我要来收拾一下了
In the meantime, I'm tying up some loose ends.
我今天下午要去下佛罗里达 去处理我妈的财产
I'm heading down to Florida this afternoon to take care of my mother's estate.
非常符合人情地 我妈把所有东西都留给了她的保姆 Martha
Fittingly, she left everything to her live-in nurse, Martha...
我给她买♥♥的房♥子 银器 我祖父的紫心勋章
The house I paid for, the silver,my grandfather's purple heart.
酒精真害人啊
It's terrible what alcoholism can do to the body.
她真的没给你留任何东西吗? 这不对吧
She really didn't leave you anything?That's not very nice.
我爱我妈 Lemon
I loved my mother, Lemon...
因为斯德哥尔摩综合症 显而易见
Obviously, because of Stockholm syndrome.
就算是在她最好的时候 她不过是一个可悲的丑老太婆
But she was, on her best day, a miserable old crone
只会和别人分享她的悲伤当乐趣 直到死都是如此
whose only Joy came in sharing her unhappiness with others, even in death.
她是唯一一个会留下讽刺遗言的人
She is the only person in the world to have sarcastic last words.
"我只是想你活的开心"
"I just want you to be 'happy'."
哦 母亲 我是有多么"想"你啊
Oh, mother, how I "miss" you.
不管怎么说 我希望你会想跟我去佛罗里达
Anyway, I thought you might like to come to Florida with me.
我能给你去哈利·波特主题公园的贵宾票
I can get you a V.I.P. pass to universal's Harry Potter world.
够了 我不是什么饥渴宅妹子 我喜欢星球大战
Okay, I am not some kind of "nerdery" slut.I like star wars.
Lemon 我是不会享受这次旅行的
Lemon, I'm not relishing this trip.
我只是想找个人陪
It would be nice to have someone with me.
你到底要不要来? - 来就来
Are you coming or not? - Yes. I am.
看你还说我不放松 在一个工作日去佛罗里达
How's that for spontaneous... Florida on a work day?
去那个卖♥♥防晒长袖T恤的店吧！
To that store that sells long-sleeve S.P.F. shirts!
我为喜剧狂 第七季 第10集
嘿 我要找个人来给这水签收
Hey, I need somebody to sign for this water.
哦 不 你需要个什么都不是的人来签字 我们是名人
Um, no, you need a nobody to sign for that water.We're on TV.
好的 这里到底是谁做主? - 呃 是Liz 但她去了佛罗里达
Okay, then who's in charge?- Well, Liz, but she's in Florida.
或者是Pete 但他去Albany参加一个制♥作♥人的交流会议了
Or Pete, but he went to a line producers' convention in Albany.
我看到他还带了一个假发
I saw him pack a wig.
Tracy 这样的话是说我们做主吗?
Tracy, does this mean we're in charge?
你要把水放在哪里?
Where do you want the water?
不好意思 Liz Lemon在哪里?
I'm sorry. Where is Liz Lemon?
她不在办公室
She's out of the office.
有什么我们能帮你的吗? 我们有大概
Is there anything we could help you with?We've got about...
哦 10分钟的时间 然后我们就要去购物了
Oh, ten minutes before we've got to go watch shopping.
其实这件事跟你们两个也有关系
Well, this does affect the two of you.
我是Martin Lutherking NBC的法律顾问
I'm Martin Luther King from NBC's in-house counsel.
一位TGS的前任员工向这个节目组 和你们两个人提出了性骚扰诉讼
A former TGS employee has filed a harassment lawsuit against this production and both of you individually.
原告索求5千万美元的赔偿
Complainant is seeking damages in the amount of $50 million.
电♥话♥别挂 大个子蜜蜂
Hold my calls, giant bee.
我想你们认识这个人
I assume you know this woman.
啥名字小姐! - 她是谁(What's her name)?
Wassername! - What's her name?
这些是你妈留给你的
So these are the things your mother wanted you to have.
这是她在大火中找到的婴儿鞋 她就喜欢趁火打劫
The baby shoe she found after that fire.God, she loved looting.
Collen可贴心了
Colleen was such a lovely woman.
谢谢你 Martha 但你不需要这样 我是说你也认识Colleen
Thank you, Martha, but you don't have to do that.I mean, you knew Colleen.
我可想念她了 她的好 她的笑声
And there's so much I miss...Her kindness, her laugh.
她的笑声 当然了
Her laugh, of course.
哦 她可是我认识最开心的人了
Oh, she was the happiest person I ever met.
当然 你能跟我说说 我妈都做些什么开心的事吗?
Sure.Remind me of some of the happy things my mother would do.
讲笑话 搞搞恶作剧什么的
Oh, you know, tell jokes...And the pranks!
她在这个有个绰号♥叫二太太
Her nickname here was Mrs. Silly.
Martha 你为我妈服务有多久了?
Uh, tell me, Martha,how long did you work for my mother exactly?
失陪一下
I'm sorry.
刚才啥情况? 她怀念我老妈的 笑声?
What the hell was that?She'll miss Colleen's laughter?
那个女人根本不了解我妈 这是个 骗局
That woman clearly didn't even know my mother.This is a scam.
她占了老太太的便宜
She took advantage of an old lady.
我在新闻上看过 接下来我们会 手拉手躺在两个浴缸里
I saw this on dateline.Next, we'll be holding hands in adjacent bathtubs.
貌似那是伟哥广♥告♥ 搞不清了
Or maybe that was a Cialis commercial... it's all a blur.
我得报♥警♥去
I'm calling the police.
感谢您致电佛州应急服务
Thank you for calling Florida emergency services.
槽隙处有蟒蛇 请按1
If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space,press 1.
排水口发现一箱印第安人骨头 请按2
If a sinkhole full of Indian bones has appeared in your living room, press 2.
如果您想进一步了解"执法悍将" 本周停播原因 请按3 如果您在安息日...
If you want to know why jag wasn't on this week,press 3.If your shabbos goy...
还不如把这州砍了扔到古巴去
why can't we just cut this state adrift and let it crash into Cuba?
我在新闻上看到一女的 想弄清楚 谁杀了她姐姐 结果失踪了
We'll just solve this ourselves, like that woman
我们可以像她那样
on dateline who tried to solve her sister's murder,then disappeared.
只是不用跟她姐姐老公去潜水
But we won't go scuba-diving with the husband.
Lemon Martha回来后我来吸引她的注意力
Lemon, when Martha comes back,I'll distract her
然后你到处去看看 翻翻她的东西
while you sneak around and go through her things.
做坏事耶! 现在谁更率性主动了 Tracy?
It's a caper! Who's spontaneous now, Tracy?
嗯 从头开始说吧
Okay, start from the beginning.
原告声称...
Well, the plaintiff's deposition alleges that...
错了 再前面点儿 你刚才说你 爷爷是啥恐龙来着?
no, further back.What kind of dinosaur was your grandfather?
原告声称猥亵行为长♥期♥存在于 TGS节目组
Um, the plaintiff alleges that there is a widespread culture of depravity here at TGS...
性骚扰 恐吓 暴♥力♥威胁
Sexual harassment, intimidation, threats of violence.
原告描述的...极其重口
Her deposition is very gross.
我用这个布娃娃给你们展示Tracy 和Jenna对我暴行吧
I'm going to use this doll to show you what Tracy and Jenna did to me.
不要 爽耶
No, no, no!Yes.
从头到尾在口胡
She's lying like a rug.
"口胡"是我编的 波斯语里是骂人的
"Rug" is an offensive term for persians that I made up.
我们绝不会对听差做这种事儿 可能除了那黄皮高个儿的
We would never do that to a page...Maybe that tall Asian one.
对哦 Miranda 她头发又浓又黑
Oh, yeah, Miranda.Her hair is so thick and black.
拜托表把我拖进来
Please don't include me in this.
听着 法庭认为这可能是一起无意义的诉讼
Look, legal views this as a frivolous lawsuit.
Hazel Wassername又名Richard Drench 常常起诉她的前雇主
Hazel Wassername, aka Richard drench,has a long history of suing former employers.
因此只要TGS全体员工签署这份 宣誓书
So all we need is for everyone who works at TGS to sign this affidavit
宣誓他们绝未目击或经历过任何 不良行为
saying that they have never witnessed or been party to any inappropriate behavior.
我以前演过律师
I once played a lawyer in a movie,
用神奇摄像机赢得儿子的爱我太懂了
so I know all about winning your son's love back thanks to a magic camera.
是捏 电影都很无良的
Yes, movies are terrible.
不用担心 我们会让大伙儿都签字的
Well, don't worry. We'll get everyone to sign.
基于很多原因我们都不想把这事儿 闹上法庭
We really don't want this to go to court for a number of reasons.
要出了什么事儿你们都是要担责任的
You two could be personally liable for any damages.
Hank Hooper最讨厌像这样的负面消息
Hank Hooper hates any type of negative publicity like this.
而我法学院又没好好读完 你懂的....
And I didn't super-duper finish law school.So...
刚才我很抱歉
I'm sorry about that.
我只是太想念你妈妈了
I just miss your mother so much.
她就像是从天堂坠入凡间的天使
She was an angel that fell from heaven.
是啊 跟路西法一样
Uh, yes.So was Lucifer.
我能用用你的洗手间么?
Do you have a bathroom I could use?
门廊尽头就是
Uh, down at the end of the hall.
我可能得在里面待一会儿 吃了麸质的东西 肠道里的货色也变白了
I may be in there a while because I have a gluten thing that turns my business white.
去就是了！