我为喜剧狂（2006）

无敌阿Ken@fremulon. biz
kentremendous@fremulon.biz... Ugh.
高富帅58 不对 那是我
Totalpackage58... Wait, that's me.
用上一整天我也不在乎
I don't care if it takes all day.
你教我如何复♥制♥所有地址
I want you to teach me how to copy all of those email addresses
然后粘贴到新邮件上
and paste them into a new email.
不 我明白
No, I understand.
决定了请你告诉我
You'll let me know when you've made a decision.
但... 好吧 再见
But... okay, bye.
怎么样了 小盆友?
How's it going, friendy?
刚那是Gerald Chair Geri-Chair的创始人
Well, that was Gerald chair,the inventor of the Gerichair.
他们正在跟Jamie Lee Curtis接洽
They're leaning towards Jamie Lee Curtis.
她已经抢了我的Activia 还有"冻闪闪更年棒冰"
She already beat me out for Activia,and cold flash menopause popsicles.
可能现在不是时候 但我需要帮忙
Ugh. Well, this might not be the best timing, but...
好吧 你看我像能帮别人的人吗
I need a favor. - Yeah.Today's the day when I'm gonna do my first favor ever.
不是帮我 而是全天下女人
This isn't a favor for me,it's a favor for all women. - Ugh!
要证明Tracy是错的
We are gonna prove Tracy wrong...
没意思 - 让他看看女人多搞笑
Bored. - And show him how funny women are.
咱?有吗? - 咱们来重现咱的老节目
Are we, though? - By...Re-staging our old show.
老节目
Our old show.
你是在思考还是在练肌肉呢?
are you thinking, or doing kegels?
是滴
Yes.
好吧 演
Let's do it.
得演医生那一段 我演小女孩
But we have to do the doctor sketch,the one where I'm a little girl.
行啊 必须的 多谢友情支持
Sure. Absolutely.And thank you for being a friend about this.
是啊 友
Yes, friend.
对的 友
I mean, yes...Friend.
多谢光临 先生们
Thank you for coming in, gentlemen.
期待了解大家能给予Zarina 而我木有的
I look forward to discovering exactly what each of you has to offer Zarina that I do not.
我知道她养了个性♥爱♥宠物 搞什么不羁试验
I know she has a sex idiot for uninhibited experimentation.
不对 我们肯定相爱了
No, I'm pretty sure we're in love.
还有个脏兮兮的嬉皮士 玩波西米亚风
A filthy hippie to make her feel bohemian.
这个哥没有 了解
I get it, I can't give her that.
一个在家长跟前玩儿叛逆
Someone to make her parents angry...
我就这点用处哇?这都2012啦
aw, man, is that all I am to her?It's 2012.
抱歉 Norbert 现实残酷啊
Sorry, norbert. The truth hurts.
还有华尔街腹黑男 有意思
Interesting.A mean Wall Street type.
我以为自己才是大款呢
I would have thought I was the money guy.
那我又是啥?一头靓发哇?
So what does that make me?Just the perfect head of hair?
抱歉 我来晚了 - 我滴个神
Hey. Sorry I'm late. - Heavenly father.
你想必是无敌阿Ken
You must be Ken tremendous.
我不懂哎 那我算干啥的?
I don't understand.What am I doing here?
所有典型男友都齐了
We've covered all the classic boyfriend archetypes.
除了干爹型
Except the father figure.
那哥们儿呢 我说对了吧?
Where is that guy, am I right?
看歌♥剧睡着
The one who falls asleep at the opera,
根本没发现她在床上 给正版男友发短♥信♥呢
and doesn't notice that she's texting her real boyfriend from his bed.
那个衰人在哪里?
Where's that sucker?
不会... 是我吧?
Oh, no... is it me?
女士们先生们 你们将要欣赏到
Ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to see
芝加哥地区Piven钦点双姝秀 Maroney和Lemon的经典片段
is a classic sketch from the Chicago area piven-nominated two-woman show,Maroney and Lemon.
马上把你带到...
I take you now to this...
医生办公室
Doctor's office.
医生 我不满意我这爱尿床的小身板 你能帮我吗?
Doctor, I'm unhappy with me widdle body.Can you help me?
当然了 婴幼儿整形手术是一个振奋人心的新领域
Well, of course.Toddler plastic surgery is an exciting new field.
我们可以把你缩小一个尿布号♥呢
We can take you down an entire diaper size.
♪ 这些段子都好好笑 ♪
♪ This sketch is hilarious ♪
♪ 这话是我说的 ♪
♪ take it from me ♪
♪ 女人很搞笑 我们都知道 ♪
♪ women are funny we can all agree ♪
♪ Carrol Burnett Lucille Ball... ♪
♪ Carrol Burnett, Lucille Ball... ♪
♪ 不 不陪你玩这个 ♪
♪ No, not gonna do it ♪
♪ 她们都不如我们 ♪
♪ it's beneath us all ♪
♪ 因为我们不需要向你证明什么 ♪
♪ 'cause we don't need to prove it to you ♪
♪ 不 因为我们不需要向你证明什么 ♪
♪ no, we don't need to prove it to you ♪
谢谢你 医生
"Tank" you, doctor.
别谢我 谢Roe V. Wade (1973年Roe一案赋予妇女堕胎权)
Don't thank me,thank roe v. Wade.
♪ 不 因为我们不需要向你证明什么 ♪
♪ no, we don't need ♪ to prove it ♪
♪ 哦 没想到会这样 ♪
♪ oh, I didn't see that coming ♪
♪ 不 因为我们不需要向你证明什么 ♪
♪ no, we don't need to prove it ♪ to you ♪
还真是挺搞笑的 Liz
That was actually funny, Liz.
那为什么女生秀这么差劲呢?
So why does TGS suck so much?
谢谢啊 Frank
Thanks, Frank.
Liz小亲亲 我要向你道歉
Elizabeth Q. lemonade, I owe you an apology.
段子好好笑 跟猴子搞笑一样好笑
That skit was funny.Like, monkey funny.
谢谢 你能这么说我好感动 Tracy
Thanks. That means a lot, Tracy.
当你说 "请进 我是医生"的时候
When you were, like, "come in, I'm a doctor,"
是啊 - 你还穿上了白大褂 就像个医生一样
yeah. - And you had on that lab coat, like a doctor.
女医生... 天啊 太搞笑了!
A lady doctor... oh my god,that is hilarious!
真的吗? 你觉得笑点在这里 一个女医生?
Really? That's what you thought the joke was,there's a female doctor?
是啊 还有Jenna 就像一个老妓♥女♥在努力扮嫩 绝了!
Yeah. And Jenna,you as that sad old prostitute trying to look young...Commentary!
老? 谢谢你 Tracy
Old? Oh, thank you, Tracy.
就是为了这个我才演的
That's the only reason I did this.
看 多成功!
And it was spectacular!
Gerald! 你来了!
Gerald! You came!
必须的 亲
You bet I did, baby.
没有什么比老黄瓜刷绿漆更显老的了
There's nothing older than trying to be young.
你在台上显得那叫一个老啊
And you looked like a million years up there.
恭喜你 你成为了Geri-Chair的新任代言婆!
Congratulations.You are Gerichair's new spokes-crone!
女飞人 一个男的都写不出来那个医生的段子
Lolo Jones, a man couldn't even do that doctor sketch.
如果是个男的 我们可能就得听他叨叨医学建议了
We would've just been sitting there listening to his medical advice.
你是对的 Liz Lemon 女人也可以搞笑
You were right, Liz Lemon.Women can be funny.
好吧 这我也认了
You know what? I'll take it.
昂首挺胸好傲娇
Stride of pride.
Jenna?
Jenna?
Jack 很抱歉
Oh, Jack, I'm sorry.
我以为这么晚了这里不会有人了
I didn't think anyone would be up here this late.
有的晚上我会到这里来
Sometimes, I like to come up here at night
冲着帝国大厦露胸
and flash my breasts at the empire state building.
你只冲一栋楼露吗?
Is that the only building that you flash?
还是也冲时代华纳中心露一下
Or do you also flash the time Warner center
让帝国大厦觉得自己是个老2B?
to make the empire state building feel like an old fool.
你还好吧 Jack?
Are you all right, Jack?
你就像我的识字卡片里 表示悲伤的那一张
You look like that flash card they told me means sadness.
我要和我对象分手呢
I have to break it off with a woman I'm seeing.
我发现我就是她的宠物小精灵里的杰尼龟
I found out I'm just an aging Squirtle in her Pokemon.
好辛酸
That's tough.
接受别人对你的真实看法是很不易
Accepting the way other people see us can be difficult.
我内心里还觉得自己是性♥爱♥宠物的角色
I mean, inside, I still feel like a sex idiot.
但我现在已经接受自己是个假56岁的人了
But I have to accept the fact that I'm fake 56 now,
现在我更像Diane Lane 不老美人
and I'm more of a Diane Lane ageless beauty.
与其反抗 不如尽情享受
But don't fight it, embrace it.
你真想跟这女孩去布鲁克林 听她的朋友DJ的表演吗?
Look.Do you really want this girl asking you to go hear her friend dj in Brooklyn?
不 听上去好累
No, that sounds exhausting.
你想开五个小时的车和她去攀岩
Do you want to drive five hours to go rock climbing with her,
她还指望你回来以后和她滚床单吗?
and be expected to have sex after?
不行 我是说我背不行
I do not. I mean, my back.
那就别和她分手
So don't break up with her.
就当那个老家伙吧 很有意思的
Just be the older person.It's fun.
你可以随时说一些种族歧视的话 人们还会给你汤
You get to say racist stuff whenever you want,and people bring you soup.
我确实喜欢喝汤
I do like soup.
好吧 也许我永远都没法实现 欲望都市里的早午餐了
Okay, so maybe I never got my sex and the city brunch.
或许我永远也无法与人分享 我现在已经知道四个体♥位♥的秘密了
And maybe I never got to share the fact that I now know four different sexual positions,
其中一个还要用到椅子呢
one of which involves a chair.
但是或许一段健康的感情 不仅只有这些
But maybe a good relationship is more than that, anyway.
所有这些关于背后换人和宠物小精灵的讨论 让我想到
All this talk of great-escaping and pokemons got me thinking.
自我承认是不是实现梦想的秘密途径?
Is accepting who you are the secret to getting what you want?
开拍!
Action!
Geri-Chair让我即使圣诞独自在家也很安全
Gerichair makes it safe for me to spend Christmas alone.
男人女人对这个世界的看法真的如此不同吗?
Do men and women really see the world so differently?
或许我们都应该承认 我们都是带着公文包的猴子 只是在拼命给自己披上人类的外表?
Or can we agree that we're all just monkeys with suitcases trying to seem like people?
下得好 教授
Well played, professor.