我为喜剧狂（2006）

If we print it in landscape, the page will take it all.
没错 占得满满登登的
Oh, yeah. It'll take it all.
老天
Oh, my god.
嘿 值十块钱儿呢
Hey! That was ten dollars.
我知道性福生活缺啥了 合理规划
I think I figured out what's been missing from my sex life.Organizing it.
Cooter? Cooter Berger?
Cooter? Cooter berger?
嗨 Jack 我就自己动手倒酒喝了
Hi, Jack.I took the Liberty of making myself a drink.
红酒 奎宁水加橄榄?
Is that red wine with tonic water and olives in it?
没错 老式西班牙风格
Yep. It's an old Spanish.
没这么喝的?
Is that not a thing?
办公室人还说这是酷饮
Oh, the guys at the office told me it was a cool drink.
反正老有人整我
I'm always getting pranked.
那你一直忙活啥呢?
So, uh, what have you been up to?
2008年 我又回去做游说客
Well, after 2008, I went back to being a lobbyist.
游荡在酒店大堂做说客
You know, just hanging out in hotel lobbies.
如果你穿个红马甲 有时人们以为你是泊车小弟
If you wear a red vest, sometimes people think you're a valet
然后你还能在他们车上打个盹儿
and you can take a nap in their car.
不错 又重振雄风了嘛
Right.Well, it looks like you're back on your feet.
你面前站的可是2012 Romney-Dunston组合媒体关系副主管
And how. You're looking at the deputy chief of media relations,Romney-dunston 2012.
来个贴片儿
Here, have a sticker.
Cooter这不是金鱼眼胖青蛙么
Cooter, this is a puffy frog with googly eyes.
不是吧 我都发了一整天了
Oh, no.I've been handing those out all day.
听着 Jack 我之所以来
Listen, Jack, the reason I'm here...
是想谈谈Bob Dunston和TGS的事
We need to talk about this whole Bob dunston TGS thing.
包在我身上
Yes, I'm taking care of that, I assure you.
以后保证他不在小品里出现
There will be no more Bob dunston sketches on TGS.
不 不是这意思
No, no, no. That's not what we want.
希望你们可着劲儿的拿他说事儿
We need you to make fun of dunston as much as possible.
啥 为什么?
What? Why?
这让他讨喜 其实这人不厚道
Because it's making him likeable.He's actually very mean.
可让Tracy Jordan这么一演
But with Tracy Jordan playing him...
他就成了可爱小丑了 - 没错
he's a lovable buffoon.- Exactly.
没人讨论州长的底子
Nobody's talking about the governor's record...
什么在阿♥拉♥巴马搞学校隔离复兴
his re-segregation of the Alabama schools.
什么在蒙哥马利市政厅 跟Hank Williams雕像搞基
His long-time sexual relationship with the Hank Williams statue outside Montgomery city hall.
人们只认准Tracy搞笑 双赢啊
They're just talking about how funny Tracy is.It's a win-win.
你帮我们重赢白宫 还能让NBC收视扬眉吐气
You help us take back the white house.And you goose NBC's ratings.
是啊 我正求之不得呢
Yes, and I do want NBC to get good ratings.
就是嘛 来个愿望大接龙
Yeah, I know.Let's keep saying things we want.
咱们哥俩好 一起公路旅行 轮你了
A closer friendship with you that includes road trips.Your turn.
能请你支个招不?
Jenna?Can we trouble you for some advice?
如果你们只在纽约待几天 行啊
Yes. If you're only in New York for a few days,
找机会瞧瞧Amar'e Stoudemire的命根子 物有所值啊
find a way to see Amar'e Stoudemire's penis.It's worth it.
可我们想说说Kenny
All right, but we'd like to talk to you about Kenny.
他连话都不跟我讲
He won't even speak to me.
Don Garlene 我没时间整这个
Don, Garlene, I don't have time for this.
我在给新专辑写歌♥ 现在只有一类人买♥♥唱片了
I'm trying to write a new album for the only people who buy records anymore.
向你们这样的悲催中年大老粗
Unhappy, middle-aged bummers like you.
创作很头疼
This writing is hard.
等等 你说你写过歌♥
Wait. You said you write songs.
没错 不过没你和Showbiz比萨那帮人 那么专业
Yes, I do, but I'm not a professional like you,or them bears at showbiz pizza.
给我唱唱 找找灵感
Sing one for me now. For inspiration.
我不会剽窃的
I'm not going to steal it.
就是真干 也甭费劲打官司了
But if I do, don't even bother lawyering up.
我的犹太律师团立马把你搞定 你会以为自己是亚洲萝莉
I'll have my Jews on you so fast,you'll think you're an Asian girl.
那好吧
Well, um, okay.
这是今天早些时候给Kenny写的
I wrote this song earlier today, for Kenny.
希望他有天能明白过来
You know, I just hope someday he realizes... - Okay.
♪ 我家墙上有副图 ♪
♪ There's a picture on my wall ♪
♪ 画着一个小男孩 ♪
♪ of a boy who's just yea tall ♪
♪ 没了爹 好危险 ♪
♪ without a daddy, he's in danger ♪
♪ 他需要陌生的老男人 ♪
♪ he needs an older male stranger ♪
♪ 当他上了战场 ♪
♪ and when he goes to war ♪
得 您还是停吧
Okay, I'm going to stop you right there.
Ron 太差劲了 我要坦白地说出心里话
Ron, that was terrible.I'm going to be constructive here.
你干嘛不去死 - 不 他才不该死
You should kill yourself.- No, he should not.
很抱歉 Maroney小姐 你不能这样对Ron说话
I am sorry, Ms. Maroney, but you don't talk to Ron like that.
你说什么呢?
What are you talking about?
我听见你叫他"臭粑粑"
I've heard you call Ron a dingleberry.
只有我才可以把Ron与我们那些
Comparing Ron to our inconsiderate neighbors,
真的像臭粑粑一样挫人邻居相比
the dingleberrys, is something I can do.
但是你不可以
But you are not allowed to.
因为你不是我们家的一员
Because you are not... A part of our family.
一家人就是这样的 Kenneth
That's what family is, Kenneth.
你总是在他们背后说他们的坏话
People you badmouth all the time behind their back.
在来这儿的火车上 我说你是一个长着脸的保龄球瓶
Why, on the train right up here,I called you a bowling pin with a face drawn on it.
得了白化病的拉拉 长着牙齿的小拇指
A cheap albino lesbian.A finger with teeth.
别人拉在暖气上的一坨便便 - 我懂了 妈
A hummel someone left on the radiator.- I get it, mom.
但是如果别人说你坏话 Kenneth 我是不能忍♥的
But if anyone else says a word about you, Kenneth,I don't stand for it.
你还记得学校里欺负你的那小子吗?
Do you remember that kid in school who bullied you?
我已经吃了那头羊 因为我们是一家人
Well, I ate that goat.Because you and I are family.
不管你是否喜欢 Kenneth 你和他也是一家人
And, like it or not, Kenneth, so are you and my husband.
我丈夫 Ronald Mcdonnell
Ronald mcdonnell.
我觉得我有了一首歌♥的灵感
I think I just got an idea for a song.
叫做 "被酒浸湿的卫生棉"
It's called "rum-soaked tampon."
哦 你们在聊什么呢?
Now, what were you guys talking about?
我们给您增大尺码
♪ 嘿 我的妞 ♪
♪ Hey, girl ♪
♪ 就俺俩 ♪
♪ me and you ♪
♪ 嘿 北鼻 ♪
♪ hey, baby ♪
♪ 这样只能更好证明 ♪
♪ this is just more proof ♪
♪ 俺是个一流歌♥手 ♪
♪ that I am an amazing singer ♪
♪ 这首歌♥让你想来一发? ♪
♪ does this song make you wanna do it? ♪
♪ 不用谢 ♪
♪ You're welcome ♪
♪ 妞 你咋恁美呢 ♪
♪ girl, you're so beautiful ♪
♪ 和你在一起那小伙儿也是 ♪
♪ and so is the guy you're with ♪
♪ 我真想舔你一脸口水 ♪
♪ I just want to lick your face, eeh... ♪
你以为这是哪儿啊 大卖♥♥场么?
Hey!Where you think you are, OfficeMax?
赶紧给我滚 变♥态♥
Get out of here, you perverts.
两分钟 还有两分钟直播
Two minutes. Two minutes to air.
Lemon 你去哪儿了? 你有节目在身
Lemon, where have you been?You have a show to do.
别担心节目了 都安排好了
Don't worry about the show. It's all scheduled.
看这个 老娘喜欢
Look at this. Oh, yeah, mommy like.
你这是什么毛病?
What's wrong with you?
我解决了我的爱爱危机 Jack
I've solved my intimacy issues, Jack.
现在每天晚上都有节目 一切都得井井有条...
Now that the show is on every night,everything has to be organized...
就像杜塞尔多夫的公共汽车时间表一样 (杜塞尔多夫: 德国城市)
恭喜你 我只是想确认一下 今晚会有关于Dunston的段子
Well, congratulations.I just want to make sure that you're doing a Bob dunston sketch tonight.
为什么? - 因为 我喜欢 呃 第一修正案
Why?- Because of the, uh, first amendment.Which I love.
还有 你之前跟我说的那些说服了我 你赢了
And what you told me earlier.You convinced me. You win.
你当我是傻子吗?
You think I'm an idiot?
我才没赢呢 我就是傻子
I didn't win that argument. I'm an idiot.
Lemon 你到底想让我说什么?
Lemon, what do you want me to say?
你在帮Romney-Duston参选 懂吗?
You're helping the Romney-dunston ticket, okay?
大家喜欢Dunston 因为他们喜欢Tracy
People like dunston because they like Tracy.
什么? 不行啊
What? No.
如果这些段子帮了Romney 那我们就不做了
If these sketches are helping Romney,we're not doing them.
你得做 这样是最好的选择
Yes, maybe that's for the best.
你节目的成功 是阻止Hank卖♥♥掉NBC的唯一原因
The success of your show is the only thing keeping Hank from selling NBC.
如果他不卖♥♥的话 我未来的职业生涯 都要随着这个前途渺茫的公♥司♥一起黯淡
And if he doesn't sell, I'll spend the rest of my career in corporate obscurity,
就像拖着油瓶的中年妇女 我靠
like a woman with children.Damn it.
但如果我不帮Romney 就要继续忍♥受四年的社♥会♥主♥义♥
But if I don't help Romney, it's four more years of socialism
忍♥受公♥司♥都没个人样 忍♥受白宫变成篮球场
and corporations not being people and a basketball court at the white house.
让我来终结你的纠结吧 Jack 不演了
Let me make your choice easy. Jack, it's over.
对 但这样就行了吗?
Yes, but is it that easy?
你不做Dunston段子 TGS休秀恢复每周一♥期♥
You stop doing dunston, TGS goes back to one night a week,
你可以和你井井有条的上♥床♥时间表说拜拜了
you can kiss goodbye your dusseldorf bus schedule sex.
你的亲密时间将会像巴黎地铁时间表一样混乱
You'll be having Paris Metro sex.
整个下午都忙着活塞运动
Long sessions of afternoon love-making,
然后聊天 有手指卷Criss的胸毛玩
followed by talking and making circles with your finger in Criss' chest hair.
不行 你不能逼我
No. You can't make me.
接着演 我帮了Romney 毁了我的事业