废柴舅舅（2014）

Shelley, wow, yeah.
Shelley 噢 对
What are you doing here?
你在这儿干什么
Nothing. I'm just...keeping an eye on my nephew. What about you?
没干啥 就照看我外甥 你呢
Just working. Professional party entertainer.
工作 我♥干♥派对表演这行
It's no West End, but it pays the bills.
虽然不是伦敦西区 但是能糊口
Oh, yeah, that's great.
是啊 挺不错的
This is so weird seeing you here. What have you been up to?
在这儿遇见你太诡异了 你最近做什么呢
I remember you used to be this amazing musician.
我记得你以前是个超赞的音乐家
Everybody was always, like,
每个人提起你都说
"That Andy, yeah, He's going to be proper famous."
"那个Andy啊 以后绝对是个大人物"
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, things are going well.
对啊 对啊 一切还算顺利
I've done some music for some adverts.
我做过一些广♥告♥的配乐
Corporate sell-out, I know.
我承认 这是向资本家出♥卖♥♥♥灵魂
Good money, though. Yeah, and I'm working on an album.
但是来钱多啊 是的 我现在准备出唱片了
Oh, amazing.
噢 太棒了
Yeah, I've been gigging a lot. Working my way up, slowly but surely.
我的小型演出很多 事业发展不快但很扎实
But got to think of the long game.
毕竟目光要长远嘛
You know, I did a gig recently at a swanky coffee bar.
最近我刚在一个新潮咖啡厅了办了个小演出
Oh, I am so jealous.
噢 真羡慕你
You should tell me the next time you're going to do a show.
下次你有演出和我说一声
I'd love to come and see you. I will. I will.
我很想去看看 会的 会的
You know, I used to have this massive crush on you at school.
你知道吗 我上学的时候痴迷过你
Really? Yeah. I remember I even changed classes,
真的吗 真的 我甚至调过课
cos I knew you were going to be in it.
就为了和你上同一节课
Proper little stalker, I was. That was back when I was skinny.
那时候我是个小跟踪狂 那时候我也还很瘦呢
Yeah. So...is there a Mrs Andy King?
对 那么你结婚了吗
No. No.
没有 没有
I mean, I had a girlfriend, but we've split up.
有过女友 但是分手了
Oh? Sorry. Oh, don't be sorry. I had to get rid of her.
噢 抱歉 没事 我恨不得摆脱她呢
She was a level-ten clinger, if you know what I mean. So...
她就是块狗皮膏药 你懂我的意思吧
Monsters Inc!
大毛怪
Are you scaring this young lady?
你在吓唬这位女士吗
No. Not at all.
不 才不是
Doesn't he look like the hairy one from Monsters Inc?
他看着像怪物电力公♥司♥里面的大毛怪吧
Maybe in the huggable teddy bear, kind of, way. Yeah.
可能吧 都跟泰迪熊似的让人想抱一抱
Do you watch any films that aren't rated U?
除了儿童电影 你还看点别的什么吗
When you have kids, if you have kids,
等你有孩子了 如果你能有孩子
you'll understand the sacrifices that must be made.
你就会理解这是必要的牺牲
What's your cartoon nickname? What do you call me, boys?
你的卡♥通♥外号♥是什么 你们叫我什么 伙计们
Buzz! That's Mr Lightyear to you!
巴斯 光年先生向你们问好
What's so funny? Nothing.
有什么好笑的 没什么
It's just that Buzz Lightyear thinks he's cool, but really,
就是巴斯光年觉得自己很酷 但实际上
everyone makes fun of him behind his back,
每个人都在背后嘲笑他
cos he's a delusional dick.
因为他就是个有幻想症的混♥蛋♥
What are you trying to say?
这话什么意思
Nothing, Mr Lightyear.
没什么 光年先生
You think people laugh at me behind my back? What about you?
你认为大家在背后嘲笑我 那你呢
You're a musician nobody's heard of.
你是个碌碌无为的音乐家
That's like being a car with no wheels.
就像个没轮胎的汽车
Going nowhere.
一无是处
That's not true. He's recorded an album.
不是这样的 他在录唱片呢
Yeah? Sing us a song from it, Monsters Inc.
是吗 唱一首来听听 大毛怪
I don't have my guitar. Come on, you're a guest at my house.
我没带吉他 拜托 你来我家做客
I'm asking you nicely to sing one of your beautiful songs.
我现在邀请你唱一首你动听的歌♥曲
Well?
怎么了
your audience awaits.
你的听众等着呢
I'm joking.
我开玩笑的
You should've seen your face!
你真该看看你的脸色
Seriously, Monsters Inc, you're supposed to be the scary one.
说真的 大毛怪 你该是吓人的那个才对
I better get back to work. Yeah.
我还是先回去工作了 好的
I...I don't have my guitar.
我 我是没带吉他
Oh, There you are.
噢 你在这儿呢
There's been a little accident with Errol. He's fine.
Errol出了点问题 他还好
He just fallen and bumped his nose.
只是摔跤撞到鼻子了
There's some blood on the carpet.
地毯上沾了点血
But not to worry, that's what stain guard's for, right?
但是没什么 清洁剂就是这时候派上用场的
Also, I think he might have wet himself.
还有 他可能尿裤子了
Anyway, he's asking for you. Right, better get on with the cake!
总之 他在找你 好了 我得去准备蛋糕了
I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go.
我不想谈这事 我只想走
Come with me.
跟我来
Oi, shithead. Apologise to him. Who are you?
喂 混球 向他道歉 你是哪根葱
I'm his uncle. Now apologise.
我是他的舅舅 现在道歉
No. He's a loser. I can see where he gets it from.
做梦 他是个废柴 看得出来是从哪遗传的
You know what you need? A better view?
你知道你缺什么吗 更好的视野吗
Ha-ha. No. If I were your parent, I'd slap you handsome.
呵呵 不是 我要是你家长 就扇烂你这张自以为是的脸
Yeah, well, you can't hit me.
试试看啊 你不能打我
I'm a child.
我是小孩
No, you're right. I can't.
你说的对 我是不能
But he can.
但他能
Now, we've got to go.
现在我们真得走了
Come on! You can do that later.
快啊 晚点再穿
I'm not walking on the street without shoes.
我才不要光着脚在街上走
Double knots? Seriously?
还打双结 有没有搞错
It's rude to leave without saying goodbye.
不辞而别未免太不礼貌了
We're not leaving. We're just...going out for a smoke.
谁说要走了 我们只是出去抽根烟
You hit my boy. Your boy hit my nephew.
你打了我儿子 你儿子打了我外甥
What? You mean Ratatouille?
什么 你是说料理鼠王
Don't call me that, you wanker.
别那么叫我 你个傻♥逼♥
What did Ratatouille just call me?
料理鼠王♥刚♥叫我什么
Don't talk to my dad that way, piss pants!
别这么跟我爸讲话 尿裤男
Don't get in my nephew's face, the...fat kid from Up!
别贴我外甥脸这么近 你个<飞屋环游记>里的小胖墩
You... Tom!
你 Tom
What's this about Alfie trying to punch my daughter?
Alfie想打我女儿是怎么回事
Is that true, Alfie? Did you take a swing at Shrek?
真的吗 Alfie 你打史莱克了
No! She's lying.
没有 她撒谎
Whoa, wait. You call my little girl...Shrek?
等等 你叫我女儿史莱克
Yeah, Shrek and Donkey the dynamic duo!
是啊 史莱克和驴子 搞笑二人组
Wow, that felt good. Nice work. Let's go!
哇 太爽了 干得好 赶紧逃
Tiff!?
Tiff
This isn't over. We'll press charges.
这事没完 我要告死你们
Shut up, Tom.
闭嘴 Tom
Dad, we can still catch them, if we take the Bentley.
老爸 要是开宾利我们还能抓住他们
Motherfucking Monsters Inc!
你妈♥逼♥的大毛怪
**Fall is here Hear the yell*
*秋已至 声渐闻
**back to school Ring the bell*
*校园归 铃♥声♥响
**Brand-new shoes, walking blues*
*换新鞋 行蓝调
**Climb the fence, books and pens*
*翻围墙 执书笔
**I can tell that we are gonna be friends*
*我感知 你与我 终为伴
**I can tell that we are gonna be friends*
*我感知 你与我 终为伴
**We clean up and now it's time to learn.
*扫尘埃 学之时 已至矣
**numbers letters, learn to spell*
*数与字 记于心
**nouns and books, and show and tell*
*辞与书 诵于口
Here she is.
哟 回来了
How did it go?
还顺利吗
He wants Roly every two weeks and every weekend.
他要Roly每隔一周和每个周末都和他在一起
Is that bad?
这很糟糕吗
It's bullshit. Weekends are the best part of childhood.
还用说 周末是童年最美好的时光
That's when you get to go on roller coasters and visit aquariums.
可以去玩过山车 参观水族馆
Why should he get all the fun stuff?
为什么他抢走了所有有趣的东西
See, if I was still using, I would have slept with him
要是我还在吸毒 我就会跟他上♥床♥
and I would have gotten my way.
我就能如愿以偿了
That's your takeaway from all this?
这就是你对这事的总结
That and don't buy bras off the internet.
还有别在网上买♥♥胸罩
How's Roly?
Roly好点了吗
Been fast asleep the whole time. Hasn't made a peep.
他睡得很沉 一点动静都没有
What have you been up to?
你都干嘛了
Just chilling. Internetting and stuff.
无所事事 上上网什么的
Who's that guy?
这家伙是谁
No-one. Just a friend of a friend.
没有谁 就是一个朋友的朋友
Looks like a bell-end.
一脸大屌♥样