假如…？（2021）

Oh, no, your weird rocks have all fallen over.
派对出丑
Party foul.
马上就来 再等一秒
Be right with you. Just one second.
来了 开打
Ah, there it is. Whoo! Let's do this.
你猜怎么 我开始有点...
You know, I'm starting to...
不许揪头发
Ow! Not the hair!
你知道你需要什么吗
You know what you need?
一杯烈酒 外加夏威夷度假两周
A stiff drink and two weeks in Hawaii?
需要暂停
A time-out.
我妈经常用暂停来惩罚我
My mother punished me with time-outs all the time,
但对我从来没用
but I never learned a thing.
但也许对你有用 因为你是派对扫兴者
But maybe they'll work on you because you're a party pooper.
大家来看啊 这是个派对扫兴者
Hey, look, everyone! A party pooper.
扫兴者 扫兴者 扫兴者
Pooper! Pooper! Pooper!
弗瑞说你是最棒的
Fury said you were the best.
一拳能抵十颗核弹
That your punch was equal to ten nuclear bombs.
你的猫还能吞掉整支部队
That your cat could devour whole armies.
你还有只猫 它叫什么
You've got a cat? What's its name?
咕咕
Goose.
顶级飞行员 你可真特立独行
Oh, Top Gun! You're Maverick!
你的自尊是否太大但能力却跟不上
Is your ego writing checks that your skills can't cash?
-没有 -是的
- No. - Yes.
-你是哪位 -达西 你的大粉丝
- Who are you? - Darcy. Big fan.
顺便说句 本来以为你是个男队长
By the way, totally thought you were gonna be a dude captain.
但看看你 完全不是
But look at you, all not.
如果我使出全力 会在地球炸出一个大坑
If I exert my full powers, I blow a crater in this planet.
制♥服♥KK疯男并不值得冒这么大伤亡风险
Taking down Kappa Kappa frat freak won't be worth the fatalities.
那在南达科塔怎么样
Ooh. What about South Dakota?
或者北达科塔呢
Or North Dakota?
未知来电
我要接个电♥话♥
Uh... I need to get this.
你需要实习生吗 驯猫人呢
So, uh, do you need an intern? Cat wrangler?
达西 现在你热情过于高涨
Darcy, right now, you're running at an eight,
我需要你稍微冷静一下 可以吗
and I need you to take it down to a four. Okay?
-喂 -简
- Hello? - Jane!
我什么时候可以再见到你
When can I see you again?
你是我遇到过的最善良最美丽的米德加德女人
You're the nicest, prettiest Midgardian woman I've ever met.
你遇到过多少个地球女人
How many Earth women have you met?
两个 但另一个用一座桥砸我
Uh, two. But the other one hit me with a bridge
然后 疼的可不只是脸
and, well, that hurt more than my face.
托尔 和我实言相告
Thor, be honest with me.
你在阿尔法星的最后一次派对上
At your last party on Alpha Star,
是真的毁掉了那颗星球吗
did you really destroy that planet?
没有 没 那也不是星球 最多就是颗流星
No, no, it was more of a meteor anyway, not a planet.
而且它也正在燃烧殆尽
And it was burning apart
所以我们也就帮着推了一下...
so we just kinda helped it along and...
所以并没人受伤害
So no one got hurt?
-当然没有 -福斯特博士
- Of course not. - Dr. Foster?
哪怕那只小山羊 加里 都安全回家
Even the baby goat, Gary, got home safely.
-最终回家了 -福斯特博士
- Eventually. - Dr. Foster.
我得走了 爱你
Uh, I gotta go. Love you. Oh.
我是想说 再见
I mean, bye.
我们之前在说什么来着
What were we talking about?
我想说的是
Look, all I'm saying is,
就算你炸飞一个达科塔 也没人会注意到
no one would notice if you blew up a Dakota.
说真的 我根本分不清它俩
Honestly, I can't tell them apart.
南达科塔在北达科塔下面
South Dakota is on the bottom.
这个主意不错
It's not a bad idea.
莫哈维沙漠可以承受那个程度的攻击
The Mojave Desert could withstand the hit.
把他引到西伯利亚 然后直接炸飞
Lure him to Siberia and then go kaboom on his ass.
你不是认真的吧 我们不会把他炸飞
You're not serious. We're not gonna kaboom him.
我们说的可是整个星球的命运
We're talking about the fate of the planet.
他是有点呆 没错
He's a lughead, sure,
也并不是最招人喜欢的那个
and far from the brightest crayon in the box.
但这个计划太过激进 我不会让它发生
But this plan is way over the top, and I refuse to let it happen.
谢谢你的专业指导 福斯特博士
Thank you for your expertise, Dr. Foster,
但我们已经不需要你的协助了
but your assistance is no longer required.
该死 我和银河女王蜂的实习计划也泡汤了
Damn! There goes my internship with the Galactic Queen Bee.
看是谁步履蹒跚的回来了 这不是鸭夫人吗
Well, look who came waddling back. Mrs. The Duck.
-现在不是吵架的时候 霍华德 -喂 托尔
- Not now, Howard! - Hello, Thor?
-你是谁 -我是简 你能听到吗
- Who's this? - It's Jane. Can you hear me?
稍等 是那女孩吗 托尔的新甜心 喂
Wait. Is this the girl? Thor's new sweet lady? Hello.
托尔在吗
Is Thor there?
午夜吃中餐最棒了 我爱食物
Late-night Chinese is the best. Oh, I love food.
洛基 你这个蓝家伙赶紧滚过来
Loki, get your blue butt over here.
一定要尝尝这些饺子
You have to try these dumplings.
地球女孩 你有朋友吗
Hey, Earth girl. You haven't got a friend, have you?
我们可以来个双人约会
You know, we could double date.
真恶心 你能赶快把手♥机♥给他吗
Ugh! Will you just put him on the phone?
不要因为点小事就不高兴 他就在...
Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist. He's right here... Oh!
完了
Oh. Right.
喂 洛基
Hello? Loki?
小心我的羽毛
Hey, hey. Watch the feathers.
-可惜我们不能给他妈打电♥话♥ -什么
- Too bad we can't call his mom. - What?
一般不都是这样吗
That's what always happens.
年轻人开派对 嗨过了头
Teenagers throw a party, it gets out of control...
你可真是个天才
Oh, you really are a genius.
现在看起来就是这样的 我刚才说什么了
It's really starting to look that way, isn't it? What'd I say?
如果有托尔和洛基
If there's a Thor and a Loki,
那肯定有奥丁 弗丽嘉和海姆达尔
then there must be an Odin and a Frigga and a Heimdall!
他和谁来着
Uh, he-man-who-now?
你看 我也有王冠 我们还都喜欢火
You know, I've got a crown too, and we both like fire, right?
来嘛 把你那火点上
Come on. Let's see you turn up the heat on this thing.
看看几点了
Uh... Ooh, look at the time.
我能弯多低呢
How low can I go?
各位 看我从那个尖东西上滑下去
Everyone! Watch me slide down that pointy thing.
咱们走
And away!
连上这个 绿色亮了 好 很好 就绪
This one goes here. Green in the thing. Okay, sweet. Good to go.
塞尔维格 谢谢你
Selvig, thank you.
重新排列卫星 放大信♥号♥♥强度
Re-aligning the satellites, magnifying the signal.
海姆达尔
Heimdall!
-没起作用 -好 好 到我了 我来
- It's not working. - Okay, okay. My turn. I got this.
那辆海军蓝色普锐斯的车主 能不能...
Would the owner of the navy blue Prius...
你好 所以 关于托尔...
Hi. So, uh, about Thor...
不怎么样 我可感觉到疼了
Not cool. I actually felt that one.
-我们已就位 -装备核弹
- We're in position. - Arm the nukes.
什么 我以为她才是那核弹
What? But I thought she was the nuke.
以防万一她被猫分神
Just in case she gets distracted by a cat.
...你好 奥丁夫人
Uh... Hello, Mrs. Odinwife?
那是霞多丽酒吗
Uh, is that Chardonnay?
算是变种 是的 有什么可以帮你
A varietal, yes. Can I help you?
你为什么坚持要破坏我的乐趣
Why do you insist on crushing my mellow?
放松 享受一下 稍微笑一笑
Huh? Loosen up. Have fun. Smile a little.
随时可以开火 长官
Ready to fire on your command.
开火倒计时 五...
Fire in five...
我警告过你了 我用拳头警告过你了
I gave you a warning. Hell, I gave you a warning punch.
-四 -是托尔 他有麻烦了
- Four. - It's Thor. He's in trouble.
-三 -他在地球
- Three. - He's on Earth.
二
Two.
-惊奇队长怎么办 -她不会有事的
- What about Captain Marvel? - She'll be fine.
一
One.
托尔 阿斯加德的王子
Thor, Crown Prince of Asgard,
奥丁的独生子 你在干什么
only son of Odin, what are you doing?
-母亲 -母亲
- Mother! - Mother?
母亲
Mother?
你怎么来了
What are you doing here?
为了关注我的行踪 你肯定用了不少黑暗魔法
You must be using a lot of dark magic just to check in on me.
有人来找我 她很担心你
Ugh, I had a visitor. She's worried about you.
什么... 简把我出♥卖♥♥♥了
Wha... Jane sold me out?
她说你在米德加德
She said you were on Midgard.
她弄错了
Well, she is mistaken.