废柴舅舅（2014）

Like I'd give wine to an addict! That was too easy.
你以为我真会让瘾君子喝酒吗 你太不坚定了
How can you be trusted with Errol's custody when you can't even stay on the wagon?
你都无法戒瘾 怎么来抚养Errol
So you knew I was in rehab?
你知道我在康复中心
A friend of mine spotted you
我朋友的女儿有厌食症
in the same clinic as her anorexic daughter.
她在常去的那家诊所看到你了
Don't tell Ben I know. He likes to think he has secrets.
不要告诉Ben我知道了 他喜欢自以为有秘密的感觉
Just going to go and put change in the meter.
我去外面呼吸下新鲜空气
Who do you support, Errol?
Errol 你支持哪个球队
He's a Gooner, like his uncle and me.
他支持枪迷(阿森纳球迷) 跟我和他叔叔一样
You said you were a Spurs fan, like your mum and me.
你以前说你支持热刺 就像你妈和我一样
What? I like them both. I couldn't possibly pick a favourite.
什么 我都喜欢 没有"最爱"一说
You can't like Tottenham AND Arsenal!
你不能同时支持热刺和阿森纳
That's like rooting for the Nazis and the French Resistance.
这就像支持纳粹的同时又支持法国反抗军
Arsenal have more French players,
阿森纳的法国球员更多
doesn't that make Spurs the Nazis?
所以热刺是纳粹咯
Spurs have a lot of Jewish fans, though.
但热刺有很多犹太球迷
Yeah, not many Jewish Nazis, are there?
就是 可没有犹太纳粹吧
Since when do you care about football, Andy?
你什么时候关心起足球了 Andy
You should support Fulham, like me and Tiff.
你应该支持富勒姆 就像我和Tiff一样
Nobody gets hurt when you support Fulham. They're Switzerland.
支持富勒姆绝对天下太平 他们是中立的
Oh, that reminds me. This is a football field
说到足球 这是我驻扎在索马里的时候
I helped build when I was stationed in Somalia.
帮他们搭建的一个足球场
Nice job There's not even any grass on it.
干得好啊 连草皮都没有
Yeah I know, but the kids don't mind.
我知道 不过孩子们不介意
It used to be a mass grave.
那里以前是乱坟岗
Can you guess what it's called now?
你猜猜 现在叫什么
"No grass field"?
"无草足球场"
It's called Errolfield.
叫"Errol球场"
Nice touch, bro.
不错啊老弟
Very cool.
酷毙了
Looking at that dusty field makes me feel thirsty.
灰蒙蒙的球场看得我有点口渴
Uncle Andy, I'd really like an apple juice.
Andy舅舅 我想喝杯苹果汁
Your legs aren't broken.
你腿断了吗
You can have my drink, Errol. I didn't touch the sides.
Errol 你可以喝我的 我没有碰到杯口
Thanks, but I really just want some apple juice. It's my...favourite.
谢谢 但我就想喝苹果汁 那是我的 最爱
I'll get you one, mate.
我去给你倒
I got this one, T-Rex.
还是我来吧 霸王龙
Oh, help yourself.
噢 真随性呢
You certainly did at the wedding.
就像在婚礼上那样
Um...where's Sam?
呃 Sam去哪了
Not sure. Have you tried Spain?
不清楚 你去西班牙找找看
His highness's apple juice.
殿下 您的苹果汁
Not thirsty any more.
我不渴了
Bruce, if you and Tiff are interested,
Bruce 如果你和Tiff感兴趣的话就一起来吧
Rex and I are taking Errol camping next weekend.
我和Rex下个周末打算带Errol露营
I'm going to teach this little guy all about edible plants.
我要教这个小家伙野外哪些植物是可食用的
Uncle Rex makes botany really fun.
Rex叔叔让植物学变得有意思多了
Botany's my...FAVOURITE.
植物学是我的 最爱
I ate an orchid on a Thai beef salad once.
我有次在泰式牛肉沙拉里吃了兰花
It was interesting.
挺有意思的
Yeah, well, what did I teach you last week?
呵 我上周教你什么了
How to delete my search history?
如何清除搜索记录
Bingo. And that is a skill for life.
对 那可是终生受益的生存技能呢
Right, half-time. Who's up for a game of three-a-side?
中场休息了 谁想来场三人制足球赛
Dad.
老爸
Bruce.
Bruce
Yes!
太好了
You should pick Andy. I haven't played in ages.
你选Andy吧 我好久没踢球了
Rusty. Uncle...
生疏了 呃
Rex.
Rex
Andy, I guess.
那就Andy了
He's amazing.
他太厉害了
Heard West Ham tried signing him,
听说西汉姆以前想签他
but he just wanted to be a doctor.
但他一心只想做医生
Well, then...
这样的话
It's time to send him back to the hospital.
如他所愿 送他去医院吧
Go, go, go! Take him!
快快快 拿下他
Oh, shit...
噢 操
I'm really, really sorry.
我真的真的很抱歉
It's fine.
没关系
I'm sure you can find a way of making it up to me.
我相信你会想办法补偿我的
What were you doing kicking the ball like that, anyway?
你干嘛那样踢球啊
It was a mis-kick.
失误了
Bruce, did that look like a mis-kick to you?
Bruce 你觉得那脚球是失误吗
I didn't see. My contact fell out.
我没看到 我的隐形眼镜掉了
But you're wearing your glasses.
但你戴着框架眼镜呢
Where's Mum?
我妈妈呢
Mum?
妈妈
Mum?
妈妈
Maybe she ran away.
也许她跑了
Why would you say that?
为什么这么说
That's what my dad did - my real dad.
我爸就跑了 我亲爸
He was a worthless fart-hole.
他就是个没用的混♥蛋♥
That's what my mum says.
我妈说的
Do you think you'll ever get married?
你觉得你以后会结婚吗
Oh, yeah, definitely! Yeah.
会 当然会了
I want loads of kids.
我要生很多小孩
If I have a girl, I'm going to call her Scout,
如果我有女儿 就给她取名Scout
like in To Kill A Mockingbird.
<杀死一只知更鸟>里面的名字
If I have a boy, I'm going to call him Spock.
如果我有儿子 就给他取名Spock
I don't want a husband, though. I'm going to get a sperm donor.
但我不想要丈夫 我要用捐赠的精♥子♥受孕
What's that? I'm not really sure.
那是什么 我也不太清楚
I heard about it on Jeremy Kyle.
在上听说的
Have you ever kissed a girl on the mouth?
你和女生接过吻吗
The human mouth has over 1,000 different types of bacteria.
人类嘴唇上有上千种不同类型的细菌
So, is that a "No"?
那就是没有咯
Er...
呃
Oh, just close your eyes.
闭上眼睛
What are you two doing in my bedroom?
你们两个在我的卧室干什么
We're not kissing on the mouth.
绝对不是在接吻
No, you hang up first.
不 你先挂
No, you hang up first!
不 你先挂嘛
Look, about your mum's face.
听着 关于你♥妈♥的♥脸
Um... It was an accident.
真的是个意外(灾难)
Not her face - she's got a beautiful face. Not in a sexy way.
不是说她 她很美 不是让人性致盎然那种
For her age... Did you find Sam?
她那个年纪 你找到Sam了吗
Not yet. This is typical.
还没 她一贯如此
When we were in marrige, she'd always disappear like this after a big fight.
我们离婚前 每次大吵一架后她都会这么消失
She was always paranoid I was cheating on her.
她总是疑神疑鬼 以为我在外面有女人
Were you cheating on her? Not always.
那你在外面有女人吗 时有时无
Look, about that call... You don't need to explain.
刚才那通电♥话♥ 不用解释
No, I want to.
不 我想解释
See...I've been seeing someone else.
我在和别人约会
That's why I invited everyone here.
所以我把大家都请过来了
Everyone else, not you.
其他人 不包括你
I wanted Errol to have as many people around him as possible
我希望我宣布这个消息的时候
for support, when I break the news.
大家都在Errol身旁支持他
Do you think he'll be all right?
你觉得他能接受吗
Yeah, sure. He's a tough kid.
当然了 他很坚强的
As long as he's got his inhaler.
只要他带着吸入器
Y'ello!
有人吗
Er... Are you all right?
呃 你还好吧
Yeah! Yeah, I'm great. Just got some dust in my eyes.
嗯 我没事 就是眼睛里进了点沙子
I should probably tell the others I found you... No, just...wait.
我去告诉他们找到你了 先别 等一下
Just give me a minute.
给我一分钟
Ben and I used to come up here and smoke a joint
我和Ben以前经常在Joan给Errol换尿布的时候
while Joan was changing Errol's nappies.
跑到这上边来偷偷抽大♥麻♥
You must think I'm really stupid
你肯定觉得我很傻
hiding in an attic like... Anne Frank or something.
像Anne Frank一样躲在阁楼上
Sometimes I tell Claire I'm going out to buy milk
有时候我告诉Claire说我去买♥♥牛奶