废柴舅舅（2014）

Andy, what are you doing here?! What am I doing here?
Andy 你来这干嘛 我来这干嘛
You're the one who phoned me.
是你打给我的
That was a mistake. I was trying to delete your number.
手误了 我本来是想删掉你号♥的
I call it a sign. Yeah, a stop sign.
我管这叫天意 没错 停止的天意
We had a fun few months but it is over.
我们过了快乐的几个月 但是一切都结束了
Is this because of the sex tape?
是因为那盘性♥爱♥录像吗
Look, I messed up but you understand, I was hammered.
听着 我确实搞砸了 但是你得理解 我喝醉了
Me and the boys were playing truth or dare.
我跟那群家伙玩真心话大冒险
They dared me to put it online. They dared me!
他们逼我发到网上的 他们逼我的
How did they even know about the tape?
他们是怎么知道有录像的
Well, that was the truth question.
噢 这是真心话的部分
It's not like you could see your face
录像里看不见你的脸
and it was hardly a flattering angle for me either, so...
我的角度也不咋的 所以
God, I've missed you. We're not back together, Andy.
天啊 我好想你 我们之间没可能了 Andy
But we were great together. Were we?
但我们在一起不是很好吗 是吗
I mean, OK, the sex was...
好吧 性方面 确实
surprisingly good but I thought there'd be more to you.
出乎意料的好 但我以为你不是那么肤浅
Some secret layer of maturity hidden under all... that.
在这之下你还隐藏了成熟的神秘一面
I'm mature. I watch the Culture Show.
我很成熟 我都看Culture Show
Come on, Gwen.
拜托了 Gwen
I love you.
我爱你
You need to leave before my dad sees you here.
在我爸看见你之前你必须走
I'm not going anywhere until you take me back.
除非你接受我 不然我哪都不去
Come on, Gwen. Just give me one more chance.
求你了 Gwen 再给我一次机会
No. Look at you.
不 你看看你
You're just too irresponsible.
你就是一个吊儿郎当的人
Daddy! Sorry. I had to let him in. That boy can cry.
爸爸 对不起 我没有办法 这小孩太能哭了
Give me back my drawing.
把我的画还给我
Andy, is this your... son?
Andy 这是你儿子吗
Y-yes, that's who he is.
是 他就是
He's my son.
他是我儿子
What's your name, darling? Romeo. His name's Romeo.
你叫什么 宝贝 Romeo 他叫Romeo
Isn't it? Romeo?
是吧 Romeo
Do you mind if me and Romeo just go over here and have a little chat? Is that..? Yep, good.
你不介意我跟Romeo去那边说几句话吧 没问题吧 很好
OK, I'm going to give you your drawing back,
好 我会把画还你
but you've got to promise me
但你保证
you're going to keep this "Daddy" Thing going for a little bit longer. Deal?
你要接着假装我的儿子 成交吗
Deal. What is Meatloaf Junior doing in my club?
成交 这个小肉块在我的俱乐部干嘛
It's OK, Dad. Everything's under control.
没事 爸爸 没出什么乱子
Hello, Mr Pearson. You're looking lovely today as ever.
你好啊 Pearson先生 你今天看起来特别可爱呢
She's too good for you, do you hear me?
你配不上她 听见我说的话了吗
Please, not in front of my boy. Dad! Let him go.
求你 别在我儿子面前 爸 放开他
You hurt my little girl
你伤害我的女儿
and I will cut your dick off with a spoon.
我会用勺子把你老二割下来
Do you understand? Yes, III do.
你听得懂吗 是的 我 我 我懂
Dick. Spoon.
勺割 老二
You OK? Yep. Thank you.
你没事吧 没事 谢谢
Well, then...
那么
I think he's, uh,
我觉得他 呃
starting to like me.
开始喜欢我了
I don't understand. I've been to your flat loads of times.
我不懂 我去过你公♥寓♥那么多次
Where have you been hiding him?
你把他藏在哪
Well, every time that you'd come over
每次你过来
I'd send him off to my sister's place.
我都把他送到我姐姐那
Seemed like the responsible thing to do.
似乎这样才是负责任的做法
But why didn't you just tell me?
那你为什么不告诉我
Who wants to go out with a single dad?
谁会想跟单身爸爸交往啊
All that responsibility. Cooking him meals,
有那么多责任 给他做饭啦
taking him to football practice
带他参加足球训练啦
and helping him with his homework,
帮他做家庭作业啦
looking for monsters under his bed.
赶走他床底下的怪物啦
It just seems like so much...
就是有很多
Responsibility? Responsibility, yeah.
责任 责任 对
What happened to his mum? She died in childbirth.
他妈妈怎么了 生他的时候死了
Shit. Yep, his head was too big.
不会吧 是的 他的头太大了
Ripped her apart like wet paper.
把她像撕湿纸一样撕开
I had to stay strong for him, though. Didn't I, little guy?
但我必须为了他坚强起来 是不是 小家伙
This explains so much.
怪不得
I thought there was something weird,
我以前总觉得哪里不对劲
like you had half a personality or something,
好像你心智不成熟似的
but I know now. You were hiding this huge thing.
但现在我懂了 你背负着这么巨大的压力
You thought I had half a personality?
你觉得我心智不成熟
You must be bored listening to us adults talk.
听我们说话你肯定烦了
Do you want to go in the office and watch some cartoons?
想不想去办公室看点卡♥通♥呢
He'd love that, wouldn't you, Romeo?
他喜欢看 是吧 Romeo
No, I hate cartoons. They give me a headache.
不 我讨厌卡♥通♥片 看着就头疼
He's kidding. We watch South Park together all the time.
他开玩笑的 我们总一起看<南方公园>
Isn't he a bit young for that?
他看那个是不是有点不合适
That's right. We watch it on mute. I want more ice cream.
没错 所以我们静音看的 我还想吃冰淇淋
Why don't you finish what you've got there, champ?
为什么不把手里的先吃完呢 小冠军
Get me another scoop or I'll spill the beans...
再给我来一勺 否则我就告密了
..Dad. You two are so cute together.
爸爸 你们俩太可爱了
I've got to take this.
我接个电♥话♥
Yes, what is it?
咋了
Where are you?
你在哪
Um, I am stuck in traffic right now.
嗯 我现在堵在路上
It looks like there's been an accident.
前面好像出车祸了
I'm probably going to be at least another hour.
可能得晚个把小时
Shit! You're joking. You have to be home by six.
我去 你开玩笑 必须六点到家
Roly's Dad is calling. Just tell him to call back later.
Roly的爸爸要打电♥话♥来 那就告诉他晚点再打
If Roly misses his dad, it'll break his routine.
如果Roly没接到电♥话♥ 会打乱他的习惯
Have you ever seen a 12-year-old have an OCD meltdown?
你见过12岁的强迫症小孩崩溃吗
'Cause it's not pretty, Andy.
一点也不好玩 Andy
Andy?! Fine, I'll get him back on time. Thank you.
Andy 好 我会及时送他回家 谢谢
Who was that?
谁的电♥话♥
Just some mum trying to organise a play date.
就是几个妈妈想组织一次聚会
Mums, eh?
妈妈们 哈
Oh, is that the time? I better be going.
哦 都这么晚了 我最好走了
You know, listening to you talk about being a dad...
听你谈你的奶爸日记
It's actually pretty hot. Yeah, I'd better go.
还挺性感的 是啊 我最好走了
Wait, what? Yeah.
等下 什么 对
Tell me about it.
跟我多说说
Well...
呃
..He's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
他是我人生中最美好的事
Does he make you want to be a better man?
他让你想成为更好的人吗
Yes, he does. He makes me want to be Prime Minister.
确实 他让我想成为首相
Or, at the very least, the Mayor of London.
或者 至少是伦敦市长
You've had to sacrifice a lot for him, haven't you?
你为了他牺牲很多 是不是
So, so much. But it's all worth it.
太多太多了 但是这都值了
You know why?
你知道为什么吗
Tell me.
告诉我
Cos no matter what I do with the rest of my life,
因为不管我下半辈子做什么
he is my greatest achievement.
他都是我最大的成就
How's the ice cream?
冰淇淋好吃吗
It's OK.
一般般吧
I prefer soy ice cream, though.
我更喜欢豆奶冰淇淋
It's funny, you don't look like your dad.
真奇怪 你看着一点不像你♥爸♥
That's because the ugly gene is recessive.
因为长得丑的基因是隐性的
I think we're going to get on.
看来我们有的谈了
Why do you dress like that? This is how I feel comfortable.
你为什么穿成那样 这样穿舒服
Don't you feel comfortable in what you're wearing?
难道你那样穿不觉得舒服吗
No, this school uniform gives me a rash,
不舒服 校服穿的我都起疹子了
but I know what you mean, though.
不过我懂你的意思
I have this pair of pyjamas that I like so much,
我有套很喜欢的睡衣
I had my mum buy seven pairs of them,
我让我妈妈买♥♥了七套一样的
one for every day of the week.
每周七天 一天一套
Uh, I mean my dad mum.
呃 我是说我爸又当爹又当妈
How did your parents meet?
你父母怎么认识的
Their pharmacist introduced them.
他们的药剂师牵线的
His name was Eclypse.
他叫Eclypse