我为喜剧狂（2006）

Well, why don't you discuss it with special guest star Florence Henderson?
Brady女士
Mrs. Brady!
演员兼歌♥手 曾主持过一档烹饪节目 其最著名角色为Carol Brady
我告诉过这个黑小伙 别再称呼Brady了
I told the black guy here, none of that Brady stuff.
现在开始干活吧 这次是什么表演?
Now let's get this over with.Which booking is this?
我做馅饼时 你们俩想云雨一番嘛吗?
Are you the perverts who want to go to town on each other while I make a pie?
女士们 欢迎你们的到来 我是Bonnie Badamath
Welcome, ladies. Welcome.I'm Bonnie Badamath.
我是今天活动的主席
I'm the chairperson for today's event.
我不能和你们握手 因为Gary走了
I can't shake hands because I have carpal tunnel syndrome
我只能自己拉衣服拉链 得了腕管综合症
from zipping up my own dress now that Gary's gone.
我很高兴能来
Well, I'm very happy to be here.
你们能找对地方 我很欣慰
Well, I'm just so glad that you found the place,
我方向感不好 Gary本来一直是我的向导 谢谢了
what with my directions,Because Gary was the navigator.Thank you.
好激动啊
This is exciting.
看呐 你名字在节目单里
Oh, look, you're in the program.
很好啊 他们肯定网上找的照片
Ah, great, they must have gotten this picture off the Internet.
为何其他结果总是先搜出来呢?
Why does the other Liz Lemon always come up first?
谁在乎呢 他们以你为荣呢
Who cares? They're honoring you.
找我们的位子去 我去一下洗手间
Now you go find our table.I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
我也去 - 等等我
Ooh, I have to go too. - Wait for me.
我刚去过 不过再去一次也无妨
I just went, but I guess I could go again.
搞啥搞?
What the what?
偶滴神 她为了毁我打算在这儿结婚?
Oh, my god, she's gonna do her wedding just to ruin my thing?
真不愧是好闺蜜呀
Wow. My best friend.
为闺蜜之间的闹心事儿自言自语哈? 我也有过啊
Best friend troubles, talking to yourself, I've been there.
你知道Jenna为嘛生我气么? 就因为我结婚了
And you know why Jenna's mad at me?Because I got married.
你知道我闺蜜在我五十大寿时 对我做了什么吗?
You know what my best friend did for my 50th birthday?
她给每个人送了辆车 然后到处 闹腾说
She gives everybody a car, and then she's all,
"多谢大家能来给Gayle过寿"
"thank you for coming to Gayle's birthday!"
最抓狂的是 每次到最后都是我 给她道歉
The crazy thing is I always end up apologizing to her
因为我的感受跟她的比起来 什么都不是
'cause her feelings are so much more important than mine.
我太理解你的感受了 那次我把 我刘海儿剪短了
Oh, I hear you.When I got bangs,
我那闺蜜压根儿就没注意到 所 以我只能让它们长长了算了
my best friend didn't even acknowledge them, so I was gonna grow them out.
然后我在她办的杂♥志♥里读到一篇文章
Then after reading an article in my best friend's magazine,
我才意识到其实我的感受也很重要
I realized my feelings are valid,
所以我才跟她说 "这是我的刘海
so I had to say to her, "my bangs",
是我试着去盖住我的天门盖 不是事事都要绕着你转的"
"they're not about you.It's about me trying to cover my forehead."
就是嘛 理解万岁
Exactly. Thank you.
我们是在说Oprah嘛? - 显然不是啊
We're talking about Oprah, right?- No, of course not.
什么事儿都能钻进她耳朵的
She can hear us.
您老还真是影帝呢
Well, this is certainly high drama.
我死后下葬的时候要穿着这些衣服
These are the clothes that I want to be buried in.
别忘了我手里还得拿着这个
And make sure I'm holding this.
把这头粘到棺材板儿上
Glue this pin to the inside of the coffin lid.
以防有人盗墓 - 盗你墓?
For grave robbers.- For grave robbers?
我都还记得你第一次以死来要挟 我的时候
I remember the first time you ever threatened me with your death.
你应该感恩戴德才对
You should be more appreciative.
老娘为你一天就抽一包烟了
I went down to a pack a day for you.
会有那么一天 当你转过身来发现 "啪"的一下我就已经死翘翘了
One day, you're gonna turn around, and I'll be dead like that.
好了 老妈你表闹了 我回家去了
All right. You can knock it off now, mother.
你眼睛是咋了? 你还真摔了一跤?
I'm home. What happened to your eye?Did you really fall?
我刚才看到电视上
I was watching TV,
他们在采访一个亚裔圣诞老人 接着我胳膊就麻了
and they started interviewing an Asian Santa claus,and my arm went numb.
那你干嘛不叫救护车 给我打神马电♥话♥
And you called me?Mother, call an ambulance.
我爸爸那时杀那么些德国佬可不 是为了让她的女儿死在一辆货车里
My father did not kill dozens of Germans so that his daughter could die in a Van.
但他压根儿就没参过战呀
But he wasn't even in the war.
你去忙你的吧 Jack
Go about your day, Jack.
把门开着 让我自生自灭吧
Just leave the door open and let the elements take me.
我才不管怎样 你得去医院
You're going to the hospital,and I don't care how I have to get you there.
随你 反正我不坐救护车
Well, I'm not going in an ambulance.
不过马车倒是可以
I'll take a horse-drawn carriage.
可那玩意儿完全就是折磨这星球 上最高贵的生物的刑具呀
Those carriages are rolling torture wagons for nature's most dignified creature.
马可是唯一适合在画里出现的 三物件之一呀
The horse is one of only three appropriate subjects for a painting,
其他两样是船只和男人举剑远眺
along with ships with sails and men holding up swords while staring off into the distance.
是嘛 又想和我争论马了是嘛
Sure, let's argue about horses now.
把我的东西提下去
Bring down my things.
我离开这世界的样子要跟我来 的时候一样 戴着帽子
I'm going out of this world exactly the way I came into it,wearing a hat.
你在这儿呀 读过书的
There you are, k through 12.
你还是刚才那个人嘛?
Are you the same guy as before?
还是那个泛白小鬼的双胞胎兄弟?
Or does that sun-bleached turd have a twin brother?
还是那个人 女士
Same guy, ma'am.
看起来我们被困在电梯里了
Looks like we're stuck in a elevator.
貌似我们得开始像电视上播的那样 回忆人生和互相了解了
I guess we'll have to remember stuff and learn from each other, just like on TV.
等下 电梯是你搞坏的?
Wait, you did this on purpose?
你到底会不会呀?
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
阿佩克思技术学校总是以学生为本
Apex technical school puts students first.
趁现在赶快报名哟
And the perfect time to enroll is now.
等下 我们被困住了? 快让我们下去
Wait, we're stuck? Get us down.
我没带酒出来啊
I don't have my flask.
我好怕怕 这是一个馊点子
I'm freaking out. This was a bad idea.
这里面含酒精吧?
Is this alcohol-based?
雅各布你干嘛要酱紫对我!
Why are you doing this to me, Jacob?
下一位获奖者是有Tracy Jordan参演的TGS秀 的首席编剧 Liz Lemon
So our next honoree Liz Lemon is the head writer of TGS with Tracy Jordan,
而且我被告知她于昨天结婚了
and I am told she got married yesterday,
就像Gary和那个卖♥♥我们梦之屋的骚货一样
just like Gary and that bitch who was selling us our dream house.
那么我们先来看看Liz的作品吧
So let's take a look at Liz's work.
等下 有点小问题
Hang on. This is being weird.
吹吹嘛 - 你确定你频道对了?
Blow on the disk. - Is it on the right component?
试试把线拔了再插♥进♥去
Try unplugging it and plugging it back in.
把壳子打开吹吹气试试嘛
Just open the disk part and blow on it.
在找这个嘛?
Looking for this?
你毁了我的婚礼 该我复仇了
You ruined my wedding. It's payback time.
Jenna 那只是碰巧而已
Jenna, what I did was an accident,
可我得个奖 你就要整我?
but you're trying to sabotage me just because I'm getting an award?
你明知自己不配
You know you don't deserve it.
没有我 你还在芝加哥当灯光师呢
Without me, you'd still be behind that light board in Chicago,
把酸甜软糖的袋子舔得干干净净
turning bags of sour patch kids inside out to lick them clean.
我赚钱心安理得
I got my money's worth.
没有我 你还在给地摊货做广♥告♥呢
And without me you'd still be doing local commercials for store-brand douches.
你还好意思说我 那根本不是广♥告♥
Well, joke's on you, because that wasn't a commercial.
我不知道那是啥
I don't know what that was.
我对天发誓 你是全球最自私的人
I swear to god, you are the most selfish human being on the planet.
谢谢 如需其他信息或铃♥声♥ 请浏览我的个人网站
Thank you.Visit my website for extras and ringtones.
我之前太纵容你了 今晚到此为止
Only because I've let you be. It stops tonight.
你阻止不了我上台
You can't stop me from getting on that Stage.
你确定吗?
Are you sure?
猜猜本灯光技术宅干过什么?
'Cause guess what this lighting board nerd did?
同行灯光师需要什么帮助?
So what can I do for a fellow lightsmith?
16 32 70号♥灯调亮20%
I want you to come up 20% on 16, 32, and 70.
不行 这样会... - 照做便是
No, but that would... - Just do it!
现在这舞台亮的惨白惨白的
Well, this Stage is now lit for grocery store milk aisle.
我不能上去 我这样子...
I can't get up there.I'll look...
惨不忍♥睹 嗯没错
Horrible.Yeah.
哎哟 我又一次毁了你的婚礼吗?
Oh, no.Did I ruin your wedding again?
你还得告诉Mary姨妈
Also you need to tell your aunt Mary,
她两岁时出了事 因为一把滚烫的梳子
when she was two, there was an accident with a hot comb.
她以前是男孩
Well, she used to be a boy.
妈 别说了 留点儿力气跟医生吼去
Stop talking, mother.Save your strength for yelling at doctors.
还有些事情要告诉你 Jack
There's a couple of other things I want you to know, Jack.
我没说完 不许打断我
And I don't want you to interrupt me until I'm done.
我只想让你幸福
All I want is for you to be happy.
幸福? - 是的
Happy? - Yes.
你什么时候关心起幸福来了
Since when did you ever care about happiness?
别这么跟我说话 Jack
Don't talk to me like that, Jack.
我用母乳喂养了你九年
I breast-fed you for nine years!
这遗言太蹩脚了
Those are terrible last words.
你只有吐槽的时候才会幸福
The closest you ever get to happiness is when you're criticizing something,
最好是吐槽我的所作所为
preferably something I've done.
Jack 别说了 我终究会离世
Jack, stop talking.I am not going to be around forever.
又来了
Oh, here it comes.
终有一天 当你转身
One of these days,you're gonna turn around, Jack,