我为喜剧狂（2006）

我想劝她别干妓♥女♥这行了 然后她就
to talk her out of being a prostitute, and she...
Jack 我准备让Tracy演Dunston州长
Jack, I have to let Tracy play governor dunston.
绝对不要 - 拜托 他们长得一模一样哎
Absolutely not.- Come on. He looks exactly like him.
给我个机会吧 Jack 听听看
Give me a break, Jack.Listen to this guy.
等等 我这里给钩子钩住了
Hang on. I'm caught on a nail here.
好了 我们继续吧
Okay, now we can continue.
无法忽视Dunston啊 Jack
I can't just ignore dunston, Jack.
大家都在说他和Tracy有多像
Everyone's talking about how much he looks like Tracy.
NBC官网上今天有100多次点击 - 可不是嘛
NBC.com had over 100 hits today.Exactly.
我正努力耍手段搞垮电视台
I'm trying to tank this network.
为此 我才让你避开政♥治♥人物
To that end, I have asked you to lay off politics.
其实你是想不提共和党人 是不?
Uh-huh. But what you really meant was lay off Republicans, didn't you?
Lemon 这和政♥治♥没有关系
This is not about politics, Lemon.
为了保护这个网络 我打算彻底毁了它
In order to save this network, I have to destroy it.
就像英国石油公♥司♥对墨西哥湾的做法一样
Just like BP did when they heroically tried to lubricate the Gulf of Mexico.
听着 别写任何关于Bob Dunston的事
Now, do not write anything about Bob dunston.
我发誓 我一个字也不会写的
I promise. I won't write a word.
我们现在比四年前过得好吗?
Are we better off now than we were four years ago?
反正我不是 我都得了疱疹了
Not me.I now have herpes.
而且南部的黑♥手♥党♥一直在追杀我
And the Dixie mafia is trying to kill me.
喔 精灵王子
Hey, elf prince.
你为什么觉得我上次来大姨妈是29号♥?
What makes you think my last period started on the 29th?
因为你一直在说你的阿姨Flo来了
Because you kept saying your aunt Flo was in town.
她是来了 你不记得了?
She was. Remember?
我带她去了纽约现代艺术博物馆和修道院?
I took her to moma and the cloisters?
我以为那些都是大姨妈的委婉称谓啊
I assumed those were all vaginal euphemisms.
好啊 所以咱无缘无故滚床单了
Great. So we had sex for no reason.No reason at all.
谢谢
Wow. Thank you. - Well...
我知道你不太情愿
look, Liz, I know this isn't your... Jam.
所以我尽量增添乐趣
Which is why I've been trying to make it fun.
在办公室给你惊喜 还给你写歌♥
I surprised you at the office, I wrote you that song.
♪ 你的身体 就是我的伊甸园 ♪
♪ Your body is my garden of Eden ♪
我恨你
I hate you.
对不起 我恨你
I'm sorry. I hate you.
Liz 这是我俩的心愿
Liz, we both want this to happen.
但如果它成了负担 肯定成不了啊
But it's not going to work if it's a chore.
好吧 我知道 我得放松
Yeah, okay. I know.I have to relax.
我保证 我一弄清楚我的排卵期...
And I promise, as soon as I figure out when I really am ovulating...
咱俩就能轻松无负担滚床单了
你说德语了
You just spoke in German.
没有吧 Criss
I don't think so, Criss.
我被钉子挂住了
I'm caught on a nail here.Caught on a nail.
刚才是Tracy Jordan恶搞Bob Dunston州长
That was Tracy Jordan having some fun the other night at the expense of governor Bob dunston.
Liz "纽♥约♥时♥报♥'来电了
Liz, The New York Times called.
George Clooney想上节目 还有个你的礼品篮
George Clooney wants to be on the show.And you got a gift basket.
礼品篮?
Gift basket?
梨子? 为什么啊?
Pears? Why?
Lemon 咱得谈谈
Lemon, a word.
咱说好了的 你不能把Dunston写进节目
We had an agreement.You promised not to write anything about dunston.
我没写啊
And I didn't.
Tracy昨晚每一句台词 都是Dunston州长的原话
Every one of Tracy's lines last night was a direct quote from governor dunston himself.
我明白了 算你小子狠
I see. Well, bravo.
对女性喝彩应该用女她
You're supposed to say "brava" to a woman.
这我明白
Oh, I am well aware of that.
这简直要了命了 收视率一片飘红啊
This is a disaster. Ratings are up.
大选期间 Hank Cooper要TGS一周播五次 从今晚开始执行
And now, during the election, Hank Hooper wants TGS on five nights a week, starting tonight.
你简直成了咱台的救星
You are UN-terriblizing this network.
我每晚上都得编节目啦?
Wait, I have to do a show every night?
跟休息告别吧 听见没?
Uh-huh. Say goodbye to your free time.Oh, did you hear that?
是你家录放机里囤积的肥皂剧的声音啊
That's the sound of honey boo boos piling up on your TiVo.
不要啊 - 你的节目在毁我前程
No!- Your show is ruining my career.
而且丑♥化♥了一个好人 Bob Dunston是好人啊
And besmirching the name of a good American.Bob dunston is a fine man.
所以还是在政♥治♥上做文章嘛
A-ha. So this is about politics.
咱要恶搞Joe Biden 你肯定没意见
I'm sure you'd let us make fun of Joe Biden all we want.
但你能行吗 他太赞了 还会开火车呢
Oh, but how could you? He's so amazing.He rides the train.
Dunston在集♥会♥上 吃多了辣椒
Liz.Dunston's at a county fair and he ate too much chili.
抱歉 Jack 这比咱俩的前途重要
I'm sorry, Jack. This is bigger than both of us.
苍天 我爹怎么忍♥受这些变化的
Oh, boy.When did old Bob dunston swallow all this change?
Kenneth肯定是您的骄傲 Pearline
Pearline, you must be so proud of Kenneth.
闻闻 那是Jenna Maroney的垃圾
Smell him. That's Jenna Maroney's garbage.
他一直很特别
Oh, he's always been a special boy.
我记得他出生那天
I remember the day he was born.
他看着我说 妈妈 我不是人
He looked up at me and he said,"mama, I am not a person.
我的身体就是一根肉管子
"My body's just a flesh vessel for an immortal being whose name,
连着一个长生不老的生物 他的名字会令你神魂颠倒
if you heard it, would make you lose your mind."
还记得吗 亲爱的?
Do you remember that, honey?
Kenny是咱家的骄傲
Oh, we're just all so proud of Kenny.
我逢人便说 我认识纽约一个大人物
I tell everyone I meet,I know a big shot up in New York City.
真会编啊 Ron
Great story, Ron.
说来听听 您二老爱买♥♥什么样的音乐?
So tell me, what kind of music do you folks like to buy?
Jenna 日子不好过啊
Well, Jenna, you know, times are tough.
奥巴马医保政策还延长了咱的寿命 更是雪上加霜
And it's not getting any easier now that obamacare's extending our life expectancy.
就让我像正常美国人一样 因为可治之症死在急诊室吧
Let me die in an emergency room with a treatable disease like an American.
但音乐能让你忘却一切烦恼
But music can let you forget about all that.
我们这等草民 需要发泄口
Folks like us, we need an escape.
正如Jimmy Buffett所说
It's just like what Jimmy buffett says.
我就是天堂里的芝士汉堡
"I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise."
当然 我们没有了立体声
Of course, we don't have a stereo anymore,
因为咱那瘾君子市长 在田里把它拆了
on account of our mayor, who's a meth addict,took it apart in a field.
但Ron会唱歌♥
But Ron sings.
还自己写歌♥呢
He writes his own songs.
都是关于窝囊废的吧? - 也不全是啦
Are they about being a loser?- Some of them.
大部分都是讲身处热带岛屿 细品美酒
But mostly, they're about being on a tropical island,and sipping some rum,
赤脚踩着沙滩
and feeling the sand between your toes.
这些你怎么知道啊 Ron?
What do you know about any of that, Ron?
Kenneth Ellen Parcell 说话注意点
Kenneth Ellen Parcell, mind your manners.
我和Ron还真去过基韦斯特
It just so happens Ron and I have been to key west.
可不是嘛 蜜月旅行来着
Oh, yes, we have. It was on our honeymoon.
我们 哎呀 我滴...
We... oh, my...Uh-oh.
你们结婚了? 什么时候?
You got married? When?
七年前
Seven years ago.
Ken 我只想取代你父亲的地位
Look, Ken, I'm just trying to replace your dad...
该死 这话不该说对吧?
Oh, dang it.That's the wrong thing to say, isn't it?
抱歉各位 我得回去工作了
If you will excuse me, I have to get back to work.
太逊了
This is terrible.
姐从未沉默这么久
I've never gone this long without talking.
如果今晚做节目 Tracy得把吐的那段走一遍
Okay, if we're doing a show tonight,Tracy needs to do a run-through with the vomit rig.
道具4点能搞定
Props can do 4:00...
哦不 我答应Criss下午回家的
oh, no, I promised Criss I would be home this afternoon.
没错 就为那个
Yeah, for that.
而且你猜怎么着 他还要过程充满情趣
And get this. Criss wants to make it fun.
嘿♥咻♥咋能有情趣呢
How do you make sex fun?
我家Paula从不睁眼
Well, Paula never opens her eyes.
我就盯着枕头底下藏的护士学校手册
So what I do is look at a nursing school catalog I keep under my pillow.
一周五期节目 让不让人活了
This five shows a week thing is bonkers.
来瞅瞅我啥时能嘿♥咻♥
So, great, let's all figure out when I can have sex.
如果Jenna剃黑森林时 能把DVD评论做了呢?
Okay, what if Jenna did her DVD commentary while she was getting vajazzled?
会议就能提前
Then we could move the prop meeting up.
我看整个月都得计划
You know what, we have to look at the whole month.
哦 耶 来了
Ooh, yeah. There it is.
得跟我的姨妈期比对
I need to cross-reference this with my menstruations.
忒复杂了
Ooh, this is complicated.
所有事件以颜色♥区♥分
I'm going to have to color code all of this.
Tracy红色 Jenna蓝色 我是绿色
Tracy will be red, Jenna is Blue,and I will be green.
好得很
Ooh, yeah. That's nice.
哎呀 这屋里挺热呀
This is, um...Mm, it's getting hot in here.
如果有一栏标注我的基础体温
If I had a column for my basal body temperature,
就可以根据排卵高峰安排行程
then I could schedule around peak ovulation.
对 就那儿
Right there. Yes, that is the spot.
妈呀 这就是个数据表嘛
Oh, god.This whole thing could be a spreadsheet.
印成景观图的话 这一页就得满了