废柴舅舅（2014）

Do you have any mints?
有薄荷糖吗
Keep them. I want to be honest with you, kid.
留着吧 孩子 跟你说实话
I'm not interested in The Bear Maximum.
我对最大熊值毫无兴趣
The name sucks and the sound blows.
名字烂 声音差
Do you know what I am interested in, though?
你知道我对什么有兴趣吗
Coconuts?
椰子
You. You're the main attraction, my friend.
你 你才是卖♥♥点 朋友
When I saw you in that clip,
我在视频里看到你
I knew I was looking at the next Conor Maynard.
就知道你是下个Conor Maynard
Who? Exactly.
谁 正是如此
When I'm done with you, you'll blow the competition out the water.
我签下你之后 他就算小人物了
I'm going to make you a pop star.
我会让你成为流行明星
Kid, I want to sign you right now. What do you say?
孩子 我现在就想签你 你说呢
But what about my Uncle Andy?
那我舅舅怎么办
Will you just forget about your uncle a second?
你能暂时别提你舅舅吗
Think about you and your whole family.
想想你自己和你的家人
You'll be able to buy your mum a house, your dad a yacht,
你可以给你妈买♥♥♥房♥♥子 给你♥爸♥买♥♥游艇
your uncle his own studio. Hell, his own label!
给你舅舅买♥♥个音乐室 买♥♥个唱片公♥司♥
You'll all be happy.
你们都会很开心
You're not going to mess this up.
你不会弄砸的
You're not going to mess this up.
你不会弄砸的
You're not going to mess this up.
你不会弄砸的
Are you going to mess this up?
你会弄砸吗
If you go solo, you'll be able to write your own songs, pick your own sound.
如果你单飞 你就可以自己写歌♥自己挑曲
You'll be rich and famous.
你会名利双收
If your uncle really cares about you,
要是你舅舅真的在意你
he'll man up and step aside.
他就该爷们点放你走
So what do you say? You want to be a star?
怎么样 你想当明星吗
Famous people have no privacy,
名人没有隐私
so how will I go to the planetarium?
那我怎么去天文馆
Kid, when I'm done with you,
孩子 这事要是成了
you'll be able to buy the planetarium.
你都可以买♥♥一座天文馆了
You won't regret this.
你不会后悔的
I'll have the contracts drawn up for your parents to sign.
我已经拟好合同等你父母签字了
You want me to break the news to your uncle?
你要我把这事告诉你舅舅吗
No! I'll tell him. He can be a bit sensitive.
不 我自己来 他有些敏感
All right, let's do this!
好了 我们开始吧
You know what?
对了
I have another meeting now,
我还有个会要开
but we're having a party tomorrow night.
但是明晚我们有个派对
You two should definitely come.
你们一定要到场
I could introduce you to some people,
我给你们介绍些人认识
keep this vibe going. What do you say?
造造势 怎么样
**I'm fucking famous, bitch*
*爷现在火了 你个小贱♥人♥
**I'm also stupid rich You see my plan*
*爷还有钱了 看看我日程
**You understand Has gone without a hitch*
*你就会知晓 无人可挡爷
**I'm fucking living it I do not give a shit*
*爷就真本色 谁也都敢惹
**I'm in the band and in demand*
*自创个乐队 它偏就火了
**I'm fucking famous, bitch*
*爷现在火了 你个小贱♥人♥
**It's been a long time coming And I've finally made it*
*苦了那么久 爷熬出头了
**I've been busting my arse And I'm finally famous*
*我不敢相信 爷咋就火了
**I've got the world in my palms Got the girls on my arms*
*世界在我手 小妞在我怀
**I'm the man with the plan Better raise the alarm*
*计划我还有 最好敲警钟
**This is to the pricks that ever doubted my talent*
*笑我的浑球 给老子听好
**I'm fucking famouser than you so it should be apparent*
*我比你们火 就是我生活
**Every single dick that ever said I was shit*
*每一个混♥蛋♥ 都笑我蠢货
**Will be choking on their words when I'm spitting the hits*
*我用我自己 证明他们错
**I'm getting absolutely everything that I ever wanted*
*一切在把握 一切都得到
**If you're a legend like me then you might as well flaunt it*
*名誉响如我 炫耀又如何
**I got a gold record like an over-achiever*
*金唱片在手 谁管业绩否
**I bought a gold car and a golden retriever*
*小金车入手 金毛猎犬到
**I jump to the front I don't know what a queue is*
*随心插队伍 排队算什么
**Got a throne in my home that I bought from John Lewis*
*家中的皇椅 路易斯购得
**All of my clothes are Abercrombie & Fitch*
*爷所有衣服 都是小麋鹿
**They don't even fit me*
*穿着不合身 但是又如何
**but I'm famous, bitch*
*爷现在火了 你个小贱♥人♥
**I am a millionaire I live without a care*
*身价值亿万 我还管什么
**I'm so well known, I'm fully grown.*
*他妈有名了 耻毛长齐了
**This is all my own hair*
*连头上的毛 都是自己的
**I got the perfect pitch I sunk your battleship*
*爷有好音准 爷能打败你
**I've got the fame, you know my name*
*爷名声大了 都认识我了
**I'm fucking famous, bitch!*
*爷现在火了 你个小贱♥人♥
Uncle Andy? Mm?
Andy舅舅 咋了?
Would you still be happy if you weren't famous?
如果你无法成名 还会开心嘛
I've tried living the life of an anonymous rock star
我已经受够这种无名摇滚歌♥手的日子了
and it ain't pretty.
真的挺惨的
Do you know, next week I've got an interview at Carpet Brothers.
你知道吗 我下周在地毯兄弟还有个面试
Carpet Brothers! That's how close my life was to being over.
地毯兄弟耶 我都快沦落到这种地步了
Every single music executive that has ever turned me down is going to be at that party
每个拒绝过我的音乐监制都会出现在这场派对上
and I can't wait to see the look on their faces when Mo Khan
我真是等不及看看Mo Khan明天
shows us off like his new girlfriend with the big, massive tits.
像炫耀新大♥波♥女朋友一样炫耀我们时那群混♥蛋♥的脸色了
And, yes, they are real.
当然 货真价实天生大♥波♥
But do you know the best part about this is?
但是 你知道最爽的地方是什么嘛
We're going to be doing this together.
这是我们共同的成就
What were you talking to Mo about when I wasn't in the room?
我不在房♥间里时 Mo和你都说了些啥
Planetariums.
天文馆
Ha! What a couple of dorks!
哈 一对呆子
What do you think?
你觉得怎样
You look like a vicar.
你看起来像个教区牧师
I look like a domino.
我看起来就像个多米诺
I look like a sexy, sexy domino.
一个非常性感的多米诺骨牌
People love dominos.
人人都爱多米诺
Domino's Pizza, Fats Domino...
达美乐披萨 法兹·多米诺
I don't think it's a good idea buying an expensive suit just for one night.
我觉得你为了今晚买♥♥套这么贵的西装 不值得
You said you were broke.
你明明说过自己没钱了
So you'll be chipping in your pocket money.
所以要把你也得贡献出零用钱
No way. That's for the planetarium.
才不要呢 那是为了去天文馆存的钱
What's more important?
什么比较重要
Us looking good on the most important night of our lives
在人生中最重要的晚上看起来光彩夺目
or going to some planet aquarium?
还是去什么天体水族馆
Yep?
啥事
I told you not to answer if I called.
我不是和你说过 如果我打过来别接电♥话♥的嘛
Sh!
嘘
Why did you call then?
那你干嘛打来
To see if you'd answer.
看看你会不会接啦
How's Roly? Is he missing me?
Roly还好吗 有没有想我
Have you been to the black hole exhibit?
你们去看黑洞展览了么
The little fella had some bad sushi last night.
小家伙昨晚寿司吃坏了 身体不舒服呢
We're kind of taking it easy today. Ugh...
所以今天还歇在家里 啊嗷
Oh, no, does he want me to come home?
噢不 他要我回家嘛
I can be there in 45 minutes.
我能在45分钟赶回来
Sh! You shush!
嘘 嘘你个头
No, he's fine. I've got it under control.
没事 一切都在我掌控之中
How are things with you?
你们那里还好吧
Great, it's really relaxing.
惬意得很
I have to find my tree tonight and bond with it,
我今晚得找到我的树 然后和它结合
so I'll basically just be hugging a giant wooden penis.
相当于抱着根巨大的鸡鸡
Sh! Ohh...
嘘 去
Well, watch out for splinters.
那你当心木刺啊
Better run,
得挂了
Roly's sushi looks like it's coming up for an encore.
Roly肚子里的寿司又开始翻江倒海了
Ugh! Bye.
啊 拜
Sh!
嘘
Errol!
Errol
This is stupid.
这身蠢爆了
I feel like a ventriloquist's dummy.
我觉得自己就像口♥技♥师用的木偶
This is marketing. We're a band.
这叫宣传 咱们是个乐队嘛
That's like being in the cool gang.
就像加入了酷炫黑帮
You look like a tiny ringleader.
你就是迷你小头目
Those people shouldn't be smoking cigarettes.
那些人不应该在那抽烟