全民追女王

总理巴拉特拒绝
Prime Minister Bharath is refusing
把飞行员送回美国
to return the pilot to United States custody.
他个人受到了美国总统对他的诸多侮辱
He's personally hurt by the many insults hurled at him by POTUS.
干得好 好吧
Good job. All right.
会没事的吧
It's gonna be okay in there, right?
这要看你的 女士
That's up to you, ma'am.
天啊 你可以的
Oh, God. You got this.
我可以帮你拿着太阳镜
I can hold onto your sunglasses for you, if you'd like.
不 我两只眼睛都脱发[口误]
Oh, no. I have alopecia. In both eyes.
你好
Hello.
国务卿菲尔德
Secretary Field!
我的天
oh, my god!
你好 巴拉特 你好
Hello, Bharath? Hey.
我知道怎么回事了
I hear we have a situation here?
我们都想解决这个问题
One that we both probably want resolved.
越快越好
Very quickly...
国务卿女士 这次你别想欺负我
You're not going to bully me this time, Madam Secretary.
你的人将被扣押在这里
Your man will stay here
直到你的总统亲自向我道歉
until your president personally apologizes to me.
在照片墙上说
Over Instagram.
-他不会那样做的 -对 他不会的
- He won't do that. - Yeah, no. Yes...
-喂 -怎么
- Yo. - Yes?
我能和你说实话吗
Can I level with you?
我能告诉你件事吗
Can I fill you in on something?
说吧
Go ahead.
我和夏洛特 我们嗨着呢
Me and Charlotte, we're fucked up right now.
我们嗨着呢
We're on drugs.
首先 我不想谈这个
First of all, I don't wanna talk about that.
为什么 我们不能谈论药丸
Why? We can't talk about the drugs.
你知道我们嗨了吗
Do you know we're on drugs?
我不想在这个房♥间里谈论这个
I don't wanna talk about that in this room.
怎么回事
What's happening?
我们现在就嗨着呢
We're on drugs right now.
真有趣 这是个有趣的段子
That's funny. That's a funny joke!
什么段子 我们嗨着呢
What's a joke? We're on fucking drugs...
我们要去什么地方吗
Are we going somewhere?
那是什么
What is that?
怎么回事 我们嗨着呢
What is happening? We're on drugs right now.
所以你承认美国政♥府♥
So you're admitting that the United States government
让这些飞机监视我的国家
ordered these planes to spy on my country?
不
No.
不 不是 当然不是
No! No! Of course not!
我看就是 面对事实吧
That's what it sounded like. Face it.
你在这事上没有任何优势
You have no leverage here.
跟他一样生气 这是唯一的解决方式
Match his aggression, Madam. It's the only way out of this.
我不太想这样 他很生气
I don't know, he seems really fucking pissed off.
那你就要更生气
Get more fucking pissed.
让他知道谁才是真正的老大
Let him know who's really in charge.
我的天 真疼
Oh, my God, that really hurt.
其实我不
I gotta be honest, I'm not...
我找不到那种怒气冲冲的感觉
I'm not feeling all this aggression stuff.
我更喜欢冷静点的气氛 这种
I'm into more of, like, a chilled vibe. You know, just feeling...
天啊 那是高卢香烟吗
God, are those Gauloises?
只是 我得蹭跟烟抽
Just, I'm so... I'm just gonna bum one.
给我点时间 别担心
Just give me one sec. Don't worry.
-巴拉特 -你好
- Bharath. -Hello?
听着
Listen.
我和你在同一条船上
You and I are in the same boat, my friend.
这话是怎么说的
How is that the case?
我们都得和我老板打交道
We both have to deal with my boss
我们都认为他是个混♥蛋♥
and we both think he is an asshole.
你也认为他是个混♥蛋♥
You also think he's an asshole?
我的天 他真是个混♥蛋♥
Oh, my God, he's such an asshole.
他那愚蠢的电视剧最多三集就够了
His stupid fucking TV show was like, good for three episodes
再多了就都是垃圾
and then it just didn't make any sense.
草 说出来感觉真好
Fuck, it feels good to say that.
听着
Listen.
我跟你说的事不要告诉别人
You need to keep this on the real DL.
我们都知道美国不会与恐♥怖♥分♥子♥谈判
We both know that the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists.
但我们与兄弟协商
But, we do negotiate with homies.
所以如果你把人还给我们
So if you give us our guy back,
我会给你安排一个超级援助大礼包
I'm gonna hook you up with a sweet aid package.
所以你不仅不用扣押人♥质♥
So not only do you not have to keep a guy hostage,
这招烂透了
which is a pretty shitty thing to do.
我也用过这招
I mean, I've done it myself.
别告诉任何人 高级机密
Don't tell anybody, super classified.
烂透了 我也不喜欢
It sucks, I hate it.
所以我们为什么不转而拯救无数生命呢
Yeah. So, why don't we instead save a ton of lives?
这样做很棒吧
I mean, that's pretty fucking awesome, right?
这真是个好主意
I think this is a really good idea.
你觉得怎么样
What do you say?
国务卿女士
Ma'am.
人♥质♥安全了 混♥蛋♥
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!
她做到了 她成功了 她厉害了
Yeah, yeah! She did it! She did it! She did it!
我身边的是国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德
I'm here with Secretary of State Charlotte Field.
在和喀什塔尔紧张复杂的谈判之后
Who, after a tense and complicated negotiation with Kashtar,
在喀什塔尔领空坠毁的
has secured the release of the pilot of the U.S. spy plane
美国侦察机飞行员成功获释
that went down over Kashtari airspace.
对 很疯狂
I know, right. Crazy.
这一切都发生在
And this is all in the midst
你成功的推动环保计划的途中
of the success of your environmental initiative,
据我所知它已获得100个国家的支持
which I understand has secured the support of 100 countries.
-对 -非要提闹心事
- Yes, um... - Ooh, sore subject.
我很高兴地宣布
I'm very happy to announce that
我不仅得到100个国家的支持
not only do I have the support of those 100 countries,
而且总统亲自打电♥话♥给我
but the president himself called me personally
告诉我他对这个计划有多兴奋
just to tell me how psyched he is about this initiative...
-他打过吗 他打过电♥话♥吗 -没有
- Did he call? Did he call? - That didn't happen.
一个字也别改 尤其是森林的部分
...don't change a word, especially the part, uh, with the trees.
-真能扯 -总之 我只是
- That's a lie. - So, all in all, I'm just... Well,
我觉得我现在状态超棒
I kinda feel like I'm just kinda crushing it right now.
非常感谢 谢谢你
Thank you so much. So... Thank you.
超棒的夏洛特·菲尔德
The incredible Charlotte Field.
很明显还需要点时间
Who clearly still feels the effects
从整晚紧张的人♥质♥事件中缓过来
of the intense all-night hostage situation.
在加里·史密斯中尉被成功释放之后
After negotiating the release of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
夏洛特·菲尔德的人气继续高涨
Charlotte Field's popularity continues to skyrocket...
在最新的盖洛普民♥意♥测验中为68%
In the newest Gallup poll, 68%...
女性是否适合担任总统
...are women mentally unfit to hold the presidency?
我是克里斯·布朗
Here to chat about it is Chris Brown,
杰里米·皮文和布雷特·拉特纳
Jeremy Piven, and Brett Ratner.
在人♥质♥谈判成功之后
In the wake of her successful hostage negotiation,
夏洛特·菲尔德的民测数字持续上升
Charlotte Field's poll numbers keep going up.
我想向夏洛特和任何相关人士道歉
I'd like to apologize to Charlotte, and anyone out there
昨天我管她叫大♥波♥·无脑妹
who was upset yesterday when I called her Booby-McBoobson.
帮我接通总统办公室
Give me the president's office.
进
Yep?
你有空吗
Can I talk to you for a second?
有
Of course.
有一些新的民测我想和你说
We got some new polling that I thought I'd share with you.
好吧
All right.
感觉就像一切都很顺利
It feels like everything is kinda falling into place for us.
所以我们要深入调查一下
So we thought we'd dig a little deeper
确保没有意外发生
and make sure there are no surprises.
-你好奇怪 -是好消息
- Why are you acting so weird? - It's good.
我们收到了一些很有用的反馈
We got some really helpful feedback.
人♥民♥群众给的反馈
From the public.
我们问了一千位选民的意见
So we asked a thousand constituents how they would feel
如果戴妃和盖·菲里约会的话
Princess Di ...if she were to start dating Guy Fieri.
我都不知道这是谁
I don't even know who that is.