住房风波

I called this staff meeting because lately,
我开这个员工会议是因为
I've noticed our diner family is drifting apart.
餐厅小家庭成员最近渐行渐远
Good work, everybody. Good work.
干得好 各位 继续努力
Let's start off this powwow
今日的会议就从
by sharing our highs and lows of the week.
互相分享每个人本周的最高与最低点吧
My high was getting a particularly interesting Snapple fact.
我的最高点是学到了一个很有趣的冷知识
And my low was
而我的最低点是...
Your entire body?
你全身的高度吗
I'll go.
我来分享
My high was finding a barrette in the bathroom,
我的最高点是在厕所里捡到了一个发夹
and my low was imagining my new life without it.
而最低点是想象新人生中没有它
Max, your high?
麦克斯 你的最高点呢
I certainly am.
我正高[嗨]着呢
And my low will be when it wears off.
而最低点则是在药效过了的那一刻
Well, my high was catching a glimpse
我的最高点是瞄到一眼
of a customer's lacy g string,
顾客的蕾丝丁字裤
And my low was seeing his junk.
而最低点是我看到他鸡鸡的时刻
My low is this meeting.
我的最低点就是参加这会议
And my high is when it wraps up.
而最高点就是会议结束的那一刻
Can everybody take this serious
还能不能认真地开会啦
I have a new low.
我有个新低点了
I have a new high. Me too.
我也有个新高点了 我也是
Everybody, please.
大家别这样好吗
Han just clearly injured his vagina.
人家阿憨明显是伤到"小洞洞"了
That's not my phone.
不是我的电话响
My ringtone is Let it go, and you know that
你知道我的铃♥声是《冰雪奇缘》"随它吧"
'cause you threaten to beat me every time it rings.
因为每次响起来你都恐吓要揍我
Well, it's not mine.
也不是我的
I keep my phone on vibrate
我的电话永远保持震动模式
out of respect for those around me,
一方面是尊重我周围的人
and also for little orgasms.
一方面也是给自己点小"高♥潮"
Max, it's the landline.
麦克斯 是座机
Oh, God! Why is it ringing?
天啊 它为什么在响
You said that phone only rings if we're in trouble
你说过这电话只有在我们有麻烦时才会响
or if it's you calling from the future
或者是未来的你打电话来
to tell us we're in trouble.
通知我们有麻烦了
Ruh roh.
惨喽
That's gotta be the landlord. The lease is up.
肯定是房东 租约要到期了
Fine, we'll just renew it, even though I thought
好吧 那就续约吧 虽然我以为
they would have condemned this place by now.
他们早该报废这栋楼了
I mean, I did find a used condom in the hallway yesterday.
毕竟我昨天还在走廊看到"报废"
的套套呢
Hello? No!
您好 不行
Hang up. We're not on the lease.
快挂掉 我们俩没在租约上
今ちょっと話せないの抱歉 现在不方便说话
Good cover. Now we just have to hope
编的不错 现在我们就祈祷
the original tenant is a Benihana chef.
原来的租客是个日式铁板烧厨师吧
Okay.
好
We don't have much time. Quick!
我们时间不多 快点
Grab two things you love.
选两样你爱的东西 拿上跑
I I love nothing in here!
这里没有我爱的东西
And why are we even trying to keep an apartment
而且为毛我们要试着留住
that has grass growing in the bathroom?
一间浴室里长草的破公寓啊
I love our toilet lawn.
我爱我们的浴室草坪
It's gross.
恶心死了
Max, look at this place.
麦克斯 看看这里
Our refrigerator door is held on by scotch tape,
我们冰箱的门是用透明胶带固定住的
And, I mean, there is black mold in there.
那里面还长黑霉了呢
At least the black mold made the other mold
但至少黑霉把其他种霉菌
move out of the neighborhood.
都赶出这一带了呢
Come on!
乖嘛
Someone from the real estate company
不动产公司估计已经派人来
is probably on their way over to make sure
检查一下租下这间屋的租客
the original tenant still lives here.
是不是还住在这里
All right, let's ride!
好了 开溜吧
I know a guy that can drop off some fake passports
我认识一个人 可以把做好的假护照
for us in an airport locker.
放在机场的置物箱里给我们
Well, you know him too. It's Oleg.
那个人你也认识 就是奥列格
Pick up that phone already!
行行好 接起电话吧
Sounds like a damn PBS fund raiser down here.
听起来像PBS台募款活动的捐款来电呢
Sophie, it's the landlord calling.
苏菲 是房东打来
I just found out we've been subletting illegally.
我才发现原来这里是非法转租来的
Oh, well, I always wondered how you girls
我早就好奇你俩
could afford to live in this building.
是怎么付得起这里的房租
And I ruled out prostitution once I saw Caroline dance.
但在看过卡洛琳的舞技后 我确定了不是做鸡
Good news.
有好消息
I dug around the apartment
我在公寓里四处翻翻后
And I found the original lease.
我找到了原来的租约
Also found a copy of my birth certificate.
还找到了我出生证明的副本
Turns out my father's name is "Mother has no idea"
原来我老爸的名字是"老妈不知道"
Forget that lease.
不用管那租约了
I've already found a new place for us.
我已经为我们找到新家了
A two bedroom for $1,300 in Manhattan.
曼哈顿 两间卧室 只要一千三
Oh... Manhattan, Kansas.
慢着 是堪萨斯州的曼哈顿
We can't afford to lose this lease.
这租约一定得保住
As soon as they find out this Lester Donovan
只要他们发现莱斯特·唐纳文
is no longer living there, the rent will get higher
已经不住在这里 租金就会涨
than Justin Bieber on a plane with his dad.
涨到像比伯跟他老爸在飞机上一样嗨[高]
有消息指出歌星贾斯丁·比伯与他父亲 拒绝依照机长指示 停止在飞机上抽大♥麻
So I tracked down this original tenant guy, Lester.
所以我找到了这个原租客 莱斯特
He's still alive.
他还活着
Ugh! Can't catch a break.
真是没完没了啊
He's at a rest home in Sheepshead Bay.
他住在布鲁克林区一家养老院里
We just have to go there and kidnap him.
我们只需要去把他绑架来就行了
We'll tie some cream of wheat to a pole and lure him out.
把一碗老人小麦粥绑鱼竿上 再钓他出来
First of all, in what world
首先 在哪个平行时空里
do we have cream of wheat pole money?
咱俩有钱买老人小麦粥鱼竿
And secondly, I am not gonna go shake down some old man.
第二 我才不要去勒索一个老头子
You won't have to.
才不需要自己动手
He's probably already shaking.
那老头估计都自己在抖[勒索]了
If you're looking, I know a place.
如果你们在找房 我知道一个地方
You share a twin bed with two other girls.
你们跟另外两个妞分享一张双人床
Oh, and there are cameras.
而且里面还有摄像机
But you're paid $4.99 a minute
但你每分钟能赚到4块99
and get to meet all the singles in your area.
而且还有机会认识附近所有单身痴汉
Are you one of the singles in the area?
你也是"附近的单身痴汉"中的一员吗
Technically I'd be your costar.
正确来说 我是你的合演者
Like it or not, we have to hold on to our apartment.
无论你喜不喜欢 我们的公寓都得保住
Max is right there are two things in life you cannot lose.
麦克斯说得对 世上有两样东西不能失去
A rent controlled apartment and bladder control.
受租金管制的公寓 与自己的膀胱控制力
Actually, there's an apartment in my building
其实我大楼里有一间公寓
that just became available.
整好要出租呢
Stop by tomorrow. You can see it.
明天有空来看看
This place is $1,200?
这里要一千二啊
$1,250. It just went up since we been talking.
一千二百五 就在我们说话时又涨价了
We can't fit in here.
这里对我们来说太挤了
I'm not talking about me and you."
我们"指的不是我和你
I'm talking about me and my boobs.
是我和我的巨♥乳
Nice retirement home.
挺不错的养老院啊
Why don't we just live here?
我们为何不就住这里呢
Bingo tournaments, unlimited hard candy,
宾果游戏大赛 无限♥量的硬糖果
and you get to crap your pants!
而且想在裤子里拉屎就拉屎
Lester?
莱斯特
That must be him.
这估计就是他了
I don't know who I am anymore, but that must be him.
我已不知道我是谁 但那肯定是他
Hi, Mr. Donovan.
你好 唐纳文先生
Lester?
莱斯特
Max, is he dead?
麦克斯 他是不是死了
No, he's alive, but just...
还活着 但也就剩一口气了
This is so sad.
太可怜了
Look at how we treat our elderly.
看看老年人都是怎么被对待的
Wake up!
快醒来
I I I need you to wake up for this!
我需要你醒过来
We are currently subletting your old apartment,
我们是你以前公寓的转租客
and we need you to pretend
我们需要你回去假装
tou still live there for a day.
你还住里面 一天就行
Or just to pretend you still live.
或者假装一下你还活着
Ladies, you're wasting your time.
姑娘们 你们是在浪费时间
He can't speak, and he doesn't like girls.
他不能说话 也不喜欢姑娘
He's a vegetable and a fruit.
他是个植物人[蔬菜]加基佬[水果]
Lester Donovan.
我是莱斯特·唐纳文
Oh, you're Lester! Oh, thank God.
你才是莱斯特啊 谢天谢地
Listen, Lester, we need you
莱斯特 我们需要你...
I know, I know. You want me to pretend
我知道 你们想我回去假装
I still live in your apartment. I overheard everything.
还住在你们公寓里 我在外头都听到了
We're not all comatose, darling.
亲爱的 我们不是每个人都在昏迷中
But I'm afraid ahem it's not gonna happen, girls.
但很抱歉 姑娘们 我可能帮不上忙了
'cause I got a big week.
我这周有大事要忙
My special lady is moving in with me.
我的心上人要搬来跟我同居了
'Cause this guy's not gonna be around much longer.
因为这家伙活不了多久了
18 hours...tops!
最多再活18小时
Oh! Here's my princess.
我的公主来啦
Olivia!
奥利维亚
He's still with us. God bless.
上帝保佑 他还活着
So we'll have to push the move to Monday.
所以你的搬家大计得挪到周一了
Yeah... about that, Lester.
说到这件事 莱斯特
I'm not ready to move in with you.
我还没做好搬来同居的心理准备
Olivia, wh what do you mean?
奥利维亚 你这话什么意思
Max, we should go. No way!
麦克斯 我们该走了 才不要
This is like watching an elder version of The Bachelor!
这就像在看老年人版的《单身汉》一样
美国电视真人秀 由一名单身男子从众多女参赛者中挑选伴侣
Literally... The final rose!
现在基本就是最终环节了呢
Lester, it's not you. It's me.
莱斯特 问题不在你 在我
That's still in play at their age?
他们这把年纪还用这招吗
I'm just not ready to settle down.
我还不想定下来
Too many other fish in the sea.
林中太多鸟 海中太多鱼
I know it's about that new kid on the block,
我知道了 是新搬进来的那小混球对吧
Morty what's his name. It's about Morty, isn't it?
莫蒂 啥来着 是因为那个莫蒂对吧
Lester, please.
莱斯特 别这样
I don't want it to be weird
我不想之后我们在
when we see each other at bingo.
宾果游戏见面时变得很尴尬
You should know this about Morty
我告诉你 莫蒂这家伙
he's not a real man like me.
不是我这样的真汉子
His middle name is Viagra!
他的中间名是伟哥好吗
Olivia!
奥利维亚
Well, there's no point hanging around here.
现在也没必要留在这里了
I'll just grab my penis pump, and we're outta here.
我去拿上我的阴♥茎帮浦就能走了
筒状器具套住阴♥茎后抽气 使筒内形成真空状态 进而造成强行勃起
Why is he gonna need that?
他为什么会需要用到那个
Here we are, "home, sweet...
到啦 "甜美温馨
at least it's not a rest home""
至少不是养老院的家里"
Lester, not that I minded pushing you 35 blocks, but...
莱斯特 虽然我不介意推着你走了
足足35条街
you could walk at the home.
但是你在养老院时还能走路
why can't you walk now?
为什么现在不能走路了
I'm too depressed to walk.
内心苦闷走不了路
I've been depressed since I learned to walk.
我从学会走路时就一直苦闷
I mean, I was nine. It was time.
那时我九岁 也是时候了
I have just lost the love of my life!
我刚失去了我一生挚爱
Have you ever made love to a lady with no teeth
你跟没牙齿还装有人工屁♥股的妞
and two plastic hips?
做♥爱过吗
I, for one, have not.
小女子我就没试过
Max?
麦克斯呢
No. But it just rocketed to number one on my bucket list.
没 但这事直接登上了我死前愿望的第一名了
I lived here from 1954 to studio 54.
这里我从54年住到54俱乐部的时代[77年]
Liza Minnelli threw up in that corner.
丽莎·明尼利曾在那角落呕吐
美国女演员与歌手 曾在54俱乐部表演过
The only time I ever saw anybody
我的人生中唯一一次看到
take three bows after a vomit.
有人在呕吐后还三鞠躬谢幕的
Why did you leave?
那你为什么离开了
You always think you're gonna find something better.
人总是觉得能找到更好的
Yep. The toilet grass is always greener.
浴室芳草绿 隔岸风景好
Okay. That's the building rep, Lester.
大楼物业代表来了 莱斯特
Do we need to go over our cover story again?
需要再复♥习一下假的背景故事吗
It's pretty easy.
很简单的
I'm Carlotta Spaghetta...
我是卡洛塔·伊搭丽面
Mild mannered pet trainer by day,
白天是个温柔的宠物训练师
hot tempered Nigerian spy by night.
晚上是脾气火爆的尼日利亚间谍
Lester, only listen to me.
莱斯特 听我的就好
Max is your granddaughter,
麦克斯是你的孙女
and I'm her sober companion
而我是她的戒酒陪护员
which is the only part of our story that's true.
整段故事中只有这是真的
It's him now, just sit and smile and nod.
他来了 你就坐着 微笑 点头即可
I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile.
我可以点头 但我才不微笑
Welcome to my grandfather's
欢迎来到我爷爷
happy, happy home. There's his couch.
欢乐幸福的家 那是他的沙发
There's his kitchen.
那是他的厨房
What's this?
这是什么
There's his bong.
那是他的大♥麻烟斗
His bong.
他抽大♥麻吗
Glaucoma. Chemo.
青光眼缓解 化疗止痛
Well, good afternoon.
好吧 下午好
I'm Roger from building management.
我是大楼管理派来的 我叫罗杰
I'm here to verify this lease,
我是来核实租约的
and I'd like to do it
我想要在
before the rest of this doorway caves in.
这走廊坍塌前就搞定这件事
And of course you know my dear,
想必你肯定认识我
dear grandfather Lester.
最最亲爱的爷爷莱斯特
I just have a few questions, Mr. Donovan.
我就循例问几个问题 唐纳文先生
Have you ever made love to a woman with a silicone hip?
你有没有试过跟硅胶屁屁的女人做♥爱
It's amazing!
超爽的哦
Okay! I can cross that one off my list.
好的 我可以把这条从我清单上划掉了
Hey, girls.
姑娘们
I came through the back
我之所以从后门进来
'cause this junkie's on the front stoop,
是因为那个瘾君子在前门台阶那
and it's still a little awkward between us.
而且我们之间还有点小尴尬
Oh, uh, this is Sophie. She lives upstairs.
这位是苏菲 她住在楼上
As you can see, Roger, no problems.
你也看到了 罗杰 没有任何问题
Everything's totally legit.
一切完全合法
Hey, who's the old guy?
这老头是谁
She lives upstairs, and she doesn't know Lester?
她住在楼上 而她居然不认识莱斯特
She knows him this is just a sexual game they play
当然认识 这只是他们常玩的一个性爱游戏
called "Who are you?"
名叫"你是谁"
That doesn't sound like a sexual game.
那语气听起来可不像在玩性游戏
It is when she's saying it to his penis.
等她冲着他的鸡鸡问时就像了
Sophie, this is the guy from the agency
苏菲 这是房地产公司的人
who just came by to verify
他是过来核实
that Lester actually lives here.
莱斯特是否真的住在这里
Oh, yeah!
当然
He lives here every day!
他每天都住在这里
Yeah, and we play that game forever.
而且我们一直在玩这游戏
Who are you?
你是谁呀
Come closer. He can't hear you.
靠近点 他听不见
I'm feeling better already.
我已经感觉好多了
So the main takeaway here
所以主要的信息就是
is that they both live in the building legally.
他们是这栋楼的合法居民
Now, let's just sign that lease.
赶紧签租约吧
Mr. Donovan, I just need your signature here,
唐纳文先生 麻烦您在这里签字
and this'll lock you into the lease for another four years.
这份房租的合约期是四年
What's your hip situation?
你的屁屁状况如何
Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby! Yeah!
纯天然不加料 宝贝
Now, that's a looker!
真是个美人呀
Here ya go. Yep! All done.
签好了 手续办好了
You have the apartment for another four years.
你还可以在这里多住四年
Enjoy it?
好好享用
Oh, and I'm required to say: Traces of cancerous stuff
按要求我得告知你们 这里有些公寓
have been found in some of the apartments.
被发现有致癌物
Have a nice day!
祝你们愉快
Four more years! Four more years!
再住四年 再住四年
We get to stay in the place
我们还能继续住在这里
I never thought I'd want to stay in.
一个我从不认为我会想住的地方
Oh, Lester, you're up. Feeling better?
莱斯特 你起来啦 感觉好点了吗
Like a million bucks.
感觉棒极了
I feel like my old self again.
仿佛我又变回原来的自己
Oh, hey, it's been 18 hours.
已经过了18小时了
Let's go see if your friend's dead.
我们快回去看看你室友死了没
Yeah, Lester. Let's get ya home.
对 莱斯特 我们送你回家吧
What are you talking about? I am home.
你们瞎说什么 我现在就在家
What do you mean? This is our place.
你在瞎说什么 这是我们的家
Not according to that lease I just signed.
刚才我签的那份租约可不是这么说的哦
I'll be in my bedroom.
我要回我的房间了
Good to be home!
回家的感觉真好
Ruh roh... Ruh roh.
惨喽 惨喽
Ladies, this is delicious!
姑娘们 这太好吃了
You know, at the home they keep salt on lockdown.
在养老院 他们都把盐锁起来了
Salt and the dementia patients.
同被锁的还有痴呆病人
Well, it doesn't look like bad grandpa's leaving tonight.
看来这贼老头今晚是不会走了
Maybe I can help.
或许我可以帮忙
I can put some ground glass in his salisbury steak.
我可以在他牛肉饼里放点毛玻璃
It's called a Ukrainian divorce.
这称为乌克兰式离♥婚
Eh...I'll try this jell o first.
我还是先试试果冻好了
Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him.
是啊 过期了那么久 没准能毒死他
Lester, I brought you some jell o.
莱斯特 请你吃果冻啊
Would you like some? That's very nice of you,
想吃吗 你真好
but I'm not going anywhere.
但我是不会走的
Lester, really, you don't want to live with us.
莱斯特 说真的 你不会想跟我们住的
Caroline sings so much
卡洛琳经常唱歌
she should have animated birds on her.
她身边应该有一只卡通鸟
Look, there's no way I'm going back to that retirement home.
听着 我是绝对不会回养老院的
I feel alive for the first time since...
这是去年我曾短暂挂掉后
since I died briefly last year.
头一次觉得自己还活着
Oh, my God, really?
天啊 真的吗
Yes, some nurse tripped over the power cord.
是的 某个护士把电线碰掉了
A and besides, it's really helping me get over Olivia.
再说了 在这里能帮我忘记奥利维亚
I'm finally realizing there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
我也终于意识到 大海里多的是其他的"鱼"
Hey, everybody!
各位安安
And there's one of 'em.
她就是其中一条大鱼
She puts the "ass" in "bass."
鲈鱼中的翘臀鱼
Friend, I'll be in my booth.
朋友 我去我的卡座啦
Hey, Sophie. You remember Lester.
苏菲 你还记得莱斯特吧
Lester, you remember when they discovered fire.
莱斯特 你还记得火是什么时候发现的吧
Please, please, join me.
快请快请 坐我这
May I buy you an egg cream?
我能请你喝蛋蜜乳吗
Oh, I do love an egg cream.
我超爱喝"蛋"蜜乳的
Oh, excuse me, I gotta go powder by nose.
抱歉 我要去一下洗手间
Girls...
姑娘们
Girls, I know you want your apartment back
姑娘们 我知道你们想要回你们的公寓
and I'm a reasonable man,
我是一个讲理的人
so all I want before I go is a little you know what.
所以我离开的条件是 你们懂的
More jell o?
更多果冻吗
I'm talking about sex. Rebound sex!
我说的是做♥爱 疗情伤性♥爱
Rebound sex?
疗情伤性♥爱吗
Are you sure you'll even be able to rebound from having sex?
你确定你做完爱后 你还能直起身[疗伤]来吗
Are you kidding?
开什么玩笑
There's nothing but sex at that retirement home.
养老院里除了做♥爱就没别的
Why do you think I put myself there?
不然你以为我♥干嘛要进去
It's wall to wall whoopee,
在那里可以随时随地做♥爱
and you don't even have to drive home after.
而且完事后还不用开车回家
Now, I have in mind a certain elegant lady.
我已经有人选了 是一位优雅的女士
Ahh, you're out of T.P.!
妈的 你们的厕纸用完了
You can set me up for one night with your friend,
你帮我牵线和你的朋友共度一晚
and I will gladly leave the apartment.
然后我将很乐意离开
I'll be in your booth.
我去你的卡座等你
Hey, Sophie, you'll get with that old guy, right?
苏菲 你能忍受和那老头上床 对吧
Are you fricking kidding me?
你♥他♥妈开什么玩笑啊
Lester, she didn't go for it.
莱斯特 她不愿意
I'm not going back to that retirement home
那我不要拖着我两腿之间的"尾巴"
with my tail between my legs.
灰溜溜地回养老院
I gotta sleep with someone to make Olivia jealous.
我一定要跟某人上床 好让奥利维亚嫉妒
There's a new thing that kids are doing called "Lying."
其实呢 有一种新事物叫做"撒谎"
Why don't you just make something up?
你就不能瞎编点什么吗
Pics or it didn't happen.
无图无真相
I need a selfie with whoever I hook up with
我要跟每一个我勾搭的人拍一张自♥拍照
for my facebook page.
放到我脸书的主页上
And if it's not gonna be Sophie,
如果那个人不是苏菲
my guess, it's gonna be one of you two up in bed...
我猜床上的只能是你们俩其中一个了
Slugger.
强打者
Slugger.
强打者[棒球]
* Take me out to the ball game **
带我去看球赛 *
* Take me out **
带我去 *
Now I know why Liza threw up.
现在我知道丽莎为什么会吐了
Now I'm depressed.
现在换我内心苦闷了
So you lost the straw pull
你不过是抽签
for who's gonna sleep with Lester.
不幸抽中了要跟莱斯特上床嘛
Look, you've been saying you wanted to have sex
听着 一直说想做♥爱的人是你
and you've also been saying you wanna go antiquing.
一直说想买古董的人也是你
So, behind that door are both.
现在打开门 即可拥有这两者
And, Max, I think you cheated in that straw pull.
麦克斯 我觉得你抽签时作弊了
Of course I cheated!
我当然作弊啦
Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex.
我虽然做过很多疯狂的爱
I once did it with a clown at a funeral.
我曾经在葬礼上跟一个小丑做♥爱
But I cannot see that penis pump.
但我无法直视那个阴♥茎帮浦
I won't be able to come back from that.
我会一辈子做恶梦的
You think I can?
那你觉得我不会吗
I do, I think the science part of your brain would enjoy it.
是的 我觉得你大脑科学那部分
会很喜欢那玩意
Ladies, I've stretched.
姑娘们 我做完伸展运动了
I'm ready.
可以开始了
Fine, I'll take the bullet.
好吧 这颗子弹我来挡
I don't think there are any bullets in that gun.
我觉得他那把"枪"也没"子弹"了
Are you sure?
你确定吗
'cause I don't wanna have an old baby.
我可不想怀上一个老宝宝
This is ridiculous
这太荒谬了
that we're even entertaining the thought
我们都开始自娱自乐了
of doing anything with an old man that isn't a trump.
无论跟那老头干嘛 都不是妙招好吗
Max, I can't do this.
麦克斯 我做不到
One of us will just have to take
看来我们俩有一人
that apartment in Earl's building
得去厄尔楼里的公寓住
and you will find another place.
而你就另找住处吧啊
But then we'd have to live apart.
但这样的话 我们就要分开了
I know, but I don't see another choice.
我知道 但别无选择
I'm not ready to live without you.
可我还不想跟你分开
I'm not ready to live without you.
我也还不想跟你分开
What?
怎么了
I saw the pump! Pack your things!
我看见那帮浦了 你收拾东西滚蛋吧
Max, I can't believe you were almost willing to do that
麦克斯 真不敢相信你为了不跟我分开
to live with me.
差点就牺牲了自己
You know what, I'm going in.
我太感动了 这次换我来
Because the thought of not seeing you
因为想到不能一周七天
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, would kill me!
一天二十四小时都见到你 我就难过得要死
We'll meet every Saturday morning for coffee.
我们还是每周六早上一起喝咖啡好了
Less and less over time, of course.
当然相聚会随着时间越来越少
That was a good start. What else you got?
挺不错的开始 你们俩还有什么招
Nothing!
没了
Ah, I'm really liking this whole back door thing.
我现在真的好喜欢从"后门"进
Wow, that's the first time I've ever said that.
这是我第一次说这种话
Don't get used to it, Sophie.
别变成习惯了 苏菲
You never do.
你从没有过
No, I mean, we're gonna have to leave this place.
不 我是说我们要离开这间公寓了
We couldn't do it with Lester.
我们实在没办法跟莱斯特上床
I know, that's why I'm here.
我知道 所以我来了
You don't have to do this for us.
你不必为了我们这样做
If you two didn't live in this building,
如果你们俩离开了这栋楼
then we'd drift apart
那我们会渐行渐远
and we'd only see each other on Saturdays for coffee.
只能在每周六早上喝咖啡的时候见个面
Well... I'd probably only go once.
而我 大概只会去一次吧
Look, just give me
90 seconds.给我90秒
I mean, he's got a pump. How hard could it be?
这家伙都得用辅助工具 能有多难[硬]呢
She's amazing.
她太见义勇为了
We should probably get her something for this.
我们应该送她点东西作为报答
What would be appropriate?
送什么合适呢
That good candle under the sink?
水槽下面那根好蜡烛吗
We've only used it once.
我们只用过一次
That seems right.
就送那个吧
I don't know what that was, but I'm not up to it.
我不知道那是什么 但我无福消受
I I don't think my heart could take it.
我觉得我的心脏会招架不住
Afraid sex with Sophie would kill you?
担心跟苏菲做♥爱会害死你吗
Yeah, that's why I haven't gone there.
没错 所以我才没这么做
You know, I was all excited about about all the
虽然我对海里多的是其他鱼
all the other fish in the sea.
感到十分性奋
That was a great white shark!
但里面那条可是大白鲨啊
Hey, come on!
快进来
I just stretched. I'm ready.
伸展运动完毕 可以开始了
Look, uh, could we get a quick pic?
要不我们来拍张照好了
I might've gone there, too, if I knew he had an iPhone 5s.
早知道他有iPhone 5s 我就牺牲一下了
Try to be as sexy as possible. Oh, okay, yeah.
尽量性感一点 好的
When Olivia sees that, she's gonna say, "Morty who?"
当奥利维亚看见这照片时 她肯定不会再想着莫蒂
Girls, enjoy your apartment.
姑娘们 好好享用这间公寓
I had some lovely times here.
我在这里过得很愉快
Thank you so much, Lester.
非常感谢你 莱斯特
Bye, grandpa.
再见 爷爷
Maybe sometime we could come visit you in the home.
或许有时间我们可以去养老院看你
Email me. We'll talk.
发电邮给我 到时候再说
That's still in play at his age?
他这把年纪还用这招吗
Hey, thanks for the blue balls, Lester!
谢谢你让我没爽到啊 莱斯特
Nighty night, girls.
安安啦 姑娘们
Max, we get to stay together!
麦克斯 我们又可以在一起了
And even better, He left his wheelchair!
更棒的是 他忘了把轮椅带走了
Push me into the kitchen, I wanna crack open a beer.
推我进厨房 我要开一瓶啤酒喝
I wonder if I'll be pushing you like this when you're 70.
不知道你70岁的时候 我会不会像这样帮你推轮椅
You'll be pushing me like this when I'm 30.
我30岁的时候 你就可以帮我推轮椅了
There's no place like home.
金窝银窝比不上自己的狗窝
I'll go get the scotch tape.
我去拿透明胶带