甜妞的公寓约会

Hey, I'm sleeping at Deke's house tonight.
我今晚要在迪克家过夜
Wink, wink, winky wink.
眨眼 眨眼 你懂的
Deke's house? You mean your boyfriend's dumpster?
迪克家 你是指他那个垃圾箱吗
Yeah. So I need a, uh
是啊 所以我需要...
Tetanus shot?
打破伤风疫苗吗
Higher standards?
还是提高择偶标准
No, a condom.
都不是 是要个套套
I'm about to have sex, and I want it to feel bad.
我今晚要跟他做♥爱 我想要过程不舒服
I should have one in my purse from the last time I had sex.
我上次做♥爱后 我包里好像还有剩避孕套
They had purses the last time you had sex?
你上次做♥爱时 世上就有包包了吗
No, we carried animal hides tied with sticks.
还没呢 我们用棍子绑住动物皮当包用
It hasn't been that long.
没有这么久啦
Oh, here's one next to this movie ticket stub from Precious.
这有一个 旁边还有《珍爱》的电影票存根
Okay, it's been that long.
好啦 是很久了
You saw Precious without a condom?
你看《珍爱》的时候居然没戴套啊
It says, "Best if used before september 2012."
上面写着"最佳使用日期为2012年9月前"
Just like the milk here.
就跟店里的牛奶一样
I wish I knew a guy with a condom.
真希望我有认识有带套套的男人
A man, any man.
男人 是男人就行
Oleg, do you happen to have
奥列格 你身上有带...
Okay, this should get you through the night.
好 这些应该够你今晚用了
But if it doesn't, you can use this freezer bag
但如果不够 可以用这个冷藏袋
and a rubber band.
然后用橡皮筋绑上
Max, I laid out the little cups,
麦克斯 我把小杯子都摆好了
so all you have to do is fill them with cole slaw.
你只需要把沙拉装进去就行了
Said the girl who was on the Forbes
这话居然从曾被福布斯评为
"Top ten to watch" list."
值得关注的十大新星"的人口中说出
I can't do my side work tonight.
今晚我♥干不了这些杂活
Normally I'd say it's because I'm drunk,
通常我会说是因为太醉
but tonight it's because my back hurts and I'm drunk.
但今晚是因为我又背痛又太醉
Here, babe, I got you something
宝贝 我有个能帮你
that might help your back feel better.
减缓背部疼痛的东西
A breast reduction?
缩胸手术吗
No!
别啊
Why would you spit in the face of God?
你为什么要糟蹋上帝的杰作呢
Everybody, calm down.
大家冷静
Those aren't going anywhere.
这对胸器哪也不会去
And if they are, I am going with them.
如果它们真要走 我也会跟着它们走
I got some cooling patches to soothe her muscles.
我这有些退热贴可以让她舒缓肌肉酸痛
And when that doesn't work,
如果不管用
I have another brand called "Maui wowie."
我有另一牌叫"哒嘛"的可以用
Pickup.
上菜
I'll see you later. Love you. Love you.
晚点见 爱你 我也爱你
Deke, breath. What is that?
迪克 你嘴里那是什么味道
Teriyaki beef jerky. Why, is it bad?
照烧牛肉干味 很难闻吗
No. Give me another hit.
不会 再给我香一个
That is delicious.
真好吃啊
You know it.
必须的
Max, since you guys are getting serious,
麦克斯 既然你们认真要谈恋爱
why not go on the pill,
干嘛不直接吃事前避孕药
so every night you won't have to play
这样你就不用每晚都玩
"What can we turn into a condom?""
来找还有啥能当避孕套"的游戏了
The pill is, like, 50 bucks a month.
避孕药一个月分量的好像要50块
That's more than it costs to raise a damn baby.
那他妈的比养个娃还贵呢
Well, your boyfriend's rich. He can afford to pay for it.
你的男朋友这么有钱 他付得起
Great, now I'm a white trash mom.
我这下成了白人穷鬼无良妈了
Uh uh, no way.
不要
I'm saving Deke's fortune for more important things,
我要把迪克的钱留在更重要的事物上
Like Doritos Dinamita.
像是多力多滋的辣味薯条
Pretty much the filet mignon of corn chips.
那算是玉米饼界里的至尊了吧
I mean, I'd be on the pill right now,
我巴不得开始吃那个药呢
but the one man interested in me is married,
可惜现在唯一对我有兴趣的男人结婚了
so I guess that's more of a bitter pill.
所以我现在能吃上的只有苦药吧
Seriously, Max. Think about it. Fine.
说认真的 麦克斯 考虑考虑 好吧
Why don't guys have to take the pill?
为什么需要吃药的都不是男人
We have to take all the pills. Birth control, midol, roofies...
什么药都得是女人吃 避孕药
经痛药 迷♥奸药
Bonjour, Caroline.
你好 卡洛琳
Chef Nicolas. What are you doing in the diner?
尼可拉斯大厨 你来餐厅干嘛
Oh, no, I never wanted you to see me wearing this.
天啊 我可不想被你看见我穿这制服
Yeah, so be a gentleman and take a step back,
所以麻烦你绅士点 往后退一步好吗
'cause as bad as it looks, it smells worse.
因为这衣服不仅样子难看 味道更难闻
I think you look beautiful.
我觉得你看起来很美
Your wife looks beautiful.
你老婆看起来才美呢
Oh, yeah. Get it, girl.
行啊 姑娘 上
May I see you alone over there in the, uh...
聊一会儿行吗 就在...
I guess one would call it a restaurant?
某些人称之为"餐厅"的地方
But just for a minute. I'm working.
就给你一分钟 我还在上班呢
What's that smell?
那是什么味道啊
That's today's special. Beef pot pie.
那是今日特别套餐 牛肉派
Oh, it doesn't smell like beef.
但闻起来不像牛肉啊
That's because it's not beef,
因为不是牛肉做的
It's not made today, and it's not special.
也不是今日做的 而且一点也不特别
Listen, Caroline.
卡洛琳 你听我说
We have all this relationship drama,
虽然我们的关系如同恋爱那般大起大落
and we're not even in a relationship.
但我们根本没有在谈恋爱
Please get to know me better.
我希望你能更深入地了解我
Come to my home for dinner.
来我家吃顿晚饭吧
Dinner at your home, just you and me?
去你家吃晚饭 就我们俩吗
How do you think your wife would feel about that?
你觉得你老婆会怎么想呢
We have an open relationship.
我跟她是开放式的关系
Did you think I'm the type of man
你觉得我是那种
who would have sex with another woman
会偷偷跟其他女人做♥爱
without asking my wife?
而不先问过我老婆的人吗
That is so American.
美国人才那么搞好吗
Max? Why are you calling Max?
麦克斯 你叫麦克斯干嘛
I want to make sure I haven't lost my mind.
我想确认一下我还没疯
Nicolas said he told his wife about me,
尼可拉斯说他跟他老婆说了我
and she gave him permission for us to sleep together.
而他老婆同意我跟他上床
Ha! Good one!
高招
My boss at Quiznos once told me his wife's dying wish
我以前打工的快餐店老板说 他老
婆的遗愿
was that I let him motorboat me.
是我让他用脸蹭我的胸
Okay, so she may have been motorboated out of Quiznos.
她可能被快餐店老板蹭过胸
But I am not falling for this.
但我不信你这套
Yes, I thought you wouldn't believe me,
我猜到你会不相信我了
So I set up a Skype call with her from France on Friday.
所以我跟她约好周五你们两个视频
聊天
Wait, you want me to Skype with your wife about sex?
等等 你要我跟你老婆视频谈跟你
上床的事吗
Am I on Dr. Phil?
我现在是在访谈节目上吗
Hey, everybody.
大家安安
I got a new dress, and it's bitchin'.
我买了件屌♥爆的新连衣裙
Hey, look at him. Oh.
快瞧瞧他
Nobody told me they added beefcake to the menu.
没人告诉我菜单上新加了牛肉饼[猛♥男]啊
Excuse me, beefcake has been on the menu
不好意思 菜单上猛♥男这道菜
since I started working here.
在我开始在这上班后就加上了
Finally...
终于啊
There's somebody in the diner as good looking as me.
餐厅里终于有跟我一样秀色可餐的人了
Hi, I'm Sophie Kuchenski.
你好 我叫苏菲·科臣斯基
Nicolas Saintcroix.
尼可拉斯·圣克罗伊
And he's French too?
而且他还是法国人吗
Oh, come on!
太棒了吧
I'm sorry, I was in the middle of a conversation with Caroline.
抱歉 我刚才跟卡洛琳还没说完呢
Who?
谁啊
Me, the one whose feet you're standing on.
我 那个脚正被你踩着的人
Oh, wait a minute.
等等
Is this the married guy?
他就是那个已婚男人吗
Oh, girl!
行啊 老妹
I'm gonna give you two days' head start, and then he's mine!
姐先让你两天 之后他就是我的囊中物了
Why do you care what his wife thinks about your hair?
你干嘛要在意她老婆觉得你头发如何啊
You're not gonna be sleeping with her.
你又不是要跟她睡
Although you'd be a lot more interesting if you did.
虽然说你跟她睡会更让你变得更有趣
I'm not gonna be sleeping with him either.
我也不会跟他睡
And when I tell his wife that, I want to look good doing it.
我希望我告诉他老婆这件事时 我能美美地说
I have to look 20% better than her.
我得比她好看两成
And since Skype makes you look 20% worse,
而人在视频上会丑个两成
I have to look 40% better than I do now.
所以我得比现在好看四成才行啊
You realize talking about math in a hair salon
你知道在发廊里跟我聊数学
is my worst nightmare, right?
是我最大的恶梦对吧
Welcome to the Tristan Evans salon.
欢迎来到本发廊
Hi, hello. We're here for the... student haircut.
你好 我们是来做... 学生剪发的
I'm sorry?
再说一遍
The $6 haircuts for poor people6
块钱的穷人剪发
from the people who don't really know how to cut hair yet.
让也还不是很会剪头发的人剪
的那种
Max, that's not true. This is the Tristan Evans salon.
麦克斯 才不会呢 这发廊很出名呢
I'm sure that everyone that's enrolled here is a genius.
我相信会在这里学习的都是天才美发师
At least tell me they're gay.
他们至少都是基男吧
Just have a seat over there.
请你们到一旁就座
I'll have somebody come up from the hair school and shh!
我会让美发学校部的人上来...
So loud.
小声点
Hair school. Got it.
美发学校部 没问题
We'll just take a seat over there till they arrive.
我们会乖乖坐在一边等他们
Girl, you just sit there, relax,
妹儿 你就坐好 放轻松
and let jameis make this head major.
让我杰米丝来把你的头发弄得超霸气
So weird, 'cause I majored in head.
真巧 我主修[霸气]的就是头呢
Girl, you are all everything.
妹儿 你真是伶牙俐齿
That's a little cold.
水温有点冷
I'm sorry, what was your name again?
抱歉 你叫什么名字来着
Dan.
丹
Uh huh. Dan? So just Dan?
丹 就丹一个字吗
You're not, like, a Danny or a Dantrell?
不是什么丹妮还是丹翠儿之类的吗
Dan.
就丹
I need to get conditioner.
我去拿点护发素
Damn it, Max, I got a straight one.
靠 麦克斯 我的美发师是直男
What makes you think he's straight?
他哪里让你觉得他是直男了
He keeps pushing my head down before I'm ready.
我都没准备好 他就一直把我的头"按下去"
Is the water too warm?
水会太温吗
Why? Are my pants too wet?
为啥问 我裤子尿太湿了吗
Girl, are we in love?
我真是爱死你了
Max, I need you to give me your gay.
麦克斯 把你的基男给我
Yeah, right.
你想得美
I'd give you my left nut before I give you my gay.
我把我左蛋蛋给你 也不给你我的基男
You weren't even gonna get your hair done.
你本来都没想要弄头发
Yeah, but I always wanted to know
但我一直想知道
what it felt like to get a shampoo
被人上洗发水时
without a school nurse running that tiny comb through my hair.
不用被学校护士用细梳子
梳头的感觉[头虱]
Dan?
丹
I have a magazine over there
我那边的杂志上有张
with a photo of a chic, piece y, choppy bob.
时尚又有棱角的短头发型图
You can do that, right? Sure.
你能弄那个发型对吧 没问题
Piece of bob. Got it.
简单 棱角短 没问题
'sup? Dan, Dan, Dan!
姑娘不错哦 丹 丹
Okay, done. You're ready to cut.
好 洗完了 可以剪了
Let's go. I can't risk some discount hetero cutting my hair.
走吧 我可不想冒险让打折收费的直男剪头发
I'll see you at home. I'm pretty close to a hairgasm.
我们家里见吧 我都快要头发高♥潮了
That should've been mine.
这本来应该是我的福利
I haven't had a hairgasm in years.
我都几年没有过头发高♥潮了
She hasn't had any gasm in years.
她这几年什么高♥潮都没有过
Oh, my God!
天啊
Max, is that hair your new form of birth control?
麦克斯 这发型是你的新"避孕措施"吗
You look like Dame Edna.
你看起来像是埃德娜夫人
That's what I asked for!
我就是照着她的发型做的
Hellooo!
泥嚎啊
Now my outside matches my inside
现在我的外表终于与内心一致了
because I've always been an old drag queen
因为我的灵魂是个老年异装癖男
trapped inside the body of a young black girl.
被困在一个年轻黑妞的身躯里
Hellooo!
你好啊
Oh, hi, Max.
你好啊 麦克斯
Oh, I used to wear my hair like that.
我以前也留过这发型
I used it to smuggle cheese and cigarettes into the prison.
是为了方便夹带起司跟香烟进监狱里
Oh, hey, Caroline.
卡洛琳
Just checking.
我就想确认一下
Still not sleeping with that French guy
还是不要跟我要"睡"的
that I'm sleeping with?
那个法国佬上床吗
Still not, Sophie. He's married.
就是不要 苏菲 他结婚了
Well, good.
那就好
'cause I'm here to talk to that wife
因为我是来跟他老婆谈的
and throw my hoo ha into the ring.
人家的"洞洞"也要参赛
I even bought myself a flat French hat
我还买了一个法式贝雷帽
to make me more French.
好让自己更有法国味
Yeah, I got me the hat
另外 我买帽子的原因
'cause I didn't have time to grow out my pits.
是因为我不够时间留腋毛
Okay, the call is in one minute. I'll just do it from here.
电话一分钟后就来了 我就坐这里说吧
I was planning to be holding my Louis Vuitton shopping bag,
我本来还打算提着我LV的购物袋呢
but the cat took a dump in it.
但那只猫在里面拉了屎
And, Max, bring that lamp closer to my face,
麦克斯 把那台灯拿靠近我脸一点
So I don't have eight Skype chins.
这样视频上我不会看起来有八重下巴
Fine, but if I get too close to the bulb,
行 但如果我太靠近灯泡
my hair might blow up.
我的头会爆炸
Here she is.
她打来了
Sophie, good bye.
苏菲 慢走不送
Oh, no, I'm not leaving, baby.
别想 我才不走呢 宝贝
That French hottie and I are perfect for each other.
那法国帅哥跟我是天造地设的一对
I mean, look at me.
你瞧姐
I'm wearing a beret. I have a baguette.
我戴着法式贝雷帽 包里还有法式长棍
Bonjour, bitches!贱♥人们 姐来啦
Okay, take a deep breath, and remember, this is ridiculous.
深呼吸 然后别忘了 这事真是狗屁不通
Bonjour, Caroline.
你好 卡洛琳
Bonjour. You must be Juliette.
你好 你是朱丽叶吧
It is nice to meet you.
幸会幸会
And you as well, Juliette.
我也是
I just want to set the record straight about Nicolas and I.
我想先跟你声明尼可拉斯与我的事
I am not the type of
我绝对不是那种...
Yes, you have my permission to sleep with Nicolas.
可以 我同意你跟尼可拉斯上床
Au revoir.
再会
That's it? She's gone?
就这样啊 她这就挂了
I didn't even get to say "hos before bros" in French.
我没来得及用法语说"姐妹至上 男人滚蛋"
So much more to say.
人家还有很多话想说呢
What more is there to say?
还有什么好说的啊
She said we could sleep with him.
她都说我们可以跟他睡了
No, I'm never sleeping with Nicolas,
不 我绝对不会跟尼可拉斯睡
no matter what his wife says.
他老婆说什么都没用
Good, 'cause you could never share a French guy.
很好 因为你绝对不会跟人分享法国男人
You won't even share your French toast.
你连法式吐司都不愿意跟人分享
Thanks for coming.
谢谢你们陪我来
I promise, just one drink at Nicolas's,
我保证 在他家喝一杯就走
and then we'll go to the movies.
然后我们一起去看电影
And, Max, I can't believe you went out with that hair in public.
话说你居然真敢顶着这个发
型出门
I like it.
我喜欢
You look like my Aunt Esther, but not as hot.
像我的艾斯特阿姨 只不过没她那么辣
Oh, Caroline.
卡洛琳
I see you brought Deke and...
你还邀请了迪克和...
Max's mother?
那位是麦克斯的母亲吗
The only thing this hair and my mother have in common is
这发型和我妈的唯一共同点
they're both high.
就是吹"高"和嗑高[嗨]
Nicolas, I'm not staying.
尼可拉斯 我不会久留
I know you went to a lot of trouble with dinner,
我知道你为这顿晚餐费了很多心思
So I didn't want to be rude,
所以我也不想失礼
but we can only stay for one drink.
但我们喝一杯就要走了
God, you look beautiful.
天啊 你真漂亮
Maybe two drinks.
其实喝两杯也行
But definitely no dinner.
但绝对不留下来吃晚餐
Well, that dinner we weren't staying for was delicious.
我们本不该留下来吃的这顿饭真是美味
Yeah, we should not stay more often.
是啊 我们应该多多"不久留"
I like your loft, man.
我喜欢你的小阁楼
It's the perfect place to live
这地方超级适合
if you like to commit really sexy crimes.
干一些激♥情四射的坏事
Well, we should go.
我们该走了
No. You're not staying for dessert?
别 你不留下来吃甜点了吗
You're breaking my heart.
这真让我伤心
Well, maybe just one piece. We can share it.
那就吃一块吧 我们可以分着吃
I thought you didn't want to share.
我还以为你不喜欢跟人分享呢
He's not married to his dessert, Max,
他又没跟他的甜点结婚 麦克斯
And it's just one piece.
而且只是吃一块而已
We're here, so he doesn't get a piece.
我们来这的目的就是让他半点便宜都吃不着
You got a pretty sweet setup for a married man who's single.
你这个已婚单身男人一条龙
服务得挺到位
Creme caramel au coconut cake.
奶油焦糖椰子蛋糕
Well, it's no Fudgie the Whale.
不是软糖鲸鱼蛋糕啊
Thanks.
多谢
I love to cook for friends.
我喜欢为朋友们做饭
Beautiful friends.
尤其是漂亮的朋友
Nicolas, just because your wife gave me permission
尼可拉斯 就算你老婆同意我这么做
does not mean I'm gonna let you take me over
也不意味着我会让你把我抱起来
to that king size bed with
扔到那张床单看起来很有档次的
what looks like really good sheets
特大号双人床上
and make love to me all night long.
然后跟我疯狂做♥爱一整夜
and then again that morning.
直至早上也不停歇
So how's your back, Esther?
你的背好点了吗 艾斯特
Oh, Morty.
莫蒂
I have to tell you something.
我有话要对你说
Is it your heart?
你的心脏不行了吗
No, I'm on the pill.
不是啦 是我在吃药
I know. You're on a lot of pills.
我知道 你磕的药还不少呢
No, a pill pill.
不是啦 是那个药
The pill pill pill?
传说中的那个药吗
Yeah, see?
是啊 你看
You just pop 'em out one at a time.
一弹开盖子 一颗药就会自动蹦出来
They're like pez for sluts.
就像是给荡♥妇专用的糖豆
Speaking of sluts...
说到荡♥妇
Oh, boy, this is awkward.
天啊 这场面太尴尬了
And I've testified against half my family.
比我出庭作证指控自己半数家人还尴尬
I agree, Max.
我同意 麦克斯
Things are a little uncomfortable.
现在的场面是有点怪怪的
So why don't we just make this as weird as possible?
所以我们何不让它变得更加奇怪呢
Damn it, I knew he was gonna kill us.
靠 我就知道他会杀我们灭口
Tango, anyone?
有人会跳探戈吗
Honestly, I prefer if you kill us.
老实说 我宁愿他杀了我们
Okay, well, we gotta go, Esther.
好了 我们该走了 艾斯特
No, morty, sit down! I'm not missing the show.
不行 莫蒂 给我坐下来看戏
It comes with dinner.
这是餐后表演呢
Tango? Nicolas, you cannot be serious.
探戈 尼可拉斯 你在开玩笑吗
Oh, maybe you cannot dance, Caroline?
你是不是不会跳舞啊 卡洛琳
Can't dance?
怎么可能
One summer, I taught ballroom dance to homeless teens.
某年夏天 我曾教无家可归的青少年跳社交舞
Because when you're dancing, you're not hungry?
因为人在跳舞的时候 就不会觉得肚子饿吗
Fast forward.
快进快进
This is my least favorite part of the Addams Family.
这是《亚当斯一家》里我最不喜欢的桥段
Look at his pants. I know.
你瞧他的裤裆 看见啦
That tango is giving him even less ball room.
他的鸡鸡在裤裆的舞池里跟着起舞
Stay. We don't have to have sex.
留下来 我们不一定非要做♥爱
We don't? I promise.
可以吗 我保证
I have to go to the restroom, Max. So do you.
我要去洗手间一趟 麦克斯 你也是
Come in, come in, come in, come in, come in.
进来 快进来 快进来
Okay, where's the coke?
可卡因在哪儿
There is no coke.
没有可卡因
Why would you call anyone into a bathroom if you don't have coke?
你没有可卡因 还把人叫进洗手间干屁啊
That's rude.
真是太过分了
No, I was just gonna talk to you.
不是啦 我只是想跟你谈谈
Oh, then I'm definitely gonna need coke.
那我绝对要来点可卡因才听得进去
Okay, look. You are not sleeping with him.
听着 你不能跟他滚床单
Of course not.
当然不会
But tonight I'm thinking there's something special here.
但今晚我觉得情况有些不一样
I mean, we talked, and we laughed.
我是说我们相谈甚欢
What is this, "Previously on Caroline"?
你这是干嘛 "卡洛琳前情回顾"吗
If you guys are doing blow in here without me,
如果你们俩扔下我 在里面嗑药
I'm gonna be so pissed.
我一定会非常生气的
I wish.
我倒想呢
No, Caroline wants to have sex with Nicolas.
不是啦 卡洛琳想跟尼可拉斯滚床单
Even after that tango?
跳了那探戈之后还这么想吗
Listen, now I'm thinking I want to sleep over,
听着 现在我是想留下来过夜
but not have sex.
但是绝不做♥爱
Is that where he puts it in but doesn't move it around?
所以是让他放进去但是不动的意思吗
That's what I do when you're passed out.
每次你醉得不省人事 我就会这样
That's what I do when you're passed out.
每次你醉得不省人事 我也会这样
Look, nothing is going in anywhere.
绝不会有任何"东西"进"任何"地方"
I just want to get to know him better.
我只是想多了解他一些
You really think you can sleep in his bed with him
你真的觉得你可以跟他睡在同一张床上
and not use his penis as a body pillow? Of course.
却不把他的鸡鸡当抱枕吗 当然
I've done that with every boy on the upper east side.
我跟上东区的每一个男生都试过
That's why they called me the east side snuggler.
所以他们称我为"东区抱抱员"
And trust me,
相信我
even though his wife begged me to have sex with him,
即使他老婆求我让我跟他做♥爱
I'm not going to.
但我也不会这么做
But didn't you tell us the whole reason you dragged us here
但你之前把我们拖来这的理由
was because you were afraid of being alone with him?
不是因为你害怕跟他独处吗
What is this, "Previously on Caroline"?
你这是干嘛 "卡洛琳前情回顾"吗
Look, I get it.
我懂你们的意思
And if you two really don't think I'm capable
如果你们俩真的觉得
of not having sex with him,
我会把持不住的话
then hang out for a bit until you're sure that I'm fine.
那你们可以待到觉得我可以了再走
Fine, but we are not staying all night.
可以 但我们不会在这耗一整晚的
Here are some blankets for you, Max and Deke.
麦克斯和迪克 这是给你们的毯子
You can take the couch.
你们可以睡沙发
Caroline and I will take the bed.
我和卡洛琳睡床
Once again, our apologies.
再次抱歉 是我们不好
We are just too drunk to go.
我们醉得走不了
Too drunk!
真是太醉了
You did share that one glass of wine.
你们俩才就分了一杯红酒
Yup, we are too drunk.
没错 我们都喝高了
So too drunk to walk?
所以醉到走不了路吗
Well, I don't know. You be the judge.
我不知道 那你来判断下
I am so sorry about this.
我对此感到非常抱歉
It's fine, Caroline.
没关系 卡洛琳
I know what's going on here.
我知道这是怎么回事
Oh, and, Nicolas, before you go,
尼可拉斯 在你上床前
I just wanted to say thanks again for the drinks,
我想再次感谢你今晚的美酒
the dinner,
晚餐
the dessert,
甜点
my pillow,
我的枕头
and Deke's pillow.
还有迪克的枕头
We get it, grandma. Good night.
我们懂你意思了 老古董 晚安
We'll be right over there.
我们就睡在那边
And I'll be right over here.
我就睡在这边
Good night, sleep tight,
晚安 好好睡
don't let the bedbugs have sex with you.
千万不要让臭虫"钻进"你的身子里
Uh, you and I are gonna do it, right?
可是我会钻进你身子 对吧
Oh, yeah. Think I took my pill this morning.
当然 我今早应该吃药了
Either that or I didn't take my pill.
不然就是我没吃
Wow, Max, this is a big step
麦克斯 你今天有或没有吃药
that you may or may not have taken today.
对我们的感情来说都算是垮了一大步呢
You know if it's too much trouble,
如果太麻烦的话
we don't have to go off condoms.
我们可以继续用避孕套啊
So you're the one guy in the world
所以你就是当今世上那个
who wants to still wear a condom?
唯一想戴避孕套的男人吗
Do you have something?
你是不是有什么隐疾啊
No, it's not like that.
不 才没有呢
I'm just saying the pill is a big commitment.
我只是觉得开始吃药是个很大的承诺
Oh, so do you not want to take this step?
所以你不想进展到这一步吗
Because I already went to Planned Parenthood,
因为我已经去过计划生育组织了
and I never plan anything.
而我从未"计划"过任何事呢
Max, I guess I'm just surprised Hold that thought.
麦克斯 我只是有点意外 等下再说
I hear nothing. So?
怎么没有声音 那又怎样
So that's what Caroline sounds like during sex!
卡洛琳做♥爱的时候就是没有声音
Keep talking like I'm here.
假装你在跟我说话
Ah, oh, yeah, baby!
太爽了 宝贝
Right there! That's the spot!
那里 就是那里
Yeah, now slap my face with 'em!
现在把我脸按上去吧
Well, if you were still here, that's what I'd be saying.
如果你在这 我就会说这种话啊
I'm sorry, I'll switch it up.
抱歉啦 我换一下
Uh, go fish, Max.
上吧 麦克斯
Max, what are you doing?
麦克斯 你在干什么
What are you doing?
你们又在干什么
We're fine.
我们没干嘛
We're just lying here talking.
我们只是躺着说话而已
No, we're not. I'm really turned on.
其实不是 老娘已经欲♥火焚身了
Why? What's he doing to you?
为什么 他对你做什么了
It's not him, it's me. I'm the predator here.
不是他 是我自己 我是肉食女
You were right. You better stop me.
你说得对 你最好快阻止我
Get up here with us.
上来跟我们一起睡
I'm not getting in bed with you.
我才不要跟你同睡一张床
Max, get in the bed.
麦克斯 你上床睡吧
I know a jaques block when I see one.
我这人很知情识趣的
I am so sorry.
真是对不起
This is silly. I know it must be hard for you.
这样很蠢 我知道这对你来说太难[硬]了
Uh, not anymore.
现在不是了
You know, last night when you and I were in bed,
昨晚当我们一起在床上时
I realized I guess Nicolas is just gonna be one of
我意识到尼可拉斯可能就是那位
those people in my life that I'm always gonna
我人生中差点发♥生♥关♥系
almost have sex with, but I never will.
但我又永远不会这么做的人之一
You know?
你懂我意思吗
Yeah, like me and you.
懂 就像我和你
Hey, Deke. Hey, Earl.
你好 迪克 你好 厄尔
Best conversation I had today.
我今天最棒的谈话
Max, last night I got the idea that maybe you thought
麦克斯 昨晚我想你可能误会我
that I didn't want to take our relationship to the next level.
认为我不想让我们的关系更进一步
What is this, "Previously on Deke"?
你这是干嘛 "迪克前情回顾"吗
And just to prove that I do want to go to the next level,
为了向你证明 我的确想跟你跟进一步
I got you a ring.
我给你买了个环
Oh, my god, Max! I'm so happy for you!
天啊 麦克斯 真为你感到开心
Even though I thought I'd be the first one to get engaged.
虽然我一直以为我会是先订婚的那个
I think we all thought that.
大家肯定都是这么认为的
Deke, I don't know what you're gonna pull out of your pocket,
迪克 我不知道你要从口袋
里掏出什么东西
but it better be a gun.
但那最好是一把枪
Actually, I know you don't want a ring ring.
其实我知道你肯定不会想要那种指环
but how about a nuvaring?
所以我送你一个阴♥道环
A nuvaring?阴♥道环
How did you know my size?
你怎么知道我里面大小
I can't wait to try it on.
我迫不及待要戴进去了
Well, I am not throwing you a shower for that.
我可不会为你开个净身洗礼派对
After I saw how you maybe forgot to take your pill on day one
自从我目睹你第一天的药就貌似忘了吃
and then took pills all day just to be safe,
结果隔天一整天乱吃药来确保安全后
I thought you'd need a little help.
我就想你可能需要点小帮助
So there, Max. Will you not have children with me?
所以麦克斯 你愿意跟我一起避孕吗
You're damn right I won't.
我当然愿意
Oh, wait, I think these take a couple days to work.
慢着 这玩意戴上后还得过两天才管用
置入阴♥道后约有一个月的药效 之后自己取出替换新的即可
Where are we gonna get a condom for tonight?
我们今晚要去哪里弄避孕套呢