废柴舅舅（2014）

I've got this, baby. You go get lunch.
我来搞定 宝贝 你去吃饭吧
So, has he talked you into this, little man?
他威逼利诱你了吗 小家伙
No, sir...miss. I just wanted to be in a band to impress chicks.
不是 先生 女士 是我想进乐队吸引小女生
I was in a band when I was your age.
我像你这么大的时候也加入了乐队
I also did it to impress chicks.
我也是为了吸引小女生
Is there a special girl you're trying to impress?
你有想要吸引哪个特别的女孩吗
Ruby. Ahh, Ruby. That's a pretty name.
Ruby 噢 Ruby 名字真好听
Have you tried writing her a song?
你有试过为她写首歌♥吗
**When I think about you You make my chest feel all tight*
*当你浮现脑海 就会透不过气
**I have to shake my inhaler Suck with all of my might*
*只能摇吸入器 补充我的勇气
**I see you walk down the hall I don't think you see me*
*远处看见了你 对我熟视无睹
**I cannot focus in science You give me ADHD*
*科学课上分心 脑中全都是你
**I feel my temperature rise I see my grades start to drop*
*心跳极速飙升 成绩一落千丈
**I'm near the bottom of class I used to be near the top*
*昔日名列前茅 而今跌至谷底
**You make me sick in my mouth You make me come out in hives*
*你让我心不适 你让我嘴起疹
**You put my stomach in knots I have to loosen my tie, tie, tie*
*让我坐立难安 得松开我的领带带带
**I don't like you I like, like you*
*我不喜欢你 我超喜欢你
**I don't like you I like, like you*
*我不喜欢你 我超喜欢你
**I'll walk you home after school I'll walk you right to your house
*放学陪你回家 护送芳心一路
**I'd like to give you a kiss But not a kiss on the mouth*
*想要偷一个吻 但不落在娇唇
**I'll take you out on a date I'll meet you out by the gym*
*想要带你约会 体育馆外相会
**And I should probably say This song was written by him*
*而且我得承认 这歌♥是他写的
**I'll save you space in the queue I'll give you answers in maths*
*我会替你排队 我会帮你作弊
**I'll take you out to the zoo Will you sit by me in class?*
*带你去动物园 请你坐我旁边
**It's everything that you say It's everything that you do*
*一切你说了算 一切你拿主意
**I don't just like you a bit I like, like, like you, you, you.*
*我不止爱你一点 我爱爱爱爱你
Today, you have become a man, my pale little friend,
恭喜你长大成人了 面色苍白的小朋友
and I am one step closer to going back out with Gwen.
而我离回到Gwen身边又近了一步
What's the matter? You don't like your milk? Wait, let me guess.
怎么啦 不喜欢喝牛奶吗 等等 让我猜猜
You're lactose intolerant?
你有乳糖不耐症是吧
No. I mean, yeah, but it's not that.
不 呃 我是有 可不是因为这个
It's just...what am I going to talk to her about?
我就是不知道 要跟她聊些什么
Relax. You don't need to talk to her about anything.
放轻松 不用刻意去聊什么
Just ask her lots of questions, and you'll be fine.
就随便问几个问题 没事的
You'll be there to help, right?
你会在旁边帮我的 对吧
I hadn't really planned on wingmanning a 12-year-old.
我才不要给一个12岁男孩当泡妞搭档
What? No, no, You have to be there. I can't do it on my own.
什么 你一定得在旁边 我自己不行的
Yeah, you can. You don't need me.
你行的 相信我 你自己可以的
If you don't come, I'll quit the band.
你不来的话 我就退出乐队
Fine. You win, brat.
好啦 你说了算 小鬼头
That's it. I'm done. It's a horror show out there.
我受够了 不玩了 太可怕了
I'd rather burn alive than go on another date.
我宁愿被活活烧死也不去约会了
The last one was going great until his wife shows up.
刚刚那个原本挺好的 结果他老婆来了
Turns out they're swingers. What are they?
原来他们是摇摆人(交换性♥伴♥侣♥者) 什么
They're like acrobats, darling.
就是像杂技演员那样的 宝贝
Yeah, that really like playing with lots of other acrobats.
对啊 而且很喜欢和别的杂技演员耍
Just promise me that you'll never grow up and never get married.
答应我 永远别长大 别结婚
Relationships are evil. Erm...OK.
爱情是魔鬼 呃 好吧
So what did you two get up to today?
你们今天都干嘛了
We formed a band. Me and Roly.
我们组了支乐队 我和Roly
Shut up! No, we did. Our first gig is tomorrow night.
不会吧 真的 我们处♥女♥秀就在明晚
No way! Way!
不可能 很可能
No, no, seriously. No way. Roly's with his dad tomorrow night.
不不 说真的 不行 明晚Roly要陪他爸爸
It's his weekend.
周末轮到他了
It's open!
门没锁
Hey, Andy. You hungry?
嘿 Andy 你饿了吗
Nah...I'm all right. Come on, I've made way too much.
不饿 还行 吃点吧 我做得太多了
Nah, I'm...on a diet.
不了 我在减肥
Yeah? And I'm holding a big fuck-off knife.
是吗 我手上可拿着把刀
This is really good.
味道真好
Thanks, man.
谢谢
Nice apartment, too, innit?
公♥寓♥也很漂亮 是吧
Yeah. So, Sam tells me you've been helping out with Roly.
嗯 听Sam说你最近在照看Roly
Yeah, here and there.
是啊 偶尔帮帮
Be honest, does she hate my guts with the whole custody thing?
老实说 我这样和她争抚养权 她是不是恨死我了
Nah. Come on, I can take it.
没有 说吧 我能承受得了
Yeah, she hates your fucking guts.
没错 她恨你恨到骨子里了
I can't blame her. You know, I'm actually proud of her.
我不怪她 其实我还挺为她骄傲的
Getting herself clean, going back to uni.
改过自新 重回校园
She's really turned her life around.
完全开始了新生活
How do you find Roly? Yeah, good.
你觉得Roly怎么样 嗯 挺好的
Little ladies' man is what he is.
他就是个小花♥花♥公♥子♥
Every week, he's telling me about some new girl at school. Gets it from his old man.
每周都和我聊学校里不同的女生 深得我真传
Yeah. Don't ever get divorced, Andy.
是啊 千万别离婚 Andy
It turns people ugly. I mean, I can eat a lot of shit,
会让人变得丑陋 我是说 你让我♥干♥嘛都行
but when it comes to my boy, it's all about two words.
可以一说到我儿子 只有四个字
Peanut allergy. No compromise.
花生过敏 绝不妥协
I will never compromise with him. Ever.
我绝对不会在他的问题上妥协 绝不
But I want you to know, I'm not out to hurt Sam.
可你要知道 我并不想伤害Sam
I'm just want to do what's right for the Rolster.
我一心只为Rolster好
You do understand that, don't you? Yeah, yeah. Definitely, yeah.
你明白吗 当然 当然
Good. Now, can I ask you something? Yes.
很好 我能问你个问题吗 当然
What the fuck are you doing here?!
你♥他♥妈♥的来这里干嘛
I don't know if you remember, but we were never exactly mates.
没记错的话 我们从来都算不上好朋友
What did you used to call me?
你以前怎么叫我的来着
Ben? Just...Ben.
Ben吧 就叫Ben啊
Yeah, that's what you called me to my face.
是啊 当着我面当然这么叫
But what did you call me behind my back?
可背着我呢
Ben...Ben...Ben...
Ben...Ben...Ben...
Bendy dick. Bendy dick. That's right.
弯鸡♥巴♥ 弯鸡♥巴♥ 就是这个
Your sister and her big mouth.
你姐那个大嘴巴
I bet she never told you why it bends?
我敢打赌她没说过原因
I was in a BMX accident when I was eight.
我八岁时参加自行车越野赛时出了意外
And loads of famous people have got bendy dicks. Bill Clinton!
弯鸡♥巴♥的名人多了去了 比尔克♥林♥顿♥也是啊
He was the leader of the free world, he's got a bendy dick.
曾经领导自♥由♥世界的人 他的也是弯的
George Clooney probably has a bendy dick.
乔治克鲁尼的也许也是弯的
You must have some serious shit to say to me to turn up like this out of nowhere.
你肯定无事不登三宝殿 有屁快放
I just wanted to ask if I
我想问 明天晚上
could take Errol to a concert tomorrow night?
我能带Errol去看演唱会吗
Why would I let you do that? Friday's my night.
我凭什么让你这么做 周五晚是我的
I know, "No compromise", but he really wants to go.
我知道 "绝不妥协" 可他真的想去
I'm just trying to look out for the little guy, just like you.
我也是发自内心地为他着想 就和你一样
OK. I'll let you take Errol to the concert if you kiss my feet,
好吧 如果你亲吻我的脚 我就让他去
and say I have a beautiful dick.
还要夸我有美丽的大屌♥
I'm totally serious.
我没开玩笑
If taking my son away from
如果把我的儿子带走
me is this important to you, I have to see it.
对你那么重要 你得证明一下
Both feet.
两只脚
Now say it.
现在说吧
Can't hear you. You have a beautiful dick!
听不见 你有根美丽大屌♥
What's so funny? Errol called before you came.
有什么好笑的 你来之前Errol给我打电♥话♥了
I already gave permission.
我已经同意他去了
I...like your tie.
我 喜欢你的领带
Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's not a clip-on.
噢 谢谢 这不是夹上去的
So, Ruby, do you like listening to music?
Ruby 你喜欢听音乐吗
Yeah. What sort of bands do you like?
爱听 你喜欢什么类型的乐队
I don't know, like One Direction.
不知道 单向乐队那种吧
No way. That's Errol's favourite band, isn't it, Errol?
不会吧 那可是Errol最喜欢的乐队 是不是 Errol
Really? Erm...yeah.
真的吗 呃 是的
Who's your favourite member? Mine's Zayn.
你最喜欢哪个成员 我最喜欢Zayn
Yeah, me too. No way!
是啊 我也是 不是吧
'And I have all their singles.'
我有他们所有的单曲
I've signed up for their fan club,
还注册了他们的粉丝俱乐部
but I haven't been in it as long as my friend, Clara.
但是跟我的好朋友Clara一样 已经好久没去了
She's always on about how she's loved them since X Factor.
她一直在说从开始就爱上他们了
What's your favourite song? It's...erm... Dahdahdatdahduh...
你最喜欢哪首歌♥ 那首 哒哒哒哒哒
Oh, yeah! Little Things. That's my third favourite.
噢对 那是我第三喜欢的歌♥
You guys sit down. I'll be right back. My treat.
你们找位子吧 我一会回来 我请客
One free Family Feast to stay in, por favor.
家庭套餐免费卡 在这吃 麻烦了
Oh, hello. Oh, hi.
噢 你好 噢 嗨