废柴舅舅（2014）

I wanted to tell you.
我很想告诉你的
It's just with all the money,
但是想想 如果我赚了那么多钱
I can buy you a record label.
我可以帮你买♥♥一个唱片公♥司♥
And with Mum and Dad, I can fix everything.
还有爸爸妈妈 我能修补一切
I just want everyone to be happy.
我只是想让大家都开心
I hope you're happy now.
希望你现在开心了
Um, this is a song I wrote called Silent Killer
我写的这首歌♥叫"无声杀手"
Already sounds like a hit!
一听就很杀
**Now we've all been told*
*从小便知 金言锦句
**Don't mix raw meat with your veg*
*生肉蔬菜 不宜搅拌
**Wash your bits, pits and teeth And your hands on the reg*
*勤洗全身 尤其脏手
**Wipe down all surfaces after the slaughter*
*杀生完毕 记得擦净
**And rinse your cutting boards with warm soapy water*
*砧板清理 温皂水益
**Now you might ask? What's a little blood splatter?*
*你既问之 血溅如何
**Well, Health and Safety is no laughing matter*
*我便告之 健康几何
**Unless you want*
*不听我言 可能感染
**Salmonella E coli,*
*沙门氏菌 大肠杆菌
**Listeria and pink eye*
*李氏杆菌 和红眼睛
Shelly, you like my music right?
Shelly 你喜欢我的音乐对吧
Not now, Andy.
我在工作 Andy
No go on it's important. Please. You'd buy my album right?
这事很重要的 你会买♥♥我的专辑吧
Honestly? It's not really my thing.
说实话吗 我不是很感冒
But I wouldn't throw it away.
但我也不会扔了它们就是了
I mean my nan's got me every Susan Boyle album
我奶奶给我买♥♥了苏珊大妈所有专辑
and I've kept them all, so.
我都有好好收着
Great.
真好
I'm, fucking, Su-Bo.
我他妈成了肥苏珊
**Sushi grade tune is the only kind of raw fish*
*寿司美味 人人乐享
**Anyone should ever try to have in a raw dish*
*除此以外 生食皆忌
**Otherwise louses rip off your tongue,*
*若不听信 疾病均至
**While nematodes go swimming round in your lung*
*尔等肺部 线虫作乱
**Toxoplasmosis you're a zombie slave to cats*
*弓浆虫症 人猫大敌
**And bubonic plague that's what you catch from rats*
*鼠患不除 鼠疫不灭
**And evil chickens they're the worst of the bunch,*
*疾源之首 应为恶鸡
**Plotting and planning on how to spoil your lunch*
*诡计多端 荼毒汝食
**So don't accept meat from a dodgy looking fella*
*刁滑奸人 勿食其肉
**Better yet, don't eat, so you won't get salmonella.*
*别做吃货 沙菌不扰
Errol, everyone! Wasn't that great?
各位 这就是Errol 是不是很棒
Smells like a number one.
第一有望
More like a number two. What the hell was that?!
有望才怪 那是什么鬼玩意
I heard someone clapping.
我听到有人鼓掌了
That was Radio 4!
那是4号♥电台的人
Don't you know any Bieber?
你就不能唱Bieber的歌♥么
You said I could do my own songs?
你说我可以唱我自己的歌♥
Yeah, if they were about kissing girls and sexting,
没错 但内容得是和妹子打啵或者下流短♥信♥
not kitchen hygiene!
而不是什么厨房♥保洁
Now play something cool.
给我表演点带感的
Kitchen hygiene is cool.
厨房♥保洁就很带感
Not if you want to go platinum.
除非你不想要百万销量了
Now, are you going to play something else or what?
你准备表演些别的还是怎么样
I don't want to go platinum.
我不在乎百万销量
I want to go to the planetarium.
我只是想去天文馆(与百万销量英文谐音)
Errol!
Errol
Rol-dog!
小Rol哥
I'm current. Everything moves in cycles.
外物循坏往复 唯我经典不衰
Bieber's just the new David Cassidy.
Bieber只是David Cassidy的翻版
Oh, you don't even fucking know who David Cassidy is.
你♥他♥妈♥的都不知道David Cassidy是谁
Best TV band.
70年至74年的<帕特里奇家庭> 最好的电视乐队
Aside from The Monkeys. Obviously.
当然是除了猴子乐队以外的
Davy Jones . Davy Jones . Yeah, he was the shit.
Davy Jones Davy Jones 他是害群之马
This is all my fault.
这都是我的错
I was the one who checked out your demo and recommended it to Mo.
我是审核你们唱片小样的人 然后把它推荐给了Mo
I tried telling him that you guys were a good package,
我告诉他你们俩是舅甥连心 其利断金
but he was only interested in the kid.
但是他只对那个孩子感兴趣
You recommended our demo?
是你推荐我们小样的
Yeah. I thought it was solid.
没错 我觉得很棒
I'd buy your album.
我会买♥♥你的专辑
Hi, Mum.
嗨 妈妈
Have you brushing your teeth that whole time.
你是一直在刷牙么
I keep telling you, two minutes is enough.
我早说过 刷两分钟就足够了
Mum, what makes you happy?
妈妈 什么会让你快乐
New shoes and a comfortable bra.
新鞋子 合身的胸罩
I'm joking. You make me happy.
开玩笑 是你让我快乐
Me? Why?
我 为什么
Because you alphabetise all my books,
因为你帮我按序排好所有的书
and you tell me if I'm wearing too much make-up,
你告诉我妆是不是化浓了
and you write the funniest birthday cards,
你给我写的生日贺卡是最有趣的
plus you're really good at picking a ripe avocado,
还有你真的很擅长挑选熟的牛油果
and you help me finish crosswords I have no business finishing.
你帮我完成我绝对搞不定的填字游戏
And because...
还有 因为
..You are the only thing in this world I know I got right.
你是这世上我唯一确定正确的选择
Night, Mum. Night, sweetheart.
晚安 妈妈 晚安 宝贝
That's it, then.
就这样了
I'm just going to work in Carpet Brothers and slowly die.
我会在地毯兄弟公♥司♥工作终老
No, man. You're a musician.
别啊 老兄 你可是个音乐家
People need to hear your music.
人们需要听到你的音乐
So, what you're saying is, I'm not Carpet Brothers material.
你是说 我不够格去地毯兄弟那工作咯
Hey, man. Have you seen Errol?
你们看见Errol了么
Yeah, he's about this tall with no sense of loyalty.
是啊 他大概这么高 而且长了一张小叛徒的脸
No, seriously. He ran out on me and I've been looking for him for like half an hour.
不 说真的 他自己跑开了 我找了他快半小时了
Then who's watching him?
那是谁在看管他
Mo, you have come with me. This kid's being hilarious.
Mo 你赶紧跟我来 那孩子可逗了
Errol, what are you doing?
Errol 你在做什么
Oh, hi, Uncle Andy. I've invented a new dance style.
嗨 Andy舅舅 我发明了一种新的舞蹈
Andy, what's going on?
Andy 发生了什么
Errol, get off the floor you're going to get dirty.
Errol 赶紧起来 你会把自己弄脏的
Who cares about a few germs,
谁在乎这点细菌啊
we're all germs really if you think about it.
仔细想想 我们不都是细菌么
Your face looks like a Furby.
你的脸好像菲比精灵
If I didn't know any better I'd say he's completely...
他这个样子完全就是
Off his tits, yeah.
疯了 没错
Errol, darling, has anyone given you anything to drink or eat?
Errol 亲爱的 有人给你饮料或是吃的么
Only breath mints from Mo's desk.
只有Mo桌子里的薄荷糖而已
Didn't taste very nice though.
不过尝起来不咋地
I keep my E in a mint tin.
我把迷幻药装在薄荷盒里
What?!
什么
Yeah. Your nephew's tripping balls on Ecstasy.
没错 你外甥完全嗑嗨了
Errol, how many mints did you have?
Errol 你吃了几片薄荷糖
One, two, three, infinity.
一 二 三 无数
Want to watch me move through the Higgs field?
想看我像希格斯场那样摆动么
Higgs Bos-on! Higgs Bos-off!
希格斯玻色子运动开始 希格斯玻色子运动停止
Damn! Kid's going to be a legend after this.
靠 这孩子会是个传奇的
What the hell man!?
你♥他♥妈♥在干什么
You were supposed to be looking after him!
你本该好好照顾他的
He's not my kid!
他又不是我的孩子
What do we do?
我们该怎么办
Thanks.
多谢
Any news?
怎样了
He's in recovery now. The nurses says he's going to be fine.
他在康复中了 护士说他会没事的
We can go and see him in a little while.
过一会就能进去看他
This is going to blow the custody case.
这么一来监护权彻底告吹了
This happened on my time, Andy. My watch.
这是在我监护期间发生的 Andy 我的监护期
I trusted you to take care of him.
我相信你能照看好他
I know. I'm sorry.
我知道 对不起
I'll do whatever it takes to make this better, I promise.
我会尽我所能去挽回这一切 我保证
How?!
怎么挽回
It wasn't my fault.
这不是我的错
Who keeps their drugs in a mint tin?
谁会把毒品放在薄荷糖盒里
Who takes a 12-year-old to a party with drugs!?
谁会带12岁的孩子去有毒品的派对
I can explain.
我可以解释的