废柴舅舅（2014）

Hey, Tom. Where's your sexier half?
嘿 Tom 你性感的另一半呢
She had to work. On a Saturday?
她上班去了 周六还工作
Careful, Donkey, you sure she isn't getting a leg over?!
悠着点 驴子 她不会在外面乱搞吧
This is Andy, Errol's Uncle.
这位是Andy Errol的舅舅
Oh, Errol? My condolences.
噢 Errol那孩子 请你节哀
Joking! Good to meet you, Andy. I'm Tom, Alfie's Dad.
开玩笑呢 很高兴认识你 Andy 我是Alfie的爸爸Tom
Andy is a musician. Oh, yeah? Andy the musician.
Andy是个音乐家 是吗 音乐家Andy
I've heard of you. Really?
我听说过你 真的吗
Yeah, aren't you in that band? What is it? No Direction!
真的 你不是那个叫什么无向乐队的成员吗
Come on, come on, that was a good one, Donkey. I'm only joking.
看吧 耍到他了 驴子 我就是开个玩笑
What kind of music do you play?
你做哪类音乐
Well, it's, sort of, a combination of...
其实 就是那种 综合的
Hold that thought. I need to spend a penny. Here you go.
先打住 我去上个厕所 你先拿着
And don't drink any, I've got my eye on you, Donkey.
别偷喝 我盯着你呢 驴子
Why does that prick keep calling you Donkey?
为什么那个混♥蛋♥一直叫你驴子啊
Is it because of your, erm...
是因为你的下面很那什么吗
No. He thinks I look like the donkey from Shrek.
才不是 他觉得我像<怪物史莱克>里面的驴子
Does he mean Eddie Murphy or the actual donkey?
他是指艾迪墨菲还是驴子本身
I don't know. I never asked.
不知道 我没问过
**he said i love you baby oh oh oh*
*他说我喜欢你宝贝 噢 噢 噢
You think we should go say "Hi?"
我们是不是该去打声招呼
I mean, it's the polite thing to do, isn't it?
好歹出于礼貌 你说呢
Whoo, that was brilliant!
哇哦 唱得太好了
Give them a round of applause, everyone!
各位 来点掌声
All right, wish me luck.
好吧 祝我好运
Hi, Alfie.
嗨 Alife
Happy 12th birthday, you don't look a day over 11.
十二岁生日快乐 你看着顶多十一
What? Nothing.
什么 没什么
Why are you even here, tosspot? You invited me.
你干嘛要来 傻瓜 因为你邀请我了
My mum invited you. And now you're crapping up my party.
是我妈邀请的 你简直拉低了我的派对档次
OK, you are kidding. Good chatting.
真会开玩笑 聊得很愉快
Think he was, erm... pleased to see me.
我觉得他 呃 很高兴见到我
I mean you're not just going to let him get away with calling you that are you?
我说 他那么叫你 你就这么算了
It's fine. It's just a nickname.
没事啦 就是个外号♥
I think old Linda's got a thing for me.
Linda大妈对我有意思啊
She keeps staring at me from over there, with her stripper eyes.
她一直用脱衣舞♥女♥的眼神勾引我
Did you see that we have paper plates? Thanks. I'm good.
你看到我们准备的纸盘子了吗 谢了 不用
Do you want me to say something to him? I can say something.
你想我跟他谈谈那事吗 我能帮你说话的
Please don't. Honestly doesn't bother me.
千万不要 说实话 我不觉得有什么
What doesn't bother you?
你们在说什么
Ee-aw! Donkey alert.
哼吭 驴子警报
What did I miss? We were just talking about...
我错过什么了吗 我们只是在谈
Football! Plates!
足球 盘子
Nicknames are stupid, aren't they?
外号♥什么的很蠢 对吗
Ha-ha, yeah, like Everton. I mean, come on, "The Toffees?"
哈哈 是啊 就像埃弗顿俱乐部的外号♥"太妃糖"
No-one's afraid of toffee.
一点震慑力没有
Andy, where did you get that mug?
Andy 你从哪拿的杯子
I dunno. A cupboard?
我不知道 橱柜里吧
I've put out all these nice wine glasses for the wine.
我准备了这么多漂亮的红酒杯在这
Yeah. I know but wine glasses don't really suit me.
看见了 不过红酒杯不是我的风格
I mean, look at this.
你看 像这样
It's just that that's Tom's special mug.
只是你拿的是Tom的专属杯子
Oh, I'm sorry. Here you go.
噢 抱歉 还给你
Don't give him a hard time, babe. It's an honest mistake.
别太责怪他了 亲爱的 他只是无心之失
Right, Andy? Right.
是吧 Andy 确实
Hey, do you guys want to see something cool?
嘿 你们想去开开眼吗
Uh, afternoon, lads. I see you went with the burger.
下午好 少年们 我看你们拿了汉堡
A fine choice.
不错的选择
Aren't you embarrassed? Embarrassed? No. Why should I be?
你不觉得难堪吗 难堪 为什么
Because you pissed your pants. Uh, no, I didn't.
因为你尿裤子了 呃 不 我没有
Uh, yes, you did.
呃 不 你有
Piss pants!
尿裤子喽
Piss pants, piss pants, piss pants, piss pants!
尿裤子 尿裤子 尿裤子 尿裤子
Congratulations, gentlemen,
恭喜了 先生们
you currently find yourselves in the presence of a masterpiece.
在你们面前的是一件旷世杰作
If Vinny van Gogh made this car, he would have cut both ears off.
这车要是让梵高来造 他两只耳朵都得割掉了
This wasn't manufactured, it was moulded.
绝非流水线产品 纯手工打造
No detail's been spared. Natural wood veneers,
每个细节都精雕细琢 原木饰面薄板
a sumptuous leather interior, handpicked from herds in cooler climes,
豪华皮革内饰 精选自寒冷地区出产的牛群
just to ensure a smoother hide.
只为确保更柔软的皮质
If the exhaust pipe wasn't so small, I would fuck it.
要不是排气管太细 我真想操了这车
I think I'd still prefer a Rolls-Royce.
我还是更喜欢劳斯莱斯
I'm kidding.
我开玩笑呢
I've just realised who you look like.
我刚想起来你像谁
That big one off Monsters Inc.
<怪兽电力公♥司♥>里的那个大块头
Yeah, no, not really though.
是吗 也不是很像
Yes, you do. Doesn't he, Donkey?
不 真的很像 你觉得呢 驴子
Guys? Doesn't he look like that hairy one from Monsters Inc?
伙计们 他像怪兽电力公♥司♥里的那个大毛怪吧
Yeah! What's his name? Stanley.
像 叫什么来着 Stanley
Yeah, Stanley. It's Sulley.
对 Stanley 是Sully
Sulley? Are you sure? Of course he's sure, it's his name!
Sulley 你确定 当然确定 那可是他自己的名字
Come on, show us your scary face, Monsters Inc.
来做个惊吓脸来瞧瞧 大毛怪
There we go!
看见没
All right, I "Partied." Now, can we go?
好了 我参加过派对了 现在我们能走了吗
Now? Linda's just made pigs in a blanket.
现在 Linda刚做了肉肠卷(乳♥交♥/臀交/以物包茎等等)
Wait, why are you holding your jumper like that?
等等 你干嘛那样扯你的上衣
It makes you look like you've pissed yourself.
看着像尿裤子了一样
You've pissed yourself.
你还真尿了
No. Alfie threw apple juice on my trousers Why would he do that?
没有 Alfie把苹果汁倒在我裤子上了 为什么
To make it look like I've pissed myself.
好让我看着像尿裤子啊
And because he's a bully.
而且他是个小霸王
See, this is why I didn't want to come!
看到了吧 这就是我不想来的原因
'You don't care about yourself
你自己都自暴自弃了
'so how's anyone else meant to care about you, eh?'
别人凭什么要看得起你呢
'You're like a fungus on the cock...'
你就是个操蛋的
'Show us your scary face, Monsters Inc.'
快做个惊吓脸来瞧瞧 大毛怪
Look, Errol, what do you want to do more than anything else when you grow up?
听着 你长大后最想做的事是什么
I want to be an actuary. Cool.
我想当一个精算师 酷
You don't know what an actuary is, do you? No.
你不知道什么是精算师 对吗 对
But I know that, if we leave now,
但是我知道一点 要是你现在走了
you'll get bullied for the rest of your life.
你一辈子都会被他欺负
You'll get a shit job, with shit friends.
你会找一份烂工作 交一群烂朋友
You'll marry an ugly woman and you'll buy a shit house
娶一个丑女人 买♥♥一套烂房♥子
and you're going to have ugly kids in it.
里面住着你的丑孩子
I don't want ugly children!
我不想要丑孩子
Right, so why don't you end the cycle right now and go in there
好 那你现在就去结束悲惨循环的源头
and show Alfie that you don't care?
回去告诉Alfie你不在乎
And who knows? Maybe, one day, you'll be a hot shot actuary,
谁知道呢 没准某天 你会成为一流的精算师
with a gorgeous Swedish fiancee.
有个美得不行的瑞典未婚妻
OK, I want to go back in there, but my trousers are wet.
好 我是想回去 但是我裤子湿了
At least you've got trousers. Think of them African kids.
至少你还有裤子 想想那些非洲孩子
All they've got is Coca-Cola T-shirts and sandals.
他们只有可口可乐文化衫和凉鞋
Now, go in there and show them what a real actuary's made of.
现在 立刻回去让他们见识精算师的风范
I'm going.
我这就去
Hi, Alfie. I just wanted to say, no hard feelings about before.
嗨 Alfie 我想说 过去的事就让它过去吧
Can I ask you something, Errol? Yeah, sure. I love questions.
我能问你个问题吗 当然 我喜欢问题
Are you a lesbian?
你是女同吗
Um, yeah. I'm a lesbian.
是的 我是女同
Ha! He's a lesbian! I knew it!
哈 他是女同 我就知道
Of course I'm a lesbian, aren't you? Yuck, no.
我当然是女同 你不也是吗 呸 我才不是
Cos lesbian means you fancy girls.
因为女同意味着你喜欢女孩
I guess you don't fancy girls, then?
既然不是 我猜你不喜欢女孩喽
Shut up, lesbo. I bet you caught lesbian disease from your mum.
闭嘴 死女同 你一定是从你妈那遗传的女同病
Don't talk about my mum. Why not?
别说我妈妈 为什么不
Everyone knows she's a druggie slut. Take that back.
所有人都知道她是个吸毒的荡♥妇♥ 收回那句话
Make me. Leave him alone.
有种来啊 离他远点
What are you going to do about it?
你想怎样
Are you two going to kiss and have lesbian babies?
你们打算接吻再生一群女同崽吗
No way! Andy King?
我的天 Andy King
Shelley Asher...from sixth form. We had jazz choir together.
我是Shelley Asher 你的预科校友 我们一起参加过爵士合唱