我为喜剧狂（2006）

It's an original Leonard nimoy.
要是我们不能打败Obama
If we do not defeat Obama,
像我朋友这样的人就会毁掉这个国家
then people like my little friend here will destroy this country.
请在你要捐的款项后面再加一个零吧
So add a zero to whatever you were planning to give.
为了Romney 为了美国 为了除了她以外的所有人
For Romney, for america.For anyone but her.
你怎么搞的啊 Jack? 我以为你说我是你的朋友啊
What the hell, Jack?I thought you said I was your chum.
你的确是我的朋友啊
You are my chum.
我下的饵是为了掉更大的鱼
The bait I throw in the water to attract the big fish.
靠! 双重意思!
Damn it! Second meaning.
见见Jenna Maroney本人
你们这些败类们在这里做什么?
What are you douche-compadres doing here?
Jenna 大家都知道你永远都这么放松
Well, Jenna, everyone knows
how you're always so chill.
当然 当你看到这个时 请不要惊慌
So, of course, you won't freak out when you see that
Cerie穿的是和你一样的衣服来做裙子
Cerie is wearing that exact same shirt as a dress.
腰带是条婴儿领带
The belt is a baby's necktie.
还有 我找到了一些你做鼻子前的照片
Also, I found a bunch of your pre-nosejob headshots.
你签上名 我就能在网上拍卖♥♥了
You'll sign them so I can sell them online, right?
没问题
Of course.
谁管你长啥样呢
'Cause who cares what you look like.
内在才重要嘛...综合素质
All that counts is what's inside...Your blender.
你这么想我就放心了
I'm glad you feel that way.
因为我一直琢磨怎么给你头发做造型来着
'Cause I've always wanted to give you a haircut.
你们这群...毛孩子不知道你们的对手是谁
You... virgins, have no idea who you're messing with.
Jenna 说好的放松呢
Whoa, Jenna.Unwindulax.
我不再是单纯的Jenna了
Oh, I'm not just Jenna anymore.
对那些抓螃蟹的人呢 我是上帝 他们对我唯命是从
I am a god to those crabcatchers,and they will do whatever I say.
是又怎样 - 我来告诉你怎样
So what?- Oh, I'll tell you so what.
一方面 若你们跟我或我军作对 那别想再踏入佛罗里达半步
For one thing, if you cross me or my army,you will never set foot in Florida again.
因为那里是我们的首府
Because that's our capital.
可是圣诞前夜我要去坦帕(佛罗里达西岸城市) 给电视台裸体小姐当评委
But I'm judging spike TV's miss nude divorcee in tampa on Christmas Eve.
我要去拜访米高梅电影公♥司♥
And I was gonna visit mgm studios.
一路过去颠簸跋涉跟看恐怖电影一样过瘾
The rides there capture the thrills and chills of the movies.
不光是坦帕去不了 我们的群众遍天下
And it doesn't end there,because my people are everywhere.
要是还想玩帕特高尔夫时有选择球色的权利
If you ever want to pick your ball color at a putt-putt course,
或是让你家鳄鱼人道安乐死 还是飞跃三角洲
or have your alligator euthanized humanely,or fly on delta,
最好现在知难而退 不然的话 当心螃蟹抓手来找你们
you will back off,or the crabcatchers will come for you.
不过要等他们先学会驾驶再说
Just as soon as it's cool for them to drive.
灰色连帽衫 背面写着"谁放的屁?"
It's a Gray hoodie.It say's "who farted?" On the back.
口袋里还有大把的卫生棉
It's got a bunch of tampons in the pocket.
真不知道还需跟你多说什么
I don't know what else to tell you.
Lemon 你在这呢
Lemon, there you are.
真的是你女友爽约了吗? 更像是你搞什么Karl Rove的把戏吧
Did your girlfriend even cancel?Or was this more Karl rove trickery?
(美国政界名人 被称为布♥什♥的大脑)
向你道歉 但是我真的需要你 Lemon
Sorry, but I needed you to come, Lemon.
这场晚宴是为了给我本人 名叫"米国人的米式米国"进行筹资
This luncheon is a fundraiser for my personal super pac "Americans for an American america."
(Super pac在美国大选中公开筹款的政♥治♥团体)
我得让一屋子的人都有一个共同的敌人
I needed to unite the room around a common enemy.
Ed Begley Jr没空 他车上的帆扯烂了
And ed begley, Jr. Wasn't available,because the sail on his car broke.
(美国演员 04大选中反对布♥什♥种族政策)
这就是50.1%的米国人恨共和党的原因
See, this is why 50.1% of Americans hate Republicans.
因为你卑鄙狡猾 愤世嫉俗
Because you're sneaky and cynical.
愤世嫉俗 我是愤世嫉俗的反义词好么
Cynical? I think I'm the very opposite of cynical.
为了我的信念 我愿赴汤蹈火
I'm doing everything I can for my beliefs.
我真心认为一个有钱人能影响一个国家
And I truly believe that one rich person can make a difference in this country,
而一屋子有钱人能...改变世界
and a roomful of rich people can... Change the world.
一个人是可以有所影响 不过是用思想
Well, I also believe that one person can make a difference.With ideas.
太妙了
That really is wonderful.
Harold 快来听听这个 Lemon 你再说一遍
Harold, you have to hear this. Lemon, say that again.
思想比金钱更有影响力
Ideas are more powerful than money.
你打算用这么多钱干嘛 Jack 购买♥♥广♥告♥时段吗
So what are you gonna do with all this money, Jack?Buy ad time?
本人呢可是每晚都上电视 是一个叫TGS秀的小节目
'Cause I'm already on TV every night,with a little something called TGS.
而且已被舞台总监协会奖提名
And we just got nominated for a Stage managers' guild award.
不存在这个奖 是恶搞SAG(影视演员协会奖)
你是坐拥百万美金 先生 但全美民众听到的是我的肺腑真言
So you may have millions of dollars, sir,but america will hear my two cents.
人们不想听那些东西 Lemon
That's not what people want, Lemon.
至少不想在电视上听到 他们爱看honeys boo boo
Least of all, from their televisions.They want their honeys boo boo
(美国真人秀的人物 被30 rock恶搞多次)
还有周日夜间足球赛(feetball) 是football的复数
and their Sunday night feetball,which is the plural of football.
米国人可不爱思考
Americans don't want to think.
所以需要像我这样的人帮他们选总统
That's why they need men like me to pick their presidents for them.
这么说 是我的话跟你的钱打擂台了
Wow. Okay.So, I guess, it's my words versus your money.
走着瞧 看是谁真正影响了大选
And we'll see who can really make a difference in this election.
比就比 Donaghy
It's on, Donaghy.
愿优等性别胜利 没特指谁谁
May the best gender non-specific person win.
金融额那栏先空着 Harold
Just leave the amount blank, Harold.
那是卫生棉 你们爱咋咋的
Those are tampons.Deal with it.
老天爷 有人还要工作的啊
For god's sake, some of us have jobs!
我这里工作堆成山了 还没有累计里程数
I've got a pile of 1020-gs up here with no travel times on them,
我若不...
and if I don't...
听好了 呆瓜们
Listen up, nerds!
今晚 TGS秀要来真格的了
Tonight, TGS is about to get real.
我们有38分钟播出时间...
We've got 38 minutes of air time...
保龄球赛结束早的话...就有1小时
An hour, if the bowling tournament ends early...
我们要借此把信息传递出去
And we are gonna use it to get the message out there.
我认为我们一直在追击Romney
I don't know.I think we've been hitting Romney pretty hard.
大概这就是为啥人们叫我Mitt吧
I guess that's why they call me mitt.
"棒球手套Romney" "Barack骆驼" 说明不了什么
"Baseball mitt Romney" and "Barack a llama" aren't saying anything.
我想要有所作为
I want to make a difference.
得闹点大动静 像病毒一样传播开来
We got to do something big, something that'll go viral.
就像那个跟Tracy长得一模一样的水獭
Like that otter that looked just like Tracy.
我们资源丰富 有美国名人齐聚麾下
Look, we've got the greatest resource in the world at our fingertips: American celebrity.
有影视演员年轻靓丽...
We get some hot young actor...
我孙侄子Kellan lutz 演暮光的那个 来拜访我了
oh, my grandnephew Kellan Lutz,from twilight, is visiting me.
他在我办公室
He's in my office.
我忍♥你这个病态撒谎精都6年了
I have tolerated your pathological lying for six years.
你再说话 我捅死你
If you speak again, I will kill you.
舅姥爷 宝宝的棉花糖糖吃光光鸟
Great-uncle?Momma's baby is out of "marsh-mal-lows."
亲爱的孙侄子 你的棉花糖糖 我在工作裤口袋里给你留着呢
Sweet grandnephew,I've been warming more "marsh-mal-lows" for you in the pocket of my dungarees.
挺棒的 Lutz
Okay, good job, Lutz.
先生们
Gentlemen,
花瓶女士 腰缠万贯的我们要拿出所有家财
token silent lady,we have to spend all of our wonderful money,
帮助我的发型启蒙导师 Mitt Romney
and help my hair-mentor, mitt Romney,
成为的第11任合法美国总统
become the 11th legitimate president of the United States.
Garrett 竞选需要什么
Garrett, what does the campaign need?
正如你所知 政委会的规定
Well, as you know,with pacs like this,
我们不能直接联♥系♥候选人
we're not allowed to have direct contact with candidates.
开玩笑啦 我是Garrett Romney Mitt是我爸爸
I'm kidding.I'm Garrett Romney, mitt's my dad.
但话说回来 Jack
But here's the thing, Jack.
我的父兄 也即摩♥门♥教♥里的父亲 钱多得没地方花
My brother-dad, which is mormon for "dad," has more money than he knows what to do with.
恕我直言 这不是问题吧
With all due respect, Garrett,I don't think that's a thing.
竞选到这个阶段
Well, it's just, at this point in the campaign,
对于我们而言 想法比钞票重要
for us, it's more about ideas than cash.
Garrett 要不是你死后能葬在自己的星球 我非一巴掌pia飞你不可
Garrett, I would slap you if I didn't know you were going to get your own planet when you die.
除非你♥爸♥全获得全票支持 否则咱还得努力
And until your father has 100% of the vote,I think we can still make a difference.
瞧瞧咱的黑人选民少成什么样了
I mean, look how poorly we're polling with African-Americans.
Jack 再多的钱也不能...
Jack, there's no amount of money that could...
钱堆面前你竟敢口出狂言 - 谢谢 Jack
how dare you talk that way in front of the pile. - Aw, thanks, Jack.
钱是万能的
There is no problem in the world that can't be solved by throwing money at it.
现在 咱就来给黑人洗♥脑♥
Now, let's change some black minds.
看看Jenna的脑残粉丝团干的好事
Look what Jenna's goons have done.
Pete疯了 恶搞专家蔫了
Pete's going insane.The pranksmen are neutered.
不能让她横行霸道了
We can't let her get away with this.
那我们怎么办
Well, what can we do?
我们不过是三个白种呆瓜 她有一支脑残军队啊
We're just three nerdy white guys,and she's got a whole army.
可要是她没有呢?
But what if she didn't?
我有办法了
I know what we should do.
南瓜田趣?
Pumpkin patch?
Roney的黑人支持者
我是好莱坞自♥由♥党成员Don Cheadle 我支持...
Hi, I'm Hollywood liberal Don Cheadle,and I supp...
我支持Mitt Romney
I support mitt Romney.
很好 继续
Good, continue.
Barack Obama会告诉你 他领导下的美国黑人才会过得好
Barack Obama would have you believe that African-Americans are better off under his leadership.
但我在Mitt Romney的宣传中露个脸 就拿了一千万
But I just got $10 million for appearing in an ad for mitt Romney.
兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥ 请扪心自问 谁才是你们的支柱?