我是百万富翁？

Welcome to the diner ATM ribbon cutting ceremony!
欢迎来到餐厅的提款机剪彩仪式
Everyone knows he's holding
大家知道他拿的是
normal sized scissors, right?
普通大小的剪刀吧
Han's just excited that there's something in the diner
阿憨只是在兴奋餐厅里终于有东西
the same size as him.
跟他是一个高度的了
Han, this is just another waste of time,
阿憨 你这是在浪费时间
like when you opened the diner.
就像当时你开这家餐厅一样
This machine is now open for business!
这台机器现在正式投入营业
After you're done with those,
你剪刀用完了给我
I need to do a little manscaping on my love mound.
我的"神龙巢"需要做点杂枝修剪
And after you're done with that, you can throw them away.
等你修剪完 可以直接把剪刀扔了
Hey, everybody!
大家安安
What's that yellow tape?
这黄带子是干嘛
Did someone die again?
又有人死了吗
No, Sophie, we got an ATM.
苏菲 不是啦 餐厅有提款机了
I thought we already had an ATM.
我们本来就有"ATM"了啊
"Asian Transgender Male.""
亚裔变性男"[同一缩写]
Well, thank you for saying "male."
谢谢你承认我是个"男"的
Well, move outta the way!
好吧 给姐让个道
This broad's gotta do some bankin'!
本宫要从国库取点银子
Be careful, you're the very first.
小心点用 你是第一个呢
We know how long you've been waiting to say that to a woman.
我们知道你等着对女人说这句话有多久了
Okay.
好的
No sign of Deke, the cops, or nosy white folk.
没有迪克 条子 与多管闲事白人
Let's break in.
快来私闯他家吧
I don't understand
我不明白
why we're breaking into your boyfriend's dumpster.
我们为啥要闯进你男人的垃圾箱里
The only thing I understand less is how you pee standing up.
但我更不懂你是怎么站着尿尿的
Why? How do you pee?
为啥 不然你怎么尿的
I am breaking up with Deke,
我要跟迪克分手嘛
so now's the part of the relationship
所以现在就到了感情中
where I sneak in his place and get my stuff out
那段闯进他家拿回我东西
to avoid telling him I'm breaking up with him.
免去当面说分手的阶段啦
Well, you just cut an hour out of
所以你直接跳过了每部浪漫爱情喜剧
every romantic comedy.
一小时左右的剧情
You're welcome.
免礼平身
This is the first guy I dated that has a crank.
他是我第一个有摇把的对象
most of them just did crank.
其他的都只是吸食冰♥毒[摇把]
Okay, so here's the plan.
所以计划是这样
I'm gonna climb up on the garbage,
我计划爬上垃圾箱
unsnap the windows, dive in the dumpster,
解开窗子 钻进垃圾箱
and grab his spare key on the counter.
然后拿走他放桌上的钥匙
Do you look at life as just a game
生命对你来说是否就是一场
of "Set new lows for Caroline"?"
让卡洛琳再突破下限"的游戏
Why do I have to do it?
为什么要我来做这些事啊
I'm on parole, Caroline.
卡洛琳 我还在假释期呢
We're breaking into a dumpster.
我们是要闯进一个垃圾箱里
I don't even think that's illegal.
这事想非法都难
I didn't either. That's why I'm on parole.
如果是真犯罪 我就不会只是假释啦
Light on the right, key on the left.
灯开关在右边 钥匙在左边
We did this once after Deke left his keys at our favorite bar,
有次我们把钥匙忘在最爱的酒吧里时也这么干
which is actually just a liquor store where they let you drink.
其实那也只是家让人随便喝的贩酒店
They turn a blind eye.
他们都当没看见
Well, the guy is blind.
因为那店员是真瞎子
Yeah, Deke always found cool places.
迪克总能找到有意思的地方
Then why are you breaking up with him?
那你为什么还跟他分手啊
He's perfect for you.
他跟你是天生一对
You both think living in a tuna can is an acceptable habitat.
你们都觉得住在个罐头里是可以接受的
So what if he has money?
他是土豪又如何啊
People with money don't live in the same reality.
有钱人与普通人不住在同个现实里
You think Donald Trump would have that hair if he were poor?
如果特朗普是个穷鬼 他能有那头"秀发"吗
唐纳德·特朗普 美国地产大亨与电视名人 有过各种怪异发型来掩饰秃头
Now, come on, let's get my toothbrush and scram.
来吧 赶紧拿上我的牙刷就开溜
You bought a toothbrush? Oh, you really liked him.
你买了牙刷吗 你是真的喜欢他啊
Wait, Max, is that one of your gnomes?
等等 那是你其中一只花园矮人吗
Oh, my God, you were practically moving in!
天啊 你之前就是要搬来同居了
and it's your favorite one,
而且还是你最爱的那只
Gnome o sexual!"
矮呀是小受"
No, this is my second favorite.
才不是 他是我第二喜欢的
My favorite is "Gnome more drama."
我最喜欢的是那只"矮呀别搞事"
And he's not here because he don't want no more drama,
而没带他来是因为他很烦这些事
And frankly, neither do I.
说实话 我也烦这些事
Come on, let's go.
来啦 我们走吧
You don't have to ask me twice to get out of a dumpster.
你一声令下 我巴不得立刻逃出垃
圾箱
If it isn't Max a million.
这不是麦百万吗
Or should I say, "Max who hates my millions"?
还是应该说"恨我百万的麦克斯"
Shouldn't you be occupying Wall Street or something?
你不是该在忙着占领华尔街 抗♥议有钱人吗
I am just here for my toothbrush,
我就是来拿回我的牙刷
and then I'll leave you in your ivory dumpster
不会打扰到你坐在你象牙垃圾殿中
to sit around and fart diamonds.
无所事事 下下金蛋玩的时间
So don't get the wrong idea, Uncle Pennybags.
所以千万别误会啊 阿土伯
I'm not here to be Aunt Pennybags.
我不是来当你的阿土婶的
Max, who's Uncle Pennybags?
麦克斯 谁是阿土伯
Is he one of the ones who touched you?
以前性骚扰过你的大叔吗
He's the monopoly man.
是大富翁游戏里的那个老头啦
See? You guys are perfect for each other.
你看 你们两个真是天造地设的一对
Yeah, Max.
对啊 麦克斯
We're like a more awesome version of John and Yoko.
我们就像是约翰与洋子的完美版
Meaning, like, just John.
也就是... 只有约翰他自己
披头士乐队主唱约翰·列侬与妻子小野洋子 小野洋子并不受到世人待见
Who cares if I got a few million dollars?
就算我有个几百万又如何
A hundred few million.
是几个亿
And that's on the low end, according to Bing.
根据微软必应搜索结果 最少也有这么多
Well, I'll be by later, Deke.
迪克 我晚点再来坐坐
Come on, Caroline.
走吧 卡洛琳
No, Max, you won't.
麦克斯 你才不会来呢
You're taking your stuff 'cause you're breaking up with me
你来拿东西就是想跟我分手
and you're too big a baby pants
但是你个小孬孬
to tell me you're breaking up with me.
不愿意直接跟我说分手
What?
你说什么
I am not breaking up with you.
我才没有要跟你分手
I just needed my toothbrush
我来拿牙刷是因为
because I had dollar shrimp for lunch
我中午吃了廉价虾子
and I still have some shells in my teeth.
现在还有些虾壳卡在牙缝里呢
I will see you later tonight for sex
今晚晚点我再来跟你滚床单
and various whatnots.
以及做其他有的没的
I am not breaking up with you.
我没有要跟你分手
That breakup was brutal!
刚才分手得好狠啊
Yo, Max, I hear our boy Deke got major money.
麦克斯 我听说咱们的迪克是土豪啊
I shoulda known,
我早该想到了
'cause the weed he gave me was real quality.
因为他给我的大♥麻那可真是特♥供级的货啊
And free.
而且不要钱
Earl, money changes people. I know.
厄尔 金钱能改变人 我深有体会
Every time the food stamps came, my mother was all, "Max who?"
每当到了发救济食品券时 我妈就忘了我是谁
'ello, my good people!
在场的各位父老乡亲们
You are quite fortunate today,
今儿个算你们行大运了
for a rich person has come to dine in your establishment!
有大土豪来你们这儿下馆子
Caroline, I would like a tabletop in Max's section, please.
卡洛琳 替我在麦克斯那片儿给
我弄一桌
Because it's high time she met the person
这会儿应该让她开开眼 见识见识
I've been pretending not to be.
我一直隐藏的真实身份
The veil has been lifted. She was correct.
现在不用遮着掩着 她蒙对了
I am the monopoly man.
我就是大富翁游戏的老头
Right this way, sir.
先生 这边有请
I believe I have a table here in the overacting section.
超浮夸演技区 正好有空位
All right, I'll give it up. You got me laughing.
好吧 我不得不承认被你逗笑了
And I would miss all this if we didn't hang out,
如果我们真的断绝关系了 我很想你的
So I guess we can still be friends
所以我们还是当朋友
and pastry school partners.
和烘焙学校搭档吧
Pastry school partners?
什么烘焙学校搭档
Your breasts are named in my will.
我都把你的咪♥咪加进我遗嘱里了
Come on, you can't be serious about this.
不是吧 你不会是真的要跟我分手吧
Don't worry, we can still do all the stuff
别担心 我们还是可以一起做
we had planned for our future.
我们计划好未来要做的事啊
Like tping Han's apartment on the 14th
比如14号那天把阿憨家挂满卷纸
I'm not a monster.
我可不会翻脸不认人
Max... Deke, you can't be my boyfriend.
麦克斯 迪克 你不能当我的男朋友
From now on I'm like welfare.
现在起 我就是穷人救济金
You have to be broke to get some.
你得是穷人才能拥有
Max, I really wish you'd reconsider
麦克斯 我真心希望你重新考虑
breaking up with Deke.
跟迪克分手的事
I mean, you guys get along great.
你们俩真的很合得来
He lives in a trash can,
他住在垃圾箱里
he shares your love of pee pee jokes.
也跟你一样喜爱尿尿笑话
He can hide things in his hair.
他的头发能藏东西
Aren't those the things you didn't like about him
在知道他是有钱人之前
before you knew he had money?
这不都是你讨厌的点吗
Yes, but people can change.
是啊 但人是可以改变的
So change and like him.
改变自己 喜欢他吧
Come on, just keep an open mind.
别这样嘛 至少保持开明的态度
In fact, why don't you sleep on it?
你何不现在就上床去想想呢
Right now. Go. Go to bed.
现在去 去吧 上床去
Go, go, go, go, go.
去去去去去
Boy, are you eager to masturbate.
天啊 你就这么着急要自♥慰
Hey, friend.
你好啊 伙伴
Come on, get in.
来吧 快上床来
I told you I can't see that anymore. Why?
我都跟你说我不能再看见它了 为什么
You're my friend, he's my friend.
你是我的伙伴 他也是我的小伙伴
We're all just friends.
我们都是伙伴而已嘛
Where did you get a key?
你怎么会有我家钥匙
Don't be mad. I asked her for help.
别生气 我请她帮忙了
Caroline, get in here!
卡洛琳 快滚进来
Can't. I'm masturbating!
不行 我在自♥慰呢
Caroline, what are you doing?
卡洛琳 你在干嘛
Are those new shoes?
那些是新鞋子吗
Uh, yes.
是的
Where did they come from?
它们从哪来的
They were just here.
一回家就在这了
In your size?
刚好合你的脚吗
It's a miracle.
这是神迹啊
They're from me.
是我送的
I got 'em for her as a gift.
我买给她的礼物
What makes you think you could buy my roommate?
你凭啥觉得你能收买我的室友
She said, "I'll give you the key if you buy me new shoes."
她说"你给我买新鞋我就给你钥匙
For love!
是为了爱情
I did it for love!
我是为了爱情啊
You two belong together.
你们俩应该在一起
Like me and these shoes.
就像我跟小鞋鞋一样
Come on, just give me a chance to express
别这样 求你给我一次机会
my deep feelings about this.
告诉你我内心深处的感受
Max, what I'm trying to say is...
麦克斯 我想说...
I don't wanna be your friend.
我不想当你的朋友
I wanna be your boyfriend.
我想当你的男朋友
Well, right now it looks like you want to be my girlfriend.
你现在看起来像要当我的女朋友
Maybe I can help clear things up.
我给你指点迷津一下吧
How much is this gonna cost me?
这又得花我多少银子
Nothing. Look...
分文不收好吗
Max doesn't think she deserves someone rich
麦克斯觉得自己不应该拥有个有钱人
because she has...
因为她...
Well, low self esteem. Wrong.
自尊心超低 错了
I have no self esteem.
姐没有自尊
And I can see the bottom of your balls.
还有 我现在能看到你的蛋蛋底
Max, remember two days ago
麦克斯 还记得两天前
when you loved the bottom of my balls?
你曾是个爱我蛋蛋底的姑娘吗
That's when they were poor and I felt sorry for them.
那时候以为它们很穷 我心疼它们
Come on, you two belong together.
何苦呢 你们是天生一对
You're like the Romeo and Juliet of ball banter.
像是蛋蛋笑话界里的罗密欧与朱丽叶
I'm sorry, it's just never gonna work.
抱歉 但这就是不行
It's like we were raised with different religions, like...
我们就像是两个不同宗教家庭长大的 像...
What are two religions?
宗教有哪些啊
Are you taking suggestions from the audience,
你是想要观众给点意见呢
or do you really not know the names of two religions?
还是你真不知道两个任意宗教的名字
Let's say...
比如说
a witch and a smurf.
一个女巫与一个蓝精灵
Question answered.
你的问题有答案了
So it's like I'm a witch and you're a smurf.
比如我是个女巫 而你是个蓝精灵
We could never be together. Everybody knows that.
大家都知道我们是不可能在一起的
I've only lived like a witch. I've never lived like a smurf.
我一辈子都当个女巫 没当过蓝精灵
So I don't get you.
所以我完全不懂你
What's it like being blue and soft?
又蓝又软弱是什么感觉啊
I don't know, I'm a witch. I'm green and all powerful.
我不知道 我是个女巫 我又绿又强大
So you're saying you can't relate to me
所以你是说 咱俩不是同一个世界的人
because you've never been a smurf?
因为你从没当过蓝精灵吗
Wow. That's heavy.
哇 五雷轰顶啊
Well, I'm gonna go.
好吧 我该走了
Oh, I better take off this silly robe and put on my skirt.
我最好脱下这傻袍子 换回我的短裙再走
And she's giving back the shoes.
她也得把鞋子还回去
Oh, no, she is not!
别想 她才不会还
"Language preference:"
语种选择
English, Spanish, Chinese, French."
英语 西班牙语 中文 法语"
They should've made this more specific to the diner.
这玩意应该根据餐厅人群来定制语种
"Hipster, hobo, junkie, pregnant teen.""
嬉皮士 流浪汉 瘾君子 少女孕妇"
Don't forget "Ballerina with a head wound."
别忘了还有"撞伤头的芭蕾舞♥女"
"Would you like to see your account balance?""
您是否要查看账户余额"
That ATM's a real bitch.
那台提款机就是一贱♥人
Yeah, I got a hot 17 in here that's dying to get out.
我有个17岁的辣妹[17块钱] 想[取]出来
So did Oleg when that cop pulled him over.
之前奥列格也这么说 后来被警察拦了下来
Caroline, look at this receipt.
卡洛琳 瞧瞧这收据
This can't be right.
肯定是出错了
I haven't seen this many zeros in one place
上次同事见到这么多零
since the diner Christmas party.
还是在餐厅的圣诞派对上呢
That says $1,000,017.
上面显示你有100万零17块
Han, your ATM's broken.
阿憨 你的提款机坏了
It just gave Max $1 million.
它刚让麦克斯的账户多了100万
Out of my way! Out of my way! Out of my way!
闪开 闪开 闪开
This is it the faulty ATM that gives out millions.
我终于等到了 提款机出错乱给人钱
I thought it was an urban legend like HPV.
我以为这跟尖锐湿疣一样 只是坊间传闻而已
Everybody freeze.
大家别动
The damn thing must be busted.
那破玩意肯定是坏掉了
And to think I bent over backwards to get that ATM.
为了搞这台提款机 我腰都要累弯了
Well, I bent over forwards to get a "B" in Spanish.
我也曾为了西语能得B "弯下腰"求老师
Damn it. My account's exactly the same.
靠 我的账户还跟以前一样
Frozen.
冻结中
So, Deke left this note for you earlier.
对了 迪克之前有留张条给你
I forgot 'cause I'm 120.
我都120岁了 能想起来就不错了
Now you know what it's like to be a smurf.
现在你知道当蓝精灵是什么感觉了
Can you believe this? Deke gave me $1 million!
说出来都没人信 那100万是迪克给我的
So that's real money?
所以那是真的钱吗
The money's real?
那钱是真的吗
You have $1 million?
你有100万
We're a millionaire?
我们成了百万富翁了
Oh, good morning, my good man.
早上好 我的朋友
I recently came into some money,
我最近突然得到一笔钱
thus the candy tiara.
所以给自己买了个糖果皇冠
And I wanted to spread the wealth.
我想跟大家分享我的财富
Here.
给
Have a pound of coffee.
这罐咖啡送你
It's Folgers, since I'm a millionaire now.
福爵牌的哦 因为我现在是百万富翁啦
福爵咖啡是美国最常见的廉价咖啡品牌之一
Best part of waking up rich!
这是"一觉醒来变有钱人"最爽的部分
I come bearing gifts for all my best friends.
我为所有的好朋友们都准备了礼物
Here, guy who stands behind me...
站在我身后的男人 给
A 12 pack of triple a batteries for you.
给你一盒12节的7号电池
And yes, they did have to open the glass case at CVS
没错 便利店的人专门为我打开玻璃橱
for me to get these.
我才能拿来送你
Here, lady on the other side.
站在我旁边的女人 给
A shampoo and conditioner!
洗发水和护发素
Herbal Essences, no big deal.
伊卡璐的 不值几个钱啦
And don't think I forgot about you, peek a boo hair.
我不会忘了你那份的 怪发妹
A Godiva box of chocolates.
送你一盒高迪瓦的巧克力
No, you're not dreaming. I said "Godiva"!
你不是在做梦 这真的是高级巧克力哟
Max, I have great news.
麦克斯 我有个好消息
And you, woman who sold me out for shoes.
还有你 为了一双鞋子出卖我的女人
I got you something very special
我出去扫货的时候
when I was out gift shopping.
为你挑了一份特别的礼物
You know how you always say,
你还记得你经常说
"Who do I have to bang to get a chip clip around here?""
我要跟哪个学员搞 才能搞到一个食品封口夹"
Me!
答案就是我
Wait, you spent money?
什么 你花那笔钱了吗
How much of our million did you spend on your...
我们那100万 你花了多少
we'll call it a shopping spree.
在你这次"疯狂购物"上
Almost all of it.
差不多全花掉了
$143!
一共143块
Okay, our public schools have failed you.
看来公立学校连花钱都没教好
Or they would have if you'd went.
但你没去上过 它们想没教好你都没机会
But I'm too excited to care.
但我现在太兴奋 顾不上这个了
First things first. When do we quit the diner?
先说重要的 我们什么时候辞掉餐厅的工作
What are you talking about? We're not quitting the diner.
你在瞎说什么 我们才不会辞职
I'm giving the rest of the money back.
我要把剩下的钱还给他
Hold on, hold on, pump the brakes.
等下等下 这念头就此打住
What's the problem? You got a chip clip you're set.
有什么问题吗 你已经得到你想要的封口夹了
I only spent it to make a point to Deke.
我花钱是为了向迪克表明我的态度
You can't give it back. I have plans. Big plans.
你不能还回去 我已经计划好了 大计划
After we quit the diner,
我们先辞掉餐厅的工作
I found a guy who can turn that measly million into 3.
然后我认识个人 他可以把这小100万翻三倍
And don't worry, he was not named
别担心 他的名字不在
in my father's Ponzi Scheme.
我爸庞氏骗局的涉案人员名单中
Well, not by the name he goes by now.
至少他现在这个假名不在
What up, smurfette?
你好啊 蓝妹妹
Oh, hello, Deke.
你好 迪克
You just missed me passing out
你刚错过了我用你这100万
all the gifts I bought with your million,
给大家发礼物的豪气场面
But you're here in time to see me
但你正好及时赶到 可以见证
buy Big Mary as my lab partner.
我收买大玛丽当我搭档这一刻
Who says I'm for sale?
抱歉 我是非卖品
A fireman's calendar...
猛♥男消防员日历
and another fireman's calendar.
再加壮汉消防员日历
Sold.
成交
I bet you didn't think I'd spend that money, hmm?
我猜你肯定没想到我会花这笔钱吧
Well, you were wrong.
那你就大错特错了
I spent $143!
我花了整整143块
Max, I wanted you to spend the money
麦克斯 我就是想让你花这笔钱
so you know what it's like to be rich.
好让你知道当有钱人是什么感觉
Now we're both smurfs.
现在我们都是蓝精灵了
You can relate to me again.
我们有是同一世界的人了
Wanna go do hand stuff by the ovens
想像上周二那样 去烤箱那
like we did last Tuesday?
干点"手工活"吗
Oh, so you were just trying to buy me with the money?
所以你是想用这笔钱收买我吗
Well, I'm not a high priced call girl.
我不是那种高价的应招女郎
'cause Super Bowl weekend's over.
因为超级碗的欢乐周末已经结束了
超级碗周末常会有 高价妓♥女搭配毒品的"派对套餐"
Here. I'm giving you the rest of the money back.
给 剩下的钱还给你
Okay...
别冲动
Obviously, she is not mentally competent enough
她现在精神状态明显不能够
to handle her finances.
正确地处理她的财务
This is like when my grandma
就像当时我奶奶
wanted to give all her money to that orphanage,
想把她所有的钱都捐给一个孤儿院
so they had her diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
所以我们不得不对外说她有老年痴呆症
Here.
还你
I can't believe I'm losing all of my money
真不敢相信我会有一个
twice in one lifetime.
两次失去所有钱的人生
who has an inhaler?
谁有哮喘吸入器
And check it. I even put your name on there.
注意看 我还把你的名字写上了
"Deke Mc Richy Mc Never Had Yo Work For Anything"?"
“超级有钱一辈子无需为五斗米折腰的迪克"
Oh, sorry, I probably should've added,
抱歉 我还应该写上
"Richy Rich Pretended He Was Poor instein""
爱装穷人的有钱佬"
So they'd know it's you.
好让人们知道那是你
Here, I'll fix it.
来 我改一下
Oh, yes. I treat myself well.
没错 我也赏了自己好东西
You know what, Max? Stop.
麦克斯 别闹了
I've tried everything to show you
我竭尽全力向你证明
I'm not some cartoon rich guy,
我不是卡通里的那种土大款
and you still think I'm a joke.
可你还是认为我是个笑话
You only see me as my money, but I'm not.
你眼里只看到了我有钱 但我不止如此
That's how much money means to me.
这就是金钱对我的意义
But you were right.
但你说得对
It's not gonna work with us.
咱俩的确不合适
Max. Oh, I got your gift.
麦克斯 我收到你的礼物了
I love my new vibrator.
我超爱我新的电动棒
It's not a vibrator, Sophie.
那不是电动棒 苏菲
It's a Dustbuster.
那是吸尘器
Well, there's no dust there anymore.
好吧 现在我"那里"也一尘不染了
I'll be in my booth.
我去我卡座坐着啊
Waitress. Waitress.
小二 小二
"Waitress"? Who's she talking to?"
小二" 她在喊谁呢
Miss...
小姐
This salmon tastes like chicken.
我的三文鱼吃起来像鸡肉
That's weird, 'cause it's pork.
那就奇怪了 因为那是猪肉做的
I don't need attitude from some waitress.
就个小二跟我耍什么脾气
Who is this waitress you keep referring to?
你一直喊的小二到底是谁啊
Your job is to take my order,
你的工作是帮我点餐
put a smile on your face, and serve me.
对我笑脸相向 然后好好服务我
Oh, hell, no!
当然不是
I don't have to take this.
老娘才不用受你的气
Let me show you something, doll.
我给你看样东西 肥婆
This is my receipt from the last time I used the ATM.
这是我上次用提款机时打的余额单
You see where it says "Account balance" at the bottom there?
你看见最后一行的"账户余
额"有多少吗
Read that number to me, please.
麻烦念给我听 谢谢
If you have $1 million, why would you be working here?
如果你有100万 你干嘛还在这里工作
Good question.
问得好
You seem cranky. You want to use my Dustbuster?
你好像很暴躁 要用我的吸尘器治疗"
积怨"吗
That woman just asked me
那女人刚才问我
if I have $1 million, why am I working here?
如果我有100万 我♥干嘛还在这里工作
That's what I've been saying.
我之前不就说了嘛
I mean, I have $1 million.
我是说 我有100万耶
That's what I've been saying.
我之前不就说了嘛
I don't need to be in this dump!
老娘不用在这垃圾地方上班
Again, that's what I've
重申一遍 我之前不就...
You've been saying! I know, I'm an idiot!
你是说了 我知道 我是个白♥痴
I'm keeping that money!
钱我决定不还给他了
That's what I've been saying!
我之前不就说了嘛 不能还啊
Max, Caroline No.
麦克斯 卡洛琳 闭嘴
You don't even know what I was about to say.
你都不知道我要说什么呢
Whatever it is, no.
不管是什么 都给老娘闭嘴
We have $1 million.
我们有100万
Yeah, we have $1 million.
是的 我们有100万
Yeah, we have $1 million, and I quit!
没错 我们有100万 老娘不干了
And I quit too, baby!
老娘也不干了 小宝贝
I have hated this hellhole from day one.
我从上班第一天就恨这个破地方
Sayonara, short stuff!
再见[日文] 小矮子
I don't know what's more offensive.
我不知道哪个词更过分
"Sayonara" or "short stuff"!
是被当做"小日本" 还是"小矮子"
I would go with "Sayonara," short stuff.
我觉得是"小日本"比较狠 小矮子
That got off quicker than
这脱衣速度比12岁的小毛孩
a 12 year old looking at Megan Fox.
看见梅根·福克斯的"缴械"速度还快
梅根·福克斯 曾在《变形金刚》中担任过女主角的 好莱坞性感女星
Quick?
快吗
I've been trying to get out of this thing for three years.
三年以来 我一直梦想着脱掉这身
制服
This zipper is stuck! This is like a horror movie!
拉链卡住了 这就像部恐怖片
Help me! Get this damn thing off me!
帮我 快帮我把这死玩意脱下来
Tear it off, cut it off, light it on fire!
扯下来 剪烂 再一把火烧了它
Well, watch my hair.
但小心我的头发
Oh, who cares! I'll buy new hair!
无所谓了 反正我有钱可以买新头发
Damn it, I'll just go over.
靠 我从上面脱吧
Yes! We're out of here.
太棒了 我们解脱了
No more diner, no more cupcakes.
再也不用想着餐馆和小蛋糕店了
Wait, wait, no more cupcakes?
慢着 连小蛋糕店也不要了吗
What are you talking about?
你在说什么啊
With all this money, we can grow our business.
我们可以用这笔钱扶植我们的事业
Oh, I'm not growing anything
我什么都不要扶植
except a big ass weed plant on my nightstand.
除了我床头柜那株超级大♥麻
But it's our dream.
但那是我们的梦想
I don't need a dream. Dreams are for poor people!
我不需要梦想 穷人才需要梦想活下去
I have $1 million.
老娘有100万
I'm not going to pastry school,
我不要去上烘焙学校了
I might not even go to the bathroom.
我甚至连厕所都不用去上了
And I am definitely not getting out of bed.
我余生要死赖在床上不下来了
I will never do anything again!
我以后什么事都不用干
Oh, my god, I'll never do anything again.
天啊 我以后什么事都不干了
We're not quitting.
我们不能辞职
I knew it!
我就知道
Between you and this zipper, I'll never get outta here.
拜你和这拉链所赐 我永远也摆脱不掉这身制服
I can't. You heard what I'd be like with $1 million.
我不行 你也听见我有100万后会变啥样
I'd be dead at 30.
我肯定30岁就死了
But isn't that what you've always wanted?
但这不是你一直以来的愿望吗
Hey, Uncle Pennybags, you home?
阿土伯 你在家吗
I mean, you dumpster?
我是说 你在垃圾箱吗
Hey, can I come in?
我能进去吗
Or did you already move on?
还是你已经放下了
'cause I'd get it if you did. Nah, come in.
如果是我也能理解 没 进来吧
Just sittin' in here fartin' diamonds.
我无所事事 下下金蛋玩呢
Look, I think I owe you an apology.
我觉得我欠你一个道歉
You know how I called you a lazy mc richy rich who never
之前我称你为"住在象牙垃圾殿里
had to work for anything and lives in an ivory dumpster?
超级有钱一辈子无需为五斗米折腰的懒蛋
Is this part of the apology
这是道歉的一部分吗
Or just the recap of mean things you've said to me?
还是你在重述你伤我的心的过分句子
Just listen.
乖乖听着
Well, I was right, you never did have to work for anything.
我说得对 你的确无需为五斗米折腰
Okay, I'm starting to think you don't know what an apology is.
我开始怀疑你到底懂不懂什么是道歉了
But even though you never had to work for anything,
但即使你天生无需为五斗米折腰
You do.
但你却付出努力
You actually get up, you go to pastry school,
你真的有乖乖起床 好好上烘焙学校
and you build dumpsters, you do lots of stuff.
还盖了一个垃圾箱房子 你努力做了很多事
Hey, you're not even familiar with my charity:
你还不知道我搞的慈善事业呢
Orgasms for old people."
为老人谋高♥潮"机构
I hope you're not joking.
这最好不是你开玩笑的
Look, the truth is I couldn't see past your money.
真相是 我不能忽略你的钱
All I saw was smurf.
但我只当你是个蓝精灵
And I thought witches and smurfs couldn't be together,
我之前认为女巫和蓝精灵不能在一起
but I was wrong.
我错了
Yeah, you were.
没错
Max, did you get back the check yet?
麦克斯 你把钱要回来了吗
Because I just found a different investment guy.
因为我刚找到另一位投资人
A legit one in Germany.
德国的合法投资人
His name is Herr Schluffen.
他名叫赫尔·斯路芬
Well, I'm sorry. I'm giving it back right now.
抱歉 我现在就要把钱还回去
Herr Schluffen can schluff off.
赫尔·斯路芬可以去死橹粪了
Wait, Max, can I hold the million?
等下 麦克斯 我能握一下这100万吗
For just one more second, I want to be upper middle class.
一秒就好 让我重温上层中产阶级的感觉
Caroline, give it back.
卡洛琳 把钱还回去