废柴舅舅（2014）

Said she looked like the Elephant Woman.
她看起来蠢爆了
Where's the pizza?
披萨呢
Right, you need to climb out.
好了 你得爬窗出去
Sam'll be devastated if you see her like this.
要是被你看到 她一定会疯的
Please, for me.
拜托 为了我
Tell her she owes me for this. OK?
告诉她她欠我个人情
Casper dumped me!
Casper把我甩了
I'm so sorry to disturb you.
很抱歉打扰你
I would have gone to my dad's
我本来想去我爸爸那
but you know how overprotective he is.
但你知道他多过度保护我
Casper said he needed space.
Casper说他需要空间
What does that mean?
这算什么意思
It probably means he's cheating on you.
可能是背着你有别人了
Wait! You know this does not mean we're getting back together, right?
等下 你知道这不代表咱俩复合了 是吧
Yeah. No, absolutely. No, we're not.
当然 当然不是了 没复合啊
I need a piss.
我要去尿尿
What? You'll never guess what I just found out.
啥事 你死也想不到我发现什么了
Babies aren't made in clouds?
婴儿不是从天上降生的
They only have communal showers where we're going. Like prison!
我们去的地方只有公共浴室 就像监狱一样
I bet Legoland have proper showers.
乐高乐园一定有正常的浴室
You'll be fine. Don't drop the soap.
没事的 注意不要掉肥皂就行
Wait! That's not the worst part.
等等 还有更惨的
Murray Thomas wants to share bunks!
Murray Thomas想跟我睡上下铺
I can't do this, please, if you pick me up,
简直不能忍♥ 拜托了 如果你来接我
I'll work on some new songs with you.
我就和你一起写新歌♥
No deal, I'm busy. I've just got back with Gwen.
没门 我忙着呢 刚跟Gwen和好
When did you break up with Shelly?
你什么时候跟Shelly分手了
Uh, soon.
呃 马上
You can't have two girlfriends at the same time!
你不能脚踏两条船啊
Are you the girlfriend police? I can have as many as I want.
小屁孩管那么宽 我想有几个有几个
If you juggle too many balls, you'll drop one.
你耍的球太多了 是会掉的
What do you know about balls dropping?!
你懂个球事啊(蛋蛋下垂)
Why have you got two toothbrushes? Are you seeing somebody?
怎么有两支牙刷 你在和谁约会吗
No, one of them's for my top set and the other one's for my bottoms.
没有 一把是刷上牙的 一把是刷下牙的
Is that weird?
会很怪吗
Suzy, I've been watching you in meetings.
Suzy 我在会上注意你很久了
Oh, it's so creepy.
噢 太猥琐了
Suzy, I think you're a cool chick.
Suzy 我觉得你真是个酷炫的妞
Oh, my God, it's so cheesy.
噢 天哪 太粗俗了
Suzy, you're the shit, I'm the shit, let's shit together?
Suzy 你很混 我也很混 咱一起混吧
What a fucking mess.
真♥他♥妈♥的混乱啊
It took me 20 minutes to find a parking space.
找了二十分钟的停车位
I'm so sorry. What are you sorry for?
真是抱歉 你有什么可抱歉的
It's not your fault, sweetheart.
又不是你的错 亲爱的
Oh, sorry...
噢 抱歉
Can I get you a drink? Coffee, the stronger the better.
要喝点什么吗 咖啡 越浓越好
Ah, I only have decaf, I'm trying to quit caffeine.
我只有脱咖♥啡♥因♥的 正在戒这个呢
Why?
为什么
It's addictive.
太容易上瘾了
Water's fine, darling.
那就给我一杯水吧 亲爱的
Is that your boy? Mmm.
这是你儿子吗 嗯
Looks a bit like Mick? Oh, Jagger?
长得有点像Mick 噢 Jagger
Yeah, he's pretty rock 'n' roll, my Errol.
是啊 他可摇滚了 我的Errol
He's in a band. Do you have any children?
他是乐队的成员 你有孩子吗
A daughter. She's a singer.
有个女儿 她是个歌♥手
Oh, sometimes I wish I had a daughter.
噢 有时我也希望有个女儿
Don't get me wrong, I love my Errol,
别误会 我爱我的Errol
but it would be nice to have someone to swap clothes with and talk about boys.
但如果能有个人跟我换穿衣服 谈谈男孩也挺棒的
He might be into that.
他也许也行
Can I just say, you are an inspiration...
恕我冒昧 我想说 你很激励我
I don't want to be your sponsor.
我不想当你的监督人
What? I know how this goes.
什么 这程序我清楚得很
I used to be you,
我曾经就和你一样
young and addicted to recovery.
年轻 对康复期又有过度的依赖
You think I'll be your new best friend,
你觉得我们会成为最佳拍档
get our nails done together.
一起做指甲什么的
Look, I'm very flattered, really I am.
听着 我很荣幸 真的
But I just don't have the energy for all that neediness.
只是我没有这么多精力来陪你耗着
I won't be needy, I swear. I swear I won't be.
我保证不会过度依赖的 我保证
You're being needy right now.
你现在不就是嘛
Yeah, well, how about this, then? Huh?
是吗 那这样如何
Rock 'n' roll.
老子不在乎
You're adorable.
你真可爱
We're probably going to need the safe word before we try that again.
以后要是再做这事 得先想个安全词
I'm pregnant.
我怀孕了
That is an excellent safe word.
这个不错
No, I'm serious. I'm pregnant.
我是说真的 我怀孕了
What, from just now?
刚刚怀上的吗
No, from Casper.
不是 是Casper的
Oh, OK.
这样啊
I'll raise it like my own, I swear.
我保证会视如己出的
Andy, we're not back together.
Andy 我们没有复合
This was just meaningless sex.
这只是玩玩而已的性♥爱♥
Yeah, I know, that's my favourite kind of sex.
我懂啦 这也是我最喜欢的一种性♥爱♥
Are you about to cry?
你这是要哭了吗
Why do you always have to be so wounded?
你干嘛总是要显得楚楚可怜
You're like a walking Adele song.
你就像Adele的歌♥附身似的
Shit, that's probably my dad.
靠 那可能是我爸
What's he doing here?
他来这里干嘛
I told him if I went missing
我和他说过 如果哪天我失踪了
to come looking at your place, in case you kidnapped me.
一定要来你这儿找 以防是你绑♥架♥的
You thought I'd kidnap you? Why would you say that?
你觉得我会绑♥架♥你吗 你为什么要这么说
You texted me saying
你之前不是发过短♥信♥说
"Gwen, If I can't have you, I'll kidnap you."
"Gwen 既然得不到你 我就要绑♥架♥你"
I was joking! I put a smiley face on it.
那是开玩笑好吗 我后面还加了个笑脸呢
You have to answer it! Go now!
你得去开门 现在 快去
She rejected me!
她拒绝了我
She said I was needy. Me?
她说我依赖性太强了 我吗
If a baby is the most needy
如果宝宝的依赖性最强
and a dead person the least, what would I be?
死人依赖性为零 你说我属于哪边
I don't know, a dead baby.
我不知道 夭折的宝宝吧
Look, you have to go, Gwen's here.
听着 我很忙 Gwen来了
You didn't waste any time.
你下手还真快
What can I say? Casper's out,
我能说什么呢 Casper出局了
I'm in. Everything's perfect.
我当然就上啦 一切都很完美
Shit, that's Gwen's dad.
靠 那应该是Gwen的老爸
Tell him I'm away and you're looking after my cat.
就说我不在 你是来照顾我家猫的
What cat? I don't know, Chairman Meow, do I have to think of everything?!
啥猫 随便 喵主席 什么都要我来想吗
Hi, Sam. Hi...Shelly.
嗨 Sam 嗨 Shelly
Shell? What are you doing here?
Shell 你怎么来了
My kids' birthday gig got cancelled, lice outbreak.
那小孩的生日派对取消了 虱子大爆发
What are you two up to?
你们俩在做什么呢
Oh, Andy was just lending me a DVD,
我来找Andy借DVD
second series of Breaking Bad.
<绝命毒师>第二季
That's in the bedroom. I'll get it.
在卧室里 我去拿吧
No! I farted in there
不要 我刚刚在里面放了屁
and it still stinks.
味道还没散
It's your dad, he's doing a sweep of the flat.
外面是你♥爸♥ 他正在搜查屋子呢
Shit!
我♥操♥
Your haircut's not that bad.
你的头发剪得没有那么糟啦
Gwen, look... When can I see you again?
Gwen 我什么时候才能再见到你
I mean, for meaningless sex, or whatever?
我是指 约炮之类的
I don't know, Andy, I'll call you.
说不定 Andy 我再打给你
Master juggler speaking.
戏法大♥师♥在此
We've only been here an hour
我们才刚到一小时
and they've made us watch a cow give birth.
他们逼我们看母牛分娩
If that's what it's like,
如果分娩真是那样的话
I owe Mum an apology.
我觉得我应该和妈妈道歉
No wonder she's always in a bad mood.
难怪她每天脾气都这么大
And now Murray Thomas is asking if I'll be his best friend.
Murray Thomas居然问我 要不要当他最好的朋友