废柴舅舅（2014）

Andy King, thank you for taking the time to chat with us.
Andy King 十分感谢你抽出时间来接受我们的访谈
Pleasure, Imogen. Long-time reader and fan.
我很荣幸 Imogen 一直以来都是你们的读者和粉丝
You've had quite the fairy-tale year.
你度过了童话般梦幻的一年
I mean, one minute, you're busking,
回顾一下 你曾经是街头艺人
your demo's getting rejected and rejected.
你的唱片被一次次的拒绝
A loser, if you don't mind me saying.
无意冒犯 但你就是一个失败者
Hey, truth is truth.
没错 事实就是事实
And then, on a whim, you do this song contest.
然后你心血来潮得参加了歌♥曲比赛
Last Place Hero gets noticed by Marsh Healy at Portal Records,
<末路英雄>这首歌♥被传送门唱片公♥司♥的Marsh Healy注意到
and the rest is history.
接下来就是众所周知的
I mean, you topped the BBC Sound Of 2016 list,
你在BBC2016之声榜单上名列第一
your album's getting five-star reviews,
你的专辑获得五星好评
you're tipped for a Mercury nom' -
你被普遍认为是水星奖的有力竞争者
I mean, you must feel like you're dreaming.
你一定感觉自己在做梦吧
It just goes to show
我认为这只是证明了
that if you stick to making the music you believe in
如果你坚持做自己相信的音乐
and don't lose sight of your priorities,
并且不忘初心
then good things can happen.
那么自然有好结果
I was talking to Yusuf the other day...
我以前跟Yusuf谈过
Yusuf? Yusuf Islam?
Yusuf是谁 Yusuf Islam
You know, Cat Stevens.
你知道的 就是Cat Stevens
Anyway, me and Suf were chatting about artistic integrity
我和Yusuf谈过艺术坚持
and how it doesn't matter if you're playing to a packed-out crowd
无论你是对着汹涌的人潮
or a deaf dog, it's got to be for you, you know?
还是对着一条聋了的狗 始终都是为了你自己
That is really going to resonate with our readers.
这话肯定会让我们的读者很有同感的
So, we like to throw in a couple of silly questions at the end,
好了 最后我们要问你几个有点傻的问题
just for fun.
就是活跃一下气氛
So, what are your upcoming plans for Father's Day?
你对即将到来的父亲节有什么计划吗
None, really. I mean, my old man, he lives in Spain.
没有 真没有 我老爸住在西班牙
I'll probably give him a bell.
我可能会给他打个电♥话♥
At least I won't be asking him for money this year!
至少今年我不会向他要钱了
Actually, I was talking about your son.
实际上 我问的是你的儿子
I...
我
I don't have any children.
我没有孩子
But my songs... My songs are like children.
但是我的歌♥曲 我的歌♥曲就像我的孩子
I've got a nerdy nephew, if that counts.
我还有个书呆子外甥 如果算上他的话
Really? Because our researcher found a birth certificate from over a year ago
真的吗 但是我们的调查员找到了一年前出生证明
proving that you fathered a child
证明你当爹了
with Teresa Connor, the disgraced Parliamentary lawyer.
孩子母亲是名誉扫地的议会律师Teresa Connor
Recently went through a messy public divorce.
她最近经历了一场人尽皆知的糟糕离婚
Remember? It was all over the Daily Fail,
想起来了吗 每日♥烂♥报上全都是她的新闻
so we know that you have a child,
所以我们知道你有个孩子
a little boy that you've never had the decency to contact.
没有良知的你从未联♥系♥过的小男孩
What do you have to say to that, Andy King?
你对此有什么想说的吗 Andy King
Well, well... We're all waiting.
我们都在等着呢
This should be good.
有好戏看了
That is communal orange juice.
那是大家一起喝的橘子汁
You can't be putting your mouth all over it like that.
你不能这样直接对嘴喝
You're right, I should probably stick a bit of tongue in too.
你说对了 我应该把舌头伸进去
Does everything have to be an innuendo with you?
你非要每件事都讽刺一番吗
Haven't you heard? I'm the innuendo champ.
你没听说吗 我是讽刺届新晋冠军
I had to BEAT OFF some pretty STIFF competition.
我得打败一些十分呆板的对手
Hashtag dad jokes.
#爸爸的玩笑
It's not a dad joke. I'm not even old enough to be a dad.
这才不是爸爸的玩笑 我还没老到能当爹呢
Even I'm old enough to be a dad, technically.
准确来说 在生理上 我都已经可以当爹了
What are you doing up this early, anyway?
话说回来 你起这么早做什么
Got an interview with a record company today, don't I?
今天得去一个唱片公♥司♥面试 不是吗
What one? Guinness Worlds?
哪个公♥司♥ 吉尼斯世界吗
Portal Records, actually.
其实是传送门唱片
They're sort of a big deal, run by Marshall Healy.
他们算是大公♥司♥吧 老板是Marshall Healy
Oh, Bruce and his old filters.
噢 Bruce和他用过的过滤器
So, are you still having those nightmares? What nightmares?
你还一直做噩梦吗 什么噩梦
The ones that you wake up from every day, screaming?
那些让你每天早上尖叫着醒来的噩梦
That's just cramp. I probably need more...potassium.
那只是抽筋 我也许需要补充点钾
Anyway, I need you to sign for a package
我需要你帮我签收一个包裹
that's going to be delivered when I'm out.
寄到家的时候我在外面
Sorry, I've blocked out my day for reading.
不好意思 我这一天都得忙着读书
No interruptions.
不能分心
Yeah, reading
切 还读书嘞
Those nightmares haven't got anything to do with Melody, do they?
那些噩梦跟Melody没关系是吗
Melody? Haven't thought about her in ages.
Melody是谁 我都几百年没想过她了
Then why are you constantly checking her Instagram?
那你为什么一直看她的Instagram
Oh, I am so late for work.
我上班要迟到了
You're up early. Is it the nightmares?
你起的真早 是做噩梦了吗
Oh, shit, I forgot my phone.
靠 我忘记拿手♥机♥了
Munchkin, can you get it for me? It's by the bed.
宝宝 你帮我拿一下好吗 就在我床边
I'm 15 now, Mum.
我都15岁了 妈妈
Why do I still have to get your things?
为什么还要帮你拿东西
When you were born, there wasn't time for an epidural,
你出生的时候 我没来得及打麻药
so you owe me forever.
所以你欠我一辈子
Can you fix Roly for me?
你能替我跟Roly聊聊吗
He's in a shit mood and I can't handle him right now
他现在情绪很不好 我现在也没空安慰他
because Bruce has baby fever and it is freaking me out.
因为Bruce很想要个孩子 我完全吓坏了
I hear you. You're a professional milf with a gawky teen.
我懂你意思 你是个有傻儿子的职业辣妈
You haven't got time for nappies and burping.
你没有时间换尿布和拍嗝
I mean, look at the Pope.
看看教皇
He wouldn't be Poping if
如果他背着小Bjorn在肩膀上
he had a baby Bjorn slung over his shoulder.
他也没时间去布教啥的
Some people have a higher calling.
有些人就是命中注定有更崇高的使命
Exactly. My career's just taking off.
就是这么说啊 我的事业才起步
I'm finally free for yoga and book club.
我终于有时间去练瑜伽 参加读书俱乐部了
Plus, you've already got two rotten kids between you.
而且你们已经有两个小屁孩了
Why does he want more? With Father's Day this weekend,
为什么他还想要孩子 因为这周末就是父亲节
I guess it's weighing on him
我认为这对他来说很沉重
that he doesn't have any biological children
因为他没有一个亲生的孩子
to propagate his seed.
来延续他的基因
Men and their egos, right?
男人们的自尊心啊 是吧
My jingle's about to come on the radio.
我的广♥告♥曲要出现在广播里了
**Come on down to the carpet superstore*
*快来选购 地毯超♥市♥
**Buy a new rug and cover your ugly floor*
*买♥♥漂亮地毯 遮丑陋地板
**The selection's tops and the deals don't stop*
*选择不封顶 打折永不停
**Jackpot for moths We've got the lot*
*超级大奖 都在这里
**There ain't no others You get the druthers*
*勿去别地 价格最低
**Come on down to*
*快来选购
**Carpet Brothers.*
*地毯兄弟
Did you see how I rhymed druthers with brothers?
你听到我用"最低"跟"兄弟"押韵了吗
Oh, genius.
噢 你真是天才
So, now that you're getting paid for these radio spots,
所以现在这些电台广♥告♥曲在给你赚钱
and your home studio is up and running,
你的家庭音乐工作室也做起来了
I guess I'm finally going to start seeing some rent money, right?
我猜我终于能开始收点房♥租了 对吧
Right. Well, almost.
对 快了
I am still paying back Val, but as soon as I've done that...
我还在还欠Val的钱 一旦还清之后
Ah. Thanks, sweetie. Can you set the table for breakfast?
谢谢亲爱的 你能布置一下桌子准备早餐吗
Morning, gang. Hey, Roly,
早啊大家 嘿Roly
have you heard about this new antibiotic thing?
你听说过这个新的抗生素吗
Discovered in dirt.
在泥土里发现的
Teixobactin. That's old news.
是Teixobactin 这是旧新闻了
Errol, you didn't set Bruce a place.
Errol 你没有帮Bruce摆餐具
Oh, it's... It's cool. I'm going to just grab an apple anyway.
没事 我就拿个苹果就行了
I'll leave you guys to it. Thanks for my lunch.
我要出门了 谢谢你的午餐
Bye. Andy, you're up early.
再见 Andy 你起的好早啊
Nightmares?
做噩梦了吗
I need you to sign for a package while I'm out.
我需要你在我外出的时候帮我签收包裹
Sure thing. I'm going to be in the garden, building the shed,
没问题 我要去花♥园♥里建棚屋
but I should hear the doorbell.
但我能听到门铃
Roly, want to come help me build the man cave?
Roly 想不想帮我建那个男人小窝
I think I'll give your gender-specific cave a miss, thanks.
谢谢 我还是不去参与你那个特定性别的小窝建造了
Hey, you know, Tiff's here for Father's Day weekend.
你知道的 Tiff这周末要来过父亲节
Fancy coming to the Polish bakery festival?
你想和我们一起去波兰面包节吗
You can never have too many hot buns. I have a wheat allergy.
热乎乎的面包总是越多越好的 我对小麦过敏