我为喜剧狂（2006）

你失败了 Liz
You failed us, Liz.
节目被砍了 我们也都死了
You let the show get cancelled,and we all died.
不是我的错
No, I didn't.It wasn't my fault.
我们讨论过做此类梦时 应该扮演牛仔
When we talked about this dream, we said we were gonna be cowboys.
你的错 你的错 ...
Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your... - Aah!
醒醒 Liz 醒醒
Wake up. Liz, wake up!
双胞胎要来了 - 什么?
The twins are coming. - What?
领养中心Bev刚发了封邮件来
Yeah, I just got an email from Bev at the adoption agency.
地址是hotjuggsbev2@adoption.Gov
It's from hotjuggsbev2@adoption.Gov.
估计那办公室还有个肥婆叫Bev吧
Guess there's another full-figured Bev at the office there.
天哪 一月29号♥的124次航♥班♥
Oh, my god, flight 124 on January 29th.
还有不到五天了 好快
That's in five days. It's happening so fast.
他们从哪来 我们都不知道
We don't even know where they're coming from.
124次航♥班♥的小型飞机已离开 休斯顿的乔治·布♥什♥机场
Airbike flight 124 out of Houston's George Bush Airport.
不是我的机场 - 别纠结啦 Liz
It's not my airport! - Let it go, Liz.
等下 从休斯顿来 肯定没冬衣呢
Wait, if they're coming from Houston,they won't have winter clothes.
要给他们买♥♥夹克衫和帽子
They're gonna need jackets and hats.
八岁的小孩头有多大呢 我想 大概保龄球那么大吧
How big is an eight-year-old's head?I'm thinking, like, a bowling ball?
保龄球太小了 起码是篮球大小
No, bowling ball's too small. It's like a basketball.
小篮球 你在游乐场玩游戏赢的那种
A small basketball that you win at the fair.
你说的就是保龄球嘛
You're describing a bowling ball.
好啦 孩子们要来了 要去拯救节目 DVR录到98%了
Okay, kids coming, show to save,DVR at 98%,
可我完全没有看"劫后余生"的心情
but I'm just never in the mood to watch treme.
首先 我先连补"劫后余生"
Okay, first things first... I'll watch a bunch of tremes.
那我去体育用品店 测量球的大小
I'll go to the sporting goods store and measure balls.
我需要卷尺 去宜家搞定
I'm gonna need a cloth tape measure. To Ikea!
抱歉来晚了 可要能坚持看下去 "劫后余生"还是不错的
Hey, sorry I'm late, but treme gets good if you stick with it.
TGS没事了吧 你要收回成命了吧
So is TGS safe now? Will you uncancel us?
Lemon 我不能刚当上CEO
Lemon, I can't start my tenure as CEO
为了帮怪咖朋友 就推♥翻♥前任的决定
by reversing my predecessor's decisions in order to help my weird buddy.
不过我可以曲线救国
But while I can't help directly,I have, through back-channels...
像黑人娱乐电视台那样 - 是秘密渠道
Like B.E.T.?- Backchannels.
我替你解围了
I have secured you a lifeline.
Kabletown董事会同意今晚听你的陈述
The Kabletown board has agreed to hear a presentation from you tonight to convince them that
说服他们TGS值得经营下去
TGS is worth more alive than dead.
很好 之前我就推销过一次节目 被我搞砸了
Perfect. I've sold this show once before you were even here, and I crushed it.
这是时事讽刺喜剧 受众是小群体
It's a topical sketch-comedy show for a little demographic
大概也就51%的人口吧
that's, oh, I don't know, 51% of the population.
点头就算赞同了
I'll take that nod as a yes.
Lemon 这不是卖♥♥你创意的时候
Lemon, this is not a question of selling your creative vision.
多亏Hazel的官司 TGS浪费了数百万
Thanks to Hazel's lawsuit, TGS has cost this company millions of dollars.
那我们可以削减开支
Okay, well, we can make cuts.
你要做的不仅仅是会计 Lemon
You'll have to do a lot more than trim the budget, Lemon.
你的节目不能再花NBC一分钱了
Your show can't cost NBC any money at all.
那不可能啊 - 怎么不可能
That's impossible. - Impossible?
你哪个女偶像会说这话吗?
Would any of your female heroes say that?
Amelia Earhart(女飞行员) Dian Fossey(女动物学家) 或是Joan of Arc(圣女贞德) 谁会说?
Would Amelia earhart or dian fosse or Joan of arc?
老天 女人们一发狠 结局都不咋地啊
Boy, women who try to do things sure get killed a lot.
知道嘛 我可以的
You know what? I can do this.
之前我就保过节目 我也不怕董事会
I've saved the show before, and I ain't afraid of no board!
Lemon 音乐表演的尾白 那费用太高 你节目也付不起了
Lemon, expensive musical cues are exactly the sort of thing you can't afford anymore.
♪ Na na net na net 完了 ♪
♪ Na na net na net, dorp ♪
我为喜剧狂 第七季 第11集
得人如我 拨开云雾见太阳啊
You've got Lemon. Make lemonade.
你什么时候能回来
Hey, when do you think you're gonna be home?
我们要把小窝好好改造一番
'Cause we gotta do some power nesting.
楼上呢 给孩子们画上休斯顿壁画
Upstairs, I want to paint a mural of Houston for the kids,
可是沼泽的湿气好难画
but I'm terrible at drawing swamp humidity.
我不确定 Criss 晚点吧
I don't know, Criss, late.
抱歉 我会弥补的
I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.
沙发上爱爱吗? - 沙发上爱爱?
Sex on the couch? - Sex on the couch?
那不错啊 Criss 晚点打给你
That's a good one, Criss. I'll call you later.
好
Okay.
听好了 傻X们 是时候了
Listen up, jagweeds, it's go time!
现在是第五级戒备状态（一共才5级）
We are at defcon 5 here.
最低级备战状态吗? 好棒
The lowest level of defense preparedness? Fantastic.
有人去过'聋人会展'吗 是聋人漫画博览会
Have you dudes ever been to deafcon, the comic book convention for deaf people?
若你不是聋子 就会深陷于...
Man, if you're a dude who can hear,you are just knee-deep in...
情况很严重啊 节目被砍了
this is serious. Our show is cancelled!
现在要同心协力 同舟共济啊
Now, we all need to pull together, wing to wing, and oar to oar.
好啦 不说废话 直击重点
Fine, I'll skip to the end.
阿姆曾是叫Marshall Mathers的小男孩
And that little boy's name was Marshall Mathers.
谁与我同在?
So who's with me?
LL 你保住节目没
Ll, did you save the show yet?
因为我和J-mo又有新麻烦了
'Cause J-Mo and I have a new problem.
昨晚的派对 雷雨交加 我们在同个喷泉里尿尿了
Last night at a party, we urinated into the same fountain during a lightning storm.
我觉得我已经跟她灵魂互换了
And I think we switched brains.
没 我还没救回来
No, I haven't saved the show yet.
大家这样 我也毫无办法
I cannot save the show without all of us stepping up.
我们只有一次机会 就在今晚
We get one shot at this. Tonight.
我们要做个节目的小样 你们得开始动笔了
We have to do a sample show, so you guys need to start writing.
我们得召集粉丝 你俩(you two)要宣传一整天
We have to rally our fans, so you two are doing press all day.
幸好U2整天也在做宣传
I'm glad the band U2 is doing press all day.
Jenna 快 跑 趁Liz Lemon回神之前
Jenna, quick, run, before Liz Lemon realizes what I did.
你们还当这是儿戏嘛
Ugh! Do you think this is a joke?
TGS没了 你们就是三无小演员
If TGS goes away, you are actors without a show.
Hornberger 你跟我要开始大笔削减预算
And, Hornberger, you and I are gonna slash the budget like we've never slashed it before.
你准备好了么?
Are you ready?
时刻准备着
My whole life has been building to this moment.
有那么糟? 天呐 - 是捏
Has it really? Oh, god. - Yeah.
您找我有事? 先生 - 错
You wanted to see me, sir? - No.
我要见的是...
I wanted to see...
听差Kenneth
Kenneth the page.
听差Kenneth 很久没人这么叫我了
Kenneth the page.That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.
有的说他已经死了 有的又说他还行迹于江湖
Some say he's dead, but others hear his name on the wind.
别浪费时间了 你干不干?
We don't have a lot of time here... what do you say?
对这制♥服♥我可说不了"不"
I can't say no to these colors.
我流着的是蓝与灰之色的血
I bleed Blue and Gray.
特别是我踩上了钉子的时候
Especially where I stepped on that nail.
好极了 我有一群贵宾要来参观
Excellent. I've got a V.I.P. tour group coming in,
而我需要最具资历的听差去带队
and I want my most experienced page to lead it.
来参观的都有谁呢
Now, who will be on this tour?
我好准备迎合不同需求
I like to cater my presentation to the audience.
比如说 要是日本人的话
For example, if they're Japanese,
我会"碰巧"让他们遇见一个金发 妞撒尿
I'll make sure we accidentally walk in on a blonde woman peeing.
Kenneth 你带领的是即将接任我的 五名候选人
Kenneth, you'll be showing around the five final candidates for my old job at NBC.
他们以为这只是最终面试前的过场
Now, they think this just a formality before the final interview,
而这过场就是最终面试
but the tour is the final interview.
通用电气的老把戏了
It's an old G.E. trick.
只有在他毫无防备的情况下你才 看得出一个人的本性
You can only truly judge a man who doesn't know he's being judged.
就像NBC以前Bob Uecker演的 TV版的查理和巧克力工厂一样
It's like NBC's TV version of Willy Wonka,starring Bob Uecker.
我很敬佩Wonka 他是一个真正的资本家
I do admire Wonka. He's a true capitalist.
他的厂子完全不受政♥府♥约束 工人全是 奴隶 里面还可以划船 赞呀
His factory has zero government regulations, slave labor, and an indoor boat. Wonderful.
在参观过程中 这些候选人会放松 警惕
During the tour, the candidates will drop their guard
不知不觉的便露出了真性情
and show their true selves without even knowing it.
然后你选出心地最善良的那个
And then you choose the one who's purest of heart.
什么? 才不是呢 Kenneth 这可是 电视台
What? No. Kenneth, this is broadcast television.
这行水可深呀
It's a nasty, ruthless business.
不 先生 这是一个神奇的 慈悲为怀的行当
No, sir. It's a magical, Ruth-filled business!
这行要完了 他的领袖得狠得下心
It's dying, and its leader needs to be a grave robber
能榨干大众的最后一点油水
who'll strip every last bauble off the corpse.
我在想我们该选谁呢?
I'm getting concerned about who we're gonna pick here.
不是我们 Kenneth. 你领队参观
There is no "we", Kenneth. You're giving a tour.
我来选NBC的下届总裁
I'm picking the next president of NBC.
懂否? - 是的 先生
Understood?- Yes, sir.
必须的...
Of course...
才怪
Not.
为了削减开支我们得
Well, there are things we can do to make the show cheaper.
降低薪水 停用录影带 开除Danny 去掉所有的场景布置
Gut the crew, no more taped pieces, fire Danny, scrap all the sets,
以后录节目都在绿幕里录
and shoot everything on greenscreen.
不要 绿幕看起来好假的