情牵你我她（2016）

You Me Her S01E01

Part 2 Aug. 1, 2020, 4:58 p.m.

- Try! - I'm not doing it.
喔! 搞什么飞机啊?
Ow! What the fuck?
简直就像强♥奸♥一样啊
It was like a sexual atrocity.
说真的什么扇巴掌啊淫♥荡♥的口气啊全都来了
Seriously, arms were flailing, and breath was stinking.
我们应该把昨晚拍下来作为禁欲公益宣传片的
We should've filmed it for an abstinence PSA.
啊这就是自♥慰♥带来的循环啊
Ah, the venerable cycle of masturbation.
我才不这么觉得
I don't think that's a thing.
喔不你越少啪啪啪
Oh, no. The less you get it on,
你就撸的越多
the more you jack off.
你撸的越多呢你啪啪啪就更少
The more you jack off, the less you get it on.
好吧也许就是这个原因
Well, maybe that is a thing.
我日哥们你还好吗?
Shit, bro, you okay?
我也不知道啊这就像uf8f5
I don't know, man. It's like...
这事真有这么严重?
Is it really that serious?
是的我觉得它可能就是有这么严重
I think it might be. I think it is that serious.
我们是相爱的
I mean, we love each other.
不是喜欢是爱啊
That’suf8f5it's not a like, it's a love situation.
这一点我很确信
That's not the problem at all.
我们现在就像是在强行制♥造♥激♥情♥
We're, like, trying to manufacture passion,
然后我就被这种强行赠送了一只乌青的眼圈
and it's resulting in me getting a fucking black eye.
我倒也很像把这件事怪到
I would love to blame it
这两年机械式的做♥爱♥身上
on two years of, like, robotic baby sex,
但甚至在两年前
but even before that,
我们也没有三天做九次啊
it wasn't like it was "9 1/2 Weeks."
你能不能说点什么啊?
Can you say something, please?
我可能在另一个次元
I may or may not
做了一件事也可能没有做
have done something in another dimension
但这个宇宙里的人没有一个人会知道这件事
that no one in this universe could ever know about.
这就像一棵树
It's like a tree
从天而降到森林中
falling in the forest,
只是这一次进入另一个妹子“森林”的是我的小丁丁
except it's my dick going into another woman.
你出轨了?
You had an affair?
嘿闭嘴! 没有啦但这件事很复杂
Hey, shh! No, no. It's too messy.
天哪
God.
你瞎嚷嚷什么你?
Why don't you yell it, huh?
吓尿我了
I was startled.
站在桥那边儿的聋婆娘
Because the legally deaf woman on the other side of that bridge
都能听到你的声音了
can hear it.
所以uf8f5你搞了个妓♥女♥?
So... you were with a hooker?
没有我只是在说一个舞伴
No. I'm talking about an escort.
有什么差别?
What's the difference?
- 尚未深入敌后 - 什么?
- No penetration. - What?
尚未深入uf8f5这很重要吗?
No penetuf8f5 is that even a thing?
好好好
Okay, okay.
有时候我也会深入一下的好了吗?
Sometimes, there's penetration, okay?
但这都是意料之外的对吧?
But there's not supposed to be, right?
这样他们才能打广♥告♥啊
That's why they can advertise.
我大概有过12个这样的妹子吧
12, I don't know, something like that,
但哥哥我只混波特兰这片地啦
sites here in Portland alone.
你们俩最后一次亲热是什么时候?
When's the last time you guys made out?
如果我要和艾玛舌吻的话
If I stuck my tongue in Emma's mouth,
她可能就笑场了
she'd probably just crack up laughing.
那你就和不认识的人做啊
You do it with someone you don't know,
找个当你有性致的时候不会笑场的人
someone who doesn't laugh when you get your sexy on.
这真的有用?
This actually worked for you?
你就带着这个回家?
You took this back into your bedroom?
妈的我就是这么干了
Fuckinay right I did.
就喝个咖啡我接受的信息量有点儿大
This is a lot for me to process over fuckin' hot cocoa.
在今日的家庭捕手中
On today's Home Seekers,
动物饲养员阿曼达和她的会计师丈夫
zookeeper Amanda and her accountant husband...
天啦噜
Oh, God...
天惹噜
Oh, God.
荷马憋住了伙计
Homer, lock it down, buddy.
真难以置信
Unbelievable.
我已经正式进入宿醉能持续一整天的岁数了
I have officially hit the age where a hangover lasts 24 hours.
我们还有工作要做呢
We've got our work cut out for us.
我太了解你们女人
One thing I know about women,
一谈起浴缸和衣橱就没完没了的
they never stop talking about bathtubs or closets.
如果我再听到一次
If I hear that line one more time,
你的衣服去哪儿了?
"Where do your clothes go?"
我就
I'm going to--
我总算知道
I'm going to piece together
你为什么没结婚了
why you never got married.
爪形脚的浴缸维多利亚时期的楼梯
Claw-footed tub, authentic Victorian staircase...
你在干嘛?
What are you doing?
我觉得我们可以你懂的
I just thought maybe we could, you know...
你真的想就现在来一发吗
Are you seriously proposing sex right now,
在我被蠢狗的屁熏得快吐了的时候做?
when I'm one pug fart away from regurgitating vital organs?
突然萎了
Suddenly over it.
如果我死了你要知道我爱过你
If I die, know that I loved you.
我更爱你
Love you more.
什么样的怪咖
What kind of monster
会给人400块让她虐待他?
lets a guy pay her 400 bucks to treat him like shit?
你看起来不像是在哀求啊
You don't look like you're begging.
你不理解
You don't realize
你能给那家伙什么样的体验
what kind of a bargain you gave that dude.
他能得到任何女人任何他想要的东西
He can have any woman, any thing he wants...
除了得不到他想要的
except not getting what he wants.
爬过来
Crawl.
直到你出现
Until you.
依奇·席尔瓦
Izzy Silva.
他的恶魔天使
His angel of denial.
好了妮娜听起来确实也不差
Okay, Nina, that actually didn't suck,
但是你知道我多有罪恶感吗?
but do you have any idea how guilty I felt?
今天早晨
This morning,
在咱们公♥寓♥外面有个流浪汉
there was a homeless guy outside of our apartment,
问我要一根雪茄
who asked me for a cigarette.
我就给了他80块
So I gave him 80 bucks,
抱了抱他还跟他说上帝保佑你
hugged him, and said, "God bless you."
我从来没跟别人说过这种话
I've never said that to anyone in my life before.
上帝保佑你谁说的?
"God bless you?" Who says that?
我对你太失望了依依
I am so disappointed in you, Iz.
我翻译一下
Translation:
你不想再负担我一半的租金了吗
you don't want to float my half of the rent again.
并不是女王阁下
Si, senora.
好吧
Fine.
再干一周
One more week.
这才是我的好妓♥女♥啊
There's my little hooker.
我们是伴♥游♥ 不一样的
We're escorts. It's different.
是对啊当然啦
Oh, right, absolutely.
就是不一样
It is different.
- 这可是你告诉我的 - 就是这样啊别担心
- That's what you told me. - It is. Don't worry about it.
我昨晚大概给你发了20条短♥信♥吧
I texted you, like. 20 times last night...
哦
Oh.
天啊我什么时候这么婆婆妈妈的了
Oh, my God, I think I just sprouted ovaries.
真假?
You did?
当然
Yeah.
我觉得在这段关系里我已经正式变成妹纸了
I think I'm officially the chick in this relationship.
真♥他♥妈♥是太性感了安迪
That is so fucking sexist, Andy.
男女都在想着变成对方
Both genders pursue that which retreats from them.
哦所以你在撩我喽?
Oh, so you're baiting me, huh?
想什么屁吃呢
Oh, get over yourself.
你明晚有空吗安德里亚?
You free tomorrow night, Andrea?
别想干我我来月经了懂不?
Don't fuck with me, I'm menstruating, okay?
当然我有空
Yes, I'm free.
因为理性主义思维的
Because of the complicated nature
复杂性
of rationalist thinking...
谁发的?
Who is it?
另一个失意的丈夫
Another hubby lost his mojo.
小菜一碟啊勾勾手就上门了
Easy-peasy. Bread and butter.
这可能不太公平