我为喜剧狂（2006）

劳资还是你老板，连你都是劳资滴
And I'm your boss. I own you.
想想你连续5晚上 "Watch What Happens Live"直播秀吧
Think about that during your five-night appearance on wa tch what happens live.
不! Andy Cohen好邪恶滴
No! Andy Cohen is so catty.
而这才刚刚开始
And that's just the beginning.
这事儿你要是处理不好 我就炒了你
If you don't take care of this,you're fired.
你们都被炒了
You're all fired.
跟俺说说你今天过得咋样吧 Kevin 错了是Todd
So tell me about your day, Kevin.I mean, Todd.
今天早上 Lemon娘娘又爆发
Well, this morning miss Lemon had one of her meltdowns.
啊 为什么?
Really?About what?
她不能同时搞定工作和生活呀
Because she can't balance work and personal life.
想想看 都7年拍了几百集了
But I mean, after seven years and hundreds of these episodes,
也该学会放手是不是
it's like, let's move on.
Liz需要帮手
Liz needs help.
她需要一个有抱负 有才华 又低调会骗人滴好青年呀
She needs someone who's ambitious and talented and humble and a liar.
Hazel来也
That's where Hazel comes in.
我来帮你挂吧
Whoa, whoa, whoa, let me hang those up for you.
您得日理万机呢
You've got better things to do,you genius.
那就有劳啦
Okay. Thanks.
我已经帮你把所有宣传片弄电脑上啦
Oh, also, I put all the new promos on your computer.
只是不知道你喜欢咋喝咖啡 用嘴还是用菊花?
And I wasn't sure how you take your coffee,so mouth or enema?
丫头你今儿是咋了?
What's going on here, Hazel?
您得有人搭把手呀
You need help.
我知道你一直想有个孩子 因为我也一直在想这件事
I know you're trying to get pregnant because I think about it all the time.
您高高在上 长发飘飘
You on top, your hair whipping around.
但想想一旦你有了孩子之后
But what if you do have a kid and you have to leave work
你会因为你的女儿枪击了 合唱团老师的先生而抛下工作
because your daughter shot her choir teacher's husband?
这种事 我母亲就面对过哦
I mean, that's the kind of stuff my mom had to deal with.
好吧 我只是不知我是否能适应...
Wow, okay.Well, I'm just not sure that I'm comfortable...
你又弄了一台小冰箱?
Did you get me a second mini-fridge?
错啦 我买♥♥的是台小冷库
No. I got you a mini-freezer,
里面全都是冻得硬硬滴糖棒棒 嚼的牙都掉哟
full of candy bars so cold they'll crack your jaw, you bitch.
我啥也没说...
I didn't say any...
你是我心中的英雄 你就给我一个帮忙的机会吧
Look, I wanna help.You're my hero. Just give me a chance.
姐妹齐心 其力断金
Sisters helping sisters. Glass ceiling.
潜规则啥滴可以滚啦
Legitimate rape.
好吧 Hazel 我要去医院做手术
Okay, Hazel.I'm gonna get my foot surgery.
要是你能在我坐沙发上不能动时 做我的左膀右臂 你就赢了
And if you can be my eyes and ears while I'm stuck on the couch, you've got the job.
很好
Great.
要是你不介意 我现在就去洗运动衫了
Now, if it's okay with you,I am gonna go wash your sweatshirt.
你竟然把它取下来了!
You got it unstuck from the chair!
晚上好
Good evening.
纽约爱乐很荣幸在此宣布
The New York philharmonic is thrilled to announce
我们于近期收到一笔慷慨无比的赞助
that we've recently received a very generous donation
其将提供我们接下来十年内的发展
that will keep us fully endowed for the next decade.
因此今晚原定的 德彪西与拉赫玛尼诺夫的演出
In honor of that gift, tonight's scheduled program of Debussy and Rachmaninoff
将改为这位匿名捐资人的选曲 以表感谢
will be replaced with a selection chosen by our anonymous donor.
敬请欣赏时长四小时的 "桑福德与儿子"主题曲演奏
So please enjoy a four-hour rendition of the theme song from sanford and son.
现在谁是老大?
Now who's in charge?
来上班咯
Here we go.
Hazel 谢谢你 你帮我安排好一切
Hazel, thank you for taking care of everything.
我不敢相信你竟然能让健康保险 支付了一切费用
I can't believe you got my health plan to cover all this.
我只是说对了话而已
You just need to know what to say to them,
比如他们孩子叫啥呀 上学穿滴啥这类的
like their children's names and what they wore to school today.
让Frank进来吧 我想看看他们 第五场都写了些啥
Oh, will you send Frank in?I wanna see what they wrote to fill the fifth act.
不如让我来吧 没准儿我能去客串点啥
Or. Since I'm here to help,maybe I could fill the time.
我可会韵律体操了
I still know my rhythmic gymnastics routine.
直到我青春期
I was good...
教练说我太胖了
Until I hit puberty and the coaches said I got too pregnant.
开玩笑吧? 我是不会让你上节目的
Are you kidding?I'm not gonna put you on the show.
Lemon 能跟你说个事儿不?
Uh, Lemon, a word?
嘿 这地儿是你想进就进的?
Hey, guy!You can't just walk in here whenever you want.
我有啥能帮你的?
How can I help you?
Lemon请助手了? 有前途
So Lemon has an assistant? Excellent.
Jack Donaghy想面见Lemon
Jack Donaghy to see Liz Lemon.
门外有个叫Donaghy的先生求见
A Mr. Donaghy here for you.
离开这个频道! 这是军用频率
Get off this channel!This is a military frequency.
好了 你可以进去了
Okay, you can go in.
你到头来还是做了手术 天不也没塌下来嘛
So you got your surgery and the world hasn't ended?
Jack 我觉得我能搞定的
I think I can do this, Jack, all of it.
你看 现在我脚丫不正像小北鼻一样么
I mean, right now, my feet are kind of like babies.
我要包裹好它们 给它们抹膏膏
I have to swaddle them, and they need ointment,
一天中黄黄滴东东也会从它们里面出来哦
and, like, six times a day Brown stuff comes out of them.
你们都是小萌萌 小萌萌哦
You're beautiful babies, yes you are.
Lemon 有点事你得帮我拿拿主意
Look, Lemon, I need some advice.
Tracy要造♥反♥呐
Tracy is actually trying to fight back.
他毁了今晚的音乐晚会
He ruined a wonderful evening at the philharmonic,
他竟然出钱让他们把同一个曲子 一遍又一遍的奏了几个小时
paying them to play the same song over and over again for hours.
我都记不得....
♪ I can't remember... ♪
都记不得演得是啥了
♪ I can't remember what it was ♪
重点是 这人就一二货
But the point is, the man is totally irrational.
你晓得不? Tracy没错 你俩一个样
You know what? Tracy's right.You two are a lot alike.
你说啥?
I beg your pardon?
你俩都是高富帅 钻羊角尖 你们都认为自己永远是对的
You're both stubborn, you're rich,you think you're right all the time.
你想证明你不像Tracy? 别纠结了
You wanted to prove that you're not like Tracy?Let it go.
或者打垮他 然后证明你们俩都错了
Or crush him,and prove you both wrong.
一石二鸟
Get two birds with one stone,
就像我利用Mick Jagger色♥诱♥ Roger McGuinn和David Crosby 来我的生日趴一样
like when I used Mick Jagger to lure Roger McGuinn and David Crosby to my birthday party.
听听 你跟Tracy就是一模子里出来的
Listen yourself. You sound exactly like Tracy.
才没
No.
终于见着我想见的人了
Just the person I wanted to see.
嗨 Kenneth
Oh. Hi, Kenneth.
听着 我得跟你谈谈Hazel
Look, I need to tell you something about Hazel.
不 女士 我不认为还应该再听您谈论她
Oh, no, ma'am. I don't think I should talk to you anymore about her.
您就会说她坏话 Hazel是我女盆友
You only have bad things to say.Uh, Hazel's my girlfriend.
Kenneth 这虽然听起来不现实 但我像朋友一样在意你
Kenneth, this sounds insane,but I care about you as a friend.
我一天摄入的50卡尽都用来帮你啦
I take in 50 calories a day and I'm using them all up just trying to help you.
那么就因我快乐而快乐吧
Then just be happy that I'm happy.
Hazel让你开心?
You're happy because of Hazel?
她有神马我不能给你滴?
What could she possibly give you that I can't?
好吧 这么跟你说吧 Maroney小姐
Well, I'll tell you what she gives me, Ms. Maroney.
她愿意倾听 - 你就告诉我她到底给了你神马吧
She listens to me.- Just tell me what it is.
我会跟她讲一天是咋过的 而她很愿意去倾听
I tell her what happened during my day and she actually wants to hear about it.
你能做到不 Maroney小姐?
Can you give me that, Ms. Maroney?
我不知道
I don't know.
Tracy 感谢你能到来 请坐
Ah, Tracy, thank you for coming.Please, have a seat.
免了 我喜欢躺着
No, thank you. I prefer to lie down.
这两位是我的律师 一个德国人 一个日本人
These are my lawyers.One is German, one is Japanese.
叫这些人来不是为了玩的
And you don't bring these guys together to play Patty-cake.
我要向你开战
This is war.
坏消息 Jack 我纸牌里最爱玩战争
Bad news, Jack.War's my favorite card game.
而且胜率是50%哟
And I win about half the time.
这么跟你说吧 Tracy
Here's the rub, Tracy.
因为你无下限的给你的无良角色 取名为Jack Donaghy
Because you were reckless enough to name your businessman villain "Jack Donaghy,"
我要告你诽谤
I can Sue you for libel.
我要告得你倾家荡产
I'm gonna take every penny you have.
吞进肚子里滴取不走 - 我们等着瞧
Not the ones I've swallowed.- We'll see about that.
老兄 我哪里诽谤了
Dude, it's not libel.
那个Jack Donaghy在电影里做 的一切我都见你在现实中做过呀
Everything Jack Donaghy does in the movie,I've seen you do in real life.
是嘛? 你啥时候见过我这样?
Really? When have you seen me do something like this?
你是在威胁我 Phatso姨妈
You're a menace, aunt Phatso.
我既然位居市议会
But now that I'm on the city council,
我能取消你们的城市青少年项目
I'm cancelling your urban youth program.
人神共愤!
Oh, lord!
咋了? 你确实取消过一个关于 城市青少年节目呀
What? You did cancel a program for urban youth.
那是我曾经的周六晨间儿童秀嘛
It was my Saturday morning kid's show,
Tracy叔叔的黑色天线宝宝闹剧
uncle Tracy's black teletubbies rip-off.
我之所以砍是因为那节目就像你
I cancelled it because, like you,
无敌猥琐 又捉摸不透
it was overly sexual and impossible to understand.
这不就对了! - 好吧!
Grabalujah! - Fine!
严格来说 我确实取消了一档城市儿童节目
I've technically cancelled an urban children's program.