工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S05E05
Part 4
June 29, 2021, 8:55 a.m.
你们两个都变♥态♥好吗
You guys are both sickos,
把自己的车特么硬生生撞进
'cause you guys frickin' smashed your cars
人家脆弱紧致的车♥库♥
into my very tender, very tight little garage,
然后其中一个人
and then one of you hosed me down
还把玻璃水射了我一胸
right on the chest with freaking wiper fluid.
可能你们俩都射了 胸上一大滩呢
Maybe it was both of you. It seemed to be a lot.
Adam 我懂
See, Adam I understand.
换他 随便找个老车♥库♥就把自己的迷你车停进去了
He'll park his little Mini in any old garage.
人家那是标准的 标准的中型轿车好么
I have a very, very medium-sized sedan.
我车♥库♥门忘关了 然后你就把车停进来了
I left my garage door open, and you parked your car
还把排气管漏在里面了
and left me with a leaky tailpipe.
排气管漏了 你恶不恶心
Leaky tail? That's disgusting.
什么莫名其妙的说法
What does that even mean?
今天你菊花漏了么
Was your butthole leaking today?
太恶心了
That's gross.
喂 你们几个在这干嘛呢
Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?
Alice 我来解决
Alice, Alice, I got this.
你们是一组的好么 别闹
Guys, you're on the same team. Stop!
这组解散了
This team's over.
拜托 彩虹战士们
Come on, rainbow warriors.
都过来
Bring it in.
大家好好谈谈
Let's go talk this out.
过来吧 来来来
Bring it in, come on.
行行好 别烦了
Yeah, stop, please.
行吧
All right.
到底怎么回事
What's the problem?
这么和你说吧 Teddy
You know what, Teddy...
怎么说
What?
我们呢
We have...
有几个朋友
Some friends, right?
一起住 一起工作的朋友
And they live together, and they work together,
他们曾经是彼此最好的朋友
and they used to be best friends
直到昨天晚上
until last night.
昨天晚上发生什么事了
What happened to these friends of yours last night?
这三个朋友
The three friends
给相互搞上了
hooked up with each other hard.
对 - 就一次
Yeah. - Once.
就搞了一次
Just one time,
但是上面下面都搞了
but a lot of butt stuff and mouth stuff.
好吧 我会和他们说
Okay, well, I would tell, uh...
我会建议你的朋友们去做个检查
I would tell your friends to get tested.
还有就是建议他们
I would also tell your friends to have
坦诚 成熟 又严肃地谈一谈
an honest, mature, adult conversation
谈谈发生的事
about what happened.
如果你的朋友们想要更多意见的话
Hey, listen, if your friends want any more advice,
随时来我办公室找我
just tell them to swing by my office.
Teddy
Teddy...
我们就是那几个朋友
We're talking about us.
必须发个微博了
I'm tweeting that.
现在就发
I am tweeting that.
随便了 可能他说得没错
Whatever, maybe he's right.
我们是该成熟严肃地谈一谈
Maybe we should have an adult, mature conversation about it.
没错
Right.
一个坏消息
Guys, bad news, but that--
那条微博超出字数限制了
that tweet is gonna be too many characters, so, uh...
我先暂时存草稿箱里
I'm just gonna throw it into drafts
过一会儿才编辑
and then circle back to it later.
虽然他是个怪人 但可能他说得没错
As weird he is, maybe he's right.
我们还是谈一谈比较好
Maybe we should talk about it.
我知道大家心里不想
I know we don't like to, like,
特么谈正经的事
freaking talk about, like, real stuff,
秘密什么的
like secrets.
是 - 我们是真汉子
Yeah. - We're dudes.
可现在我们有个天大的秘密了
But now we have a huge secret.
是的是的
Yeah, yeah.
我觉得吧 这个秘密
And, I mean, this is a secret
我们是绝对不能和别人说的 对吧
that we'll never tell anybody else, right?
绝对不能
Nope, no.
老子特么就算死到临头也不会说的
I'm gonna freakin' take this one to my deathbed.
除非我们自己写个全面大爆料
Until we write our tell-alls.
也不用那么全面的
Yeah, or maybe it's just a tell-some.
我要告诉你们一个秘密
All right, I'm gonna tell a secret.
你们都还记得那个
Okay, remember that night
我们一起看<庸人哈尔>的晚上吧
when we were watching Shallow Hal,
就我哭得稀里哗啦的那次
and, like, I just wouldn't stop crying?
记得
Yeah.
我不是因为电影
Okay, it's not because
又好笑又感人才哭的
that movie is both hilarious and touching.
嗯
It is.
我的Howie叔叔是那晚上去世的
My uncle Howie died that night,
你们也知道 我和他特亲
and, you know, we were really close.
我很怀念他 现在也是
I really miss him, still.
你们大概不知道
I know you guys didn't know,
是因为有你们陪我
but just having you there,
我才撑过来了
it really helped me get through it.
我怀疑我是我妈和园丁生的
I think I might be the son of my parents' gardener.
我很小的时候逮着他们搞在一起
I caught him and my mom together when I was super young,
也就是说
and that means that...
我不是纯种挪威人
I'm not 100% Norwegian.
而是类似
I'm, like, half...
德爱混血
German-Irish or something.
没事的
It's okay.
爱尔兰哎
Irish.
没什么大不了的
Yeah, it's all right.
你们可能不大相信 但是
I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but...
我读书的时候其实不是最酷的那个
I wasn't the coolest kid in school.
其实我一直被欺负
In fact, I got beat up all the time.
一个朋友都没有
I didn't have any friends.
可能是因为你的跑步姿势吧
Probably 'cause of the way you run.
不是因为我的跑步姿势
No, not because of my run.
跑起来超怪 - 才不是
It's a weird run. - No.
我想大概是因为这个经历我才
And I think that's why I'm so addicted
极度沉迷于锻炼肌肉
to freaking having these gigantic muscles
最终成为你眼前这个
and being this freaking mountain of beef
一身腱子肉的男子
you see before you today.
我从没和别人提过
I've never told anyone that.
好了 这感觉挺好的
Okay, that felt pretty good.
我也感受到些什么
I felt something, yeah.
甩掉 甩掉
Shake it out, shake it out.
昨晚的事已经发生了
Last night happened.
那是过去的事了
That's in the past,
我确定的是 在今后的日子里
but I just know that I need you guys in my life
我仍然需要你们
for the rest of my life,
因为你们是我的好哥们
because you're my, like, rock, man.
要不来点棕榈泉风情怎么样
What do you guys say we go get Palm Sprung!
好哒宝贝儿
Yeah, baby.
好 好吧
Okay, all right.
其实也没必要这样抱
We don't even need to do that.
你们来追我啊
All right, race you guys.
那姿势
The run.
追不上哒
Race you!
有什么问题吗
Any questions?
哥几个准备好大显身手了
All right, we are ready to rock and jock
比赛规则是啥
So how's this work?
就把项目都做一遍
Just went throught the whole thing.
我不说第二遍了
I'm not gonna do that again.
就是个
It's, uh...
就是个障碍赛
It's an obstacle course.
你想要什么
What do you want?
好了 大家排好队
All right, everybody line up.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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