从朋友变成恋人

Fresh warm cupcakes!
刚出炉热气腾腾的小蛋糕
Enjoy this winter wonderland with some hot, hot cocoa!
来杯热可可 好好享受这冬日仙境吧
Why are we open and selling to no one
我们早该打烊 躺在地板上打盹了
when we should be closed and taking a floor nap?
为什么还坚持开门营业 卖蛋糕给暴风雪吗
Yes, Max, it's a blizzard right now,
没错 麦克斯 现在是暴风雪
but in an hour, it could be 65!
但一个小时内 温度将会升到摄氏18度
That's the beauty of global warming.
这就是全球变暖的好处
You, stop!
你给我站住
I'll give you a peppermint stick!
我送你一根薄荷彩棒哦
That is a straw with red stripes.
那只是一根红色条纹吸管而已
Well, what sounds better, Max,
那哪个听起来比较好 麦克斯
a peppermint stick or...
薄荷彩棒还是
"a straw with red stripes"?"
红色条纹吸管"
First of all, great impression of me.
首先我要说 你学我还真像
And second, no one in their right mind
其次 现在这种鬼天气
is stopping for cupcakes right now.
没有一个正常人会停下来买蛋糕的
Oh, hi, girls!
姑娘们
Guess who wants a cupcake.
猜谁想来个小蛋糕
It's me.
是我哦
Here you go, Sophie.
给 苏菲
See, Max, we have a customer.
麦克斯 瞧 我们有顾客了
And just so you know, I'm not gonna pay.
对了如你所知 我不会付钱的哦
I am so glad you stay open
真开心你们还在营业
even with all this snow everywhere.
雪花满天飞还坚持不懈
You know, good for you.
你们俩干得很好
You two are really committed to this little cupcake window,
真的把心血都倾注到这小蛋糕窗口上了
Even when it's stupid.
即使明知没人买 也还坚持营业
That's it, we're closing.
够了 咱们收工吧
These streets need to be plowed
这街道该铲雪[开搞]的程度
more than that poor married Jonas brother.
比那个老婆肚子大了的明星还严重
No, wait. Listen!
先等等 你听
It's the snowplow.
是铲雪车的声音
Now, people will be able to get to us.
铲完雪 顾客上门就轻松了
I told you, it is gonna be one of those
跟你说了今晚也会是个
magical New York city nights.
纽约城神奇魔法之夜
Do it again!
老天麻烦再爱她一遍
Why are we here?
我们还待在这干嘛
It's still snowing, and we have no customers.
外面还在下雪 店里一个客人都没有
I had to put money in the cash register
我都得靠自己塞钱进收银机里
just to steal it.
才能满足偷钱欲了
We can't just leave. Han's not here.
我们不能说走就走 阿憨还没来啊
Maybe the trains aren't running,
可能火车停止发车
or Han got knocked out by a snowflake.
或者小阿憨被一片雪花给击晕了
Well, you know the diner rule, the one I just made up.
餐厅的规矩我想你懂 就我现编出来的这条
If he's 30 minutes late,
如果他迟到超过30分钟
we grab whatever we can fit in our pockets and leave.
我们就偷走所有能塞进口袋里的东西开溜
Of course, if he's 31 minutes late
行啊 如果他迟到了31分钟
and there's no one here, we all get fired.
发现店里没人在 大家就全被炒了
But I say we roll the dice.
但要我说就碰运气吧
Well, whatever happened,
先不管他发生了啥事
we can't run the diner if Han's not here.
但他不在我们就没法营业啊
That's right, who's gonna walk around here
有见地 那我们谁要负责在店里转悠
guessing what a vagina looks like?
然后想着阴♥道到底长哪样
Uh, me?
我咩
Pick up.
上菜
I like this cold weather.
我喜欢这种冷天气
I get to wear my chin cheetah hat.
我可以戴上我的金豹帽
Chin cheetah? That's not even a real animal.
金豹 世上哪有这种动物啊
Yes, it is. This was the last one.
真的有 我这帽子就是用最后一只做的
Who's that food for? We don't have any customers.
那食物要给谁 店里都没客人
It's for me and Deke.
是我跟迪克要吃
We're studying pastry school stuff in the cupcake shop.
我们要在小蛋糕店里读烘焙学校的东西
We're also putting rocks in snowballs and throwing them
也要在雪球里包石头用来丢那些
at hipsters wearing those stupid stuffed animal hats.
戴着白♥痴填充动物帽的嬉皮士
Max, you think school will be open?
麦克斯 你觉得明天还用去学校吗
I was hoping it'd be closed,
我还希望能休息一天
so I'd have at least have one day
让我有一天时间清静
where I wouldn't have to deal with the drama
不用再烦心我跟尼可拉斯大厨之间
between me and chef Nicolas.
烦人的情事
Oh, is that the married man you kissed?
就是你亲了的那个已婚男人吗
Who told you?
谁跟你说这事的
You! Like a hundred times.
你啊 说了几百次
Let's play a snow day game.
来玩个下雪天游戏吧
Like what, guess the code to the safe in Han's office?
比如 来猜阿憨办公室里保险箱的密码吗
I know the first two numbers are eight and nine.
我知道头两个数字是8与9
How about if you could have sex
如果得在我们这群人中
with anyone here, who would it be?
选一个人做♥爱 你们会选谁
"Could have" or "forced to have"?
是"想要与之"还是"被迫与之"
Oleg, you go first.
奥列格 你先来吧
I pick Caroline.
我选卡洛琳
Oh, thank you. That's gross.
谢谢 真是恶心爆了
No, Caroline got mauled by a bear in the snow.
不能选她 她在雪中被熊一掌拍死了
I did?
真的吗
No, it was me in a bear costume.
不是 是我穿着熊衣服干的
She never saw me coming.
我下手时她完全没料到
So my only two choices are you or Earl?
所以我只能在你跟厄尔之间选吗
No, Earl passed away in his sleep.
不 厄尔在睡梦中去世了
Of course, you'll feel terrible
是是是 等过几周
when that happens in a couple of weeks.
你一语成谶了 我看你笑不笑得出来
Now, if you'd excuse me, I'm going to go home
抱歉失陪了 我要回家
and roll me a fatty.
好好爽一发了
Her name is Denise.
她的名字叫蒂妮湿
Okay, so I pick you.
好吧 那我选你
Me?
我吗
You pick me out of all these two people?
你从两个人选中选了我吗
Luis, are you blushing?
路易斯 你脸红啦
No! I'm wearing blush.
我只是有擦腮红而已
Don't worry, everyone!
大家不用担心了
I survived!
我没死
Still don't know where Han is,
还是不知道阿憨上哪了
but the new Bond villain just arrived.
但新的007电影坏人登场了
《007之八爪女》是007系列的第13部电影
Now there's an even bigger octopussy in town.
比"八爪女"更厉害的八"逼"女来了
I'm very sorry I'm late.
迟到真是太对不起了
I got stuck in a snow bank,
我被困在雪堆里了
and I had to pee myself out.
靠撒尿才融出一条逃生道
Where's Max? And I know she's not trapped in the storm,
麦克斯呢 我知道她肯定不是被困雪中
'cause she's the one who taught me
因为她就是教我
how to pee my way out.
尿出一条雪路的人
Max, what is the French name for this pastry
麦克斯 这看起来像一堆闪亮蛋蛋的
that looks like a bunch of glazed balls?
法国糕点叫做什么名字呢
A sha sha sha?
叫瞎瞎瞎吗
No.
不是
A doh doh doh doh doh?
叫呼噜呼噜呼噜吗
Oh, so close. It's a "Pata chow."
很接近了 是"啪嗒秋"
French and chemistry for pastry school?
烘焙学校还得读法语跟化学
I thought class was gonna be like,
我本来以为上课只会是
"which is better, cake or bread?"
哪个比较好 蛋糕还是面包
They're both great, duh.
当然是两种都好啦
Here's your degree."
很好 学位证拿去吧"
I have terrible news.
我有个坏消息
Han's not dead, and he wants us to do side work.
阿憨没死 还要我们帮忙干别的活
Do you mind?
能别打扰吗
Harry Pothead and I are trying to study.
我跟哈利·大♥麻特在学习呢
Oh, Max, I know how we'll pass.
麦克斯 我知道怎么过关了
We can ask that girl next to us in class for help.
我们可以请教我们学校隔壁桌的那个女生
She speaks French.
她会说法语
You know, the one with the bubble butt, Judy?
就是那个屁♥股大如球的女人 朱迪
Oh, yeah! Judy with the booty.
知道 大屁♥股朱迪嘛
You don't know her that well.
你跟人家没熟到可以叫小名
Please, call her "Judith with the boodith."
请称呼人家全名"大屁♥股小姐朱迪丝"
Max, can I interrupt this episode of "Ass chat"
麦克斯 我能打断你们这集"屁♥股有约"吗
and talk to you outside for a second?
然后跟你到外面谈两句吗
Sure. Hey, Max.
行 麦克斯
Her butt's so big, she walks into the room doggie style.
她屁♥股大到得用狗爬式才能进屋
Like I said to my uncle when he came into my bedroom
我要说的话 就跟我叔叔半夜走近我房间时
in the middle of the night, "this better be good."
我说的话一样 "最好是够爽"
Does it bother you when Deke talks
迪克跟你像好兄弟之间
about other girls with you like you're a guy?
聊别的妞的时候你不会不爽吗
Not as much as it bothers me
你把我当闺蜜一样
when you talk to me like I'm a girl.
谈天说地时 我更不爽呢
Look, Deke and I are just bros.
迪克跟我只是兄弟
I don't want to sleep with him.
我对他又没"性趣"
Not that there's anything wrong with
虽然说两个兄弟变成基友
two bros sleeping together.
睡一起也没啥不好
I'm not bromophobic.
我又没有兄弟恐惧症
It's just not what this is.
但我跟他就不是那种关系
So you're sure there's nothing sexual
所以你确定你跟他之间
going on between you and him?
没有任何一点情欲元素吗
Yes, I'm sure.
我确定
No!
瞎了眼了
Watch, I'm gonna take a snow swim.
看好了 我要去雪泳
Not that cold.
也没多冷嘛
You're right, nothing sexual there
你说得对 完全没有任何情欲
unless you like adult men in underoos.
除非你对穿着儿童内♥裤的大人有性趣
Well, there's Nicolas. I was not prepared for this.
要看到尼可拉斯了 我真心没心理准备
Really? 'cause we spent the entire subway ride
是吗 老娘整趟来这里的地铁上
preparing you for this.
都在帮你做心理建设
Okay, look, should I brace myself
你们两个会尴尬到
for weirdness between you two?
我需要现在就做好准备吗
And by that, I mean should I hit this?
我是指现在就先开始喝吗
No, I'm cool. Cool as a cucumber.
我会冷酷对待 酷到狂拽屌炸天
Ll Cool J. Never been cooler.
冷酷冰雪女王 天下第一酷
Ugh! Why didn't I drink before you said that?
我这口酒应该留到你说完这傻话再喝
Oh, yeah. I am gonna ice him out.
放心吧 我会对他冷眼相待
Well, maybe lose a couple of those cubes,
你还是稍微收起你的冷酷范吧
because he is your boss,
毕竟他可是你老板
and the only reason I can afford to go here is
而我能念得起这学校全是靠
'cause you work in the office.
你在办公室的工作换来的
Don't worry, he'll never know.
放心 他不会察觉
Pretend you're Nicolas.
假装你是尼可拉斯
Hello, Caroline.
你好啊 卡洛琳
I am a man, but I am pretty like a lady.
我是个貌美如花的美男子
Good morning, how are you?
早安 今天好吗
Ooh, that was good.
好演技
'Sup, Max?
麦克斯 早上好
Look who I got to ride up with. Hey, Max.
你看我跟谁一起搭电梯上来了 麦克斯
Hey, Jude. You ever heard that one before?
嘿 朱迪 你听过人家这么叫吗
《Hey Jude 嘿 朱迪》披头士乐队的知名歌曲
Yeah. Is that, like, a thing?
听过啊 这是啥流行语吗
Thanks for the ride up, Deke.
迪克 谢谢你了
Caroline.
卡洛琳
I thought we were gonna have to take the freight elevator.
我本来以为得跟她搭货物运送
电梯了
Really? I assumed you guys would take the ass calator.
是吗 我以为你们是要搭屁动扶梯
呢
Oh, hello, Caroline.
你好啊 卡洛琳
Good morning, how are you?
早安 你好吗
Very well, thank you.
很好 谢谢问候
Can't you see I'm mad at you?
你看不出来我在生你气吗
Then why are you smiling?
那你为什么在笑
This is my fake face.
这是我假客套的脸
Then what does your real face look like?
那你真的表情是怎么样呢
How dare you kiss me when you're married?
你个已婚男人居然还敢亲我
I prefer the fake one.
我还是喜欢你假客套的脸
Bonjour, class.
大家好吗
Bonjour, chef Nicolas.
尼可拉斯大厨好
Today, we will be concentrating on the chemistry of baking
我们今天要特别多讲讲烘焙的
化学知识
for tomorrow's test.
因为明天考♥试会考
I don't know about the damn test,
我不知道考♥试结果会如何
but I would ace a pop quiz on that ass.
但如果考玩她屁♥股 我一定满分
Oh, sorry. I'll get that.
真不好意思 我去捡
Let Judy pick it up.
让朱迪捡啊
It's a chance to see it in motion.
好有机会看到她屁♥股晃动的样子
You think she got that thing at a Kim Kardashian backyard sale?
你觉得她那屁♥股是从金·卡戴珊家买的吗
名媛金·卡戴珊的身材是著名的巨♥乳肥臀
When you add water to the flour to hydrate the two proteins,
当你加水进面粉团中水合两种蛋白质
glutenin and gliadin,
麦谷蛋白与醇溶蛋白
those two proteins are drawn to each other,
这两种蛋白质会被对方吸引
and they bond.
从而融为一体
Like I like to say, they're hot for each other.
我喜欢称之 为对方欲罢不能
Max, look, they were drawn to each other,
麦克斯你看 它们被对方吸引
they bonded,
融为一体
and now, we've got our own big butt.
现在生出了我们自己的大屁♥股了
Dat ass, though!
那屁♥股 真粉
More like dat ass dough.
是那屁♥股 面粉吧
You need to wet the dough with water
你们得往面团里加水
to keep it moist and supple.
才能保持湿♥润与柔软
Wet your bread, everyone,
把面团弄湿 大家
wet your bread.
把你们的面团弄湿
Mine's pretty wet. How's yours?
我的挺湿了 你的呢
Mine would be, but it's on antidepressants.
本来是 但吃抗忧郁药后 湿不起了
Work with your partner, help each other out.
跟你的搭档合作 帮助对方
Here, let me help, Max.
来 我帮你吧 麦克斯
Yeah, mine's not as smooth as yours.
对啊 我的好像没你的光滑
Mm, keep kneading it. You need more water.
继续揉吧 还需要更多水
It's better, right?
现在好多了吧
Yeah, I think wetting it helped.
对啊 把它弄湿挺管用的
Caroline, something is really wrong with me.
卡洛琳 我出大问题了
Don't freak out. I'm here for you.
先别慌 有我呢
Unless it's something I can catch.
除非那是能传染给我的"问题"
Something weird happened.
出了件怪事
I think I might have feelings for Deke.
我可能对迪克有好感
Oh, God, no!
天啊 不是吧
I mean, that is interesting. Let's talk about that.
我的意思是这事有意思 咱们来谈谈吧
I don't know what to do.
我不知道该怎么办了
We're bros, and I don't want to ruin the friendship,
我把他当兄弟 我不想破坏我们之间的友情
which is really unlike me.
这太不像我了
I always ruin friendships.
我向来都是友情破坏王
I've been trying to ruin ours since you moved in.
打从你搬进来 我就一直想破坏我们的友情
Well, what changed with Deke?
迪克有何变化让你动了心
It was so weird he was wetting my bread,
当时情景特别奇怪 他帮我加湿我的面团
And then my bread was wet, if you know what I'm saying.
然后揉着揉着我"下面"包也湿了 你懂的
Okay, thank you. I'm finally off bread.
我懂 多谢你 我终于不爱吃面包了
Look, I understand.
我完全理解你
You can't always help who you're attracted to.
有时候人们就是会控制不住喜欢上谁
It's like with me and Nicolas
就像我和尼可拉斯
This is not the same as you and Frenchie.
我们才不像你和那个法国佬呢
I wasn't attracted to Deke before today.
我是今天才开始对迪克有好感
The first time you met Nicolas,
而你第一次见尼可拉斯时
your vagina fell on the floor and tried to crawl up his leg.
你的阴♥道都立马掉到地上 想爬上他大腿了
Yes, but I scooped it up and snapped it back on
没错 但我立刻捡起来并立马装了回去
Because I was not born to have sex with a married man.
因为我天生就不是跟已婚男人乱搞的浪荡♥女
If I was, I would have flirted with Matt Lauer
如果我是 我早就在马特·劳厄尔
when he came over for the Christmas tree lighting at my house.
来我家参加圣诞树点亮仪式时 跟他调情了
Matt lauer that guy's got game.
马特·劳厄尔 那家伙可招妞喜欢了
No hair, but game.
虽然头发少 但妞多
Hey, everybody, good news!
各位 好消息
Oh, I passed that kidney stone.
我的肾结石没了
Yeah, I think the skiing loosened it.
没错 我觉得是滑雪让它滑出来了
Oh, I felt like I was birthing a baby through my eye hole.
感觉就像从我眼洞里生出了个小宝宝
Did you save the stone?
你没有留着那些石头吗
'cause only three more, and you can make me that necklace.
再三块 就能给我做条她那
样的项链了
Max, don't change the subject.
麦克斯 别试图转移话题
What are you gonna do about Deke?
迪克的事你打算怎么做
Oh, wait, I love giving advice.
慢着 我最喜欢给人建议了
I had my own advice column in Poland.
在波兰 我有自己的建议专栏
It was called "Don't do that!"
名字就叫"千万别啊"
Sophie, have you ever had sex with a friend?
苏菲 你有跟朋友上过床吗
Oh, no. Are you two gonna do it?
不是吧 你们俩要上床了吗
No, that is not what
当然不是 她的意思是
Oh, don't do that!
千万别啊
No, it will ruin your relationship
不要 这会破坏你们的友情
and my opinion of Max.
也会破坏我对麦克斯的印象
What about your opinion of me?
那你对我的印象就没影响吗
Eh, it's already pretty low.
本来就已经很差了
What am I gonna do about Deke?
我跟迪克到底该怎么办
He's coming over to study tonight.
他今晚还要过来学习
Oh, God, I sound like such a girl from the '50s.
天啊 我好像50年代的怀春少女
Gonna go cry into my princess phone.
我要去抱着我的老式电话机哭了
You should tell Deke how you feel,
你应该告诉迪克你的真实感受
And tell him tonight,
今晚就告诉他
because I think that Judy girl likes him,
因为我觉得那个朱迪也喜欢他
and I think he might like her too.
而且我觉得他也可能喜欢她
Why do you say that? I literally don't care at all,
你为何这么说 虽说我完全不介意
but I just want to know, why would you say that?
但我只想知道 你这话从何而来
Max, he likes big butts, and he cannot lie.
麦克斯 他喜欢大屁♥股 他否认不了
"At what temperature does sugar crystallize?"
糖会在什么温度下结晶
fahrenheit and celsius." Go, Max.
华氏度与摄氏度几度" 快答 麦克斯
Max.
麦克斯
Why are you looking at me like that?
你干嘛那样看着我
This doesn't make any sense!
我完全无法理解
Well, your book is upside down.
那是因为你的书拿倒了
Hey, hearing a lot of chitchat in here.
我听到你们在叽叽喳喳的
Just wanted to make sure you two are studying.
过来确认下你俩是否有在学习
Stop studying. Kiss him.
学个屁啊 快亲他啊
All right, well, I better be going.
好啦 我还是走吧
Just pretend I'm not here.
你们就当我不在好了
I always do.
我向来如此
Hey, um, this is weird, but before we study,
有件事很奇怪 但在我们学习之前
I kind of have something to tell you.
我有话要对你说
Weird, 'cause I kinda have something to tell you.
奇怪 我也有话要对你说
That is weird. Maybe it's the same thing.
那真是太巧了 或许咱俩说的是同一件事
Someone wants to have sex with me.
有人想跟我做♥爱
How did you know that?
你怎么知道
'cause Judy with the booty just texted me,
因为大屁♥股朱迪刚发短信给我
"Would you like to study tonight"
你今晚想跟我一起学习
and then have sex with me?"
然后顺便做个爱吗"
I think you've interpreted that correctly.
我觉得你对她意思解读的很到位
Wow, she's direct and, I might add, slutty.
哇 她真直接 而且有够淫♥荡的
I know, she's got balls to go with that butt.
我知道 她屁♥股大胆子也大
So what were you gonna tell me?
你刚想跟我说什么
Oh, I was going to tell you what you just told me,
我刚想说的话跟你刚告诉我的一样
That Judy with the booty wants to have sex with you.
大屁♥股朱迪想跟你做♥爱
Glad she got up the guts to tell you.
很高兴她能鼓起勇气告诉你
So go for it.
那你去上她吧
Wait, you want me to go for it?
慢着 你想我去上了她吗
Yeah, totally, go for it.
对啊 没错 上她
She seems kind of clean. Go get it.
她看起来也不像有性病 上吧
But we're supposed to study.
但我们说好了今晚要学习
I wouldn't want to bail on you just to go hit that.
我不想为了上她 而放你鸽子
Hey, if you don't, I will.
如果你不去 那我去
You're really gonna pass that ass up?
你真的不想上那对大屁♥股吗
Now get going, 'cause I have to memorize
快走吧 因为我得记住
what temperature cho cho cho turns into chan chan chan.
在什么温度下糖糖糖会结成晶晶晶
So you're telling me to go?
所以你是让我去吗
I'm saying, "Ta ta ta."
我就是说"走走走"吧
Go get her bread wet. Make it rise, bro.
把她的"面包"搞湿 让它膨起来 兄弟
Okay, then, bro.
好吧 兄弟
I guess I will go, but with that butt,
那我就去了 但那大屁♥股这么诱人
if I come back a crack addict, it's your fault.
如果我回来后染上股沟瘾 那就全怪你
Where's he going? Is this a condom run?
他去哪里 是不是跑去买避孕套了
Is he going on a condom run?
他是跑去买避孕套了吗
'cause if he is, can you text him to pick up a diet coke?
如果是的话 麻烦短信他顺便买健怡可乐
Can, not a bottle. You know the deal.
要罐装的 不要瓶装的 你懂的啦
He's going to have sex with Judy.
他是去上朱迪
You were right, he's into her.
你说得对 他也喜欢她
I'm so glad I didn't say anything.
还好我没说什么
that would have felt terrible.
会让我觉得很难过的话
How do you feel now?
那你现在感觉如何
Terrible.
很难过
But at least I didn't embarrass myself.
但至少我没让自己丢脸
I was this close to showing him my gnomes.
我差点要给他看我的小矮人们了
Wow, you must really like him
你一定很喜欢他
if you were willing to let him know
你都愿意让他知道
that you're an insane person.
你是个神经病
Well, I'm about to be more screwed than Judy,
我很快就要比朱迪被♥操得更惨了
because I didn't study at all.
因为我完全没学习
I know French. I can help you.
我懂法语 我可以帮你
You can help me with the keys you have to Nicolas' office.
你可以用尼可拉斯办公室的钥匙帮我
We are breaking in and stealing the test!
我们要潜进去偷试卷
Why are you covering his ears? He knows you steal.
你干嘛还要捂着他的耳朵 他知道你是惯犯
You took him from someone's yard.
你就是从别人院子里把他偷走的
I can't believe we're sneaking into his office
真不敢相信我们为了偷你的试卷
to steal your test.
偷偷潜进他的办公室
This is cheating.
这完全是作弊行为
Oh, don't worry, I hear my teacher's kind of into cheating.
别担心 我听说我的老师喜欢作弊[偷情]
Can't argue with that.
一针见血
Max, please hurry. Find the test,
麦克斯 麻利点 找到试卷
and let's get out of here because we shouldn't be in here
赶紧离开这里 因为我们不该来这里
and it smells like him and I like it.
这里都是他的味道 我好喜欢这味儿哦
Okay, one of these papers has to be it.
好啦 其中一份肯定就是
Oh, no, everything's written in secret code!
不是吧 这上面都是用密码写的
Max, that's French.
麦克斯 上面是法语
How is it possible he's even better looking in photos
他人已经那么帅了 照片怎么能比
than in real life?
真人更好看呢
Max, hurry up. I can't be around his stuff.
麦克斯 快点 我不能靠近他的东西
My vagina's trying to get out of my pants again.
我的阴♥道又试图想逃出我的裤子了
Well, get her out here!
那就把她放出来
Maybe she can help me look for the test,
或许她可以帮我找到试卷
'cause you're useless.
因为你一点用都没有
Oh, no, it's Nicolas.
天啊 是尼可拉斯
I can smell him in the hall, and I like it.
我能闻到他在走廊里 我好爱
Max, let's get out of here.
麦克斯 咱们快走吧
Okay, well, you have to stay and distract him,
好吧 你得留下来分散他的注意力
so I can sneak out.
这样我才能溜走
Just pretend you're not mad and you came in to see him.
你就假装你没生气 你是来找他的
I can't just turn it on like that.
我不能瞬间转变态度啊
What am I, an actress at a cocktail party?
你以为我是鸡尾酒派对上的女演员啊
You have to, it's the only logical explanation
你非做不可 这是你出现在这里的
You have for being in here.
唯一合理解释
Caroline.
卡洛琳
I've missed you. I'm in your office.
我很想你 所以我就来你办公室了
That's the only logical explanation I have for being in here.
这是我出现在这里的唯一合理
解释
Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you?
抱歉 我弄疼你了吗
Oh, no, I'm sitting on something.
不是 我坐在什么东西上了
Oh, sorry. Oh, those are the exams for today.
不好意思 这是今天的试卷
Oh, well, let me just give us some room
那我把这些试卷全扔地上
while I push these exams on the floor.
好腾出地方让我们亲热
Now, kiss me again, but this time, lay on top of me,
继续吻我 不过这一次要整个人趴在我身上
so your legs are out of the way. Now, go!
这样你的脚才不会碍事 快点
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
慢着 慢着 停下来
You know this can't happen. You're married.
你知道这样是不对的 你已经结婚了
Now, if you'll excuse me,
不好意思
I have to go snap something back on.
现在我得去把某物装上了
Well, here are the test answers,
这是试卷的答♥案
but I don't know what the questions are
但我不知道问题是什么
because I only got half the test,
因为我只拿到一半试卷
and I'm only half sure those are the answers.
而且我只有一半确定那上面的是答♥案
Whoa, dude, how did you get this?
兄弟 你怎么搞到的
I turned Caroline into a whore.
我让卡洛琳出卖了灵肉
Can you figure out any of this?
你能看明白吗
I don't have any idea what these questions could be.
我完全猜不到这些问题会是什么
Ugh! I didn't study either.
我昨晚也没学习
Judy and I got to talking, and it got pretty involved.
我和朱迪聊天 而且聊得很深入
Well, now we're screwed.
现在我们都搞砸了
I mean, you already got screwed.
我是说 反正你已经"搞"过了
Congrats. Proud of you, bro.
恭喜 以你为傲 兄弟
Max, we're gonna flunk this test.
麦克斯 这次考♥试我们要不及格了
Better go to the men's room
我最好先去男厕所
and write all the answers on my penis.
把所有答♥案抄上我鸡鸡了
Don't worry, they'll fit.
别担心 能全写下
I hope you're happy,
这下你开心啦
I've now kissed a married man twice.
我跟已婚男人接吻了两次
Oh, and here, I grabbed this from Nicolas' office.
给 这是从尼可拉斯办公室拿来的
That's not the test. It's a phone bill.
那不是试卷 这是话费单
I know, I wanted you to see he doesn't call his wife much.
我知道 我想你看他都没怎么跟
老婆打电话
Fire! Everyone get out!
着火了 大家快出去
Move your big ass! We're gonna burn! Scoot.
挪开你的大屁♥股 不然我们都要死在这里 滚
Oh, my God, Max!
天啊 麦克斯
I hope Nicolas is okay!
我希望尼可拉斯没事
Don't worry about me, I'm right behind you!
别担心我 我就在你身后
Caroline, I want you to be safe. Come with me.
卡洛琳 我要保证你安全 跟我走
You're married. I'll just stay here and burn.
你都结婚了 我就留在这烧死算了
Caroline, don't be crazy.
卡洛琳 别傻了
This is all your fault.
这都是你的错
Don't worry about me, I'm right behind you!
别担心我 我就在你身后
Max, wait.
麦克斯 别跑
It's just a false alarm. I pulled it.
这只是假警报而已 是我拉响的
So classy.
厉害
You weren't gonna pass that test,
不然你肯定考不过
and I need you in that class with me.
我需要你跟我一起上课
You did this for me?
你是为了我才这么做的吗
Yeah, and for me too, I wasn't gonna pass either.
当然也是为了我自己 我肯定也考不过
But, look, when you were talking about me and Judy just now,
但当你刚才谈到我和朱迪时
you seemed kind of weird, and
你看起来怪怪的
Oh, hey, I just had a weird moment yesterday
我只是昨天突然有一刻感觉奇怪
when you were getting my dough wet
当你在帮我弄湿面团时
and I kinda got turned on,
我好像变得有点性奋
sort of thought I liked you. Yeah, gross, right?
有点觉得自己喜欢你 很恶心对吧
Oh, right, yeah. Totally gross.
对啊 超级恶心
Anyway, dude, we're just bros.
总而言之 我们是哥儿们
Okay, bro, but just so you know,
好吧 哥们 但我要告诉你
nothing happened between me and Judy last night.
昨晚我和朱迪什么事都没干
That's lame if you like a girl,
太逊了吧 如果你喜欢一个女生
you should just grab her and kiss her.
你应该紧紧抱住她 亲她
Okay.
好吧
Was that weird?
这会让你觉得奇怪吗
Yeah. And I liked it.
会 不过我喜欢
Max, come on!
麦克斯 快走
Sorry to interrupt,
抱歉打扰了
but we're supposed to evacuate the building.
但所有人都应该撤离这栋楼
There's no fire. Deke pulled the alarm.
没着火啦 是迪克拉响的警报
I wanted to kiss her.
我想亲她而已
Yeah. Turns out he's into dudes.
对啊 结果发现他喜欢基情