我为喜剧狂（2006）

What will you tell him if he asks to see pictures?
我会告诉"她"或是"它" 你老娘我 面对婚庆产业 坚定了自己非凡的立场
I will tell her or it that I took an amazing stand against the wedding industrial complex.
我们会在有爆米花的店里结婚
We are registered at popcorn palace.
好了 既然我完成了FBI的笔迹鉴定样本
All right.Now that I've finished with my handwriting sample for the FBI,
就来看看你的体♥检♥结果
let's look at your test results.
Tracy 好让人困惑哦
Oh, this is puzzling, Tracy.
似乎看不出你有任何毛病
There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you at all.
什么?
What?
我猜多年来我们为你更新太多
I guess we've replaced so much of you over the years
以至于你不再是你了 但还很健康
that you're maybe not you anymore,but you're healthy.
不 怎么会这样
No, this isn't happening.
好消息啊 - 绝对不是
This is good news.- No, it's not.
我一直觉得自己会英年早逝 你看我和James Dean这么像
I always assumed I'd die young,because, you know, I look so much like James Dean.
这样的念头让我潇洒不羁地生活
And that gave me the freedom to live without consequences.
我也从不忌法律 购买♥♥稀有鲨鱼
That's why I'm always breaking the law,buying exotic sharks,
然后又忘记喂养 试图搂抱它们
forgetting to feed them,and then trying to hug them.
以后都不能耍酷了 自从知道我能活...
I couldn't do cool stuff like that if I knew I'd be alive for...
多少年来着 Spaceman医生
How many years, Dr. Spaceman?
40 没准50年
40, maybe 50.
我很遗憾 这让我也很不好受的
I'm sorry.Look, I'm not happy about this, either.
我是靠给你治病赚的钱读完医学院的呀
The money I've made off your health problems has put me almost all the way through medical school.
我得要开始为未来而活了
I'm going to have to start living like there's a tomorrow.
要开始存养老金和刷牙了
Open an I.R.A. Brush my teeth.
还要每天喝八杯浴缸里装着的干净汁水
Drink eight glasses a day of that stuff.You know, clear bathtub juice?
Tracy 恐怕这件事儿我没什么小 册子可以帮上忙
Tracy, I'm afraid I don't have a pamphlet to help you get through this.
但我还真有一分儿上面全画着小 鲍鱼的小本本
But I do have a pamphlet that has a bunch of drawings of vaginas.
我要了
I'll take it.
长话短说吧 我想终止和TGS之间 的协议
To make a long story short,I need to be let out of my TGS contract.
我要和我的主人Terry 去亚利桑那州 住在一个他给我造的鸟笼子里
I'm moving to Arizona to be with my new slave master, Terry,to live in a birdcage he built.
你们俩都坐吧 - 我准许你坐下
Ah, why don't you both have a seat?- You may sit.
Terry 貌似奴隶人口是犯法的哟
Now, Terry, I suspect you know it's illegal for someone to own another human being.
说的是 但根据规则
Fine, but according to the contest rules.
要么我领♥取♥我的奖品 要么就 给我和她价值相当的现金
Either I collect my prize, or her equivalent cash value.
我懂了 你也可以接受金钱
Ah, I see.So you'd be just as happy with the money.
Terry 这是真的吗?
Terry, is this true?
根据Jenna的薪水和收益潜能 我算过了
I've done the math, and taking into account Jenna's salary and earning potential,
她起码得值80万
I've calculated that she's worth $800,000.
我们就假定Jenna在她黄金期值 这个数吧
Uh, let's say Jenna was worth that in her prime.
但那也是十年前的事儿了
That was ten years ago.
自那以后她自然也就贬值了
She has certainly depreciated since then.
Jenna目前前途日渐堪忧
Jenna is becoming more unemployable by the moment.
而又因为她几十年都在嗨趴
And thanks to decades of partying,
她的器官在黑市上也卖♥♥不出去了
Jenna's internal organs will get you nothing on the black market.
她的感情生活一片灰暗
She's an emotional train wreck.
爸爸 你干嘛要酱紫?
Daddy, why are you doing this?
只上过七年学 患有肝炎 下巴中过弹 被人追杀
A seventh grade education, hepatitis d,bullet in jaw, fatwa,
信♥用♥卡♥欠账 还得罪了山口组
credit card debt,wanted by the yakuza...
Jenna Maroney现在的价值是..... 2000美元
Jenna Maroney is worth... $2,000.
成交
Fine.
在亚利桑那2000块我可以买♥♥座 城♥堡♥和一大枕头袋的大♥麻♥
In Arizona, two grand will buy me a castle and a pillowcase full of meth.
支票上填 末日财团
Make it out to "doomsday enterprises."
♪ 怀念那周六的舞会 ♪
♪ Missed the Saturday dance ♪
♪ 据说人满如潮 ♪
♪ heard they crowded the floor ♪
♪ 没你我活不下去 ♪
♪ Couldn't bear it without you ♪
♪ 风流之日已过 ♪
♪ don't get around much anymore ♪
" 开始计划你的退休生活吧 "
链锯帽基金
孩子们的大学基金
♪ 亲爱的 我想 ♪
♪ darling, I guess ♪
♪ 我现在更加平静 ♪
♪ my mind's more at ease ♪
♪ 但就算如此 ♪
♪ but nevertheless ♪
(受过辐射的水虎鱼 巨聪明）
♪ 何必顾念往昔? ♪
♪ why stir up memories? ♪
小虎牙们 永别了
Good-bye, bitey.
我想我得读读这些剧本来决定
Well, I guess I need to read all of these scripts
其中哪些最能成功打入这瞬息万变 的全球市场
to determine which one has the greatest probability of succeeding in this ever changing global marketplace.
我以前只用白人屌♥丝的嗓音说 这种话的
I used to only say stuff like that in my white nerd voice.
♪ 风流之日已过 ♪
♪ Don't get around much anymore ♪
偶的神啊 我还以为我们在熟食店呢
Jeez, I feel like we're at a deli.
熟食店? 我们蜜月可以去那儿哟
Deli? Save it for the honeymoon.
好了 你把文件拿给办事员吧 知道黑妹子最喜欢你了
Okay, you take our paperwork to the clerk,because black women love you.
哇喔 我看到你了哟 小甜甜
Oh, I see you over there, you little gumdrop.
在Shanice姐面前就不要躲了嘛
Don't hide from Shanice.
我去给我们找些证婚人 然后我们就结婚吧
I'll get us some witnesses, and then we'll get married,
然后神奇滴变成和Hilton一家 一样滴超级爸妈
and magically become amazing parents,just like the Hiltons.
乌拉拉 他终于过来了
Oh, here he comes. Mm, mm, mm.
我要把你塞到水槽里 给你好好洗个宝宝澡
I'll give you a bath in the sink, like a baby.
麻烦问下 你们是几号♥
Excuse me, what number are you guys?
能不能留下来给我们证婚呢?
Would you be able to stay and be our witnesses?
抱歉 - 有没有搞错，你结婚不叫人的呀?
You really didn't invite anyone to your wedding?
谁在乎嘛 我们不都是在市政厅嘛
No, I mean, who cares, right?We're at city hall.
你们还都穿着大都会队的队服呢
You guys are wearing Mets t-shirts.
是呀 因为我们第一次见面时就穿着这个
Yeah, 'cause we were wearing them when we first...Met.
偶滴神 你真美
My god, you're beautiful.
今天是我这辈子最棒的一天
This is the greatest day of my life.
让我猜猜 你们俩穿成那样
Now, let me guess.You guys are dressed like that
是因为你们是在洗衣店遇见的 而那时你们都没干净衣服穿了
'cause you met at a laundromat after you both ran out of clean clothes.
不是 因为结婚不就是一张纸嘛 - A04号♥
No, it's 'cause this is just a piece of paper. - A04
到我们了 那是我们的号♥码! - A04
Oh, that's us! That's our number! - A04
快点 - 到我们了
Come on, our number.
你没事儿吧?
You okay?
没事儿 我就是在想那些穿着运动服
Yeah, you know, I just thought there'd be more people here in gym clothes
包里塞着厕纸的人哪去了
carrying bags full of toilet paper.
我们没必要这样的
Look, we don't have to do it this way.
知道嘛 我总是幻想在玩激流勇进时
You know, I always imagined getting married
他们给你拍照的一瞬间结婚
right when they take your picture on splash mountain.
但婚礼都是新娘做主的 所以如果 你想搞的特别一点的话....
But weddings are about the bride,so if you want your special day...
我才不要
I don't need a special day.
我参加的第一场婚礼 是给Linda姨妈当花童
You know, the first wedding I ever went to,I was a flower girl for my aunt Linda.
当"亲吻新娘"的声音响起时 我翻了生平第一个白眼
When they said, "you may now kiss the bride," I did my first ever eye roll.
今天 为纪念当年的白眼 我要翻一个极品白眼
And today, I honor that little girl's eye roll with this masterpiece.
姐对特别日子也就这待遇了
That's how much Liz Lemon cares about having a special day.
太好了 我忘带出生证明了
Great, 'cause I forgot my birth certificate.
开玩笑吧 Chros?
Are you kidding me, Chros?
Shanice还说如果我不抬举她 就没好果子吃
And even though Shanice said she'd let it slide if I sat on her hand,
怎么了? - Liz 我还没看到一名勇敢女子
What?- Liz Lemon, I haven't seen anything in the news about
自此改变大众婚姻观的新闻
attitudes towards marriage changing forever because of one brave woman.
还顺利吗? - 顺利着呢
Is everything okay?- Everything's fine.
我给Tony Bennett发了邮件 就怕你万一开窍了
I emailed Tony Bennett,just in case you came to your senses.
他要在白宫演唱 但会为了我取消的
He's singing at the white house, but will cancel for me.
我还告诉他 你是意大利人 所以他可能会叫你"Tina"
Oh, also, I told him you're Italian,so he might call you "Tina."
咱重新取号♥ 我去找几个见证人
Okay, so we'll take another number,I'll get some witnesses,
你去拿出生证明 这又不是压力山大的婚礼
you'll get your birth certificate.It's not wedding stress.
我现在和上回你没和我说 就去剪头发一样恼火
I'm no more annoyed right now than I was when you got that haircut without consulting me.
你就尽请忽略我吧 小虎崽
Oh, yeah.You can walk away from me all day, you little tiger cub.
我在婚姻登记处上班 却永远嫁不出去
I work at the marriage bureau, but I'll never get married.
头儿 出大事了
Sir, we have a big problem.
我不想让别人看见我这样 她欺骗了我
I didn't want anyone to see me like this, she lied.
Jenna 我报你的身价 那是谈判技巧嘛
Jenna, when I said what you were worth,that was a negotiation tactic.
才两千块啊 我从清洁女工钱包里偷的都不止这点
$2,000, Jack?I've stolen more than that from my cleaning lady's purse.
当下就业形势中 身价两千令人垂涎啊
In this market, $2,000 is more than respectable.
看看Kenneth 他最多值五块钱
I mean, look at Kenneth.He's worth $5, tops.
君无戏言哟 头儿
I'm going to hold you to that, sir.
你这是要安慰我吗?
Is that supposed to make me feel better?
这里全是人♥渣♥
Everyone around here is human garbage.
好吧 看看我
Okay, well, then, look at me.
你辉煌不再 我也如此
If you're past your prime, then so am I.
我离过两次婚
I've been divorced twice.
我这个年纪 已无需服用勃起缓和药物
I'm at an age where I no longer need erectile softeners.
我是美国一家电视台的二把手 升官无望
I'm number two at an American television company,with no possibility of promotion.
我或许会死在岗位上 已有过一次心脏病发作
I'll probably die in this job.I've already had one heart attack.
我曾是一个前途无量的年轻人 我发明了口号♥"想得美 哥们儿"
I used to be a young man with promise.I coined the phrase, "you wish, pal."
可如今 我坐在这里 鼓励一名身价两千的女星