麦克斯重拿毕业证
Max, I have a surprise, and it's right behind you.
麦克斯 有惊喜要给你 就在你身后
Before I turn around, is it Oprah?
转身前我想问 是奥普拉来了吗
'Cause I will die.
我会乐死的
It's a diploma from pastry school.
是烘焙学校的毕业证
No, seriously, what's the surprise?
别闹了 快说到底是什么
I'll even take Gayle.
盖尔我也能接受哦
You would've graduated if the school hadn't closed,
如果不是学校关门 你本来能毕业
And Oleg knows a guy who fakes documents, so...
奥列格刚好认识个办假证的人 所以...
You're a pastry school graduate,
你现在是烘焙学校毕业生
And I'm a real estate agent and a French citizen.
而我有房产中介证跟法国公民身份
I'll be able to show houses in France.
我可以在法国带人看房子哦
And how are you getting there?
请问你怎么去法国
I'm also a licensed pilot.
我还是个持照飞行员哦
Look, I am not a pastry school graduate.
我不是什么烘焙学校毕业生
I'm not even a high school graduate.
我连高中都没毕业
The only thing I graduated from was a Scared Straight Program,
我只有从一个"吓弯取直"的课程毕业过
which is why I'm not gay anymore.
所以我现在不再是"弯"的了
Max, you really didn't graduate?
麦克斯 你真的高中没毕业吗
I always thought you were kidding about dropping out of high school,
我以前一直以为你说你高中辍学是开玩笑
Like when you say that Howard Stern is your dad.
就跟你总说霍华德·斯特恩是你老爸
'Cause he is. Look at our eyes.
他真的是 看我们眼睛多像[其实没有]
And I did drop out.
我也真的辍学了
I was like, "Later, suckas.
当时我说 "滚吧 傻♥逼们
I'll find a water fountain somewhere else""
天涯何处无饮水器啊"
Water fountains? Gross.
饮水器吗 真恶心
In private school,
在私立学校
we never bent down to put our mouths on something
我们从不弯腰 拿嘴接东西
unless it had a yacht.
除非那东西[人]有游艇
I didn't need a piece of paper from high school,
老娘当年就不屑高中的那张纸
and I don't need this fake piece of paper,
也不需要这张假的破纸
because I don't fake things.
因为老娘从不玩假的
except orgasms with guys who don't know
除了对做♥爱时 不懂怎么拉女人头发的男人
how to yank hair good.
我会假高♥潮
Well, I'm glad you called back,"
还好你有回电
You slimeball.
你个软脚虾"
Oh, good.
太好了
When you weren't here when I woke up, I got worried.
我醒来发现你不在时 很担心呢
So worried you decided to eat cookies and watch Mama's family?
担心到坐着边吃饼干边看《老妈一家》吗
We all grieve in our own way.
每个人表达悲痛的方式都不同
Guess I should cancel the strippers.
看来我得让脱衣舞♥女别来了
So I found out something interesting today
我今天发现了一件
that has to do with you.
跟你有关的趣事哦
Aw, crap, you found out what happened in Orlando?
靠 你知道我在奥兰多干的好事了吗
Why? What happened in Orlando?
何出此言 你在奥兰多干过啥
Don't tell me you slept with Mickey Mouse.
你不会是"睡"了奥兰多迪士尼的米老鼠吧
Well, I slept with someone With suspenders and four fingers.
我跟了穿吊带裤的四手指人物睡过
I'm assuming it was mickey.
我想那应该是米老鼠没错[高飞狗]
Either way, it was heaven.
总之 那真是爽到九重天了
Well, I found out
我发现
that you're not the badass you claim to be.
你当年才不是你说的那种狠角色
I talked to your old high school Principal,
我跟你当年高中的校长聊了
and he said the only reason you didn't graduate
他说你没毕业的唯一原因
is 'cause you failed to show up for one history final.
是你缺席了一场历史期末考
My high school's still standing?
我的高中还没烧毁吗
Guess I didn't flick that cigarette far enough.
看来我当年那烟头弹得不够到位
I cannot believe you'd invade my privacy like that.
你居然敢这么侵犯我的隐私
Invade your privacy?
侵犯你个屁隐私
You shave your junk with the door open.
你还开着门给你"鸟巢"修枝剪叶呢
So?
那又怎样
To the apartment.
开的是家里大门
Well, maybe you'll change your mind
或许这个能让你改变主意
when you find out that the Principal
你当年的历史老师
your old history teacher, Mr. Huck
也就是现在的校长 哈克老师
said you can come back and take the test this Friday,
说你这周五可以回校考♥试
and if you pass, you'll get your diploma.
如果你考过了 就给你发毕业证
If that's Mr. Huck, I will murder your face.
如果是哈克老师 我会把你碎尸万段
Max, please don't kill me.
麦克斯 求你别杀我
I can live here, but I can't die here.
我可以住在这里 但不能死这里
Hey, girls.
姑娘们安安
I got Google glasses.
我买了谷歌眼镜哦
See, right now, I'm looking at you
我现在一边看着你们
and ordering tapioca on Amazon.
一边在亚马逊上订木薯呢
Now is not a great time, Sophie.
苏菲 现在不太方便
Max is upset with me
麦克斯在不爽我
because I'm trying to help her graduate from high school.
因为我想帮忙她高中毕业
Aw, you're sure she's just not upset with you
你确定她不爽你不是因为
'cause of the way you chew?
你嚼东西的样子欠揍吗
I'm sorry I have to chew, everyone.
抱歉 我吃东西得嚼是我不对
I found out Max can go take one history test in her hometown,
我发现只要麦克斯回老家考
一场历史考♥试
and then she'll get her diploma.
她就能拿到高中毕业证
Max, you know I've never been a big fan
麦克斯 你知道我一直对这货...
of hers...
没好感
But I like the idea of you getting that degree.
但我觉得你能拿到那毕业纸挺好的
I mean, I'll never live down
像我就永远忘不了
not graduating from school for the deaf.
没有从那失聪学校毕业的事
You're not deaf, Sophie.
苏菲 你又没有失聪
I know. It was really hard.
是啊 所以读得辛苦啊
Well, I don't care who she called,
我才不管她是跟谁联络了
'cause I'm not gonna do it.
反正我绝对不会去
And if Mr. Huck thinks I would ever step foot
如果哈克老师觉得我这辈子
back in his Mr. Know it all university,
有可能再回他装逼的教室里
I have two words for him.
我有几个字送他
"Huck u.""
哈"你妈
That's what Mr. Huck said you'd say.
哈克老师早猜到你会这么说了
He also said that senior year,
他还说高四那年
you sold "Huck u" T shirts
你曾兜售♥过"哈你妈"文化衫
and that you have no ambition and no follow through.
他还说你这个人没追求 没恒心
That's when I knew he was really your teacher.
听到这里我才确定 他真是你老师
No ambition?
我没追求吗
I made enough off those shirts
老娘卖衣服挣来的钱
to do nothing for, like, a month.
让我一个月啥都不用干
Look, I got two bus tickets to Rhode Island.
我弄了两张去罗德岛的大巴票
I didn't even know you could buy bus tickets ahead of time.
我都不知道坐大巴能提前买票呢
I thought you just showed up, and if you looked like
我还以为只要到汽车站 人看起来像
you made enough mistakes in life, they let you on.
这辈子犯过足够多的错误 就能上车了
Come on, Max.
去嘛 麦克斯
I haven't waited this long to hear someone say yes
我好久没试过等了这么久 就为了听人说"好"
since I was at school for the deaf.
上次还是我在失聪学校时呢
Fine.
好
Fine, I'll go.
好吧 我去
But only because Mr. Huck thinks I won't.
但只是为了证明哈克老师是错的
Aw, okay, well, I'm gonna let you two start studying.
我就不打扰你们俩读书了
And in full disclosure,
我得坦白
I watched some porno during this conversation.
在你们俩废话连篇时 我看了点黄♥片
See ya later.
再见啦
Hey, Max.
麦克斯
Caroline told everyone the good news
卡洛琳跟我们大伙说了
about you going back to take that American history test.
你要回去考美国历史的好消息了
Good for you.
干得好
Yeah, I started studying last night,
是啊 我昨晚开始读书了
and on behalf of all white people,
我要代表全体白人
I would like to apologize for everything ever.
向你们黑人为我们所做过的一切道歉
Well, apology accepted for everything ever
我接受你为你们做过的一切道歉
except for slavery and The Gap.
除了奴役黑人与开盖璞的事
Here, Max, I brought you the history book
给 麦克斯 这是我为了要考
which I'm studying from for my citizenship test.
美国公民考♥试 在读的美国历史书
Aren't babies automatically citizens?
婴儿不是直接能拿公民吗
I don't know why I root for you.
我都不知道我为啥要帮你
Here, your country has a very rich past,
给 你们国家的历史很丰富啊
unlike Korea, which had its past stolen by the Japanese.
不像我们棒子国 历史都被日本鬼子偷了
Han, we are not talking about European history.
阿憨 有丰富历史的是欧洲历史
We are talking about American history.
不是美国历史
Oof, you're going to be working here forever.
你这水平 看来只能一辈子当服务员了
Good luck, lady.
姑娘 保重
Okay, Max, I've come up with a way
麦克斯 我想出了个办法
for you to work and study at the same time,
能让你边工作边读书
Like when you shop and steal at the same time.
就跟你边逛街边偷东西一样
I know, when they show it to me on those security cameras,
是啊 每次他们给我看监视录影带时
I'm always impressed.
我总是超佩服自己
I mean, I really don't know anyone else who's doing it.
我真的没听说过有人会我这招呢
Max, pick up. Burrito for table eight.
麦克斯 上菜 八号桌的玉米煎饼
Ugh, jeez, I just walked in.
不是吧 我才刚到
Why do I have to have all this burrito drama?
为啥总有这么多煎饼破事缠着我
First, Caroline says I have to quiz you
卡洛琳说每次你来拿菜
every time you come to the window, so...
我都得考你一题 所以...
Who was the sexually virile male pop singer
请问热门歌曲《杰西的女朋友》
responsible for the hit song Jessie's girl?
是哪位爷们流行歌手创作的
Rick springfield.
里克·斯普林菲尔德
Burrito's all yours, smarty.
真聪明 玉米煎饼拿去吧
Oleg, no.
奥列格 不行
You have to ask questions from the flash cards I provided.
你得从我给你的问题卡中提问
They're color coordinated by century
我用颜色♥区分了问题的年份
and subdivided by President.
再依照当时的总统做了细分
Don't look at me like that, Max.
麦克斯 干嘛这么看我
I'm a fun person. I taught myself the Dougie.
我不是死书呆好吗 我自学了道基舞呢
Okay, here goes.
好 我要问啦
Which amendment to the United States constitution
美国宪法第几修正案
guarantees a woman's right to...
给了女人们...
vote?
投票的权利[第19]
Wait, women can vote?
等等 女人可以投票啊
So when you say women can vote,
所以你们说女人可以投票时
you mean, like, besides for American Idol?
是指除了给《美国偶像》投票之外吗
Max, you think you're not smart, but you are.
麦克斯 你自觉不会读书 其实不是
You just need to come up with little tricks
你只需要想出几招记忆妙方
to help jog your memory.
来帮忙唤醒[慢跑]记忆
My memory doesn't jog.
我的记忆才不会慢跑
I've smoked so much pot, it's in one of those hospitals
我吸过太多大♥麻 它现在正在某家医院
learning to walk again.
重新学习怎么走路呢
What was the Great Compromise?
"伟大的妥协"是什么
You mean besides you moving in with me?
除了让你搬进我家之外的吗
It created the two houses of Congress.
让美国设了参议院与众议院
Next question: What was the movement
下一题 禁止贩卖
against the sale or drinking of alcohol called?
与饮酒的运动叫什么
The bowel movement?
大肠运动吗
No, the temperance movement.
不 是禁酒运动啦
And don't mention the bathroom.
也别再提厕所了
I've had to pee since we passed that last town
之前经过那个不知以前产啥的小镇时
that used to make something.
我就想尿尿了
Just go to the bathroom.
那就去上厕所啊
What are you so afraid of?
你是在怕什么啊
The bathroom.
那厕所啊
I will use a public bathroom.
我愿意使用公厕
I will use a public bus.
也愿意乘坐公共大巴
But I will not use the public bathroom on a public bus.
但我不愿意使用在公共大巴上的公厕
Next card.
下一题
No, give me a Twizzler. I know enough.
不要 给我颗糖 我学够多了
No candy. Study harder.
不许吃糖 认真点读
You're looking at a solid "D."
你绝对只能拿个"D"了
Well, my grades should match my boobs.
我的分数得跟我的胸部大小一样啊
Next question. Okay.
下一题
In what city was the constitution written?
美国宪法是在哪个城市诞生的
No idea.
不知道
Philadelphia?
费城吗
Oh, damn it, I almost said that.
靠 我差点要回答这个呢
It's right there.
这么明显
Philadelphia makes cheesesteaks.
费城出产牛肉奶酪三明治
The constitution is cheesy.
宪法很俗气[奶酪]
Why do I doubt myself?
我为什么要质疑自己呢
How much further?
还多远啊
I thought Rhode Island was supposed to be a tiny state.
我还以为罗德岛只是一个小州呢
When are we stopping?
什么时候能下车啊
Well, we have to pass Cranston, Providence,
得先经过克兰斯顿 普罗维登斯
and then our stop is Hope.
然后我们在霍普[希望]下车
Wait, Max, you were born in a town called "Hope"?
麦克斯 你是在叫做"希望"的小镇出生的吗
Well, just outside hope.
在霍普[希望]之外
and success and money.
也在成功与金钱之外
Well, there's no hope for me.
好吧 我是没希望了
I have to pee so badly. I'm going in.
真憋不住了 我要杀进去了
Leave the Twizzlers.
把糖留下
Here, study.
给 快读书
Oh, my God.
天啊
You know the toilet isn't just there as a suggestion.
你们知道马桶不是装饰物而已吧
Wow, North East high.
东北高中
Never thought I'd be here again.
从没想过我会再踏足这里
This sure brings back no memories.
完全没勾起我任何回忆啊
It's cute.
挺有爱的
You know, in an underfunded public school kind of way.
资金不足公立学校风格的那种有爱法
Wait, are you in high school?
等等 你是高中生吗
Oh, my God, I'm a hundred.
天啊 我简直是千年老妖
Oh, there it is, 2 C.
就这里 2C教室
Hold on.
等等
Why are you covering those up?
为什么你把它们关起来了
They're the only reason I passed chemistry.
我化学能过都是靠它们的呢
Max Black.
麦克斯·布莱克
Mr. Huck.
哈克老师
I'm surprised.
我很惊讶
That I showed up?
惊讶我会来吗
No, that you're alive.
不 惊讶你还活着
You and me both, sister.
我也有同感 姐妹
And you must be Caroline.
想必你就是卡洛琳了
Oh, you look just like the girls
你看起来就像是
Max used to give wedgies to in the cafeteria.
以前会被麦克斯恶整的那种姑娘
Still does.
她现在还会呢
Oh, ladies, this is Hector.
女士们 他叫赫克托
Hector will be joining us today,
赫克托今天会跟我们一起考♥试
as he was not in attendance during exam day.
因为他考♥试时没有出席
Ay, yo, Mr. Huck, that's 'cause my sister didn't wake me up
哈克老师 我迟到是因为我姐没叫我起床
'cause she's a bitch.
也因为她是个贱♥人
Very good.
很好
This place is filled with tiny tables, yo.
这地儿咋这么多小桌子啊
Oh, I'm sorry.
抱歉
It's teachers and delinquents only
只有老师与小流氓们
beyond this point.
可越过此线
You can wait out there.
你可以在这里等
Are you nervous? A little.
你紧张吗 有一点
I forgot I have a joint in my purse,
我忘了我包里有大♥麻烟
and I don't want to get expelled.
我可不想被老师开除啊
Max, you can do this.
麦克斯 你行的
I think you think you can't,
我知道你觉得自己不行
but I know that you can.
但我知道你能行
Look at me.
看着我
You are smart.
你很聪明
What are you?
你是什么 smart.
聪明鬼
See, you already got one question right.
你看 你已经答对一题了
Okay, kids,
好了 孩子们
put on your thinking hats.
开始动脑筋吧[戴上思考之帽]
Ay, yo, I thought we couldn't wear hats in the classroom.
我以为在教室不许戴帽子呢
I'm going to ignore that,
这句话我就当没听见
because if I don't, I will weep.
否则我会被你蠢哭的
"In 1775, Paul Revere warned which two men"
1775年 保罗·里维尔警告哪两个人
that the British were coming to arrest them?
"说英国人要来抓他们了"
In the Beastie Boys song Paul Revere,
在野兽男孩的歌曲《保罗·里维尔》中
he had a horsie and a quart of beer.
保罗有一匹马和一夸脱啤酒
Sam Adams is a beer, and if you have too much,
山姆·亚当斯是啤酒 如果喝太多
you end up giving a John a hancock.
会醉到帮某个叫约翰的陌生男子打飞机
Sam Adams and John Hancock!
所以答♥案是山姆·亚当斯和约翰·汉考克
I wasn't this nervous when I waited for the results of a hep C test.
我在等丙肝测试结果时都没这么紧张
Then again, I didn't study for that one at all.
反正我也完全没学那玩意
Ay, yo, I think I nailed it.
我觉得我过了
You failed, Hector.
你挂了 赫克托
For real?
真的假的
For really real.
是真的
You even got the answer wrong
就连麦克斯好心
that Max so graciously said out loud.
大声说出来的答♥案 你都写错了
Aw, that's cool, Mr. Huck.
没关系啦 哈克老师
Next time, right?
再接再厉嘛
Sure.
是啊
Max, I'm sorry to tell you that...
麦克斯 很抱歉
I was wrong to doubt you.
我不该质疑你的
You got a "B."
你的成绩是"B"
You passed.
你过了
You lying son of a bitch.
你个爱说谎的死老头
It's true, Max.
是真的 麦克斯
In fact, I went over it three times
老实说 我前后看了三遍
to make sure I wasn't insane.
以确保不是我发疯
Whatever that friend of yours there did to help you,
你那位朋友用来帮你的那些方法
it really worked.
的确奏效了
I'm sorry, but I can't stand out there any longer.
抱歉 但我实在不能在外面站着了
I've caused a small pandemic of erections in freshman boys.
不少高一新生得了会对我"起立"敬礼的传染病
I passed! I got a "B"!
我过了 我得了个B
Now my grade matches your boobs!
我的分数跟你的咪♥咪大小一样
I'm getting that stupid diploma
我要拿到我不在乎的
I said I didn't care about.
那个白♥痴毕业证了
You can do more than get that diploma, Max.
麦克斯 除了拿学位证 你还可以干别的呢
Graduation is tomorrow, and if you stay overnight,
明天就是毕业典礼 如果你在这过夜
you can walk with the class in the morning.
明早可以和同学们一起参加典礼
Uh, yes.
好啊
You want to go to graduation?
你居然想去参加毕业典礼
That's so me of you.
你太有我的风范了
Well, I busted my "A" to get that "B,"
我一个学渣拿出了学霸的魄力
and I want to get the whole package.
我当然得享受全套服务啦
That's great.
太好了
Well, we'll see you tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
那我们明早10点见
And, Hector, we'll see you in front of the Am/Pm
赫克托 那我们就在你平时让陌生人
asking strangers to buy you beer?
给你买啤酒的那个便利店门口见啦
I call the bed. You can have the table.
床归我 桌子归你
Max, that bed is so tiny,
麦克斯 这床太小了
we're gonna have to spoon.
咱俩得抱着睡了
The only spoon that's ever been in this room
这房间唯一有可能出现抱抱的情况
was hovering over a flame.
是起火后 我们抱着跳出火堆
Well, it's cute.
这房间蛮可爱的
I'm not vaccinated for anything in here, but...
虽然我来这之前没有打预防疫苗 但
it's cute.
这里蛮可爱的
And safe.
还很"安全"
Yeah, they have cable,
是啊 这里有有线电视
and you can rent rooms by the hour,
房间也可以按小时租
so I used to come here to watch Sex and The City
所以我以前经常跟一个叫小麻吉的妓♥女
with a prostitute named Tiny Marge.
来这里看《欲望都市》
She'd bring me banana bread and hang out.
她会给我带香蕉面包 然后我们一起玩
It was fun.
真欢乐
Oh, great.
这下可好
There's no coffeemaker.
这里居然没有咖啡机
Never mind, found it.
算了 我找到了
Your mom wasn't worried when you'd come down here?
你以前来这里 你妈不会担心吗
No.
不会啊
She was a little jealous that I was hanging out
她还有点嫉妒 因为
with Tiny Marge without her, but...
我跟小麻吉玩不带她 但...
The only thing my mom ever worried about was herself.
我妈唯一担心的也只有...她自己
She's selfish.
她很 自私
She missed my birth
她因为"有事"
'cause she "had a thing."
错过了我的出生
Come on, she can't be that bad.
拜托 她不可能这么糟糕
Turns out, you're not that big of a high school dropout,
而且事实证明 你不算是高中辍学的学渣
and she's probably not that big of a monster.
所以你妈可能也不是一个人♥渣
I mean, she raised you alone, and you didn't die.
至少她独自抚养你 没把你弄死啊
I did actually, twice.
其实我都死过两次了
But in fairness to her, she wasn't there either time.
但帮她说句公道话 那两次她都不在
Max, why don't you invite her to your graduation?
麦克斯 你何不请她来参加你的毕业典礼
And don't say you don't have her number.
别告诉我你没她电话
I know it's in your phone under "lady I came out of."
你手机里那个"爬出她洞洞"的联♥系人就是她
I also know I'm in your phone as "fart monster."
我还知道在你手机里 我的称呼是"屁精"
That's because I know, like, three Carolines.
那是因为我认识三个卡洛琳 要区分
No, you don't. Busted.
胡说 被你发现了
Here, I'll dial, You just leave the message.
我来打 你来留口讯
Here. No!
给 不要
Max! Fart monster!
麦克斯 屁精
Just do it.
听话
You'll be so happy when you see her there tomorrow.
明天你看见她一定会很高兴的
If we live through the night.
提前是我们能活过今晚
Hey, it's me, Max.
是我 麦克斯
Brown hair, lived in you for 7 1/2 months
那个棕色头发 在你肚子里只住了7个半月
due to your inability to read the warnings
就因为你眼瞎不会看香烟盒上的警告
on the side of cigarettes.
而被赶出来的人
Listen, I'm graduating from high school tomorrow,
听着 明天是我高中毕业典礼
so if you're not busy looking for pills under the stove
如果你不忙着从炉子底下找药片
or selling the neighbor's cat for beer money,
或抓邻居家的猫去换酒钱的话
why don't you come?
就过来看看吧
Max!
麦克斯
What? That was a first draft.
干嘛 那只是草稿啦
Hit three, delete, rerecord.
按3号键 删除 重录
Hey, it's me, Max.
是我 麦克斯
Look, I'm getting my degree tomorrow at the high school.
明天我要去高中领毕业证
You know, that's the building between the bar you drink at
地点就在你喝酒的那间酒吧
and the bar you dance at, so...
和你"跳舞"的那间酒吧之间
Hit three, delete, rerecord.
按3号键 删除 重录
Hey, it's Max.
我是麦克斯
I'm graduating from high school tomorrow.
明天是我的高中毕业典礼
If you can make it, it starts at 10:00.
时间是早上10点 希望你赏光
Okay, bye.
再见
See, that wasn't hard.
瞧 不是很难[硬]吧
This duvet is, but that wasn't.
这床被子是 但打电话不是
How come they only give you one of these?
为什么帽子上就一个流苏穗呢
Okay, Max, maybe don't say anything else,
麦克斯 要不你还是别说话了
or they'll take your diploma back.
我怕他们把毕业证收回去
Okay, graduates, it's time.
好了 毕业生们 时间到
Everyone line up alphabetically,
大家按字母顺序排队
and let's make our way.
出发去礼堂吧
Oh, and congratulations.
恭喜
You did it.
你做到了
Max, you look so smart in that robe.
麦克斯 长袍加身的你看着好聪明呀
I'm not that smart.
其实没有啦
I just found out you're supposed to wear clothes under this thing.
我刚发现原来袍子里面
是要穿衣服的
Max, I never asked you.
麦克斯 我从未问过你
You were so close to getting your diploma.
你离毕业证只差一场考♥试
Why didn't you take that test?
你为什么不去参加呢
I was going to, but my mother
我本来想去的 但我妈
kept me out of school that day to go to the mall.
那天不让我去上学 非要拉我去逛百货
On finals day?
在期末考♥试那天吗
Was there at least a special appearance By Raven Symone?
是不是雷文·西蒙尼大驾光临你们的百货
No one good ever came here.
有名气的好人不会来这里
Just like my mother didn't come here today.
就像我妈今天不会来一样
There's still time. Maybe she'll come.
还有时间 或许她会来
Maybe.
或许吧
I mean, my dad was late to my graduation
我毕业典礼时 我爸也迟到了
because his helicopter needed to refuel.
因为他的直升飞机要加油
Yeah, that's probably what happened to my mom.
是啊 我妈可能也碰到这种情况了
But her helicopter's probably passed out on top of her.
但她的那架飞"鸡"可能已经睡死在她身上了
I have never been more confident,
我从未像今天这般自信
because as I stand here and look out at all of you today...
因为今天我站在这里 看着你们大家
I was my class valedictorian.
我以前也是致词的优秀毕业生
I realize nobody can stop us.
我意识到 没人可以阻挡我们前进
Mm hmm, yeah, I thought that too.
是啊 我也曾天真如你
We are the future.
我们就是未来
Sure we are, until you have to pee on a bus in ten years.
没错 等10年后你得在大巴上尿
尿就梦醒了
Thank you, Amy.
谢谢 艾米
It's hard to imagine not hearing that voice
我"不敢想象"在接下来的4年里
every day for the next four years.
我每天都听不到这声音了
Thank you.
谢谢
Hi, Mrs. Ms. Max's mom.
那个 那个 麦克斯的妈妈
This is Caroline Channing, your daughter Max's
我是卡洛琳·钱宁 你女儿麦克斯的
best friend and roommate and business partner.
好友兼室友兼生意伙伴
I didn't want to leave this on a voice mail,
虽然我很不想给你留言
but I cannot believe you didn't show up
但你居然缺席自己女儿的毕业典礼
to your own daughter's graduation
这种行为让我无法理解
When you are the sole reason she didn't graduate in the first place.
而且你还是害她当年没能毕业的罪魁祸首
I mean, who takes their daughter to the mall on finals day?
谁会期末考♥试那天 带女儿去逛百货啊
What kind of mother are you?
有你这么当妈的吗
And all the times I've defended you to Max
一直以来我都在麦克斯面前帮你说话
not to make it about me, but it was a lot
我不是在夸自己 但我的确常常
saying, "She's not that bad. She's not that bad."
说"她其实没那么糟糕啦"
Well, I guess you are that bad. Max is right.
但你的确就是这么糟糕 麦克斯说得对
You are a monster.
你是个人♥渣
If you're on your way, we're in the second row.
如果你已经在路上了 那我们在第2排等你哦
I have blonde hair.
我是金色头发那个
Christina Bayers.
克里斯蒂娜·拜尔斯
Whoo, that's my granddaughter!
那是我孙女
Salazar Belmonte.
萨拉查·贝尔蒙特
That's my boy!
那是我儿子
Max Black.
麦克斯·布莱克
Max Black.
麦克斯·布莱克
That's my downstairs neighbor!
她是我楼下的邻居
So what, you called them all?
所以你打电话把他们都叫来了
Yeah, you know, just in case.
是啊 以防万一嘛
Max, you were right, and I was wrong.
麦克斯 我错了 你是对的
Your mother's really as bad as you said.
你妈真的就像你说的那样糟
Mm, oh, it's not that bad.
其实没那么坏啦
What do you mean?
怎么不是了
She took you to the mall on finals day.
明明是她在期末考♥试时带你去逛百货
Yeah, but it was the greatest day we ever had.
是啊 但那天是我们过得最开心的一天
We got ice cream,
我们买了冰淇淋
we ate it in the massage chairs at Brookstone,
我们坐在超市的按♥摩椅上吃
And then a kid fell in the fountain,
然后有个小孩掉进喷泉
and we died laughing.
我们都快笑死了
Well, I guess you can graduate high school any day,
哪天都能高中毕业
but you can only watch a kid
但看到小孩差点淹死
almost drown in a fountain once.
这种好事可不是天天有
It is okay that she wasn't there today,
她今天不来没关系
because you were.
因为你来了
And none of this would have been possible
而且如果没有你推我一把
if you hadn't pushed me.
这一切都不可能发生
And that kid wouldn't have almost drowned
当然如果不是我推了那小孩一把
if I hadn't pushed him.
他也不会差点淹死
Little different.
还是稍有区别的吧
Bottom line, you had faith in me
总而言之 你对我有信心
like Thomas Jefferson had faith in Lewis and Clark.
就像托马斯·杰斐逊相信路易斯和克拉克一样
Oh, no.
天啊
Now you're both nerds!
现在你俩都是死书呆了