工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S05E08
Part 2
June 29, 2021, 8:56 a.m.
别碰我 永远不要
Stop touching me. Don't ever do that.
听我说 - 嘿
And just listen. - Hey.
你们几个不会给我当缩头乌龟吧
You guys aren't gonna puss out on me, are you?
我这么说只是因为
Okay, I'm only saying that
你们都躲在这个房♥间里
'cause you're hiding in this room,
而我的直觉是很灵的 像一个妈妈
and I am very intuitive, like a mother.
我这就去献血 现在就去
I'm gonna go give blood right now.
Alice Murphy
Alice Murphy...
我这就去献血
I'm gonna go give blood. Okay.
嘿 Karl 我需要你的帮助
Hey, Karl, I need your help.
Dolph Lundgren 我看过他的每一部电影
Dolph Lundgren, man, I've seen all of his movies.
他简直太酷了
He's, like, so cool.
你知道要是Dolph
Do you know if, like, Dolph is gonna--
Carmen 是我啊 Henderson先生
Carmen. It's me, Mr. Henderson.
我以前常从酒水店给你带空罐子
I used to bring you empty cans outside the liquor store.
你脱离流浪汉的队伍多久了
Hey, how long have you been un-homeless for?
我的天 你现在是得有多嗨
Oh, my God, you must be really light-headed.
你有世界上最美妙的歌♥喉
You used to have the best singing voice.
如此的动人 - 你说的那不是我
So beautiful. - That's not me.
安心吃你的饼干吧 行吗
Eat your cookies, okay?
哇哦 哇哦 哇哦 哇哦 哇哦
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
别着急啊
Hold your horsies.
到目前为止有多少人报名献血了
How many people we got signed up so far?
25 也就是说你们是第二名
Uh, 25, so you'll win second place.
好吧 我们可不是拿亚军的班子
Okay, well, we don't get second place around here,
所以不如我们继续
so how about we go ahead
给本大爷多装上几个空血包
and strap on a few more baggy sacks for daddy?
我没问题的 起码还能再抽五袋
I can handle, like, five more probably.
不行哦 一个人限捐一品脱
Mm-hmm. One pint per each.
好吧 你猜怎么着
Okay, guess what.
这是你DeMamp健身营的通行证
Your pass to DeMamp Camp--
我把它撕了个稀巴烂
and that's me ripping it up.
我要拿走饼干咯 我要拿三块
I'm taking cookies. I'm taking three.
我拿了整整三块 - Jazzy
I'm taking three. - Jazzy.
我要把这一批拿去血库
I'm gonna take this batch up to the blood bank.
你照顾得过来吗 - 嗯 没问题
Can you handle this in here? - Mm-hmm, yeah.
这是他的血吗 那个人的
Is this his blood, right there?
好 需要我从塔吉特百货的必胜客带吃的给你吗
Okay, you want anything from the pizza hut in Target?
你懂我的 你一直都这么懂我
You know me, girl. You always know me.
蓝色冰沙 - 哦
Blue icee. - Oh.
我没有 - 好吧 好吧
Yeah, I didn't-- - All right, all right.
不好意思 - 怎么了
Excuse me. - Yeah?
你要对我的血样怎么样
What are you doing with my blood?
为啥我的没跟其余的放在一起
Why isn't it with all the rest?
我的血去向何方
Where's this blood going?
快吃了你那份饼干然后就离开吧
Just eat your cookies and move along.
我对这个破献血活动
Got a bad feeling
有一种不祥的预感
about this gosh-forsaken blood drive.
比如说 他们为啥都不愿意告诉我们
For instance, why won't they even tell us
那些血会送去哪里
where the blood is going?
是为了医院里的病人们
Oh, it's for patients at hospitals.
有道理 - 可不是嘛
Yes, yeah. - Right?
可为啥会扯上Dolph呢
Yes, but why is Dolph involved, hmm?
你的互联网有电脑功能吗
Does this Internet have computer capabilities?
有的 - 好
Yes. - Okay.
我需要你拉出他的IMDB信息页来
I need you to pull up his IMDB page,
昨天就该给我了
and I need that yesterday.
这上面写着他是麻省理工的天才
Well, it says here he's M.I.T. Smart,
化学工程师 空手道大♥师♥
chemical engineer, a karate master.
那他干嘛要跟这些白♥痴♥
Why is he making action movies
一起拍动作电影
with these idiots?
他简直完美
He's perfect.
是啊 一切都说得通了
Yeah, I guess it makes sense.
他有着可以成为化学基因工程师
He's got the brains to be, like,
那样的大脑
a chemical-genetic engineering dude,
然而他没有资源
but he didn't have the resources.
所以他选择了成为名人
So he went and became famous,
于是现在他有了
and now he has access
接触血的渠道
to the blood.
血啊
Blood.
他还有渠道能拿到我的 哎哟天啊
He's got access to any of my-- holy cow.
瞧瞧他裤裆里的蛋蛋哟
Look at his balls in those dockers.
我的天啊
Oh, my gosh.
我简直可以整天点来点去放大这个图
I could click and zoom all day.
靠
Damn it.
这里是电美公♥司♥
TelAmericorp.
你好哇Edna先生 我这有你要的血
Hey, Sir Edna, I got your blood.
喜剧演员Barry Humphries扮演的两个经典喜剧角色
Sir Les Patterson和Dame Edna Everage
好吧 这血是谁的
Okay. Who's blood is it?
算了 我不想知道
No, don't tell me.
我明白 有时人们就得
I understand sometimes people just need
钻钻空子 玩消失
to slip through the cracks, just disappear.
你说啥呢 我就打算用我的血
What? No, it's gonna be my blood.
来吧 - 什么
Come on. - What?
拿着这把刀片
Take this blade.
不不不行 等等
No. No, no, no, wait.
我来拿着这根管子
I'm gonna take the tube,
然后放在我的手腕旁边
I'm gonna put it right next to my wrist,
你就来拿刀划我
and you're gonna cut me.
不行Karl 我 我晕血
No, Karl, I--I'm hemophobic.
哎哟我的天 Ders这都2015年了
Oh, my God, Ders, it's 2015.
这世上就是有同性恋
Gay dudes exist.
不管你乐意不乐意
Get over it.
快动手啊 - 好吧好吧
Cut me! - Okay, all right.
Dolph Lundgren Dolph Lundgren
Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren.
Dolph Lundgren - 放马过来吧宝贝
Dolph Lundgren. - Hit me, baby.
Dolph Lundgren
Dolph Lundgren!
再试一次 - Dolph Lundgren
Uh, try it again. - Dolph Lundgren.
好吧 干脆
Okay, just-- you know what?
就沿着那儿 - Dolph Lundgren
Okay, go down the-- - Dolph Lundgren.
Dolph Lundgren - 再沿着那儿来一次
Dolph Lundgren. - Go down one more time.
我也不知道 - 给我看看刀片
I don't know. - Let me see the blade.
嗯
Yeah.
Dolph Lundgren
Dolph Lundgren!
Dolph Lundgren - 好吧
Dolph Lundgren! - Okay.
Dolph Lundgren
Dolph Lundgren!
你干啥 - 搞定啦
What are you-- - We got it.
你为啥要舔它呢兄弟
Why'd you lick it, man?
我以为就跟圆珠笔似的嘛
I thought it was like a ballpoint pen, man,
可这管用啊
but it's working.
这不就成了 - 好吧
It's working. - Okay.
站住
Stop.
Waymond 把你的眼镜给我
Waymond. Give me your glasses.
我刚刚想到了一个极好的主意
I just came up with a great idea.
举起你的双手
Hands up.
把你的衬衫给我
Give me your shirt
再让我抹一抹你那气味浓烈的古龙水
and a smear of your wildly potent cologne.
你臭死了 这什么味啊
You stink. What is that?
冷水吗 还有催情功效
Cool water? It's an aphrodisiac.
我喜欢 很不错
I like that. That's nice.
他们说我不能献血
They tell me that I can't give blood.
等着瞧吧 "护士们"
Well, guess what, "Nurses."
我要戏耍这个制度
I'll trick the system.
我要以贱婢同事的身份来献血
I'll give blood using the identities of my bitch-ass coworkers.
太完美了
This is perfect.
感谢上帝我有这么些肌肉
Thank God I have all these muscles.
都是DeMamp健身营的功劳
It's DeMamp Camp.
它是 算了
It's part--it doesn't matter.
再给我来一点
Give me a little more of that.
再来一点 我想跟你一样发臭
Give me a little more of that. I want to reek like you.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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