废柴舅舅（2014）

You are Errol's teacher, Melodie. Good memory.
你是Errol的老师 Melodie 记性真好
I never forget a pretty name.
我从不忘记好听的名字
What are you doing in here? Oh, I just live around the corner.
你在这做什么 噢 我就住在转角那
No, you shouldn't have told me that. Could be a stalker.
你不该告诉我 我没准是个跟踪狂
I'm not a stalker.
我不是跟踪狂
That's the sort of thing a stalker would say.
不过所有跟踪狂都这么说
I'm going to stop talking now.
我还是闭嘴吧
You never know, cos I could be stalking you.
谁知道呢 也许是我跟踪你呢
I would like a stalker.
我喜欢跟踪狂
Because I don't own a dog, so I could use the company.
因为我没养狗 所以没准能跟我做个伴
What are you doing here?
你来这干什么
I am chaperoning Errol on his first date.
我护送Errol来他的第一次约会
Oh, he's on a date with Ruby?
哦 他在跟Ruby约会吗
He's wearing a suit. He's such a little gentleman.
他穿了西服 真是个小绅士
I think he looks like a Jehovah's Witness.
他看着像耶♥和♥华♥见证人
OK, one Family Feast to eat in. One Family Feast to take away.
好了 一份在这吃的家庭套餐 一份带走的家庭套餐
You're having a Family Feast? Are you expecting company?
你买♥♥的家庭套餐 你有客人吗
Yeah. It's not like I'm going back to my flat
是啊 难道我是回公♥寓♥
and eat a pile of fried chicken alone with my two cats.
跟两只猫一起吃炸鸡吗
That would be sad.
那也太可悲了
Well, it was good seeing you.
见到你很高兴
Why don't you come over and say hello?
为什么不过来打个招呼呢
I'm sure Errol would love to see you.
Errol一定很高兴看见你
Look who I found!
看看我发现了谁
Oh, hi, Miss Thomas.
嗨 Thomas小姐
Hi, guys. Are you enjoying your half term?
嗨 同学们 这期中假过的高兴吗
I've already done the holiday reading you gave us.
我已经把你布置的假期读物看完了
Errol and I have formed a band.
Errol和我建了一个乐队
Oh, cool. What kind of music do you play?
酷 你们表演哪种音乐的
The awesome kind. I play the keyboards.
最棒的那种 我是键盘手
Just like Louis!
就像Louis
We've got a gig tonight at Cox. You should come along.
我们今晚在基吧有个演出 你真该来看看
Isn't that a gay club?
那不是基佬俱乐部么
Not when I'm there.
我在的时候就不是了
Is it true you know Harry from One Direction?
你真的认识单向乐队里的Harry吗
Errol said you taught him guitar.
Errol说你教他吉他
Yes, that's true. I taught him everything he knows.
没错 他会的都是我教的
Well, I have to admit, I have a bit of crush on him.
好吧 不得不承认 我有点喜欢他
Dirty old lady.
脏老婆子
Not that you're old...or dirty... I mean, she's old.
你既不老也不脏 我是说 她很老
You're quite clean. Oh, I really should get going.
你很干净 噢 我真的该走了
Clean young lady! It was good seeing you all.
年轻干净的女士 看见你们真高兴
Are you going to come to that gig tonight? I'll try.
你今晚会来看演出吗 再看吧
I might have a thing but...maybe. Yeah. Maybe.
我可能有点事 但是 也许吧 也许去
Bye, Miss Thomas. She's pretty.
拜 Tohmas小姐 她真漂亮
Yeah, I'd give her a seven.
是啊 我给她打七分
I'm really glad you asked me out.
我很高兴你约我出来
Really? Yeah!
真的吗 是啊
Now, I have someone to talk about One Direction with.
现在终于有人能和我聊单向乐队了
It's like having another girlfriend.
就像多个闺蜜一样
Girlfriend? What do you mean?
闺蜜 你什么意思
You're the only boy I know who likes One Direction.
你是我认识的男孩里唯一喜欢单向乐队的
I've always wanted a gay friend. Wait a minute, I'm not gay.
我一直想要个男同闺蜜 等等 我不是同性恋
It's OK. I don't mind. I love Alan Carr.
没关系的 我不介意 我喜欢Alan Carr
You don't understand.
你不懂
I only said I liked One Direction because you like them.
我说自己喜欢单向乐队是因为你喜欢
But really, I hate them. I think they're awful
但实际上 我讨厌他们 我觉得他们挺烂的
and I think their music's awful.
他们的音乐也很烂
So, when's the second date?
所以 什么时候再约会呢
Never. She thought I was gay!
再也没约会了 她以为我是同性恋
You told her I like One Direction,
你告诉她我喜欢单向乐队
and then she thought I was gay.
然后她以为我是同性恋
So, I told her I hate One Direction and now she hates me!
所以我告诉她我讨厌单向乐队 现在她讨厌我
Does she think I'M gay?
她不会觉得我也是同性恋吧
Who cares? This is all your fault!
谁在乎 都怪你
My fault? I didn't want to come out on your stupid toddler date in the first place.
怪我 我一开始就不想来陪你参加小屁孩约会的
It's not my problem you struck out.
你被甩了又不是我的问题
That's it! I quit the band.
够了 我退出乐队
Hey, shithead. I lost Errol. What?
嘿 白♥痴♥ Errol不见了 什么
He just ran off. I've been driving around everywhere looking for him,
他刚跑出去了 我到处开车找他
but I can't find him.
但是没找着他
And someone's probably kidnapped him
他没准被绑♥架♥了
and it'll be all over the news,
新闻说不定还会报道
and they'll use a photo of me,
然后他们会登我的照片
and people will see that photo and they'll say,
所有人看到都会说
"Yeah, he definitely did it, the uncle definitely did it. Just look at him."
"没错 绝对是这个舅舅干的 看他这副样子"
But I didn't kill him, I didn't do that.
但是我没杀他 我没有
Andy, shut up. Errol's here.
Andy 闭嘴 Errol回家了
He got home a few minutes ago. He took the bus.
他刚坐公交回来了
He's locked himself in the bathroom.
他把自己锁在浴室了
Hey, mate?
嘿 伙计
Errol, I know you're mad at me.
Errol 我知道你生我的气
I deserve it, all right?
是我活该 好了吗
I get it.
我罪有应得
It's just...
只不过
I mean...what do I know about girls?
我是说 我又能有多了解女孩呢
Look at me. My love life's a nuclear disaster zone.
看看我 我的感情生活简直是重灾区
I'm sorry I messed things up between you and Ruby.
我很抱歉把你和Ruby的事搞砸了
I just really wanted things to work out for you because...
我真的想帮你的 因为
..I really need you in this band.
乐队真的需要你
I should have just told you to be yourself. I mean...
我应该告诉你做你自己就好
if you're with the right girl,
如果你找到对的女孩
that's all that really counts.
那才是最重要的
Ruby's the one that's missing out.
是Ruby错过了你
Fuck One Direction. Fuck 'em.
操♥他♥妈♥的单向乐队 操
Hello? Where are you? You're on in an hour.
喂 你在哪 一个小时后就轮到你了
We're not going to make it. Sorry.
我们去不成了 对不起
Useless, fat twat.
没用的胖逼
You still not going to tell me what happened?
你还没告诉我发生了什么呢
You know, me and your Uncle Andy used to fight all the time.
我跟你舅舅Andy从小打到大
We still do, but not like we used to.
现在也打 但不像以前那样
I remember one time he was going through a glam phase,
我记得有段时间他走华丽范儿
and he borrowed my stirrup leggings without asking.
然后没问我就穿了我的打底裤
He was a lot thinner back then.
他那时比现在瘦多了
Anyway, I found them in the laundry with massive split up the bum.
后来我在一堆脏衣服里发现的 裤裆都撑裂了
He wouldn't admit to it. So, what did you do?
他还死不承认 那你怎么办了
I cut nipple holes in his Stone Roses T-shirt,
我在他的石玫瑰T恤上剪了两个露乳♥头♥的洞
but that's not the point.
但那不是重点
The point is that I forgave him,
重点是我原谅了他
because, eventually, we all screw up
因为我们总会搞砸一些事情
and we can only hope there'll be someone there to forgive us when it's our turn.
那时候 我们会希望能得到别人的原谅
Hi, I'm Sam, I'm your sister. This is Roly, he's your nephew.
嗨 我是Sam 你姐姐 这是Roly 你外甥
It's really nice to meet you.
见到你真高兴
Ooh! Holy shit, those are soft hands. What are you doing here?
噢 我去 手真是柔滑细嫩 你们来干嘛
Don't we have a gig to get to?
我们不是有个演出吗
Well, I'm glad you said that,
很高兴你能那么说
because I've figured out the bare minimum we need to make this band work.
因为我已经算出这个乐队需要的绝对最少人数值了
What's that?
是多少
Two bears.
两只熊
All right, gorgeous?
好啊 美女
Andy! Shelly? You're here?
Andy Shelly 你怎么来了
I saw your post online. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
我看见你网上发的消息 我才不会错过呢
Do you have time for a drink later?
一会有空喝一杯吗
Yeah, definitely.
有啊 当然
Weren't they fabulous?!
他们是不是美爆了
Now our final band is called...
最后一支乐队叫
Really?
真的么
The Bear Maximum!
最大熊值
Thanks. This song is about a girl.
谢谢 这首歌♥是关于一个女孩的
**When I think about you You make my pants go all tight*
*当你浮现脑海 裤子瞬间紧绷