我为喜剧狂（2006）

♪ 结婚了 Liz Lemon结婚了 还写了这首歌♥ ♪
♪ Married ♪ Liz Lemon got married and made up this song ♪
你结婚了 跟什么东西结婚了啊?
You got married? To what?
跟Criss结婚了 Frank
To Criss, Frank.
站在你眼前的是Elizabeth Lemon女士 我保留了自己的姓氏
Uh-huh, you are now looking at Ms. Elizabeth Lemon.I'm keeping my name.
你左手上戴着那大号♥按♥摩♥棒♥是什么玩意?
What h-e-double vibrator is that thing on your left hand?
这是我的婚戒 我昨天结婚了
It's my wedding ring. I got married yesterday.
你怎么可以这样对我啊? - 又在玩角色扮演吗?
How could you do this to me? - Flurb?
你毁了我的惊喜婚礼
You just ruined my surprise wedding.
Paul 你可以下来了
Paul, you can come down now.
万分感谢 Liz
Thanks a lot, Liz.
我看我那些芦笋是白吃了
I guess I ate all that asparagus for nothing.
Gimp神父 我们得重新定个日子了
Reverend gimp, we'll just have to reschedule.
我上哪儿才能搭到轻轨啊?
Where can I get the "c" train?
如果你想避免这种情况 你可以不办惊喜婚礼啊
Wow. Well, if you don't want this kind of thing happening,maybe don't have a surprise wedding.
如今一线明星都办惊喜婚礼 Liz
A-listers always have surprise weddings now, Liz.
贾婷婷和贝尔 碧昂斯那对 安妮海瑟什么的
Timberbiel, beyon-z,Anne hatha-nobody.
严格地说 我也是一线了 因为我在跟阿汤哥约会的名单上
And technically, I am an a-lister now because I was on a list to date Tom Cruise.
不过我及时脱身了 感谢Xenu (科学教中的星系联邦统治者)
But I bailed before I got sucked in too deep,praise Xenu.
我很开心你能为我感到高兴
Well, I'm glad you're happy for me.
以防你没听到 我昨天结婚了
In case you didn't hear it before,I got married yesterday.
对啊 感谢你邀请了我
Yeah, thank you for inviting me.
恭喜啊 Liz
Congratulations, Liz.
看到30多岁的女人仍能找到真爱 真是很励志啊
It's inspiring to see that a woman in her 30s can still find true love.
我42了 Cerie - 我听不懂你的意思
I'm 42, Cerie. - I don't know what that is.
提醒一下 颁奖午宴是在今天哦
Just a reminder that your awards luncheon is today.
什么? - 你得了个奖
What? - You won an award.
恭喜您被提名为"80位80岁以下杰出女性之一"
"Congratulations on being named one of the 80 under 80,
表彰娱乐圈Betty White之外的女性
honoring women in entertainment who aren't Betty white."
噢 天哪 颁奖典礼会在 Lifetime...呃 点com播出
Oh, my goodness, the ceremony will be broadcast on lifetime... Oh, .com.
还是回收站文件页面?
garbagefile?
好吧 至少我拿了个奖
Okay, but still, I won an award!
我为喜剧狂 第七季 第08集
Liz Lemon的大日子 要淡定
Okay, big Liz Lemon day, so hold on tight.
Jenna有点情况 我需要你的意见
I've got a Jenna problem I need to run by you.
Lemon 很抱歉 我没法帮你
Lemon, I'm sorry. I can't help you.
为什么不行? 就算我结婚了 我俩的互动关系也不用变啊
Why not? Our dynamic doesn't have to change just because I'm married.
我们还是欢喜冤家啊
We can still have our classic girl Friday banter.
"听着 Jack 故事是不会自动冒出来的"
"Now you listen here, Jack.This story's not gonna write itself, see?"
"够了 你个野蛮人 我爱你 接线员吗?"
"Oh, stop, you brute. I love you. Operator?"
问题是我妈要来纽约过圣诞
No, the problem is my mother's in town for Christmas.
已经来了吗? 还有三周才圣诞呢
Already? It's three weeks away.
她非要在珍珠港日来(12月7日) 她是这么说的
She insists on traveling on Pearl harbor day to, and I quote,
"要让天♥皇♥知道我们毫不畏惧"
"show the emperor we're not afraid."
我知道她让你很恼火 但是你应该珍惜跟她一起过圣诞 她已经87了
Look, I know she gets under your skin,but you should appreciate this time with her.She's 87.
按魔鬼年历算她才14 Lemon
But that's only 14 in demon years, Lemon.
那女人永远对我不满 这就是她活下去的动力
The woman's constant disapproval of me will keep her alive forever.
蓝云杉 墨西哥卖♥♥唱团什么时候来啊?
A Blue spruce.What time do the mariachis arrive?
但是今年我有个计划
But this year I have a plan.
我不会给她任何非难我的机会
I'm not going to give her anything to disapprove of,
因为只要她还在纽约 我就什么都不会干
because as long as she's in New York,I'm doing absolutely nothing.
观察奥巴马总统四年之后 我想出了这个法子
I got the idea from watching your President Obama the last four years.
是她的电♥话♥ 要打探我的消息
That's her, fishing.
注意 铃♥声♥都更尖锐了
Notice the ring is shriller.
Jack Donaghy的办公室
Jack Donaghy's office.
不 Donaghy夫人 他什么都没干 他跟Liz在一起
No, Mrs. Donaghy. He's not doing anything.He's with Liz.
她头发是往后梳的 但是没啥用
Well, she's wearing it pulled back,but it's not working.
没错 因为她的耳朵
Exactly. Because of her ears.
圣诞快乐 各位
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Kenneth 你为什么要这么愤怒地拖地呢?
Kenneth, why are you mopping the floor so angrily?
你完全知道原因 先生
You know exactly why, sir.
先是Lemon小姐解雇了我的女朋友 现在Hazel跟我分手了
First miss Lemon fired my girlfriend,and now Hazel broke up with me.
Jordan先生 你知道我为什么这么热爱电视行业吗?
Mr. Jordan, do you know why I love television so much?
因为虽然有各种手♥机♥ iPad平板 和电脑
Because despite cell phones, iPads, and computers,
电视机仍然是恶作剧鬼的最佳去处吗?
it's still the most effective portal for poltergeists?
电视节目里 什么都不会改变
On TV shows,nothing ever really changes.
你在乎的人永远都不会离开
The people you care about never leave,
坏人总会得到她应有的惩罚
and the bad guy always gets what she deserves.
某人今天看起来很漂亮啊
Someone's looking lovely today.
见鬼 我本不会这么说她的
What a burn.I could have meant someone else.
虽然我确实是说她 她真是春风满面啊
Although I didn't.She's radiant.
鉴于我今天没法结婚了 我最好胡吃海喝一番
Since I'm not getting married today,I might as well stuff my face.
听着 Jenna 我不是故意要抢你的风头
Listen, Jenna, I didn't mean to steal your thunder.
我一辈子都活得风头十足
My whole life is thunder.
当然 但是我才知道我得了这个娱乐圈女性奖...
Sure. But, you know, I just found out that I won this women in entertainment award...
先是结婚 然后你还得奖了
first you get married. Now you're winning an award?
这些该是我的
These are my things.
接着你就要告诉我 Mickey Rourke要把你在好莱坞捧红
Next you'll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.
我知道你很生气 但这奖还蛮重要的
Look, I know you're angry,but this award is kind of a big deal.
你知道的 过去该奖颁给过 Diane Sawyer和Elaine May
You know, in the past, they've given it to Diane Sawyer and Elaine may,
你知道吗 Chuck Scarborough 在生理上其实是女人?
and did you know that Chuck scarborough is anatomically a woman?
那我就是个拉拉
So I am a lesbian.
我真心希望你能去
And I'd really love for you to be there.
知道吗 我们已相识十五年了
Did you know it's been 15 years since we first met?
你好啊 Jenna Maroney
Salutations, Jenna Maroney.
什么风把哑剧演员吹到灯光师这呢?
What brings a mummer to lightsman's row?
我就想来见见 让我在舞台大放异彩的女人
I just wanted to meet the woman that's been lighting me so awesomely onstage.
你知道她在哪吗 小朋友?
Do you have any idea where she is, little boy?
要不是你 我哪有今天
And I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you,
所以当我领♥取♥lifetime网站颁的奖
so when I accept that award on lifetime.comgarbagefile,
我要你和我一起站在舞台上
I want you onstage with me.
到时候会有摄像机咯? - 是的
So there'll be cameras? - Yes.
哦 Liz 我们从"Hayden Panettiere已死"一片就认识了
Oh, Liz, you had me at "Hayden Panettiere is dead."
当然啦 我肯定去
Of course I'll be there.
谢谢你 Jenna 这真的对我很重要
Oh, thank you, Jenna. That really means a lot to me.
♪复仇计划已悄悄酝酿在我脑海♪
♪ Secret plan ♪ revenge on my mind ♪
我要下楼买♥♥咖啡 要带什么吗
Hey, I'm going downstairs to get a coffee.You want anything?
南瓜咖啡 谢谢 - 好咧
Pumpkin spice, please.- Great.
♪ 悄悄酝酿 ♪
♪ secret plan ♪
不好意思 无意打扰
Excuse me. I don't mean to bother you,
我是个色情狂兼未破处的寡妇
but I'm a nymphomaniac virgin widow,
我的守丧期刚结束
and I just completed my year of mourning,
我刚开了房♥并且乳胶过敏
and I've got a hotel room and a latex allergy,
我就想问问 你接下来的12到14小时内有事吗
and, well, I was just wondering what you were doing for the next 12 to 14 hours.
没什么事啊 我们走吧 趁我娘亲...
I'm doing nothing.Let's go before my mother...
真有你的 我的娘亲
Nice try, mother.
你感觉到了我刚在做你反对的事
Yes, you sensed I was doing something you would disapprove of.
你果然还是很强大 老东西 不过这次你阻止不了
Your powers remain strong, old one,but there's nothing you can say to ruin this.
我左眼前有个小点
I see a spot in front of my left eye.
如果这演变成中风 你就得负责帮我刮胡子
If this turns out to be a stroke,you're in charge of plucking my chin.
你最好回来 Jackie
You better come home, Jackie.
死神来之前 我有些话对你说
I have a few things I want to say to you before I meet the grim reaper,
我猜死神是黑人 和他穿的风帽衣一个色
who is black, I assume,what with the hoodies he wears.
那好
That's quite all right.
之前我听过你的遗言
I've heard your last words before.
比如我初中时 为了不让我去野营 你就装心脏病
For instance, in junior high,when you faked a heart attack to keep me from going camping.
因为我不信任那个童子军领队
I didn't trust that scoutmaster.
他总是穿短裤
He was always wearing shorts.
事实上 我还知道你的垂死语录
In fact, I think I have your dying speech memorized.
"你怎么能如此对我?"
"How could you do this to me?
"你真是让我失望透顶"
"You're such a huge disappointment.
"倘若法网 没有被停播
"If only dragnethadn't been preempted because of sputnik,
我都不会怀上你"
you never would have been conceived."
求你了 Jackie 回来一趟吧
Please, Jackie, just come home!
我晕了 Jack
I'm dizzy, Jack.
声效做得不错啊 娘亲
Wonderful sound effects, mother.
娘亲? 娘亲?
Mother? Mother?
你把面包屑掉地上 是为了让老鼠拼写出"来见我"?
You left crumbs on the floor so that the mice spelled, "come see me"?
是的 Kenneth 我在想你说的话 希望自己生活能如戏般精彩
Yes, Kenneth, I've been thinking about what you said about wishing life could be like TV.
那会很棒
That would be great,
除了那些在你看心爱电视剧时 半途弹出来的广♥告♥
although I'd get rid of those ads that pop up in the middle of your favorite TV shows.
为什么你不和特邀客串 Florence Henderson说呢