情牵你我她（2016）

You Me Her S01E02

Part 2 Aug. 1, 2020, 4:58 p.m.

依奇?
Izzy?
记得吗?
Remember that?
所以事情就是...
So, here's the thing...
我是一个非常非常坏的女孩杰克
I've been a very, very bad girl, Jack,
我需要一些正式的建议
and I need some firm counseling.
你可以做到吗?
Think you can do that?
杰克杰克杰克
Jack, Jack, Jack.
你知道你可以预定
You know, you can schedule
一个紧急心理疗程
an emergency therapy session,
关上门
lock the doors,
建一个护城河
build a moat,
里面放一些鲨鱼
put some sharks in it,
但是还是只有一个小问题...
but there's just one little problem...
我早就进来了
I'm already inside.
惊喜
Surprise.
你可以保持冷静吗?
Can you be cool?
我觉得行
I think so.
啊哈
Ahem. Ahem.
哦天呐!
Oh, my God!
恩...
Um...
杰克?
Jack?
杰克?
Jack?
魏因斯托克院长
Dean Weinstock.
我能说一句吗?
Might I have a word?
可以
You may.
我能不能建议"任性"?
May I suggest "Capricious"?
是我最喜欢的
That's a favorite.
额这个是我的灯吗
Um, so is that my lamp,
还是你只是打个招呼?
or are you just happy to see me?
喔为什么我要说这个?
Wow. Why would I say that?
我听起来像是对你有性趣一样
I sound like I'm offering you sexual favors,
那个...
which...
那个我保证绝对不是
which I guarantee you I'm not.
你是谁的儿子吗?
Are you somebody's son?
我意思是就像
I mean, like,
每个人的别人的儿子
everybody's somebody's son,
但是你就像某个人的儿子
but are you, like, somebody's son,
是个大客户还是什么的?
like a big client or something?
请告诉我你不是
Please tell me you're not.
我会给你写一封超级好的推荐信
I'm going to write you a really good recommendation
如果你想回学校的话
when you go back to school.
哦不用费力气清除浏览器记录了
Oh, don't bother clearing that browsing history.
你的小黄♥片♥已经被登记和排除了
Your porn's already been logged and ostracized.
我米有... 小黄♥片♥在..
I don't... porn on this...
在电脑里没有
on the computers, no.
这不是我...
That's not my...
我在开玩笑
I'm joking.
好的
Okay.
呵呵
Funny.
然而还是有些事情我们需要谈谈
However, there is something we need to talk about.
你怎么感觉的只对你造成影响
Whatever you feel matters only to you.
但你的行为对世界造成影响
Whatever you do about it matters to the world.
你的生活和你的各种关系
Your life and your relationships
是你的选择和行为的集♥合♥
are a sum of your choices and actions.
肉卷只是
Meatloaf is just an excuse
想要一个不带面包的汉堡包的借口
to serve a giant bunless hamburger.
安迪!嗨嗨你打电♥话♥了
Andy! Hi. Hi. You called.
额选一个你喜欢的招呼
Um, choose your favorite greeting.
一...
One...
我是一个很友好的人依依
I am a nice guy, Iz,
但不要会错意认为我是一个很好控制的人
but don't mistake that for me being a pushover.
不如我们改谈些健康点的事情吧?
How about we just move on to something healthier?
拜托?
Please?
好吧
Okay.
好的好的
All right, all right.
你知道吗这有用
You know what, it worked.
真不敢相信我会这么说
I can't believe I'm saying this,
但是你的超级蠢的计划真的有用
but your stupid moron plan actually worked.
艾玛和我有了超级疯狂的性生活
Em and I are having crazy sex.
昨晚我们用彼此的肉体在厨房♥的地板上滚了个遍
We mopped the kitchen floor with each other last night.
恩哼
Mm-hmm.
就像真的性生活
Like, real sex.
我们都参与了还一边看着对方...
We were engaged and looking at each other...
一边亲热
and making out.
我们都好多年没亲热过了
We haven't made out in years.
我认为我们今晚还要来一遍
I think we're going to do it tonight, too.
不用谢
You're welcome.
我的使命已经完成
My work here is done.
为什么我还是会幻想依奇呢尽管?
Why am I still fantasizing about Izzy, though,
在艾玛的身体里?
instead of Emma?
兄弟真的
Dude, honestly,
有任何人会幻想自己的老婆吗?
does anybody fantasize about their wife?
我意思是我拥有
I mean, I own
一个下流的超级贵的黑色跑车
an obscenely expensive black sports car
可以从0提速到140 只用就像 6秒
that does 0 to 140 in, like, six seconds.
你认为我会幻想这种
Do you think I fantasize
感觉开着
about driving
一辆下流的超级贵的黑色跑车
an obscenely expensive black sports car
可以在六秒提速到140吗?
that does 0 to 140 in six seconds?
不管怎么想都没有道理啊
That makes no sense whatsoever.
我要肉肉杰克逊3号♥餐
I'll get the Meaty Jackson 3
他要热辣安吉
and he'll have The Hot Angie.
谢谢
Thank you.
所以说开来讲
So, just to be clear,
我老婆就是你比喻里的那辆车?
my wife is the car in your metaphor?
-耶耶 -我不懂
- Yeah. Yeah. - I don't get it.
一辆非常性感的车
A very sexy car.
如果真的有什么合理的办法
If there was a reasonable method,
我绝对会上了我的车的
I'd totally fuck my car.
为什么我要...
Why do I come...
什么? 什么?
What? What?
你哪里有问题?
What is your problem?
这世上有一百万个人我可以去请求建议
There's a million people I could come to advice for,
我找了你我已经有很多事情了
I come to you. I have a lot of my plate right now.
我有...
I have...
魏因斯托克要从院长的位子退下来了
Weinstock is retiring as dean
他推荐了我接替他
and he's recommending me as his replacement.
我知道
I know.
所以... 所以除了
So... so, in addition
对你来说不能拒绝性生活
to you being unable to avoid getting laid,
甚至在梦里
even in your sleep,
你马上就要成为
you're gonna be the dean
一所顶尖的私人高中的院长
of one of the top private high schools
- 在西海岸? - 我直接给自己挖了个坑
-on the West Coast? -I walked right into that one.
耶
Yeah.
天呐!
God!
- 拿吃的 - 拿吃的
- Gotta get the food here. - Get the food.
这是你唯一能做的在我买♥♥过单之后
It's the least you can do after I pay for it.
谢谢你
Thank you.
问题是大哥和依奇
Here's the thing, man, with Izzy,
我们不仅仅是亲热了
we didn't just make out.
我们走的比那个远点
We went much further than that.
哪种人会干这种事啊?
What kind of guy does something like that?
长着小鸡鸡的男人?
A guy with a dick?
另外一个问题就是
The other problem I have is
魏因斯托克说他们监控着
Weinstock said that they monitor
我们办公室的电脑的网络使用情况
our Internet use at the office,
我用的办公室的电脑联♥系♥的依奇
and I used the office computer to contact Izzy.
你什么?
You what?
哦! 干嘛不要拍我
Ow! Come on, man. Stop fucking smacking me.